Author's note: My writing has kinda slowed down recently so I am gonna have to cut back to just Tues and Fri for now I'm sorry. Hopefully I can get back to a really good backlog of chapters soon! Also, brief gore mentioned in this chapter, during and after Remus's nightmare. In addition, if anyone needs the link to the discord it is in my profile! :)

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Remus had low grade nightmares all night, none bad enough to get him screaming or making too much noise. At one point, he did hear Sirius whisper his name, obviously sleepy and unsure, and Remus lay in silence until he heard Sirius mutter something about hearing things and going back to sleep.

When early morning hit, Remus hadn't gotten much sleep but he didn't feel like trying anymore. So, he got dressed and went down for a quick breakfast before going to the library. Farrow eyed him when he came in, and Remus gave him a small smile. Farrow scowled and went back to what he was doing.

Remus spread his stuff out on one of the tables, getting a quill ready to work. Instead of working on homework, he was trying to figure out a spell for the prank. He went through a multitude of books trying to find anything similar, scribbling down notes. He found a few similar ones however, none that would really work. Finally, he pushed the books aside and began writing down possible word combinations. He wrote some Latin-based words since those usually worked great for spells, but also put down some French and Welsh. Welsh seemed to work especially well for Remus, it was the language he used for the couple of original spells he had come up with already. The biggest problem, of course, was finding the right combination and twists.

"Whatcha working on?"

Remus jumped a little, having been so far off in his thoughts he hadn't heard Lily approach. "Coming up with a spell," he answered honestly.

Lily slid into the seat across from him, looking rather impressed. "Your own spell?"

"I—er, yeah, I've done it before," he mumbled.

"I didn't know that." She ran her finger along the tabletop, eyes on the parchment in front of him. "Sev told me it was next to impossible to make original spells."

Remus tried not to snort, a few choice words rising to his tongue which he quickly forced back down; hearing Snape's name was not on his list of things he wanted for the day. "It is very difficult, but not impossible. Or near impossible."

Lily picked up his parchment. "What the bloody hell is... byerlymasit?"

"Byrlymasit," Remus said and Lily crinkled her nose. "It means... bubble."

"Isn't there loads of bubble spells? What is... gallon?"

Remus took the parchment back, smiling a little. "Galon. I shan't tell you, otherwise it would give away too much."

Lily stuck her tongue out. "I could go look it up myself, you know."

He sighed. "It means heart."

"Bubble heart?"

"S... something like that," he mumbled, straightening out his pile of notes, smudging ink everywhere.

Lily folded her arms on the table, leaning forward. "Does this have anything to do with the fact Valentine's day is in two weeks?" she asked with a smirk.

"What?" He forced a laugh out, hand fluttering to his chest, tugging at the collar of his jumper. "Of course not! Why—why would you even think that?"

"Hearts?" she giggled, then shook her head. "Okay, Marauder, I shan't push you about your secrets." She studied the parchment again. "What's arnawoof? And... dell-wed?"

Her complete and utter destruction of the word practically hurt, and he knew he actually flinched though he tried not to. "Arnawf, and delwedd."

"That sounds nothing like what is written," she accused.

Remus grinned. "Ac a yw'r Saesneg bob amser yn swnio sut olwg sydd arni?"

Lily gaped at him, eyes wide, jaw dropped. "What?! Wait, can—can you really speak Welsh?"

Now it was his turn to stare at her in disbelief. "Lily, I—I am Welsh."

"You are?"

"Yes!"

"Oh." She began to grow brilliantly pink. "I just thought you lived there. You know, like being here doesn't make us Scottish."

He didn't want to hurt her feelings although a few snickers did escape while trying not to laugh. "I'm three-quarters Welsh, one-quarter French."

She slapped her hand down on the table, giving him a look. "You're part French?!"

"My paternal grandmother, yes," he replied. "However, I really don't have much... connection to my French heritage outside being able to speak and read it, or even much knowledge about it." He wondered, if he had never been bitten, if he would have more of a connection. If his grandmother would have taken him to France, and taught him about his ancestry. "I consider myself Welsh, through and through."

Lily put her head in her hands. "Wow, Remy, I—I never knew that. I feel dumb now."

"No! Don't feel dumb, I've never... really talked about it..."

