Although I was frustrated to be marched like a prisoner, I begrudgingly followed Octavia to the medical unit. Despite my internal prayers that the staff would be too swamped with patients to waste precious time examining me, we arrived to find it strangely empty. My captor seemed to be as confused by this discovery as I was and we both began to search around in concern. This part of Arkadia was usually bustling at all hours with people requiring all manner of treatments and witnessing it abandoned caused a series of disastrous possible circumstances to flash through my imaginative mind.
"Well...what do you know, there's no one here. Guess we'll have to go without." I commented with a shrug as I realised that I could benefit from the absence of any medical staff and Octavia paused on the spot to cross her arms at me in annoyance. Before she could even open her mouth to scold me for my clearly inauthentic tone, footsteps announced a presence in the eerily quiet room and a vaguely familiar face strolled in with his hands overflowing with papers. He glanced up at us from his deep concentration in confusion and Octavia rushed over to meet him with enthusiasm.
"Jackson! There you are." She breathed in relief and I was glad to be able to match a name to the face that I was struggling to figure out how I knew. I hadn't spent much time in medical on the Ark but in the time that I'd spent being patched up by Abby thus far in Arkadia, he always seemed to be close and waiting for the opportunity to assist her. "We were looking for Abby, have you seen her?" Octavia asked with a brief glance over his shoulder as if she would pop out of one of the cupboards and I hoped that he would provide an answer that would allow me an escape from this situation.
"Oh, yeah she got called into a meeting with Kane. From the sounds of the briefing, I think she'll be busy for a while. We've decided to close the clinic for the afternoon. As you can imagine, we've got plenty to catch up on to fill the time." He detailed as he glanced between us curiously and Octavia hissed under her breath in disappointment. I couldn't contain a smirk in satisfaction and kept my fingers crossed behind my back.
"Indie's hurt and I need someone to check her over. I know that you're really busy, but is there any way that you could take a quick look at her? I don't think I'll get a chance to grab Abby before she leaves camp again." Octavia pleaded and I shifted awkwardly at the idea of being examined by someone else, especially considering I hadn't wanted to do this in the first instance. Jackson took a moment to ponder and the expression that he wore as he viewed me indicated that he had noticed my reluctance.
"I can squeeze her in for a quick exam." He sighed as he returned his attention to Octavia with a tired smile and I cursed inwardly at my misfortune. "Lincoln was in here earlier looking for you, did you see him yet?" He added in a tone that was almost convincing, but still felt deceptive to me and Octavia's eyes grew wide as she glanced between us with a conflicted expression.
"You can go find him. I'm already here so it's not like I'm gonna run off. I'll see you later." I assured her as I allowed Jackson's plans to play out in the hope that I could uncover his intentions and she bit her lip guiltily as she struggled to make a decision. After a few minutes of heavy inward deliberation, she eventually nodded in confirmation and left me alone in the unit. Jackson led me to a bed at the back of the space and pulled across a curtain for privacy. "Why did you lie for me?" I probed with piqued interest and he simply shrugged at me.
"I've learned to recognise when someone doesn't want to be here and generally I've found that they're more honest when not under duress from loved ones." He explained with a smile that reminded me of Abby's and it was clear to me that they had trained together. I reminded myself of the times that I'd seen him fuss around her, keenly focused on making her job as easy as possible and knew that she must have a strong faith in him to allow him behave in such a manner. This thought provided me with some comfort and he casually moved further away to take a seat to address me. "So, what are we dealing with today?" He enquired warmly as his worried gaze explored me and I sighed.
"I took a beating last week that left me with some pretty colourful bruising." I revealed in a grumble as I stared at my hands to avoid his expression. "Tavi made me promise to get it checked out, I wouldn't be here otherwise. It's really not that big of a deal." I added bitterly as I forced myself to meet his eyes again and to my surprise, he nodded in understanding.
"Yeah, I'm getting that impression. Not one for making a fuss?" He commented with a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes and I shrugged with a huff at his accusation. "Alright, let's take a look." He offered as he stood to approach me. I reluctantly rolled up my vest and sat sideways on the gurney with my legs dangling off the edge. Jackson's gaze intently focused on my waist with his brows deeply furrowed together and I squirmed awkwardly.
