Gendo sat at his desk, his hands tented in front of his face as usual, while he looked upon the holographic faces of Gutierrez and the SEELE council. It was a meeting that, Kihl or no Kihl [HA!], the commander of NERV knew had been a long time coming. Fuyutsuki dutifully stood at his side while he observed.

"The 17th Angel has been...dealt with," Gutierrez stated. "As has the unexpected 18th Angel. With that, I can easily say that the full extent of the Dead Sea Scrolls' prophecies has been fulfilled, don't you agree?"

Gendo nodded. "They have, in a sense, though how the latter parts were carried out have proven to be not what any of us expected. A part of me is amused at the thought of the former chairman Kihl, wherever he may be, fuming over how much of his planning had gone astray."

"Agreed," Gutierrez concurred. "Which brings me to why we are gathered here today. It is time, Ikari, for you to know of just what my intentions are going forward. Tell me, my friend, have you ever seen The Matrix?"

Gendo's left eyebrow rose on hearing the almost-left-field question. "I have. Pretentious bit of cyberpunk-laden prophesizing. I was not impressed."

"That may be true," Gutierrez began, "but the Wachowskis did have an interesting idea there. A true utopia is too far-off as an ambition; but, the idea of a world that, while far from being idyllic, is still tolerable enough to live in presents a more viable goal. And slowly, slowly but surely, mankind has already been working their way towards it. SEELE, under prior management, sought to end the world..." He briefly eyed the other council members as he continued. "What they failed to see was that there is no 'world' anymore-it is only corporations! Specifically, information technology-based corporations. When what we know as the World Wide Web came about, the planet became more interconnected than ever before, and the human race more reliant on computer technology to run their lives. There were those who saw great opportunity in this newfound situation: Bill Gates in the 1990s, Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos at the start of the new millennium, and now...hopefully, yours truly.

By utilizing the Central MAGI, a supercomputer with enormous reach when joined together with the other MAGI units across the world, I shall expand upon the groundwork that Gates, Jobs, and Bezos unintentionally laid by seizing control of the entire global information technology network. With it in my hands, I shall rule over humanity and ensure a lasting peace, while at the same time turning Earth into the most profitable planet in the solar system, so should the day come when we are truly visited by our neighbors from the stars, they will come for the first contact, and stay for the high-quality products and great prices. SEELE originally sought to create a world free from pain and suffering; mine is very much a similar goal, only without turning every man, woman and child into puddles of orange goo in the process. No, everyone, under my plan, stays corporeal, going on about their lives, talking by the water cooler about the latest shocking development in a television show, buying the latest electronic device that's the current darling of Black Friday advertising, all while doing their best not to upset me, lest they be thrust into a new version of the Dark Ages."

Gendo and Fuyutsuki, for the next few minutes, simply stood there, gaping in utter bewilderment at what Gutierrez had just told them. Then, a new expression began to appear on Gendo's reddening face, as he gritted his teeth while a vein throbbed visibly on his forehead. Finally, the Commander's proverbial dam burst.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" he roared as he abruptly stood up, pounding on his desk. "That's the STUPIDEST plan I've ever heard of!"

Gutierrez frowned at Gendo's response. "No it's not, it's a good plan!" he countered.

"BALONEY!" Gendo fired back. "What your plan comes down to is essentially turning the entire Earth into a bizarre combination of Entertainment Tonight and the Home Shopping Network! I mean for crying out loud, even the writers of the Austin Powers movies could come up with a better scheme! At least the old men had the 'idea' of 'advancing humanity's evolution' going for them! Your plan? It doesn't do anything for humanity!" Gendo then sat back down, not bothering to re-tent his hands. "You know what? Forget pretense, you showed me yours, I'll show you mine: I have here at NERV-Central a surviving fragment of Adam, the First Angel, IN ADDITION to the Second Angel currently imprisoned in Terminal Dogma. Using the First Child as a key, I'll merge the two and bring about human contemplation! By the time my scenario commences, there won't be a world for you to turn into your universal mall. I'll be together with my Yui again, and you'll all be a whole ocean of orange goo. You may not wish to seek instrumentality, Gutierrez-but I will!" With that, Gendo cut off the link between himself and the council, causing the holograms to vanish.