He wondered how much the Marauders know about his history. He rarely talked about himself... or, tried not to; it felt kinda weird to be saying all this to Lily. He could practically hear his parents urging him to keep everything to himself, and he sorta regretted admitting as much as he did.

She peeped up through her fingers, eye shining with curiosity. "Could you say something in French?"

Remus bit his bottom lip. "Quelque chose."

Lily dropped her hands, narrowing her eyes. "I don't speak French but I think I know what you said and if you did, I hate you."

Remus covered his mouth now to suppress the laughter. "Sorry! Je pense que t'es une amie merveilleuse."

"That is amazing," she said. "French is such a beautiful language."

He shrugged one shoulder. "Y mae, ond mae'n well gen i Gymraeg."

She slowly shook her head. "That is... wow. You know Latin pretty well too, don't you?"

Remus nodded, dipping the quill back into his ink. "Not... in the same manner as Welsh or French. I can read it, and write of course."

"That is incredible. You're so talented."

He blushed and ducked his head, writing down random words because he couldn't really concentrate. He didn't want to admit that he hadn't had any friends or people in his life growing up, so he had a lot of time to learn.

"It's a good thing you're awful at Potions," she said and he glanced up at her through his fringe. "You have to be bad at something to balance all the rest out!"

"I'm not too good at talking to people either," he mumbled, not sure if that counted. He was also a werewolf, which was definitely bad enough to cancel out pretty much everything.

She shrugged and picked up one of the books he had been looking through. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

She focused hard on the book, obviously avoiding his gaze. "About what we, er, discussed last week."

He felt the heat rushing to his face, knowing perfectly well what she meant without any further indication. "Th—that."

She began to go pink again. "I only wanted to say, if you don't want to—"

"No. I mean, I—I still do." He drew a squiggly line across the page followed by a few swoops. "Perhaps if we—we settle on a time I can... I'd do better. Instead of suddenly it—it happening."

"All right," she agreed. "Tomorrow?"

He dropped his quill. "Ah—errr—that's—oh, to—tomorrow?"

She gave him an apologetic smile. "Okay, not tomorrow. How about Tuesday?"

"Your birthday?" he asked, and she nodded. "Ah. Um." That was only a couple days away but it was better than tomorrow. "Y—yes, that'll be—be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh, yeah."

"If you change your mind—"

"It's fine," he promised, feeling sweat trickling along his palms and under his arms. His feet began twitching as he fought off the urge to run again. "Tuesday. Um. In the day or...? I have the—the checkup after supper, but after that is—if that's good for you?" It felt weird discussing a plan to kiss like this. Like they were planning to get together to revise some lessons or something. Taking away the embarrassment in his voice, it all seemed so... matter as fact. She didn't seem too bothered, so he tried not to be.

"Day is fine, unless you'd prefer evening," she replied.

Remus gulped, imagining going to Occlumency with that memory on his brain. Would it be better or worse than going into Occlumency with the anticipation of it being about to happen? "Whichever is bet—better for you," he said.

"All right. Afternoon, then." She had a shy smile on her face, and began toying with some of her hair. "I know it's nothing... but it's still a bit awkward to think about, isn't it?"

"Very," he sighed out, relieved she felt a little similarly to him.

She jumped to her feet. "Okay! I'll see you later!" And she suddenly rushed away.

He watched her go, and then turned back to his own work, definitely unable to focus now. He tapped his quill for a minute or two then put everything away, wanting to find the Marauders to hopefully do something to provide an ample distraction. Besides, he needed to try some of the spells on a willing test subject.

/\/\/\/\/\

Three pieces of paper stuck out from Remus's fist. James, Sirius, and Peter all stared at them until Sirius reached out, plucking one with confidence. James snatched one and Peter yelped, quickly taking the last one with a whimper. James did a countdown and they each opened their hand. The end of James's was marked with a black dot. He swore, and threw the scrap to the side with a disgusted sound.

"Right," he said, shoving his glasses back up. "Let's get this over with. If I end up in the hospital wing..."

"It's for the Valentine prank," Sirius reminded him, happily sitting back with a big grin on his face. "It's worth it!"

"Yeah, yeah."