"The bruising has mostly calmed down but it's still sore. Tavi's got it in her head that I've broken something." I elaborated in an exasperated tone and Jackson hummed thoughtfully. He indicated for me to lay down and as soon as I'd moved into a comfortable position, he started to feel around my waist delicately. I bit my lip to contain any hisses of pain and was generally managing to remain in control, until he pushed on two of my ribs. Involuntarily, I cried out in pain and wriggled on the bed, and Jackson's expression grew sympathetic.
"Well, your description sounds about right. This looks like it was quite the beating." He remarked with a brow raised at me inquisitively and I scoffed in an effort to brush him off.
"You should see the other guy." I joked in a forced confidence as he chuckled under his breath. For a moment, flashes of the fight that had caused this injury flashed through my mind but I quickly brushed them away with the inward assurance that any resulting damage was worth it for my unexpected partnership with Arlo.
"Indigo, I'm pretty certain that your ribs are broken. It's harder to give a definite diagnosis without an X-Ray, but I'd be confident enough to state that at least two of them have snapped." He divulged with a grim expression and I hissed in annoyance at this information. Until now, I'd been pushing the discomfort to the back of my mind in the hope that it would heal soon and this was the exact kind of set back that I had been afraid of. If Bellamy or Octavia found out about this, I knew that I would be locked inside this camp until I could be medically cleared and I couldn't be sure that Arlo would extend her offer for that long. The deeper that I considered this scenario, the worse it became in my mind as I realised that the list of names of people that would panic about this was longer than I wanted to face and I gulped in dread.
"So, what's the treatment, Doc?" I questioned as I tried to force a positive attitude and Jackson seemed uncomfortable with my perky response. He cleared his throat and shifted reluctantly on his feet as he struggled to form his words.
"Well, there's really not much we can do. You need to take it easy. Don't put too much strain on them and we'll give you some pain relief to get you through until they heal." He detailed remorsefully and the moment that he had finished explaining, I sat up to pull my vest back into place with relief.
"Awesome. So, just wait for them to heal? I can do that." I chirped as I got to my feet and he seemed to be startled by my movement. He held his hands up to halt me and moved into my path to block me from leaving with panic in his eyes.
"Wait!" He spat sharply and I paused in place to study him sceptically. "This is serious Indigo. It'll take at least 6 weeks for them to heal and you need to ensure that you rest if you don't want it to become a long term problem." He argued insistently and I nodded to indicate that I was listening. "Let me get you some medication before you rush off." He added nervously as he moved toward the cupboards and I sighed in frustration. I knew that I needed to leave quickly if I were likely to convince him that I did not need to be forced to rest and his delays were only further stressing me.
"Don't need it, I'll manage without." I stated firmly as I peeked over at the exit and he examined me with concern. "Jackson, I've been through worse than this, I'll be fine. Let's just keep this whole thing between us please? I don't need the whole camp fussing around me." I pleaded with a blatant desperation and he shifted on the spot, seeming to be confused by my request. "I promise that I'll come back if I can't handle it. I just don't want to be coddled." I clarified calmly and he released a deep sigh as he looked between me and the exit in conflict. He wandered to a cupboard and returned with a single tray of tablets, which he held out to me reluctantly.
"Fine, but you have to take these. Use them whenever the pain is too strong to manage and we have a deal." He drove a hard bargain and although I surveyed the tablets with disgust, I agreed to his terms. I stashed the medication away in my jacket with a grimace and headed out into camp.
There was no sign of Octavia returning from her false errand to Lincoln yet, so I spent some time seeking out a meal as I waited for the scouting mission to be over. In the back of my mind, I knew that Bellamy would have heard the guard confirm my arrival over the radio and was likely trying to rush them back now. I couldn't deny the fizzle of excitement in my stomach at the promise of seeing him and a smitten smile spread across my lips.
After a decent dinner, I strolled back to our shared quarters to clean myself up from my time living in the woods and was shocked at my own reflection. The bruising on my face was still terrible, although much improved from when it first developed and I felt my stomach flip with anxiety as I considered how Bellamy would react to it. I took the opportunity to ensure that I was as clean and presentable as possible with our limited resources.
The door opened suddenly and I whipped around to discover Bellamy entering with a wide smile. He immediately dropped his things to stride over to me and his arms wrapped around in a tight embrace that warmed me to my core. I didn't realise how much I had missed his comfort until this moment and I felt myself melting into his chest. There was a sense of peace between us that could only exist in each other's company and I basked in the joy of his presence after such a strenuous time away. When we broke apart, he dotingly pushed my hair behind my ears to examine me and took my face into his hands.
