Sheridan settled into a plush armchair and crossed one leg over the other. Glancing over at Dr. Williams, she fidgeted in her seat and folded her hands together in front of her stomach.
"Are you comfortable, Sheridan?" Dr. Williams asked. "Would you prefer to move over to the couch?"
"I'm fine. I'm sorry." Sheridan bit down on her lip. "I've just had some bad experiences with therapy before, and I'm a little bit nervous."
Dr. Williams gave her a warm smile. "I understand. As you know, with your permission, Dr. Russell told me a little bit about your background when she recommended that you see me. We don't have to do or talk about anything you're uncomfortable with—I want you to feel comfortable with me."
"Thank you—I appreciate that," Sheridan said, giving her a small smile. "But I have to do this, no matter how uncomfortable it gets for me. I have to face my past and deal with it. I have a daughter on the way." Sheridan glanced down and caressed her belly, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. "I've just been feeling so worthless lately, and I don't want to pass that on to her."
"You're already taking a very brave first step, Sheridan," Dr. Williams said softly. "I only know bits and pieces about your relationship with your father, but I'm sure it's hard for you to talk about him."
"He tried to kill me!" Sheridan burst out, collapsing into tears. "I'm his daughter, yet I mean so little to him that he'd rather see me dead than married to Luis!"
"It's okay, Sheridan. Get it all out." Dr. Williams leaned forward and handed her a box of tissues. "What your father did to you was atrocious, and you have every right to grieve."
"Is it ever going to be okay?" Sheridan whispered. "Am I ever going to feel like a whole person? Will I even be able to recognize that if it happens? I've spent so much of my life being told that I'm not good enough, that I'm not really even completely sure of who I am."
"That's part of the work we're going to do here, Sheridan, if you decide you want to keep seeing me." Dr. Williams closed the file she had open on her lap and smiled softly at Sheridan. "We're going to work toward helping you figure out who you are—independent of anyone else's opinion."
"Luis, buddy, thanks for meeting up with me." Hank slid into a chair and pulled it up to the table.
"No problem, Hank." Luis took a sip of his coffee and glanced around The Book Café. "What's with all the secrecy, though? Why couldn't you talk to me at the station?"
"There isn't any big secret," Hank said. "I've just had it up to here with my brother, and I wanted to just talk to you."
Hank hung his head and folded his hands together in front of his face. "I don't know if Sam told you, but, a few months ago, I asked him to consider letting me join the Harmony PD—and he turned me down flat."
Luis put down his coffee. "No, I didn't know. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure Sam had his reasons, but that must have hurt you, Hank."
Hank shook his head. "It's fine. I'm fine." Hank leaned forward on his elbows. "I just want to make a new start, Luis. To be a better man. I just feel like when I tried to do that back in June, I just got my hands slapped."
Luis cocked a smile. "This 'wanting to be a better man' thing—could that have anything to do with Gwen?"
"Yes . . . no . . . okay, maybe it does." Hank checked the space behind him and then turned back to Luis and grinned. "I can't help it, Luis. I'm crazy about her, man."
Luis laughed and took a sip of his coffee. "I can see that."
"Oh, get off it—stop your teasing." Hank blushed. "I seem to remember that you were just as nervous about doing things right when you started dating Sheridan. Remember the whole 'Lobster Shack on the first date' thing? Sheridan definitely had you wrapped around her finger right from the very start."
"Okay, you've got me there," Luis admitted, placing his cup down on the table. "But, Hank, I'm still not sure where I fit into this plan of yours. What can I do to help?"
Hank glanced down at the table and then back up at Luis. "Actually, I was hoping to start working at the youth center again . . . to help out with the kids."
Luis chuckled and shook his head. "That might actually work out perfectly, Hank."
"It would?" Hank raised one brow. "Then why are you laughing, Luis?"
"I'm not laughing at you, Hank. I promise. I'm just so relieved that you want to do this." Luis ran one hand through his hair. "Sheridan wants to work there, too, but I'm nervous about her being by herself."
Luis picked up a sugar packet and tapped it against the table. "She's been through so much lately, Hank. I'm just worried that working with some of the kids will trigger old memories that may be hard for her to handle."
Hank ran his finger around the edge of his mug. "I get that, man. I do."
"It would make me feel a lot better if you were there with her, Hank," Luis said. "I know why she wants to do this, but I'm afraid it will be hard for her."
"Did you tell Sheridan that?" Hank asked, a smile teasing his lips. "Knowing her, I'm guessing that conversation didn't go well. She probably thought you were trying to control her."
"Well, she wasn't on board with my reservations—that's for sure," Luis admitted. "But, Hank, I'm just worried about her."
"And she didn't go for your strong-armed tactics?" Hank grinned.
Luis paused for a moment and then sighed. "No, Hank, she didn't."
Hank shook his head and then slapped his friend on the arm. "Don't worry, Luis. I'd be happy to look out for her. Just don't come crawling to me when she finds out about your little plan and rips into you for it."
"Hank, I'm not trying to do anything but protect her," Luis protested.
"And you think she'll see it that way?" Hank raised his brows. "Man, I've thought I've done some stupid things when it came to the ladies, but even I am not this stupid."
"What am I supposed to do, Hank?" Luis threw his hands up in the air. "Do you remember when I was her bodyguard? Whenever I asked her to do something to protect her own life, she usually did the opposite!"
Hank considered this. "You do have a point there."
"I do," Luis insisted, gulping down the rest of his coffee. "I'm just trying to protect her because I love her, Hank."
Hank's face softened. "I know that, Luis."
"You've lived through a lot, Sheridan," Dr. Williams commented as Sheridan wiped her eyes. "And yet somehow you've not only gotten through it, but you also have managed to remain quite a loving human being—that says a lot about the person you are."
