Mundungus Fletcher was being dragged into the kitchen in Grimmauld Place by a bunch of house-elves. How they got to that point, you ask? Eva wasn't sure, because she hardly listened properly to their meetings every evening in their secret location, but as far as she was concerned, the actual version of Slytherin's Locket, one of Voldemort's Horcruxes holding a piece of his soul, was in possession of the same man who'd let Moody die. Fortunately, Kreacher the house-elf was able to track him down.
"As requested," Kreacher grumbled after a saucepan fell onto Fletcher's head, "Kreacher has returned with the thief."
Just as Fletcher began to reach for his wand, Hermione disarmed him while Eva used the Aguamenti charm to splash the guy with a jet of water straight into his face. He grabbed a tea towel from the counter to wipe his face and began to step further away from them towards the other side of the room.
"What you playing at?" Fletcher demanded. "Setting a pair of bleedin' house-elves after me."
One of the elves climbed onto a chair and then onto the table, for some reason wearing shoes. "Dobby was only trying to help. Dobby saw Kreacher in Diagon Alley, which Dobby thought was curious. And then, Dobby heard Kreacher mention Harry Potter's name."
"Wait, you're Dobby?" Eva asked, having heard of the house-elf who voluntarily freed himself from Malfoy Manor with the assistance of Harry.
Dobby gasped and ran towards her across the table, shaking her hand excitedly. "The most famous Eva Infernum! Dobby is so honoured to meet you." The tiny house-elf then continued his story with the same level of enthusiasm, ignoring the fact that Kreacher was trying and failing to shut him up. "And then, Dobby saw Kreacher talking with the thief Mundungus-"
"I'm no thief!" Fletcher interrupted. "You foul little," he paused when he saw Eva's eyebrow raised at him, "git. I'm a purveyor of rare and wondrous objects."
"So, you steal objects that you think are fancy-shmancy and then make a profit?" Eva challenged. "I don't know about you, but that sounds like the very definition of a thief to me, a little thieving mangy old street rat."
"Yeah," Ron joined them in the room, "you're a thief, Dung, everyone knows it."
"L-listen," Fletcher pleaded as he was backed up into an armchair in the corner, "I panicked that night, alright? Could I help it if Mad-Eye fell off his broom?"
"No," Eva agreed, "but he didn't fall off. Maybe if you hadn't been so caught up in your pathetic escape plan, you would've noticed that he was murdered, a murder that may have been avoided if you weren't such a thieving chicken."
"When you turned this place over, and don't deny it, you found a locket," Harry interrogated him, "am I right?"
"Why?" Fletcher asked. "Was it valuable?"
"Aguamenti!"
Another jet of water flew out of Eva's wand and splashed him in the face. "Was it valuable? That's all you care about? Was it valuable?!"
"Stop splashing me!" Fletcher snapped.
Eva leaned right into him, the murderous expression on her face causing him to retreat further into his armchair. "Once you start acting like a man and tell us who it is you've sold that locket to. You should be glad that I'm only settling on using that charm and I haven't brought Hecate in yet. But if you don't want to be burned alive in this very chair, then you'll tell us what you've done with that locket and where it is now. If it wasn't important in defeating Voldemort, we wouldn't be asking. Understood?"
"Bleedin' give it away, didn't I?" Fletcher muttered. "There I was, flogging me wares in Diagon Alley, when some Ministry hag comes up and asks to see me license. Says she's a mind to lock me up, and would've done it too if she hadn't taken a fancy to that locket."
"Who was she?" Harry demanded while Eva kept her wand pointed at him. "The witch. Do you know?"
"No, I-" Fletcher froze, before very slowly picking up a discarded copy of the Daily Prophet off the floor and carrying it over to the table. "Well she's there, look. Bleedin' bow and all."
Eva glanced at the photo in the paper and saw the sickening toad-like face of Dolores Jane Umbridge smiling up at them falsely through the ink.
"Fuck."
