Summary:

When Blaine buys Kurt and Sebastian's daughter a perfect present for her birthday that Kurt hates, Sebastian rests assured in the fact that at least he didn't do it.

Notes:

This is a little peek into the way future :) Rated T for language.

"Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!" Elizabeth chirps, giggling when the puffy pink soakers stuck to the blades of her skates - complete with piggie head and wiggly, spiral tail - bark out their rendition of her giddy oink. Except the sound coming from the soakers isn't as adorable as Elizabeth's.

It's downright disturbing.

Kurt winces as Elizabeth hops on both feet, making the pigs squeal louder, while Sebastian, amused as shit for his own nefarious reasons, snorts.

"You have to admit, they're exactly what she wanted," Sebastian says, unable to hide the humor shadowing his words. "Yes, sir. She is one happy eight-year-old."

"He could have gotten her bears," Kurt grumbles between clenched teeth so their daughter won't overhear. "Or bunnies."

"He could have," Sebastian agrees with a nod.

"Or unicorns! They make unicorns! She loves unicorns."

"She does."

"They have puppies … kittens ..."

"True. But the puppies and kittens would have made noise, too."

"Yes, but the puppies and kittens sound somewhat normal, remember?"

"I remember."

"We heard all of them at that trade show in Vegas. They aren't bad at all. Not like these."

"You're right. These are pretty bad," Sebastian agrees, barely able to hold back a laugh. He can't help himself. It would be one thing if Elizabeth hated her birthday present, but she loves it. Blaine had to overnight them since he's stuck on tour and couldn't stop by, give them to the birthday girl himself. But from the looks of things, the soakers more than make up for that. Elizabeth made Kurt put her skates on right away so she could use the soakers properly. One thing Blaine isn't guilty of is disappointing his Goddaughter.

Just aggravating the hell out of Kurt.

Which leads to the best part about this whole mess.

Sebastian isn't responsible.

Blaine is.

Kurt has never been fond of these animal soakers for skate blades. Considering the blade slides into the animal's back, they look as if the poor beast has been skewered through the spine. And as if that isn't bad enough, this year, the makers of the soakers decided it would be a good idea to have them make noise! Every animal in this new line of soakers has a sound. Even the unicorns whinny. The majority of them sound cute and cartoony, but the pigs, in particular, sound like they're dying, groaning their last, painful death rattles with every step Elizabeth takes.

And Kurt can't stand it.

"This is horrible," Kurt groans, forcing a smile on his face when Elizabeth looks their way and waves. "How long do you think those sound boxes last?"

"I have no idea. But the way she's jumping on them, a day. Maybe two, if we're lucky."

"You'd better hope. Then we can replace them with something else." Kurt shakes his head, thinking about how disappointed Elizabeth would be if her little piggies up and died on her. But he'll sweep in with the best pair of soakers he can buy. Pegacorns. Dragons, if he can find them.

Plus a pony.

"I'm blaming you for this, you know."

Sebastian jerks away from his husband. "I beg to differ! You can't blame me for this! This was all Blaine's fault! Golden Boy finally screwed the pooch for once!"

Kurt crosses his arms over his chest and glares at Sebastian. "Weren't you the one he called to ask if Lizzie would like a pair of these soakers?"

"I was."

"And didn't he ask you if the piggies were okay?"

"He did."

"And did you give him any advice to the contrary? Or did you trust him to make this decision on his own?"

"I gave him no advice whatsoever!" Sebastian declares with pride. "I let him hang himself with his own boot strings-!" Sebastian's boasting skids to a halt when what he's admitting to finally hits him. He didn't buy the soakers, and he didn't pick them out. But he didn't stop Blaine from getting these tragic ones, either. Sebastian knew exactly which soakers Blaine was planning on buying the whole time - a decision made mainly because Lizzie adores the color pink. When Sebastian heard, he secretly giggled. He knew how much Lizzie would love those soakers.

But he knew how much Kurt was going to loathe them.

For the first time during their relationship, Blaine would be the bad guy. Not for any huge reason. Just reason enough to earn him a few sour looks the next time they get together.

But Sebastian knowing ahead-of-time made him an accessory. Because knowing meant he could have stopped it. In Kurt's eyes, that makes Sebastian equally responsible. More so since Elizabeth is his daughter … and Kurt is his husband.

He had the chance to stop this. He chose, instead, to let it happen.

Sebastian's jaw drops. His face goes pale.

Welp. There goes their nine o'clock.

"Shit!"