Fuyutsuki stared, dumbfounded, at his former student, since he hadn't seen him get that angry in years. (Of course, he hadn't seen the commander when he finally met the Lawn Gnomes.) "Ikari, was that wise?" Fuyutsuki asked concernedly.

Gendo merely glared at his former professor before he answered dismissively. "At this final stage of the game, sensei-does anyone really care?"

On the other end of the line, Gutierrez looked at the other members of the council. "...I believe that went better than I'd expected, all things considered." A smirk then appeared on his face. "Very well, Ikari-may the best man win...Ahahahahahaha! Laugh with me, laugh with me! Ahahahahahaha...!"

Episode 41 - This is the (beginning of the) end...My only friend, the (beginning of the) end...

Tokyo-3 was very quiet today, as afternoon turned into evening. Of course, it was very quiet because the entire city's civilian population had evacuated in droves, thanks to an emergency order issued by the local government and evacuation proceedings coordinated by the local police force. At NERV HQ itself, a large number of civilian staff had also been ordered to evacuate, leaving a skeleton crew (which included our heroes) and security to hold the fort. Save for a certain group of them, no one knew why they were on a First Level Alert, only that it meant something bad was about to happen; what exactly it was and how bad, they also didn't know.

On the bridge, Misato and Makoto caught Shigeru up on just what was going to pay them a visit; Ritsuko and Maya were within the MAGI making a number of necessary adjustments and virtual fortifications, coordinated by Naoko and aided by R.O.D.D.Y., to prepare them for theirs and NERV-2's response to any attempted hacking attack. Kaji was out of the city and in Tokyo-2, speaking with the Prime Minister about what was about to go down and how they needed to prevent Armageddon. To say the least, Shigeru was very shocked by what had been revealed to him, causing him to briefly, warily eye the two commanders. They had kept their conversation to a very quiet whisper, so as to not draw any suspicion.

"...OH-kaaaay, they definitely left A LOT out of the job description when I applied," Shigeru commented.

"Trust me, man, we were in the same boat too," Makoto concurred.

"And trust us when we say that, if we manage to make it out of this alive..." Misato started to say, briefly glaring at Gendo before turning back to the others, "certain people will have a lot to answer for."

Suddenly, the ears of all three perked up when they heard something coming from far down the hallway, in the direction of the pilot locker rooms.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

Misato, Makoto and Shigeru then turned back to each other. "Sounds like Toji's got the full story now," Misato noted.

Shigeru nodded in affirmation, and took a look around at the nearly-empty bridge. "So when are our 'reinforcements' coming?"

"According to Freakazoid," Makoto started to answer, "the first group should be arriving right about..."

Before the bespectacled tech could finish, a column of light suddenly appeared next to the set of consoles they were sitting at as five figures began to materialize in the room. Gendo and Fuyutsuki, observing this from the command perch, were astonished by what was happening.

"...Now," Makoto said, his glasses sliding a bit down the bridge of his nose.

Soon the light faded, and the five newcomers were revealed to be Bo-Ron and the Lawn Gnomes; the former had used the teleporter from Nerdator II's ship to transport them here. Ritsuko and Maya had just emerged from the MAGI crawlspace and rejoined Misato and the others when the new arrivals had appeared.

"Deeeuuuhhhh, IIII am Bo-Ron," the enormous alien greeted as he waved at the surprised faces around him.

"Oh, boy..." Ritsuko said, a sweat drop appearing by hers and Maya's heads.

Up on the command perch, Gendo and Fuyutsuki conferred.

"Sensei, just WHO is that-that large, green thing?" the commander asked confusedly.

"Well, there goes many a theory of there being intelligent life out in outer space..." a perplexed Fuyutsuki said, scratching his head.

Misato and the others then noticed the four shorter people accompanying Bo-Ron. "Ummm, who are you guys, exactly?" she asked.

A small orchestral cue built up in the background before Baffeardin replied, cramming as much dramatic flair as he could into his delivery. "We are Laaawwwnnn Gnomes!" The orchestral cue then finished like clockwork.

Misato and the others did a dumbstruck double-take from the Lawn Gnomes to each other and back.

"Riiight..." Misato said, absentmindedly rubbing the back of her head.