Remus cleared his throat, and began testing out the various spells he had cobbled together. He had no idea if any of them would even work, and ten minutes later when he finished through the list the answer was a big fat zero. He sighed, crossing off each idea.

"So, we can't do it?" Peter asked.

"I'll keep trying," Remus said, sitting cross-legged on the floor to jam together various sections of words. He focused only on Welsh now, figuring that would work the best for him. The others played cards while Remus worked. He mumbled a few of the spells, doing random flourishes with his wand. Wand movement was important too. It could be any combination, and take ages before it worked... but it was a simple spell. Or... perhaps he was going about it the wrong way? He had been focusing on making it an illusionary spell.

"WAIT!" he shouted, and Peter dropped his cards. "S—sorry, had a thought."

He got on his knees, bending over the parchment, hands on the floor on either side as he stared at the words. What if it wasn't an illusion? What if it was conjuration? He quickly conjured some bubbles and they floated around, some of them popping, some of them staying. He licked his lips, sitting back on his heels. Okay. What if he made them heart shaped?

He began fiddling with the spell, tweaking the words, adjusting things. Using the wand movement for conjuring bubbles. Latin and Welsh jammed together until he managed to form a heart-shaped bubble. The other Marauders cheered as the bubble floated for ten or fifteen seconds before popping.

"It's a step in the right direction!" Remus said cheerfully, wiping the sweat from his brow. He considered pulling his jumper off but the shirt he wore underneath was short-sleeved and the others would be able to see part of his scar. That wasn't going to happen. He wiped more sweat off, and began poking at the spell to make it more sustainable. He had a lot of work to do. He needed it to stay without popping—or being popped—for a long time. The longer the better. Then it needed to be attached to people. And hopefully be pink, or pink-tinted.

"Ugh!" he moaned after half an hour, falling onto his back and clutching his aching head. He was soaked in sweat and his head pounded so hard. "This is infuriating!"

"Hey, you should take a break," Sirius said.

"I'm fine," he said, draping an arm across his eyes. "I'll rest a moment." He counted to ten slowly in his head before sitting back up, returning to the work.

"We have two weeks," Peter said with a frown.

Remus chewed at his fingernails. It was easier to do this than it was to allow Snape's words from the day before to get him, or to think about the fact in a couple days he would be kissing Lily on the lips. "Yes, and we need to practice it in order to get it connected to the—the activation spell. Sirius, have you talked to Kim yet?"

"Not yet, I figured I'd do that tomorrow after practice," he answered.

Another half an hour of work and Remus managed to get a pinkish bubble that stayed floating around until he poked at it. Still poppable. That wouldn't do. Groaning in annoyance, he went back to work, head throbbing by this point. He stared at the blurry words, attempted another spell, and then his vision went extremely wonky. He swayed, and everything went black.

/\/\/\/\/\

When Remus came to, he was shocked to find he was in his bed and not the empty classroom they had been using. He sat up, hand flying to his forehead as he glanced around at the closed curtains. There was a large piece of parchment stuck to one of the curtains and he reached out, yanking it down. He immediately scowled.

Remy, stay in bed you big oaf. you over worked yourself and NEED. TO. REST. or else. you passed out. I got you back to the dorms without anyone seeing (used secret corridors to get you to the 7th floor then j got his cloak to get you through the common room. that was fun haha) anyway, please rest ok? - SB. PS: Stop scowling.

He crumpled the note up and got out of bed, finding the dorm empty. There was another note stuck to the door.

I SWEAR TO MERLIN REMY GET BACK IN BED RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!

He rolled his eyes and threw that note away too, starting to leave the dorm until he noticed he didn't have shoes on. He returned to his bed, sticking his feet into some trainers. Then he left, hurrying down the stairs—or hurrying as much as he could, one hand on a railing to keep himself balanced.

"REMUS—LUPIN!"

He froze at the foot of the stairs, looking guiltily up at the other Marauders. "Er—"

Sirius scrambled to his feet, running over. "Go. Go!" He grabbed Remus and turned him around, pushing him back up the stairs.

"What? No, I'm fine—"

The other Marauders followed, and James gave a tsking sound. "I don't get a flying jarvey if you are or not. You know, we almost took you to the hospital wing."

"I don't need—"

"I know, that's why we decided to bring you here," Sirius said. They arrived at their dorm door and Sirius pushed him through.