"You're all beat up again." He muttered in a low tone and I gulped nervously as I anticipated an argument. "I was just getting used to seeing you without bruises constantly." He added with a fond smile and I felt my shoulders drop their tension in relief. "I've missed you." Bellamy whispered, his voice cracking slightly as the words came out and I couldn't prevent the smile that spread across my lips.
"I've missed you too." I agreed as I leaned my forehead against his and enjoyed indulging in his closeness. Whenever he was near, I felt as if everything that I battled to maintain around everyone else faded away into nothing more than background noise and I could simply be myself. He stepped back and flashed a contented smile at me as he slid off his jacket. "Although, I think I might have missed the bed more." I teased as I glanced over at it wistfully and he chuckled heartily at me, before gradually pulling off his shirt in a movement that made me bite my lip eagerly.
"You think?" Bellamy asked with a brow cocked at me suggestively. "Let me help you figure it out." He drawled as he stepped closer and placed a hand on my hip, gently threading his fingers under my shirt to brush my bare skin. With an agonisingly slow rate, he crept into my space and his other hand came to rest on my cheek. The heat radiated between us as he inched toward me and his fingers traced the length of my hip bone, jolting my memory back to the very first time that he tried to kiss me in his tent.
Somehow, despite the time that had passed since then, he still managed to command the same intoxicating pull that always lured me into him. His nose brushed my cheek clumsily as he pressed his lips delicately to the bruise on my cheekbone and I released a hot breath that I didn't realise I had been holding. Lovingly, he trailed butterfly kisses across each individual mark on my face, as if he were able to kiss away the pain and despite the foolish nature of this method, every minute touch from him crumbled down the strength that I had focused on so obsessively recently.
Bellamy leaned away from me just enough to carefully manoeuvre my vest over my head and his eyes roamed down to my waist, causing his brows to immediately furrow in concern. I noticed that his shoulders stiffened and could sense the unspoken question as he worried about hurting me. I shook my head at him with a reassuring smile and as he opened his mouth to speak, I pulled him into a kiss with both hands. His lips were warm against my own and I realised all at once how much I had craved them. As always, I found myself becoming lost in him as he deepened the kiss and I felt my head spinning with dizzying arousal. I couldn't focus on anything other than my desire for him and the all consuming fear that had been dominating my mind was pushed aside for a blissful moment.
- O - O - O - O - O -
When I stirred awake, there was a pain in my ribs that had grown from a dull ache to a crushing pressure. Bellamy was in a deep sleep beside me, so I smoothly slid myself off the mattress to pad quietly across the floor. Rummaging through discarded items of clothing, I eventually managed to seek out the medication that Jackson had forced me to accept earlier and swigged it down with a bottle of water in desperation. As I crawled back into bed, I realised that Bellamy had woken up and was reaching out to me. I shuffled across to settle in his arms with a whimper of pain and placed my head on his chest.
"You're hurt...aren't you?" He whispered and although there was a clear concern in his voice, I didn't sense any of the annoyance that I had expected. Before speaking, I considered my words carefully to ensure that I could be truthful, but reviewed which information I could share without triggering an unnecessarily panicked reaction.
"I'm alright Bel." I breathed, gritting my teeth in order to prevent the pain from seeping into my voice. "Just need a bit of recovery time. I overdid it slightly when proving myself to Arlo." I admitted quietly as I decided that any further details would be unwise and clamped my mouth closed. Sensing the pain in my words, he threaded a hand into my hair and began to play with it in a soothing manner.
"Octavia didn't say much, except that you weren't with Indra. What's she like? This grounder?" He enquired with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion, and although he couldn't see my face, I found myself smiling. It was often challenging, but inwardly I had to admit that I adored the interest that he showed in me and the protective gaze that he often examined me with. I'd never been able to depend on someone before as I could with him and I was overjoyed to always know that he had my best interests at heart. Arlo's face filled my mind and I strained to filter everything that I'd learned about her into a brief description.
"She's strong, resourceful and full of wisdom; although she doesn't share it easily. She doesn't pull her punches and she puts me through my paces but...I think she's making me stronger, both inside and out. You wouldn't believe the horrors that she's lived through…to still be so determined, I admire her." I answered thoughtfully and he hummed in response as he reflected on the image that I'd painted for him.