Gendo, from his perch, noticed the Gnomes and was not too happy by their presence. "YOU! When I get my hands on you, I'll-!" he threatened as he started to climb out from the perch, Fuyutsuki struggling but managing to hold him back.

The group on the bridge was then joined by Sgt. Kusagabe, who casually walked through the door holding a box of donuts in his hands.

"Sgt. Kusagabe?" Maya wondered. "How'd you get down here?"

"Took the stairs," the policeman replied nonchalantly as he munched on a bear claw.

At that moment, Freakazoid and Freakazette literally bolted onto the bridge in a flash of light and static, the former carrying a laptop under his right arm and the latter wheeling a mobile projector unit that was already on, R.O.D.D.Y.'s face already being emitted from it.

"Great, you're here!" Freakazoid said as he greeted Bo-Ron and the Lawn Gnomes before turning his attention to Ritsuko and Maya. "How'd the tweaking go?"

"We're all set," the bottle blonde replied. "Soon as we get the signal, NERV-2 will be ready to back us up in cyberspace."

"And out in the real world," Misato added. "When I last spoke with Toby, he indicated that Units-04 and 05 will arrive in about an hour and 45 minutes at best."

Gendo and Fuyutsuki turned their attention immediately to the gathered group. "Major Katsuragi, Dr. Akagi, just what is going on?" Gendo sternly demanded. "Why are those two-why are all of those people here?!"

The group down below looked at the commanders and then at one another for a moment before they shrugged and one of them said something.

"Eh, cat's out of the bag at this point," Ritsuko stated before turning to Gendo's direction, brows furrowed, as she pressed a button on the central hologram projector. "Commander, there's someone I'd like to get you reacquainted with, if you don't mind..."

The minute she said that, Naoko's face appeared from the holo-projector, glaring daggers at the commander. "Hello, Gendo..." she greeted. "Been a while, hasn't it?"

Gendo's eyes went wide with shock. "N-Naoko?!"

Maya, at that point, noticed the bundle in Freakazoid's arm. "Uh, what's with the laptop?" she asked.

"Dexter over at NERV-2 sent me an email a bit ago," Freakazoid answered as he opened up the laptop. "Said someone was coming over to give us another hand on the tech side of things, and that I should have this open and ready." When he finished, his laptop lit up brightly, surprising everyone. "Zoids! What's-?"

An arc of light and static then erupted from the laptop's screen and deposited a figure onto the floor in the middle of the group. When the light subsided, the figure stood up, revealed to be a red-headed-and-bearded, barrel-chested middle-aged man. (Said man's beard was more of the 'salt-and-paprika' variety these days.) The man wore a white-collar button-down shirt under a blue blazer, brown loafers and socks, and a proper red-plaid kilt with a matching cap on his head.

"Oof, what a way ta travel," the man said with a Scottish brogue as he dusted himself off. "Been quite a while since Ah've done that."

Freakazoid and Freakazette's faces lit up as soon as they recognized the man. "RODDY!" they shouted as they quickly ensnared the Scotsman in a bear hug.

"*WHEEZE* Great beasties, will ye give me an inch already?!" Roddy Macstew said, causing the Freaks to ease their grip on him. "Much betta. Good ta see ye laddie, lassie."

Kensuke and Mayumi, observing from the Freakazones, were quite surprised.

So this is the real Roddy, Kensuke mused.

Somehow, if the AI we know was anything to go by, I had a feeling the actual Roddy would definitely be the quintessential Scotsman, Mayumi concurred.

"What're you doing here?" Freakazette asked.

"Dexter got me caught up on th' situation," Roddy explained, "I figured ye might need all th' help ye can get if ye wanna save the world from both Gutierrez and four-eyes over there." With his thumb, he pointed towards Gendo. Roddy then noticed the mobile projector unit next to Freakazette, and the holographic face that was a mirror image of his own. "Well whaddya know? Now there's a handsome AI if I ever did see one."

"Aye, an' it's not eevery day ye meet th' basis fer yerself in-person," R.O.D.D.Y. said as a robotic arm extended to shake his namesake's hand.

Freakazoid then turned to the NERV staffers. "Everyone, meet Roddy Macstew," he proudly said while introducing the Scotsman, "me and Freakazette's mentor. He helped us become the heroes we are today!"