It was scary how quickly Hermione could conjure up the perfect plan. They were going to infiltrate the Ministry as some of their workers, Eva specifically going in as a lady called Joanne Avery. The woman apparently worked within the Muggle-Born Registration Commission, and had a large build with greasy black hair which Eva had to tie back to stop it getting plastered to her face.
"Is this truly necessary?" Eva asked, glancing at her now hideous figure in the reflection in a glass window as they walked towards the underground toilets. "I've never been tall before. And also, you guys do know that you don't have to stand that close together, right?"
With undeniable reluctancy, the trio walking just behind her dispersed slightly, but were still easily within an arm's reach of each other.
At the base of the stairs inside the toilets, the various Ministry workers were standing in queues for the stalls. In perfect systematic order, each of them would disappear into the toilet and then the doors would automatically unlock again, allowing the next person to step into the cubicle.
Near the back of the room, Eva spotted a much shorter queue and only had to wait for two more people to go before she could enter the cubicle herself. She remembered what Hermione had said about . . . flushing herself in maybe? She wasn't sure, but that sounded about right.
With the door closed, Eva took one last deep breath of the urine-scented air, stepped both feet into the toilet bowl, and pulled the flush chain.
After being thrown around haphazardly for a few seconds through the floo network, she was finally able to land her feet solidly on the ground and step out into the familiar Ministry atrium. Without waiting for even a moment, she began to follow the general flow of people towards the fountain, which had been replaced with a statue which had the words 'Magic is Might' engraved.
Just at the entrance to the elevators, several security guards were stopping employees at random and asking for their IDs. Out of the corner of her eye, Eva even saw someone being dragged away without explanation, but tried to shake it off. After all, Joanne Avery didn't care much for 'mudbloods' or 'half-breeds'.
Once she'd faked a confident walk past the line of guards, she noticed the other three in their Polyjuice forms standing in front of the statue and casually joined them. "Let me guess, muggles in their rightful place?" Eva asked in a voice which sounded startlingly like Joanne's had before they'd kidnapped her. They stared at her wide-eyed. "What? Any good actress does her research. Come along, we have work to do."
Eva was the first to enter the elevator, followed by Hermione, Harry, and Ron. It was still strange, turning around and expecting to have to look up to see them but instead looking down at them due to her newfound height.
The elevator doors began to slide closed, but they were quickly caught before they could. "Cattermole."
The man Eva knew as Corban Yaxley was standing in the doorway. He was one of the Death Eaters who had herded her towards the Portkey that night Voldemort had abducted her. She felt her blood boil in her veins but somehow managed to keep her cool.
"It's still raining inside my office," Yaxley told Ron. "That's two days now."
Ron paused for a moment. "Have you tried an umbrella?"
In an attempt to diffuse the tension, Eva decided to save Ron's sorry arse and step in. "Mr. Yaxley, and how has your day been thus far?" she asked him with a friendly smile.
"I must say, it could be better, Mrs. Avery, but thank you for asking," he responded civilly. "Please do give your husband my regards." He then turned back to Ron. "You do realise I'm going downstairs, don't you, Cattermole?"
"Downstairs?" Ron asked.
"To interrogate your wife," Yaxley explained shortly. "Now, if my wife's blood status were in doubt, and the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement needed a job doing, I think I might just make that a priority. You have one hour."
"I will have him see to it this very moment, Mr. Yaxley," Eva assured him with a tinge of forced bitterness towards Ron.
Yaxley nodded and smiled which came out as a Lucius Malfoy type of sneer. They did have striking similarities after all. "Thank you, my dear."
He gave Ron one last glare before spinning abruptly on his heel and storming off in the other direction. Their elevator began to travel backwards and upwards as they stood there in silence.
"Well, that could've gone worse, has to be said," Eva mused. "That was one of the dickheads who helped Bellatrix bring me to Voldemort. We can thank him for my Dark Mark."
"Oh my God," Ron gasped. "What am I gonna do? My wife's all alone downstairs."
Harry drew his eyebrows together confusedly. "Ron. You don't have a wife."
"Oh," Ron sighed, "right."
"Level 2: Department of Magical Law Enforcement and Improper Use of Magic Department."
