A Marauder's Guide to Falling Forever
PART FOUR
Written by alliegrl
Chapter Twenty Three
Snape was gone by the time Marlene had recovered, and Albus offered neither of them an explanation as to his whereabouts. Overwhelmed with her grief, Marlene didn't feel bothered to care, and Sirius didn't seem bothered to ask. An unspoken recognition for the great peril awaiting their friends took precedence over anything else.
"I think it best we visit the Potters tonight," Albus insisted quietly. "If Severus is correct then they are in very immediate danger."
"Do you believe him?" Sirius asked wearily. "That we aren't walking into some sort of trap?"
"I do," Albus replied, a curt nod to accompany his admission.
"He's not that good of an actor," Marlene added, wiping at the tears still rolling down her cheeks. "He loves Lily. That much is abundantly clear to me."
It sat tucked away in the corners of her mind for many years, and since leaving Hogwarts she rarely had reason to think of it. But ever since she had met Lily back in first year, when they were both sorted into Gryffindor and Lily's odd friend into Slytherin, Severus Snape had been in love with her. Of course their friendship was nothing more than platonic on Lily's end, and things had taken a turn south in fifth year before Lily began to see him for what he truly was. Would she ever have believed then that he was capable of something like this?
Sirius broke her train of thought, "Alright then, let's go visit the Potters. Do you think that you can apparate?" Marlene's grief must have worn heavy on her face because Sirius looked at her with concern as he asked.
"I'm fine," she insisted, taking one last swipe at the tears on her face, and then the three of them left the tavern behind enroute to the small cottage in Godric's Hollow.
Sirius had already sent off a Patronus to James to let them know they were arriving, and a frazzled looking Lily stood next to her husband in the threshold of the doorway when they travelled up the pathway. James' trademark wind-swept hair was unruly and sticking out at odd angles just as it always was, but his face was missing his glasses, likely forgotten in the haste of the evening's events. Lily had a light housecoat wrapped around her that she pulled closely into her body, shivering to keep warm amidst the cool morning breeze. Her eyes were wide and alert with concern when they made contact with Marlene's. Her expression asked the question that Marlene didn't want to answer.
"What's going on Sirius?" James asked in a hushed whisper, unable to contain his curiosity before they had even made it halfway up the path.
"Not here." Sirius shook his head. "Inside first. Marlene, lock the door behind you and seal a protective charm over the house."
"Sirius, Albus," Lily's voice cracked. "What's wrong?"
"I'm afraid that some bad news has fallen upon us this evening," Albus replied gravely after they had all entered safely into the house. Marlene took her time casting a protective charm over the house in an attempt to drown out the conversation, but she was unable to block the horrifying account of their previous interaction with Snape.
She watched mutely as Dumbledore took on the task of informing her best friends that their son was in danger from Voldemort, that he had marked him as his equal and was determined to destroy a boy who couldn't even yet walk, let alone pose any sort of threat to the world's most dangerous wizard.
"How did you know?" Sirius whispered into her ear, thankfully diverting her focus from Lily's horrified weeping. "When we first got there, before Snape arrived, you already knew. How?"
"I dreamed about it," Marlene replied. The vivid imagery of the Hall of Prophecies came to mind, how she had touched the orb and somehow unknowingly changed the engraving. "It's this damn key." She shoved the sleeve of her sweater up her arm to where the dark ink glared back at her. "I was back in the Hall of Prophecies. I don't know how or why it happened," she sighed, "it just did."
He was surveying her in silence and a sense of discomfort settled over her. When he didn't speak she asked the difficult question that came to mind. "Do you hate me for this?"
"Hate you?" he asked, taken aback. "Why on earth would I hate you?"
"For causing this." She glanced back over to their friends. James had his hands wrapped around Lily on the couch, his face buried into her hair and chest moving heavily. Lily's sobs were beginning to quiet, but her body was still convulsing with grief.
"You didn't cause this," Sirius snapped. "This isn't your fault."
"I changed it, Sirius!" Marlene pushed back. "I put his name on that stupid prophecy. Of course this is all my fault. If I didn't have this stupid key – "
"Then we wouldn't have known for certain. We'd only have Snape's word and that accounts for very little. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. You need to pull yourself together and recognize that this isn't about you or me or anyone other than James, Lily, and Harry." His voice was strict and unapologetic, a warning for Marlene to stop the self-induced pity party she had thrown for herself.