The NERV staffers, baffled by Roddy's sudden appearance, greeted him with all manner of 'hello', 'hey' and 'hi there' they knew.

"If you don't mind me asking," Ritsuko started to say, "just how did you get all the way here in the first place?"

"Simple," the Scotsman answered, "I traveled through th' internet from me company headquarters in Glasgow. It's a pretty bumpy ride though, wouldn't recommend it ta first-timers."

Ritsuko blinked three times, looked at Misato briefly, and sputtered as she attempted to respond. "Traveled through the internet? Seriously?! But that-that's not possibly-but how could you-?!" Before she could go any further, she stopped and threw her hands up in the air for a brief minute. "You know what? Forget I said anything, I've got it by now, some things you just don't question."

Roddy then cracked his knuckles. "All right, lads n' lassies, hang onto yer haggis-if what Dexter's told me is any indicator, we're gonna be in fer a long evening..."

To be continued...

**Author's Note(s)**

It begins...

The chapter's title riffs on a song from the 1967 self-titled debut album of The Doors, famously used in 1979's Apocalypse, Now.

Gutierrez, during his villainous monologue, in addition to briefly touching upon a philosophical idea present in 1999's The Matrix, also briefly paraphrases Number Two in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. (Them both having eyepatches covering the same eye certainly helped!) His brief back-and-forth with Gendo riffs on a similar bit from the season one segment "The Cloud", where Freakazoid criticizes the Lobe's plan.

Baffeardin's dramatic introduction is another hallmark of their spoofing of Gargoyles in the original Lawn Gnomes segment.

Annnd, surprise! The real Roddy Macstew joins in on the action! An earlier idea had him not coming alone, where he'd be joined by a couple of celebrity guests: Michael Jai White and Lucy Liu. (Apparently, Roddy had been a major consultant on White's [fictional] film Black Dynamite in the Highlands.)

And now for some fun, inspired by a pretty obscure semi-recurring Animaniacs segment! (And no, it's not the 'Randy Beaman' Kid.)

Omake 17 - Freakazoid's 'Coulda Been' Theater, Part 1

The camera opened on Freakazoid, clad in a smoking jacket and sitting on a comfy easy chair by a fireplace in a fancy-looking library/study, with a book open on his lap.

Freakazoid [in a fancy tone of voice]: "Well, hello there, good people! As many of you know, one of the most popular questions asked in all of storytelling is comprised of two little words: 'what' and 'if'. In film, television, and the occasional comic book, this question can lead into all manner of multiversal fables, imaginary stories-a subgenre we like to call 'speculative fiction'. Indeed, the wide breadth of Evangelion fan fiction is where the 'speculative' in 'speculative fiction' runs wild the most. I toyed with the idea of giving it a shot myself, so join me, if you will, as I present a certain sequence of events from the very first episode of this landmark anime series-with a twist!

-X-

It had been a very, very strange day for Shinji Ikari. He'd arrived in Tokyo-3 after being summoned by his father, only to discover the city was under attack by a giant creature strangely called an Angel. He'd been picked up by Misato Katsuragi and spirited away to the place of his father's work: NERV. He'd then been brought face-to-face with the result of his father's work, dubbed mankind's ultimate weapon against the Angels. Shinji half paid attention as Misato and Dr. Ritsuko Akagi talked about why he'd been brought to NERV, the giant face of the purple colossus known as Evangelion Unit-01 in the background. His father, Commander Gendo Ikari, had made his presence known earlier and had momentarily stunned the teenager; the two hadn't seen each other for over ten years. Finally, Shinji spoke up.

Shinji: "Father...Why did you send for me?"

Gendo: "You know exactly why."

How Shinji reacted next took everyone by great surprise.

Shinji [fists clenched]: "...I don't see you for TEN years...You finally call me, not giving me any other reason..."

All present in the EVA cage became further surprised when they noticed Shinji's eyes...were beginning to glow brightly.

Shinji [teeth gritted, now getting angry]: "Just to force me into a giant robot I've never seen before in my life...to fight a giant monster?!"