"But how do I stop it raining?" Ron asked as he reluctantly stepped out.
Hermione shrugged slightly. "Try Finite Incantatem."
"Good luck, Ronald McDonald," Eva called after him as the elevator doors closed once more and they were thrown backwards and downwards this time. "Which department do I work in?" she asked them.
"You work with Harry," Hermione murmured. "I'll tell you when to get out."
The elevator abruptly stopped once more. "Level 1: Minister of Magic and Support Staff."
"If we don't locate Umbridge within the hour, we go find Ron and come back another day," Harry proposed. "Deal?"
Hermione nodded. "Yes."
"Better than no plan I guess," Eva agreed.
The elevator doors rattled open, but Eva almost gasped when she saw who was on the other side. Umbridge looked exactly the same as always, holding a clipboard and wearing an outfit of all pink. Oh, how she wanted to rip her toad face straight off.
"Oh, hello Dolores, you almost frightened me there," Eva forced a light laugh. "And how has your morning been?"
"Rather wonderful, thank you, Joanne. Ah, Mafalda," Umbridge turned her gaze to Hermione, "Travers sent you, did he? Good," she stepped straight into the elevator, "we'll go straight down. Albert, Joanne, aren't you getting out?"
"Oh," Eva made a gasping sound and subtly dragged a bewildered Harry out, "silly me, of course. How could I forget? Have a lovely day Dolores, Mafalda. These mudbloods won't register themselves."
Umbridge giggled just as the doors began to close. "How true."
Behind them, Eva and Harry watched as the elevator, now containing only Hermione and Umbridge, travelled backwards and down a few floors. She took a few deep breaths, rubbed the smooth surface of the promise ring Draco had given her in her pocket for reassurance, and started forward with faked confidence.
"Come along, Albert, time to work," Eva said, arousing absolutely no suspicion in the slightest.
Harry leaned closer to her nervously. "You're terrifying."
She smiled, holding her hands smartly behind her back. "I know."
After walking along the main corridor, during which Eva nodded at people as if she knew them and most nodded back and wished her a good day, they reached some type of printing room. Like clockwork, copy after copy of Ministry propaganda was printed. Eva took one look at the title and wished she hadn't.
MUDBLOODS and the DANGERS they pose to a PERFECT PUREBLOOD SOCIETY
"Your boyfriend's ideal universe," Harry snarked in her ear quietly.
Eva internally fought with herself to not elbow him. "If there weren't any muggle-borns left, he'd have no one to tease, so I doubt it would be his ideal universe," she whispered. "Give Draco some credit, he's not stupid."
The pair froze up slightly when the new Minister of Magic, Pius Thicknesse, bustled past at full speed with his numerous secretaries following behind and carrying documents for him. Once they'd passed, Eva started forwards again but was held back when Harry tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to a door opposite them.
Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, Head of the Muggle-Born Registration Commission.
What only annoyed Eva more was the fact that she'd had the audacity to attach Moody's eye to the door, even after he was killed by Voldemort himself. Digging her nails into her palm, Eva opened the door as if she was supposed to, took Moody's eye back, and let them both in—right after Harry had left those Dungbombs, though.
"Muffliato."
She waved her wand over the closed door, thus silencing their conversations. "So, this is the devil's lair. Hecate, keep watch, will you?" Eva's eyes glowed red, even with the Polyjuice Potion in her veins. "She said yes."
"How do you do it?"
Eva turned around slowly and placed Moody's eye into her pocket with her other belongings. "What, glasses?"
"I mean," he cleared his throat unnecessarily, "how do you stay so calm? You've temporarily or maybe permanently lost your family, Voldemort wants you almost as badly as he wants me, you have the Dark Mark, and your boyfriend, who you love, is a Death Eater. How do you stay so calm all the time?"
"Ah," Eva laughed, "Harry, Harry. Ever heard the phrase 'fake it 'til you make it'? I follow that principle, honing in my acting skills." She began to rifle through Umbridge's belongings, resisting the urge to destroy them all. "Despite hurting so fucking much on the inside, I fake happiness and confidence until no one suspects a thing. Then, when all this is over, I cry for months, preferably into Draco's arms, and go to therapy. Does that answer your question?"