He stumbled a bit, trying to hide how aggravated he felt. "How long was I asleep?"

"You mean, how long has it been since you overworked yourself and fell unconscious?" Sirius asked flatly. Remus glared at him. "Forty minutes."

Remus pushed his hair back, scanning the room and seeing his bag on his desk. He went over, rummaging through his satchel. Peter let out an annoyed groan. "You need to rest!"

"I'm healed up now, I'm all right," he promised, pulling out his notes. "I'm fine!" he said again, looking up at Sirius who was far too tall, standing over Remus with folded arms. "I'll work in bed. Will that be acceptable?"

"No! And if you don't follow orders, if it happens again we will take you to Pomfrey. Got it?"

Remus looked up into his silver eyes which were flashing with anger. He meant it. "Okay," he replied meekly.

"Okay," Sirius said, relaxing. He tousled Remus's hair. "Stop pushing yourself so much."

"Yeah, I—I'll take a nap or something."

"Good."

Remus took his shoes off and climbed into bed, curling up until the Marauders left. Remus listened, hearing them waiting outside the door. Less than a minute later the door opened and Sirius peered in. Satisfied Remus was actually resting, they finally left, footsteps retreating. Once he couldn't hear any of them anymore, Remus got his homework and shut his curtains, ignoring the stabbing pain behind his eyes as he rewrote an essay due Monday.

/\/\/\/\/\

The rest of Saturday was spent doing anything and everything to stop himself from being alone with his thoughts. Anytime he slowed down he'd think about Tuesday and start panicking. It probably wasn't normal to be this panicky over a kiss. Sirius probably hadn't been panicky when he kissed Inkwood. Had they planned it? Had Sirius thought of it before? Or was it a spur of the moment, Happy New Year thing?

That night brought another nightmare. It was late, since the Marauders had stayed up and Remus hadn't gotten to sleep until well after three. Shortly after he drifted off he dreamed of sitting with Lily somewhere—

They were outside, in a pavilion sort of thing and it was spring; she was in a white dress with white flowers in her hair and looking beautiful. They held hands and then she turned to him. I'm glad we're doing this, she said. Me too, he replied. Then they bent in and kissed on the lips. Almost immediately fur began spreading across Remus, starting from his mouth. They yanked apart and Lily stared in horror as his body began twisting, morphing into the wolf in full daylight. She screamed, but the pavilion was suddenly closed with no exit. She pounded on the walls as Remus finished changing. It didn't take as long as it normally did... actually, it hardly even took a minute at all. Lily whirled around. No, Remus, please! she begged, sobbing. Remus crept forward, snarling, drool dripping onto the floor. Lily curled up, sobbing. NO! PLEASE! Remus let out a snarl and pounced, teeth digging into her ribs. Blood spread across her white dress and began splattering on the wall as he started shaking her violently. He let go, and her body flew across the room. They weren't in a pavilion at all, they were in the Hogsmeade house. She lay still as Remus ran over, bending in to her face like he was going to kiss her. Instead he opened his jaws, and bit down on her face

"NO!"

Remus jerked awake with a scream.

"NO! I DON'T—I DIDN'T—PLEASE—"

His hands were on his face, clawing at his mouth desperately to get Lily's face out. Her blood still flooded his mouth, her skin caught between his teeth. He could hear her sobbing. Could see the light leaving her eyes. Could feel her skull buckling under the strength of his jaws—

He jumped out of bed, banging into Sirius who made a confused, concerned noise. Remus barely heard it as he bolted from the dorm to go across the hall into the bathroom where he threw up. He expected there to be blood, and was a little confused when he knelt panting over the commode to see only bile. He gave a few gasps and then sank back, shaky hand covering his mouth.

Sirius was in the bathroom, bringing a cold, damp cloth with him into the stall. He silently handed it over. Remus took it, unfolding it to press against his face. He didn't want to deal with Sirius, couldn't do it anymore. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to tell Sirius again to just put the dumb spells on his curtains, to stop. However he knew if he tried, Sirius would protest and promise it was fine, that he didn't mind. Remus wouldn't be able to convince him. The other boy was too stubborn.