"Of course," she said, wiping a freshly fallen tear from her cheek. "Of course you're right."
Dumbledore didn't wait until the emotions had begun to settle before offering his thoughts on the subject. "What I am proposing is that we conceal your whereabouts with the fidelius charm," he suggested. "The three of you will remain here in your home, your location only known to your secret keeper. I believe that it is your best chance of keeping safe."
"That's the charm we use to conceal meeting locations, isn't it?" Marlene asked. She had never personally performed the spell before, but as an Order member she was familiar with its intended purpose. Only the Secret Keeper may disclose the location of the given location, and nobody would be able to find it unless such information was disclosed to them.
"Yes, that's right," Albus offered, adding a weak smile her way. He turned his attention back to James and Lily who were still curled into one another on the couch, James staring off into the wall and Lily's face buried into her hands. He continued, "Of course I am willing to offer myself to be your Secret Keeper."
"No," Sirius interrupted sharply. "I will do it."
"If I may," Albus continued softly, "I do believe that you may be too obvious of a choice, Sirius. I think our enemies would suspect the Potters to choose someone close to them and therefore seek you out as a target."
"With respect, Albus, I'm going to be a target no matter what. I'd die before giving up this information," Sirius replied firmly. "It doesn't feel right to me for anyone else to do it."
Albus opened his mouth to reply, but his lips had barely parted before James interjected, "Sirius will do it." It was the first comment out of his mouth since they had arrived. His expression was neutral as he continued staring off into the distance, but the shade of his skin had paled considerably.
"Are you absolutely certain you want to take that risk?" Dumbledore probed with an unmistakable edge to his tone. Marlene couldn't help but suspect he disapproved.
"I trust Sirius with my life," James snapped back. Lily's body, visibly pale with distraught, flinched beside him with surprise at his harshness. However, she remained tight-lipped and merely stared at a spot on the wall across the room.
"Of course I didn't mean to imply that Sirius would betray you," he replied apologetically, his tenor softening. "Please forgive me if I left you with that impression."
There was a heavy silence that followed, and the atmosphere turned fraught with even more tension than when they had first arrived. Suddenly the room felt unbearably warm and Marlene felt the palms of her hands turn clammy. She desperately wanted to say something, anything, that might make her friends feel even the tiniest bit better, but her mind was completely void of anything other than worry and doubt.
"Lily?" James finally asked quietly. "Is that okay with you?"
"What?" She pulled her eyes away from the wall to look at him and the blotchy, tear stained tomato red face of her sadness nearly matched the color of her hair. She let out a small sob and said, "I'm sorry I wasn't really listening."
James recounted the brief conversation and she remained silent for a moment. Her eyes swept the room, passing from Dumbledore to Sirius and then drifting to meet Marlene's gaze. The pain lingering was enormous, and Marlene forced herself to look away. Even though she had acknowledged to Sirius that she had no ownership in the current circumstances, she couldn't help but feel guilty as Lily stared her down, searching for something she would never find.
"And Marlene. I need Marlene."
That was all it took for Marlene to burst into her own fit of tears. Lily pulled from the couch and shot across the room, and quite suddenly Marlene felt a pair of arms wrap around her, pulling her in for a hug. Her hands instinctively reciprocated and the two girls clung to one another, sobbing together in their mutual grief.
It wasn't until the faint traces of dawn peeked in through the slit in the curtain that a plan was made. Sirius would be the Potters Secret Keeper, and would share the information with Marlene. Dumbledore would announce to the Order members that the Potters had gone into hiding after a credible source revealed they were in imminent danger. Neither Sirius or Marlene would let on to the rest of their friends that the Potters were in fact protected by the fidelius charm, or that they knew anything more than what Dumbledore had chosen to disclose to the Order.
"It feels wrong that we are going to be lying to everyone," Lily said sadly after they had said their final goodbyes to Albus and he had departed. "I just wish we could say goodbye to our friends first."
"They'll understand," Marlene insisted, though she couldn't help but think back to the year before when she had returned from her sabbatical to a hostile greeting from her friends. But that was a different circumstance, she had to remind herself. She had never been in any immediate danger at the time and had carelessly disappeared without regard for anyone else's' feelings.