He paused as he opened one of Umbridge's desk drawers. "Sort of . . ."
"If it's any consolation, if I start crying at any point now, I probably won't stop until I pass out," Eva told him. "But this, as Hermione said, is war. If hiding my feelings is what it takes to win the war, I'll do it. War was never easy, and it was certainly never meant for teenagers to fight."
Harry nodded sadly and lifted his wand.
"Accio Locket."
Nothing happened, of course, causing Eva to sigh. Meanwhile, she was looking through some of the files in Umbridge's drawers, but gasped when she realised what they were, prompting Harry to join her.
There were files on everyone they knew around them. Arthur Weasley, her foster dad who was being tracked, Moody, who had been tracked but now had a cross through his photo, and that same pattern went on for Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, Tonks, Remus, Fred, George, Molly, and literally everybody else. Even Dumbledore.
Eva spotted herself and pulled said file out to read over it.
INFERNUM, Eva
Blood Status: Demon-Summoner, Half-Breed, Muggle-Born, with unacceptable pro-muggle leanings.
Family: Mother and numerous siblings (demon-summoners, muggles), father (muggle), locations unknown.
Security Status: UNDESIRABLE NO. 2, HIGH RISK CRIMINAL, confirmed to have a close relationship with UNDESIRABLE NO. 1
[WANTED]
"Lovely." Eva's lip curled up as she added it to the file stack. "The photo they took is horrendous though. Look at that face. If someone can identify me with that, I'll just be offended, not upset."
Just as she began to place the files away, one more caught her eye. Attached to it was a photo of none other than Draco, dressed in his usual Slytherin robes and apparently sneering at someone off camera. From the photo, she could tell it was from roughly their fifth year.
MALFOY, Draco Lucius
Blood Status: Pure-Blood, rumoured to have unacceptable pro-muggle leanings.
Family: Mother and father (Pure-Blood), both cleared of any and all charges.
Security Status: Confirmed to have a romantic relationship with UNDESIRABLE NO. 2
[CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES]
"And Draco gets cleared of all charges while I'm a wanted criminal?" Eva questioned as she slipped the photo out from the paperclip and into her pocket. Harry raised an eyebrow at her. "What? I mean, what's Umbridge gonna do with it if he's been cleared?"
She then noticed that Harry was looking sadly at a photo of Dumbledore. The photo had a big red cross drawn over it, only making the boy more emotional. With a sigh, Eva rubbed his shoulder and slipped the photo out, placing it with her photo of Draco.
"I'll keep this safe and give it to you when we get out of here," Eva murmured. "So, no locket?"
"Alright, alright, let's calm down, shall we?" a man's voice echoed from outside.
"Ah shit," Eva cursed, messily shoving everything away and grabbing Harry's arm. "Remember who you are. You're Albert whatever-your-surname-is, and I'm your colleague, Joanne Avery." She then proceeded to mess up his tie and hair. "If anyone asks, act how you would if we were both married and you were having an affair with me. Easy-peasy, right?"
Harry didn't exactly know how to respond to that, but the faint crush he'd had on Eva in third and fourth year really wasn't being helped. In his defence, every guy and potentially even a few girls had had a crush on Eva at some point. She was typically a very pretty girl, nice, and fun too, which tended to be a rare combination.
Eva opened the door and stepped out of the office, followed by Harry. The man turned around and looked them up and down. "Runcorn, Avery."
"My apologies, we were sent by Umbridge to clear a slight mess within her filing system," Eva excused them. "Good day, sir."
With that, they scampered off as briskly as they could, leaving the mess they'd made far behind them.
Back in the elevator again, Eva just wanted to take a nap. In her pockets were now the photos of Dumbledore and Draco, her promise ring, Moody's eye, and her 'Potter Stinks' badge which she didn't even leave the house without at this point.
The elevator stopped at Level 2, where Ron entered. "Morning," he mumbled.
"Good morning, Cattermore." Eva decided to see how far she could push things until he recognised them. "Did you clear Yaxley's office as I assured him you would?"