"Well, you already know that I don't like seeing you hurt, but if you think that this is the right thing for you, then I'll try to trust your judgement." He responded evenly and I was impressed by the growth in his attitude. "Besides, I've been keeping busy here without you. We've had a whole new group of volunteers for guard duty and the existing ones are still a work in progress. I actually could do with some help if you'd be feeling well enough?" He suggested casually and I leaned around to look up at him inquisitively.
"Of course. What do you have in mind?" I asked with my interest piqued and my mind had started to run wild with the possibilities. He smiled at my immediate willingness and I was glad to have the opportunity to support him in return. It was another testament to his development since we first met that he would even consider asking for assistance and I felt my heart swell with pride at the man that he was becoming.
"It's been challenging to train the girls and they're not feeling confident yet. They need a different style of fighting, one that's better suited for people with large height differences." He began and I felt my face fall into a frown of confusion. I couldn't imagine how this would involve me and felt my stomach drop with dread as I awaited his explanation. "Several of them remember your self defence classes back at camp and they've been asking for you." He revealed with a smug smile and I raised my brows at him in surprise.
"They've been asking for me?" I questioned with an expression of disbelief and he chuckled lightly at my reaction. In all honesty, the sessions that I'd taught back in camp felt as if they were a lifetime ago and I'd long forgotten about them. I'd already shared what felt like most of my knowledge, which was mostly things that I'd read in my father's book collection and was unsure that I had anything useful for an organised unit of guards.
"Why is that so surprising?" He questioned confidently and I rolled my eyes at him. "You made them feel safe and found a way to teach them that they could use." He detailed his points as if they were obvious and I struggled to absorb his faith in me. "Besides, I remember seeing you take out several people bigger than you, which let's face it is pretty much everyone." He teased and I jabbed him lightly in the side in offence. "They've seen it too. They've seen your courage and determination. You inspire them, whether you realise it or not." He added, bruising his fingers tenderly across my cheek and I squirmed at the praise. His request turned over and over in my mind as I tried to picture myself facing a room full of keen guard recruits and a wave of nausea immediately washed over me at the thought.
"What do you want me to teach them?" I grumbled awkwardly as I pushed my feelings of dread to the back of mind and he stared at me incredulously.
"How to survive?" He suggested with a hint of amusement in his tone and I sighed in exasperation. "Look, Indie, even before you went off for your grounder training you could survive fights that, on the surface, should have easily gone the other way. Teach them to do the same." He elaborated in a manner that revealed how carefully he had considered this plan before bringing it to me and I felt a pang of guilt at my reaction
"If it will help you, then I will try." I conceded with a forced smile and he smiled gratefully, before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.
- O - O - O - O - O -
Bellamy was reluctant to rush out of bed the following morning and after the incomparable comfort of an actual mattress, I was happy to indulge in some alone time. He volunteered to journey out to the kitchen to collect some breakfast for the two of us whilst I remained stretched out in luxury. He rushed back to join me with an eager smile and we ate together under the covers. I was relieved to have returned to our blissful little bubble and for a few hours, it was easy to forget the state of the world outside of the doors.
Once we eventually dragged ourselves from the room, he left to begin preparations for his regular training sessions with the recruits, whilst I wondered with a relaxed spring in my step toward Raven's workspace. As the door opened, there were several dramatic clanging noises immediately following each other and I overheard Raven cursing loudly. Hurried movements carried me further inside to search for her and as I turned the corner, I discovered her sat on a workbench with her head in her hands. I cleared my throat to announce my arrival and she jolted upright, wiping at her eyes in an effort to hide any signs of distress.
"Oh, hey! I'd heard that you were back in camp. What are you doing here?" Her voice was gravelly as she tried to force it into an optimistic tone and she sniffed between her words. Her cheeks were damp despite her wiping her sleeve against them and her eyes were clearly bloodshot. It was plain to see how exhausted she was and I could already feel upset growing in my stomach at the sight of her
"Thought I'd check in on you, make sure you haven't flipped out and killed anyone yet." I commented as I followed her lead and strained to sound casual. I could easily recognise that she wanted to keep the conversation light and was embarrassed to have been caught in such a condition. The smile that spread across my lips even felt inauthentic and I sighed as I realised that I was unable to continue this ruse. "You alright?" I asked gently as my brows knitted together and she nodded vigorously at me.