Gendo and the others felt their jaws drop as they then saw Shinji begin to undergo a change-he appeared to be growing taller and bulkier in size. The sight of it was so shocking, even the eyes of Unit-01 widened in fear. Gendo, at that moment, became quite terrified beyond capacity for rational thought, save for that of how his covert surveillance of his son's upbringing outside Tokyo-3 turned out to be not quite as thorough as he'd believed...

Shinji [fury in his deepening, growling voice]: "You...YOU...JEEEEEERRRRRRKKKK!"

Shinji, at that moment, then appeared to be enveloped by a man-sized mushroom cloud. When it subsided, to the further shock of all eyewitnesses, standing where the seemingly-shy, meek teenage boy was a light green-skinned monster with glowing eyes. Even worse was, the angrier Shinji was getting, the bigger he also became. In fact, he grew so large that he broke through the ceiling...and through the other armor layers above the Geofront in which NERV HQ resided, until he broke through to the surface, right in the middle of downtown Tokyo-3.

Sachiel, the Third Angel, had just gotten closer to that exact spot when it saw the green rage monster that used to be Shinji burst through the street. The Angel's eyes went wide with shock over this unexpected development, and became more fearful when the Shinji-beast turned around to face it.

Shinji [rushing towards Sachiel]: "RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Sachiel looked our way briefly as it held up a small sign with the following printed on it:

Oh, nutbunnies.

Sachiel couldn't get away as the Shinji-kaiju was soon tackling it to the ground. A fight broke out between the two monsters, covered by an enormous cartoony dust cloud, captured on film by the surveillance cameras throughout the city connected to the bridge. The fight was seen on a large monitor on the bridge, and the command and technical staff watched as the Angel was shown no mercy. Many among them alternated between wincing on seeing a certain blow landed by Shinji and saying things like "Ooh, that's GOTTA hurt!". At one point they saw Sachiel trying desperately to claw its way out of the cloud, only for Shinji's hand to drag it back into the brawl.

Misato [peeking through her fingers]: "...I don't think that's the way it's supposed to bend..."

Finally, the fight stopped when Sachiel waved a tiny white flag, and Shinji released its grip on his opponent. The bruised and battered Sachiel then limped away at a speed that should've been impossible for a creature of its size and in its current condition. The Third Angel paid no heed, since only one thing was on its mind as it fled Tokyo-3 very quickly: warning the rest of its brethren that attempting to breach NERV HQ, locate the All-Father Adam and merge with it would not be worth the effort if that...that beast was lurking in the area. Soon, Sachiel was no longer within view, to the astonishment of NERV's staff.

The Shinji-monster then turned back to the opening he made in the ground and descended back into the EVA cage, putting himself face-to-face with the subject of his anger: his father. The now-frightened Gendo fell onto his backside, his hands held up defensively in front of him as the other terrified NERV staff looked on.

Gendo [nervous]: "N-n-now Sh-Sh-Shinji, please just, please just calm down..."

Shinji: "I AM CALM!"

Gendo [desperate, forcing a smile]: "*GULP* W-w-w-wait! All that stuff about me calling you here to pilot the robot? Just kidding! Just kidding! Never meant it at all! I just, er, wanted you back in my life! Wanted us to be a family again! Heh-heh! Work won't get in the way of father-son quality time, I swear! What do you say-can we start over? Please?!"

The Shinji-beast uttered a low growl as he eyed Gendo suspiciously.

Shinji: "YOU MEAN IT...?"

Gendo [nodding his head fervently]: "Yes, yes! All of it! 100%"

At that moment, Shinji suddenly shrank back down to his normal form, seemingly unfazed by everything that had happened to him moments ago.

Shinji [a brighter expression on his face]: "Okay!"

Misato and Ritsuko, both still wide-eyed with their mouths agape, stared at the father-son interaction in front of them before briefly trading glances with one another. Ritsuko then proceeded to faint, her falling form caught by Misato. Misato, looking our way, rolled her eyes.

Misato [shaking her head resignedly]: "They don't pay me enough for this..."

Freakazoid then appeared over the shot, a conductor's baton in his right hand.

Freakazoid: "All together now!"

He then proceeded to conduct the off-screen vocal group as they sang the following:

Now all of NERV knows, how anytime soon,

that shrimpy, wimpy Shinji, goes-

[The sound of a blast is briefly heard.]

KA-BOOM!