"Do you have a… 4?"
"I do, here you go."
Lizzy handed the card to Juan.
"Do you have a 7?"
"Go fish."
Juan took a card from the middle pile.
Sister and brother were playing Go Fish in the living room. They were gathered around the coffee table on the floor, supported by cushions underneath so they could be more comfortable.
"Do you have an 8?" asked Lizzy.
"No, go fish."
Lizzy took a card form the pile.
"Do youhave a 2?" asked Juan.
"Ahhh no! You're taking my twos!" said Lizzy as she handed the cards to Juan.
Juan giggled.
As Juan took the cards from his sister and organized them in his hands, Lizzy's smile faded.
"Listen, Juan…" she started. "I'm…. I'm sorry I couldn't… I couldn't protect you from Mario."
Juan's eyes widened. He put the cards down on the table, slowly. His face scrunched up, and before Lizzy knew it, he was crying.
"Hey! Hey, it's okay!" said Lizzy, as she came around the table and wrapped her arms around him.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you!" sobbed Juan.
"No no, it's okay, buddy," her eyes filled with tears.
"I wanted to tell you, but he said he would hit me harder if I told anyone," he mumbled.
Lizzy hugged him closer.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he repeated. "Please don't be angry with me."
"No buddy, I'm not angry, it's okay, I'm not angry."
As Juan cried, Lizzy stroked his hair and tried to calm him down. Once he had settled a bit, she turned to him. "Juan, I'm sorry I couldn't… protect you like I should have," she blurted.
"You didn't know," said Juan.
"I should have known," Lizzy tried to argue.
Juan shook his head. "It wasn't your job to protect us. You know that, right?"
Lizzy was taken aback by this. "What do you mean? Of course it was, what are big sisters for otherwise?"
Juan gave her a small smile but shook his head again. "It was someone else's job to keep us safe."
Lizzy stared at him for a long moment, surprised at how grown up her little brother sounded. After a while, she cast her gaze downward, and sighed.
"I never told her, either," admitted Juan.
"I know."
"I was scared."
"I know, baby," she ran her hand through his hair.
"Do you hate that I don't want to see her again?" asked Juan.
Lizzy gave him a sad smile.
"No, buddy. I understand," she said, wiping a tear from his eye. "But you know she'll always be our birth mom, right?"
Juan nodded.
"And we have some good memories with her, don't we?" she asked. "Do you remember going to the park? And when we played on the monkey bars and she used to help us go across by carrying us on her shoulders?"
Juan smiled at the memory and nodded his head.
"Well, we need to try and remember the good stuff instead of the bad stuff, okay?" she said. "So we can find love in our hearts for her."
Juan sighed. "I do love her… kind of. But I also don't want to be with her again."
Lizzy gave him a smile. "You don't have to, buddy."
"I feel safe here."
Lizzy nodded. "I feel safe here, too," she said. "But… it doesn't mean I don't get nightmares from time to time."
"You get nightmares too?" asked Juan, surprised.
"Sure. Less since we've been with Mom and Dad."
"Same," said Juan.
"But they're still there, sometimes."
Juan nodded, highly empathizing with what his sister was saying.
"And that's why me, you and Lita are going to see a someone about it, someone that can help us make our nightmares go away, or in Lita's case, make sure she doesn't get any."
Juan knotted his eyebrows. "The counsellor?" he asked.
Lizzy nodded. "Yeah."
"You're going to see the counsellor too?" his eyes widened.
"I'm going to see a counsellor. I think we'll all see someone different, because we're different ages. But it will be the same kind of help."
Juan fell silent as he gathered his thoughts.
"Will I have to talk about things I don't want to talk about?"
"Well, I've never seen a counsellor before, but I don't think so," said the big sister.
"What if my friends make fun of me?" he asked.
"If they're your real friends, they'll understand that this is something good, and won't make fun of you. But you also don't have to tell them, if you don't want to," she answered.
"Will you tell your friends?"
"Not yet, but I'll probably tell them later, once I've been to a few sessions."
The little boy nodded. "I think I'll do the same."
"That sounds like a good plan. And hey, if you ever feel nervous or scared about it, you can always come to me, okay? We're in this together."
"Okay," said Juan.
"Good. So now, shall we continue our game?" said Lizzy as she shuffled back to her cushion. "I think I remember I was winning…"
A huge smile came over Juan's face. He straightened up and gathered his cards. "No way! I definitely was winning!" he exclaimed.
