Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
A/N: Thanks to MaeSilverpaws1, who is beta-ing this story.
Chapter Sixty-Three
Patronus
"You're happy about having extra lessons," Ron said in shock after Harry had told him part of the things he had discussed with Remus, mostly about learning the Patronus charm.
"I don't know if happy is the word I would use, but I know I have to," Harry shrugged.
"I wish I could learn it too," Hermione sighed wistfully, knowing that even if Remus was willing to teach her she wouldn't have the time to learn it, not with all the extra work she had this year plus the Animagus training they were doing. "But I'm sure it's best that you learn it first."
Harry nodded his head, "I need to know how to do it; I'm not going to let those Dementors effect me like that again."
Harry could feel that his friends were staring at him, but he wasn't going to answer their silent question of what exactly the Dementors had done to him. He didn't want to talk about the scream he had heard in his head or that chill that seemed to nearly knock him to the ground.
"When does the lesson start?" Hermione asked breaking him from his dark thought.
"On Thursday, Remus said that was his first free night that I don't have a Quidditch practice," Harry said.
"So when are we supposed to learn how to transform, that was the only day that we could practice?" Ron questioned.
"I suppose we'll have to do it on the weekend or something," Harry shrugged.
"This is starting to be a very busy year isn't it," Ron sighed. "You're not planning on adding anymore lessons are you?"
"I certainly hope not," Harry sighed himself.
"You boys are just lazy," Hermione shook her head at her friends.
O
Harry went to Remus's office as scheduled that Thursday and was surprised to see that Sirius was there. When Harry raised his eyebrow at him, Sirius chuckled.
"I'm not staying, Moony's a better teacher than I am," Sirius told him, it had been the first time in awhile that Harry had seen him as a man. "I just wanted to make sure that you got here, I have to make a report to Kingsley about what has happened so far."
"You mean you want to make sure Remus has an eye on me while you're gone," Harry grumbled.
"Exactly," Sirius smirked at him, "I'm glad that you picked that up so quickly."
"Do you really think that … he … will come here?" Harry asked, having struggled with what to call Peter and noticed Sirius face darkening immediately. Remus frowned too, but his expression was more hurt than angry, like Sirius's was.
"I have no idea, and that's why I need to keep my eye on you," Sirius sighed. "I've lost too many people I care about and knowing that he's out there …" he shook his head. "This isn't what I wanted to talk about. I actually came in here to tell you that I'm proud of you."
"What?" Harry said caught off guard by the change of subject.
"For trying to learn how to fight something that threatens you," Sirius smiled. "It's admirable."
"Er … thanks," Harry said uncomfortably, but smiling at the praise none the less.
"Okay, you've said your piece, now get out of here so I can start my lesson," Remus said.
"Yes sir, Professor Moony," Sirius said, giving him a solute and then leaving.
"Now that he's gone, are you ready Harry?" Remus said shaking his head at his friends retreating form.
"I guess," Harry said, wondering what he was going to have to do.
"I've been trying to think of a way to do this the most effectively," Remus said in the tone he always used while teaching. "The charm itself is difficult but that is nothing to the strength you'll need when facing a Dementor. I've come to realize that you'll have to face one if you were ever going to master the charm, however, I didn't dare bring one into the castle nor have you go near one. Dementors are unpredictable and I'm not sure what they would do if we tried to use a real one."
"So what are you planning on using?" Harry asked, knowing that Remus had something in mind.
"I was wondering if you could fear a Dementor," Remus questioned.
"What?" Harry said looking confused, though he already knew that he feared the Dementors and the effect they had on him. Remus seemed to be waiting patiently for his answer so Harry said, "I suppose that could be arranged. It would actually be quite easy to do."
"Good," Remus said. "Then I believe the boggart I caught will be of some use."
"Boggart?" Harry questioned again and then sighed. "It will turn into whatever it is I fear."
"Precisely," Remus smiled. "You're still sure you want to do this Harry. A boggart will not affect you quite as much as the Dementors, but it will still be bad …"
"I'm not going to let my fear conquer me, Remus," Harry said more bravely than he felt.