He looked at the washcloth, folding and unfolding it. It was white. Like Lily's dress. He trailed a finger across the fabric, imagining a streak of red. I'm not some kind of horrific reverse-fairy-tale prince. She's not going to kiss me and turn me into a wolf. It doesn't work that way. He began wringing the cloth, water dripping out onto his pajama leg. The grey flannel darkened a bit, and he could feel the coolness on his leg underneath.

"You want to talk about it?" Sirius finally asked, breaking the silence. Remus shook his head, closing his eyes even though that brought back the image of Lily's rag doll body flying through the air. "You... want me to talk? Or sit in silence?"

"Talk," he whispered, squeezing the cloth again.

"All right." Sirius raked his fingers through his hair, letting out a quick breath of air as he thought. "I can't believe January is almost over. I'm really excited for Valentine's. If we can pull this off it's going to be hilarious. I can see the hearts everywhere. Course, I don't want you pushing yourself so much, if you can't get it done that's fine. We can figure something else out. Maybe we can find a potion that'll turn everyone's hair pink and sneak it into breakfast."

"I wonder if they're doing a Valentine's dessert again," Remus murmured.

Sirius snickered. "That was brilliant." He put his hands to his head and raised them up, miming the tall, sticky-up hair. Remus managed a smile. "If they do, we could do the pink hair thing then."

"If they do, are you going?" Remus asked before he could stop himself.

"Eh?"

"With—with Inkwood."

"Oh." Sirius was suddenly interested in picking lint off his pajama trousers. "Dunno, hadn't thought of that. Maybe. Even if we do, and you guys wanna prank the dessert, that'd be fine." Remus looked down, avoiding Sirius's grin. "You could go to it too, you know. With Evans."

Remus wanted to say, yet again, they weren't like that but hearing her name brought the entire nightmare back when it had started fading. He twisted away, resting his head against the wall, wondering how clean the bathroom really was. Sitting on the floor like this was probably not the best idea, even though he was sure the house-elves kept things super clean. Perhaps he should at least change pajamas.

"Can I ask you something?" Remus asked, staring at the wall. He sensed Sirius nodding so he went on with, "Why do you—and the others—keep thinking Lily and I are... are... like that."

"You're so close..."

Remus wanted to reply that so were they, but it was a thought that sent a deep ache through his body along with a shiver of longing. He clamped his mouth shut, clenching his teeth as he tried to get rid of those thoughts. He shifted his weight, moving his legs farther from Sirius's legs.

"Boys and girls can be friends," Remus finally said, twisting the hem of his pajama top. "I feel like I need to make that a sign and enchant it to follow me everywhere."

"Or tattoo it across your forehead," Sirius teased.

"Then I'd have to get rid of my fringe and I like it too much."

"I don't," Sirius said and Remus started. "Er—I mean, they're not bad or anything just... you always use them to cover your eyes."

He reached up, messing with his fringe. "So?"

"You have interesting eyes. You shouldn't hide them." Remus didn't say anything as a response however he ducked his head in a manner so his fringe flopped across his eyes. Sirius snorted, and nudged his leg with his foot. "Twat. Why do you hide your eyes so much?"

Remus bit his lip, twisting his fingers into the hem even more. Because the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I've got the soul of a wolf? Because most people don't have this eye color and it is unusual and I can't be even more unusual than I already am? Because I don't want people to see my emotions? Because it's easier to hide than to face anything?

Instead he gave a half-smile. "So I don't have to look at you."

"Double twat."

"You asked," he replied. Sirius snorted. He started to say something, but Remus quickly interrupted, not really wanting this conversation to continue. He also didn't want to think about what interesting eyes might mean, or how they went from Sirius taking Inkwood on a Valentine's date to the subject of his eyes. "I'm—I'm feeling better."

"Oh...!"

Rems got up, brushing his hands off. "Thank you."

Sirius got up too, smiling. "Anytime. I mean it."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm very aware you do mean it, despite me telling you that you don't need to do this."

Sirius poked Remus's shoulder and waited while Remus washed his face off, and rinsed his mouth out. They returned to the dorm and whispered goodnights, although Remus didn't go directly to bed; instead he changed into clean pajamas before finally getting back under the covers. He tossed and turned a bit until finally drifting back to sleep, clutching Gwyllgi.