"That's what Pilar and Luis keep telling me." Sheridan fingered her wedding band.
"Your mother-in-law and your husband seem to love you a lot."
"Yes, they do." Sheridan rested her hand on the table next to her, her lips managing a small, but short-lived, smile.
Sheridan hung her head. "Sometimes, I'm not sure why."
Dr. Williams put down her pen and focused her gaze on Sheridan.
Sheridan looked up at her and then averted her eyes to the floor.
Dr. Williams waited.
"I . . . I don't know what you want me to say," Sheridan stammered.
"You don't have to say anything," Dr. Williams said gently. "Just notice how you feel."
"I feel anxious . . . nervous . . . like I don't deserve it." Sheridan wrung her hands. "Like one day they are going to wake up and realize that I'm not worth it."
"Why would you think you aren't worth it, Sheridan?" Dr. Williams settled back into her chair.
"Because Luis's father is in a wheelchair because of me," Sheridan blurted out, rocking herself back and forth. "My father told Luis's father not to save me, and he was right—I wasn't worth the trouble."
Dr. Williams handed Sheridan another tissue.
"My father told Luis's father that I was just a needy little fool, always yearning to be loved. He said that I wasn't worth it, and I know that he was right."
Dr. Williams frowned. "What makes you think your father was right, Sheridan?"
"Because other men have used me," Sheridan cried softly, "just like my father said they would. They only wanted me for my money, not for the person I am. If I were really someone worth having in their lives, wouldn't they have seen it?"
"And do you think that's why Luis is with you, Sheridan?" Dr. Williams asked. "Because he wants you for your money?"
"No, absolutely not," Sheridan replied, rubbing her wedding ring. "Every time Luis looks at me, he makes me feel cherished and completely loved."
"Why do you think that is, Sheridan?"
"I don't know." Sheridan shrugged.
"Come on—there has to be something." Dr. Williams smiled.
Sheridan fiddled with the edge of her sweater. "Luis and I had a very rocky start. We were always butting heads." Sheridan looked up. "Still, at times, our bickering was enjoyable . . . like when we were challenging each other."
"Challenging each other? In what way?" Dr. Williams opened the folder on her lap and picked up her pen.
"Everything became a contest between us—dancing the tango, playing basketball—basically, one-upping each other whenever we could." Sheridan smiled softly and shook her head. "Still, even when we were fighting, I could see he had a heart of gold. After I started working alongside him at the youth center, I saw a whole new side to him."
"And when did his attitude change toward you?"
"Maybe after we went to New Mexico . . . after I first helped him look for his father."
"You helped a man you could barely say two civil words to look for his long-lost father?" Dr. Williams asked, sitting up in her chair.
"My motivations weren't completely selfless," Sheridan blurted out. "I needed to find Luis's father at that time, too." Sheridan twisted her fingers together. "For personal reasons . . . it's complicated. I'm not ready to get into that now."
Dr. Williams nodded. "From what I gather, you didn't find Luis's father during that particular trip."
"No," Sheridan said. "The man we found was an imposter, although we didn't know that at the time."
"An imposter?" Dr. Williams raised her brows.
"Yes, hired by my father and brother." Sheridan looked back up at Dr. Williams. "Luis was devastated when he found that out. But before we even knew the truth—before I had the opportunity to comfort him—he had already softened toward me." Sheridan reached into her purse and pulled out her silver compact. "After we got back from New Mexico, he gave this to me. He said it was to replace the one he broke, but I could tell it meant more than that." Sheridan smiled softly. "Luis went out of his way to find one that was similar to mine, and I know it wasn't cheap. For him to spend that kind of time on me and sacrifice part of the money he depended upon to support his family . . . well, I knew it meant something big."
"And why do you think Luis did that, Sheridan?"
"I don't know." Sheridan frowned. "Maybe because I gave him the support he didn't realize he needed. He spends so much time being there for everyone else, that he sometimes neglects taking care of himself."
"So, let me get this straight." Dr. Williams leaned forward. "Despite going through your own issues at the time, you still managed to be a real friend to a man you initially hated? You were able to put all of that aside and be the friend he needed?"
"Yes, I guess you could say that." Sheridan glanced down at the chair.
"I could definitely say that." Dr. Williams smiled at Sheridan. "Not everyone can step outside their own pain to truly focus on another person—it's quite extraordinary actually."
"I . . . I guess so." Sheridan squirmed in her seat.
Dr. Williams crossed her legs and rubbed her chin. "Let me ask you a question, Sheridan. If you were talking to yourself as a little girl and she told you this same story, what would your reaction be? What would you say to her?"
Sheridan looked up at Dr. Williams. "That she was a really good friend? That Luis was lucky to have her?"
Dr. Williams smiled. "And why would that differ if you were having the same conversation with your adult self?"
"I . . . I don't know." Sheridan bit down on her lip. Her eyes fell to the floor.
"You obviously have compassion for that little girl, Sheridan," Dr. Williams observed. "You clearly feel she deserves love."
Sheridan cupped her belly; tears welled in her eyes. "Of course she deserves love. She's just a little girl."
"Tell me some more about her, Sheridan," Dr. Williams said. "About why she is worthy of love."
Sheridan shifted in her seat. "I can't do this. I know what you're trying to get me to do, but I'm just not ready for it."
Dr. Williams tilted her head. "What am I trying to get you to do?"
"To understand why that little girl is worthy of love," Sheridan whispered. "To understand that she is me."
Dr. Williams smiled. "You're already halfway there, Sheridan—just by recognizing that fact."
"But how do I get to the other part?" Sheridan's voice trembled. "How do I love myself?"
Dr. Williams put down her clipboard and locked her eyes on Sheridan's. "That's what I'm going to teach you, Sheridan: how to parent and love yourself."