"Then, let's go over the charm," Remus said, taking out his wand and motioning Harry to do the same. Once Harry had his wand out Remus said, "say Expecto Patronum … waving your wand like this," he added showing Harry the wand movement.
"Expecto Patronum," Harry said copying Remus's movement and frowned when nothing happened.
Remus chuckled shaking his head at the boy's expression. "First of all, Harry, this is the first time you're trying it and I've already told you it's advance, you can't expect to get it right away."
"And secondly?" Harry questioned huffily.
"I haven't told you the last part you need to know to make the charm work," Remus chuckled. "You have to think of something happy while you say the charm."
"Why didn't you say that before?" Harry rolled his eyes.
"Because you were trying the spell before I could," Remus shrugged and Harry smiled at him sheepishly. "Go on, try it again … and remember to think of a happy thought."
Harry thought of his seventh birthday when Tonks had put spiders in Sirius cup and the man had ran for the tiny things as if he was afraid for his life, this had always been a fond memory to him.
Remus raised an eyebrow at the smile on Harry's face, wondering what the boy was thinking about, but he didn't ask. He was sure it had to be something funny and wondered if it would be enough to produce a Patronus or not. He knew for himself it took more than a funny memory, but Sirius seemed to do best with something like that. A Patronus was not only particular to each person because of their shape, but in how you conjured them. He was sure that Harry would figure out the best way to conjure his in time and he felt it was best if the boy did it on his own, though he would help guide Harry if asked.
"Expecto Patromun," Harry said again as he thought of the memory and smiled when he saw a silvery smoke come out of his wand. "I did it."
"It looks like you have," Remus smiled, impressed by this feat of magic but needed to make it clear to Harry now that this is the easy part. "It will be a lot harder with the boggart."
"You can't even give me a 'good job'," Harry pouted.
Remus smiled faded and he gave Harry a stern look. "You have to be serious about this, cub. Don't let the fact that you've done well so far go to your head or you won't be able to concentrate on what needs to be done."
Harry grimaced but nodded his head, "I will."
"Very well," Remus said walking over to a trunk in the room and leaning down to open it. "Remember to think of the Dementors when I open this."
"Don't worry, I will," Harry said, already feeling his fear of facing a Dementor mount, wondering if he was going to be able to deal with the effect the creature would have on him.
"Then remember you have to think of something happy to make the Patronus Charm work," Remus advised, and once Harry nodded his head he opened the trunk. A Dementor seemed to billow out of it, its cloaked figure facing Harry, seeming to be drawn to the fear coming off the boy.
"Expecto Patronum," Harry said with as much strength as he could muster as he heard screaming in his head again. Leave him alone! The woman in his head begged, and Harry knew it was his mum, pleading for his life. The memory of Sirius fleeing spiders was nothing to the bitter memory of his mother's death and Harry fell to his knees with the effort it had taken to try to conjure the Patronus and the effect of the Dementor.
"Harry," Remus was saying out of nowhere. Harry realized that the room was well lit and warm; he knew the boggart was back in the trunk.
"Sorry," Harry sighed, taking the chocolate Remus was handing him.
"I told you this wasn't going to be easy," Remus shook his head at Harry, "you have nothing to be sorry about."
"It didn't work at all," Harry sighed.
"Perhaps you didn't think of the right memory," Remus suggested.
"Hm," Harry said thoughtfully, now trying to think of something better. He thought of the time Sirius and him had turned Remus into a fur monster and then let him go to Diagon Alley like that. Remus had not been happy when he got home five minutes later, but it always caused Harry to laugh thinking about it. It was a better memory than the last.
"Ready?" Remus questioned.
"Yes," Harry nodded his head, holding up his wand and thinking about the memory in as many details as he could. Remus opened the trunk again and the Dementor was standing before him.
"Expecto Patronum," Harry shouted, and the silvery smoke came, but it disappeared before it even reached the Dementor.