"Wait, you—oh," Ron realised who they were and nudged her shoulder, "very funny, Eva. Blimey, I forgot what you both look like. Where's Hermione?"
Harry sighed. "She's gone down to the courtrooms, with Umbridge."
Finally, the doors opened once more and they stepped out onto the floor she knew to be the Department of Mysteries. It gave Eva so many memories, running along there only to duel the likes of Yaxley, be threatened by her boyfriend's daddy, and sprain her wrist and ankle. How much easier life was.
Ron shuddered. "Bloody cold down here."
Eva led the way out, followed by the other two. "That would be the Dementors. There was a document on the ideal treatment of muggle-borns in Umbridge's office. Come along, Albert, Cattermore."
"I'm a half-blood," a man was being dragged past, begging for his life, "my father was a wizard. William Alderton, he worked here for 30 years. Perhaps you know him. Always wore his jacket inside out. No, there's been a mistake. I'm a half-blood, you see."
"Confundus."
Only with the whisper of the incantation, the guards let go of the man and turned back the way they came. Eva approached the man hesitantly, not wanting to scare him off.
"Listen to me," Eva looked him directly in the eyes, "I don't actually work here, but listen closely, you need to leave. I've given you an opening, but there isn't long before the spell wears off. Get out of there, take your family, take your important possessions, and leave the country immediately."
He nodded hesitantly. "Who are you?"
She shrugged. "That's for me and my demon to know, and for you to leave."
His eyes widened in realisation, but he simply nodded and climbed into the elevator they'd left previously. With her work almost done, Eva smiled to herself and continued as if nothing had happened.
"You're my hero," Ron breathed.
"It's just what I do." She flicked her black greasy hair over her shoulder and approached the entrance to the courtroom.
Umbridge was sat in the judge's chair, her Patronus by her side which was only just guarding her from the Dementors circling overhead. Yaxley, of course, was sitting back and watching smugly, while Hermione was stuck beside Umbridge, surrounded by stacks of paperwork.
"Mary Elizabeth Cattermole?" Umbridge asked.
"Yes," Mary replied nervously.
"Of 27 Chislehurst Gardens, Great Tolling, Evesham?"
"Yes."
"Mother to Maisie, Ellie, and Alfred?" Umbridge continued. "Wife to Reginald?"
Before Mary could respond, she slowly turned her head towards the doorway and gazed longingly at Ron. "Reg?"
Eva took a deep breath and grabbed Ron by his shoulders, steering him into the room. "Here I have Reginald, Dolores," she said with a forced smile, lightly pushing him towards Mary but making it seem like she'd used more force. "I do hope he fixed your problem suitably, Mr. Yaxley."
Yaxley nodded. "It should do," he sneered, "for now."
"Thank you, Joanne," Umbridge replied with a stony expression. "Mary Elizabeth Cattermole? A wand was taken from you upon your arrival at the Ministry today. Is this that wand?" She held up a wand in front of her. Mary nodded while Eva sat down beside Yaxley. "Please tell the court from which witch or wizard you took this wand."
"I didn't take it," Mary said with tears in her eyes, causing Yaxley to scoff beside Eva. "I got it at Diagon Alley, in Ollivander's, when I was 11. It chose me."
"You're lying," Umbridge accused. "Wands only choose witches, and you are not a witch."
"But I am," Mary pleaded. "Tell her, Reg, tell her what I am. Reg, tell them what I am."
As the trial proceeded, Eva could feel herself tingling. Was the potion wearing off? Quite possibly, because her fingers were already starting to shrink and she could feel her currently large nose morphing back into her usual small button nose.
"What on earth are you doing Albert?" Umbridge asked, making Eva realise that he had his wand out, which caused her to do the same.
"You're lying, Dolores," Harry snarled, now changing back too, "and one mustn't tell lies. Stupefy!"
While Yaxley fished for his wand, Eva held hers at his neck. "I'm not actually Joanne Avery, Corban," she spat his name. "I'm Eva Infernum," she rolled up her sleeve to show him the mark that was beginning to fade back into view, "and both I and my demon hate you. See you in hell. Stupefy!"