"Of course, I'm fine." She stated defensively as she strolled across to some shelving to place her tools away and I noticed that she seemed to be limping more than usual. I recognised the same defiance in her than I had been displaying with Jackson in medical and felt a tinge of guilt as I acknowledged that my struggles paled in comparison to what she was dealing with. I settled into a seat to indicate that I had no intention of being scared off by her behaving as if she were busy and considered how I could encourage her to be honest with me. I knew her well enough to know that if she didn't want to talk about something, there was little that could be done to force the issue, but I also couldn't allow her to continue facing this battle alone.
"Alright, sure. You don't want to talk about it. I'll be honest first then." I opened and she turned to face me with a confused expression. "I have at least two broken ribs, which I have convinced Jackson to keep quiet, despite his protests that I need to rest and take pain relief. I let a literal ogre of a man almost kill me to prove that I was worthy of training from an insane grounder, who I have to constantly keep my guard up around. I'm trying to learn how to be fine and keep going, without lying to everyone around me. Not just because it makes me feel guilty, but so that no one stops me from going on this journey, because I'm afraid that if I stop, I'll completely fall apart. I'm a goddamn mess, pretending to be a badass and I'm sick of the exhaustion of pretending." I summarised in a raw voice and her eyes gradually widened in shock as I spoke. "Your turn." I offered calmly and she sighed reluctantly, before finally admitting defeat and plopping down into a seat beside me.
"My hip hurts. My leg hurts. Everything is painful and I can't tell anyone because if I do they'll pull me off duty and my work is all I have left to live for." She confessed as she avoided my gaze by staring at the ground and knotted her hands together in a gesture of stress. I was relieved that I'd succeeded in gaining the truth from her and that my assumption that our issues were similar had been correct. I smiled sympathetically at her and my heart ached as I absorbed her broken expression, wishing that I could take her pain away.
"You know you have value as more than just a mechanic, right?" I acknowledged and she scoffed under her breath. "It's true! You have an incredible mind. Even if your body had to slow down, you would be no less valuable. And outside of that, you're hilarious, genuine, determined, courageous and beautiful. And you have plenty of people in this camp who love you. You are not just a mechanic." I disclosed with a brutal honesty and she finally brought her face to me with tears in her eyes.
"And you don't have to get yourself killed to protect everyone. Nor do you need to prove yourself to anyone. You're already strong, Indie. You don't need a grounder to beat the shit out of you to prove that. Stop worrying about your adopted family, we can take care of ourselves. So you should take care of yourself." She stated with a firmness to her voice that I hadn't expected and I squirmed awkwardly in my seat. Even though her statements were full of kindness, they crawled under my skin and caused discomfort as they clashed against my own internal opinions. "Easy to give advice but not so easy to hear it, is it?" She drawled as she smiled at me sadly and I hummed thoughtfully in response.
"Some pair we are." I commented and she chuckled under her breath in a way that was heart-warming to witness. "It's difficult to let go of the lives we had planned for ourselves, huh? The more I consider it, the more I think that we're all struggling to figure out who we need to be here and it's gonna take some time to feel like we are making the right choices. Just know that you don't have to do any of this on your own, Raven. I might not be around much, but I have always got your back and there are plenty of others that have too. Lean on your friends." I urged as I reached out to take her hand in mine comfortingly and she nodded back at me with pain in her eyes.
"I'm trying, but everyone is dealing with their own shit too. It's hard for us all. I don't want to be a burden on anyone." She revealed as her leg twitched nervously and I viewed her with understanding. "I've been getting to know someone new actually. Her name's Gina. She's in our little patrol group. We compare war stories mostly, but it helps me to feel connected to the person that I was on the Ark. She's been pretty good for all of us. I think you'd like her." She explained with a barely noticeable glint of hope in her body language and I shrugged casually to mask my excitement over this.
"I'll have to make sure to get an introduction to her whilst I'm here." I remarked and she smiled in appreciation. "I'm glad you've got someone to talk to. I hate the thought of you shutting yourself away. You're nosy and loud, it doesn't suit you." I teased as I winked at her and she jabbed playfully at me.
"Speaking of nosy...Bellamy must be glad to have you back. He's doing surprisingly well at dealing with you leaving...but I can still always tell that he's pining after you like a sad little puppy." She crooned as her tone lifted back into a familiar lilt and I shook my head at her with a snort. "Seriously though, you're good for him. You've helped him to grow and I'm pretty sure he makes you softer. You don't punch people anywhere near as often as you used to." She winked and I couldn't suppress a laugh.
"Well, I'm working on this thing called self-control. You should try it." I suggested and she rolled her eyes at me in a dramatic manner.
"Sounds boring. I'll pass."