It was at least obvious that Lily and James cared enough to worry about the unknown future that faced them with their decision. That they may never see anyone again, whether at the cost of their own lives or those closest to them.
Marlene pushed back the dark thoughts that began to creep in; Cassandra's prophecy. Her body shivered and then she forced herself to forget what she knew was the inevitable fate of the three bodies surrounding her. She just didn't know when, and had little doubt that she was wrong.
The loft felt foreign to her when they arrived back. Though she had begun to feel at home in the tiny apartment, suddenly she felt a heavy sense of detachment. She surveyed the room and noted how every object, piece of furniture, and picture seemed wrong to her somehow. Quite suddenly she wanted to be anywhere other than where she was.
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked. Marlene looked to him and the exhaustion of his facial expression matched that of the tone of his voice.
"No," she said flatly. "No. Nothing is okay." His hand reached for her and then like a bomb detonating, she imploded.
Marlene let out an aggravated scream, pulling away from him and rushing at the nearest lamp on the side table. "I hate this!" Her hands grabbed hold of the ceramic base and suddenly it was vigorously flying through the air. "I'm so goddamn tired of all of this," she yelled as the shattering sound of broken glass hit the stone wall across the room. "This place. This life."
Sirius didn't immediately stop her, instead standing firmly at the threshold of the door and watching her expressionless.
"At what point is enough?!" She moved towards the couch and grabbed hold of one of the couch cushions. Then it too went sailing across the wall.
"When we are all dead?" She kicked her foot into the base of the couch where the sound of something splintering echoed. Adrenaline prevented her from feeling any pain, only anger. She smashed her fist against one of the cushions, withdrew, and punched the cushion again.
"Because I'm getting tired of waiting for my own funeral. I don't know how much more of this I can take, Sirius. I just want it to be over with already." She grabbed hold of the pillow and buried her face into it, letting out another infuriated scream into the fabric.
And then quite suddenly the pillow yanked away from her and Sirius's firm hands were holding either side of her face tight enough to cause her pain. Unlike her shin from kicking the couch, this time she felt it. "Ow, Sirius!'
"Shut up!" he growled, teeth bared and looking far more intimidating than she cared to see. "Just shut up. I just told my best mate that he and his entire family are being hunted by Voldemort. I have the heaviest burden weighing on my shoulders now, knowing that I am responsible for keeping them alive. I get that you're angry Marlene, I'm angry too. But I will not stand here listening to you talk about giving up on life. Giving up everything we've been fighting for. Don't you dare do that to me and everyone else that loves you."
"I - I - " Marlene stuttered, "I didn't -"
She hadn't intended it to sound as though she was considering harming herself, but deduced that Sirius had mistaken her words for such a thought.
But before she could find her voice Sirius's arms enclosed around her and squeezed the remaining air from her lungs. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. "I didn't mean to be rude. I can't listen to you talk like that. This is killing me too."
Marlene clung to his shirt and let out a sob into his chest. She felt the uneven rise and fall of his breathing, the quickening of his beating heart and suddenly without thought she was pulling out of his arms.
"Mar - ?"
Her small hands shoved against him, catching him off guard. Sirius fell backwards into the couch with a mixture of surprise and irritation painted across his face.
"What are you - "
Then Marlene moved forward, throwing herself onto his lap and grabbing hold of his face just as firmly as he had hers moments earlier. The short stubble of his facial hair scratched abrasively against the palms of her hands as she pulled him towards her.
She smashed her lips greedily against his and he didn't bother to fight her off. Instead his hands weaved around her torso and pulled her in closer. Anger dissolved quickly into desperation and lust as she bit down onto his lip hard enough that she could taste faint traces of copper.
He growled against her lips, fighting against her for dominance. Her mind completely driven on autopilot, her hands became frenzied and autonomous as she worked to yank his sweater up and over his head.
Grabbing a fistful of his hair she pulled his head to the side, leaned in to his ear and hissed, "I'm not giving up on life." She let go of him and his head rolled forward again so that she was staring into his eyes. They were dark and haunting, brewing with emotions Marlene had never seen before. Primitive. Intense.
"Show me then," he challenged, his voice was deep and the vibration from his throat caused the hairs of her body to stand alert, and a chill to run the length of her spine.
And so she did.