As soon as Umbridge had been taken out, the Patronus shield that had been keeping the Dementors from them broke. Eva could feel that she'd fully transformed now and knew she'd have to run in shoes much too big for her.
She hopped down to the middle of the room and held a strand of her scarlet hair in front of her eyes. "Oh shit, guys, let's go."
Hermione carrying the locket, the group of them plus Mary began to run down the corridor. When Eva saw Ron hesitating over her shoulder, she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him along.
"Get to the elevator now!" Eva shouted, turning around and pointing her wand at the Dementors. "Expecto Patronum!"
A non-corporeal Patronus emitted from the tip of her wand, but only enough silver wisps to buy them a few extra seconds. When she was only millimetres from the elevator, Hermione yanked her inside and the doors only just closed behind her.
Unfortunately, the elevator doors weren't solid, allowing the Dementors to still reach them from the other side. Eva felt a sudden chill freeze through her body and nothing but emptiness fill her.
"Expecto Patronum!"
Her eyes were finally able to concentrate again. With the Dementors somehow gone, the elevator continued to rattle upwards.
After a moment, Eva finally spoke. "I didn't like that exit, I think I fucked it up with that speech towards Yaxley," she mused casually. "Can we do that again?"
"Eva!"
As soon as the elevator reached the atrium floor, the group slowly walked out with their heads bowed down, attempting to attract as little attention to themselves as possible. Ron, still in his Polyjuice Potion form, was physically Mary's wife, unfortunately for him. Eva had to admit, she felt kinda sorry for the woman, especially when she'd eventually find out.
Eva turned around on her heel. "Where's Ron—oh."
Rolling her eyes, Eva began to approach Ron and Mary. Ron was instructing her, similarly to how she'd done earlier, to take her kids and husband and leave the country, although just as that plan seemed to be working, he was kissed square on the lips. Just to make things worse, that was the exact moment the potion wore off.
Mary's eyes widened as she quickly let go of Ron. The actual Reginald then decided to make an appearance only in a vest and shorts. "Mary?"
Deciding to intervene, Eva pulled Ron back and grabbed Mary by the shoulders. "Shit, my hair," Eva muttered as she glanced upwards before averting her gaze back to the woman in front of her. "Mary—it's Mary, right?" The woman nodded. "Mary, I'm about to give you a lot of information at once, so listen good. Take your family, and leave the country, the further the better. Should the Snatchers find you, do not, I repeat, do not hand yourselves over. Do you understand?" Mary nodded with a bewildered expression.
"It's Harry Potter!" someone shouted nearby. "And Eva Infernum, look!"
Eva groaned irritatedly like a stubborn toddler. "Merlin's sake, I never get a moment's peace around here. I've gotta skedaddle, take care!" she called over her shoulder as she grabbed Ron's arm and ran with him in the direction of Harry and Hermione.
As more people began to notice them, that set off the security guards who began to charge at them in one massive group. Since her shoes were way too big for her now, Eva kicked off her oversized heels to run barefoot as she dashed as quickly as she could through the dense crowd.
There was a sudden bang as Yaxley reappeared from the lower floor, bombarding explosive spells at them. "Yaxley?!" Eva shouted as she began to run backwards. "For fucks sake, piss off! Confringo!"
Her spell was instantly blocked by him. Unwilling to get into a duel, Eva simply ran ahead, gripping her wand tightly in her hand.
"Jump in any time, Hecate!" Eva snapped.
Finally, Hecate appeared, running beside them. "Not much I can do here without killing hundreds of innocents, sugarplum. Head for the nearest floo!"
Eva's attention turned to the floo portals within the atrium. One by one, metal bars slammed over the entrances, preventing them from escaping. Without a second though, Eva closed her eyes and leapt for the nearest fireplace.
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
Author's note: This has to be one of my longest chapters yet. Pretty eventful, I know, but at least we get to see Eva's moment in the sun rather than everything being about Harry, the boy who saved the day.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading, stay safe, and ily lots!