"There is no saving the boy … He is destine to die by my hands," Harry heard the cruel, high pitch voice of Voldemort say in his head "But you need not die..."
"What?" his mum gasped.
"Stand aside and I'll let you go."
"Not Harry!" his mum said in a whisper at first but she started to scream to leave her son alone … to kill her, but leave him alone.
"HARRY!" Remus said shaking his shoulder looking pale.
"Yeah," Harry said weakly, feeling sick inside after hearing what he had.
"I think that's enough for today," Remus said, still pale, looking at Harry warily.
Harry didn't argue right away, though he knew that he needed to try again. He was too preoccupied with the memory he had just been force to see. "She could have lived."
"What?" Remus said, not sure what Harry was talking about.
"Mum," Harry said. "She could have lived. I know everyone said that, but … it's never … I never thought it was like that …"
Remus didn't say anything for a long time, looking thoughtful and sad. When he did talk his voice was grave. "I have never known for sure what had happened that day, Harry. I do know, however, how much your mother loved you. She had no choice, just like you would not have a choice if you knew someone you loved was threatened. I don't imagine you could stand aside if you were in Lily's positions."
Harry frowned but nodded his head, he knew that Remus was right, he couldn't have done that.
"And you wouldn't want the one left behind to feel guilty …" Remus started to say.
"I get it," Harry said, knowing what the werewolf was going to say and hating (for just a moment) that Remus knew him so well.
"You know that's what Sirius fears most," Remus said, "that's why he reacts so harshly whenever you put yourself in danger to save someone."
"I know," Harry sighed; he had figured as much himself.
"Well I think that this should be the end of the le …" Remus started to say.
"No," Harry did protest this time. "I want to try it again."
"Harry, you're barely able to stand," Remus shook his head.
"I think I've figured something out," Harry said, giving the werewolf a stern and determine look. "Let me try it please."
Remus gave in, "just once more."
"Thanks," Harry sighed, and he pulled a memory of his eleventh birthday, not because of any of the funny occurrence that had gone on there, but he remembering the feeling he had felt when he realized that he was with his family.
"Ready," Remus said, at Harry's nod, he opened the trunk for a third time.
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry yelled, his mind filled with the memory and the silvery smoke that came out of his wand this time was strong enough to make the Dementor stop in its tracks. He had not expected that he would feel so weak after making the Patronus, as the effort seemed to make him just as wary as the Dementor did, though thankfully he didn't hear voices in his head.
"Ridiculous!" Remus said and the Dementor turned into the moon, before Remus forced it into the trunk again. "Well done Harry!"
"Yeah," Harry muttered weakly.
"I warned you it took a lot out of you," Remus sighed, handing Harry more chocolate. "That was rather impressive. What memory did you pick?"
"It wasn't so much about the memory, but the way it made me feel," Harry said.
"Interesting to hear you put it that way," Remus said thoughtfully, wondering if the boy had a point, but choice not to go into that now when Harry looked so tired and wiped out. "What was the feeling then?"
"Just how I feel whenever I'm around family," Harry shrugged.
"And that worked better than when you were thinking about pranks," Remus supplied.
"Yeah … it … wait how did you know I was thinking about pranks?" Harry asked.
"As if I can't tell what you're thinking with the smirk you had," Remus chuckled.
"Oh," was all Harry had to say to that. Then he addressed Remus previous statement. "As for the memory working better … well it hit me when you were talking about my mum …" he said softly before continuing, "pranks are fun and all, but it's not what's most important to me. People are what matters, so I figured thinking about that should help me make a better Patronus."
"It seems like you have chosen well," Remus smiled at him.
"But I thought a Patronus would look different than that," Harry frowned.
"Oh, you still need a lot of work before you produce a real Patronus, Harry," Remus said. "But I think you've found the key to make you conjure one easier … though by no means easily."
"Okay," was all Harry could say to that knowing that he was going to have to work hard to get this right in the future. With the lesson being over, Harry walked back to his common room, thinking about everything he had thought of and learned today.
