Author's note: First of all I completely forgot to shout out my friend in the last chapter! Thank you Angel for helping me with the French! Angel posts on AO3 with the handle NoStringsOnMe. Also a reminder that I do use google translate for the Welsh so I really apologize for that. Second of all, internalized homophobia in this chapter.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Remus was glad he didn't need to worry about seeing Lily first thing in the morning. He thought if he did he'd freak out. Instead, the Marauders snatched some toast and bacon, hurrying out to the pitch for the Gryffindor practice. Sirius, Peter, and Remus settled into their usual seats while the players flew around. Remus munched on bacon, watching James doing loops and flips. He really did look incredible on a broom. He was a complete natural.

Once Bell blew the final whistle, the Marauders hurried down, waiting until the Gryffindor broke up. Sirius ran over to Kim before she could walk off. He pulled her aside, and the other three boys went over while Sirius explained the prank to her. Kim stood listening with her broom across her shoulders, arms wrapped around them, twisting and stretching while he spoke.

"Activation spell?" she asked when he was done. "You mean, the Trigger spell? No, sorry, I've never done it before."

"You haven't?" Sirius asked, looking disappointed.

Kim gave him a strange look. "Buddy, that's a fifth year spell. I'm not learning it till next year."

"Fifth year?" James squeaked out and all the Marauders looked at Remus who ducked his head, messing with his cuff.

"I t-t-told you it—it w-was advanced."

"But you still managed to do it. A—a fifth year spell," Peter said, and Remus shrugged.

"You've done it?" Kim asked, sounding impressed and a little awed which made him more embarrassed.

"His first year," Sirius boasted, puffing his chest out. "Nearly a year ago."

Kim studied Sirius, then Remus. A smile slowly spread on her face as she put the clue together. "Hah, knew you lot were behind it."

"Er, behind what?" James asked, messing his hair up.

"The Bat-Bogey thing."

"Wh—what makes you think we did that?" James scoffed, sounding vaguely panicked.

"Oh please!" she laughed, swinging her broom around to lightly swat James with the twigs. "The only reason nobody suspected you was because it was so advanced, but if Lupin can do the Trigger spell—that's how you did it, right? Triggered the doorway?"

Sirius flapped his hand. "My point is, we need to enchant the Great Hall doors, and were hoping you could put the spell on it."

"Nah. I mean, I'd love to, it sounds great, but even if I started practicing right now I wouldn't be able to get that far by Valentine's day," Kim said, sounding sad. "I'm sorry. I really hope you can figure something out."

The Marauders trooped back to the school, rather disappointed. They were back at square one, and the only real thing they could possibly do was a potion. But all of them wanted to do the heart bubbles. Especially Remus. He worked hard the day before and knew it'd be a couple more days before getting it smoothed out. Getting his new spell he invented smoothed out.

Couple days, Tuesday, Lily, he thought with a shudder. Then, Tuesday... "M—maybe I could see if Fawley could help us?" he asked after they went into the school, all of them glad to be out of the cold wind. "She can't come in to put the Trigger spell on the doorway but perhaps she could figure out a way regardless."

James smacked his back. "Good plan. We can't just abandon this idea, it's too fun."

"Would she be willing to help?" Pete asked.

"Probably. Possibly," he corrected himself. "She doesn't mind some of the pranks we do as long as they're harmless, and this is utterly harmless. I don't know if she'll be able to figure out a solution, but maybe."

/\/\/\/\/\

Remus hadn't been eating much lately and was very hungry at lunch. At least, to start. He only got a few bites down before Lily entered the Great Hall and suddenly Remus saw her in the bloodied white dress, and could practically feel her skull buckling in his jaws. He swallowed the bit of rice that had been in his mouth then pushed the plate away, the few bites sitting like heavy lumps in his stomach.

The afternoon was spent focusing on getting the heart bubble spell adjusted until it worked, but nothing seemed to. He knew he was on the cusp of figuring out the right combination... he managed to get pink heart-shaped bubbles attached to people however they were still easily popped. Perhaps it was due to his age? He wasn't able to conjure unpoppable regular bubbles, though he knew others could. With that thought, he stopped trying to tweak the spell and just started practicing it over and over until the room the Marauders were hanging out in was full of pink hearts floating everywhere. The other Marauders kept popping them whenever they got too close to the boys however most drifted lazily just out of reach, bumping into one another, occasionally popping on their own.

Then the others—well, James and Sirius—were bored of 'hanging around' and wanted to do 'something fun', so they left the classroom. Remus trudged along, sweaty and exhausted from all the practicing he had done. He swayed a bit, considering trying to take a nap but not wanting to deal with the possibility of another kissing-Lily nightmare.

"Why do people have to study in here?" James complained when they peered into the Great Hall. "I wanna do my plan."

"We can sneak out in the middle of the night and do it," suggested Sirius.

James nodded. "Yeah... but I wanted to see it tonight!"

"See what?" Peter asked, as whatever prank James was alluding to hadn't been shared with him or Remus, but Remus was too groggy to really care.

James flung an arm around him, yanking him in close. "Slipping potion on the Slytherin benches," he snickered.

"Excellent," Peter giggled.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon wandering around, James and Sirius shooting mild hexes and jinxes at various students. At one point they were running from a group of fifth years who were having a hard time chasing the Gryffindors due to the jelly leg jinxes James and Sirius placed on them. The Marauders ducked down a side corridor and ran right into Professor Prewett. Sirius—the fastest runner and in the front—went careening to the floor, knocking James over. Peter and Remus managed to stop before they got tangled up in the mess. Prewett somehow stared upright though he had to put a hand on the wall to keep himself balanced, as well as keep the cage he held in his other hand from knocking about. It was full of doxies and if that had fallen and broken open there'd be hell to pay!

"S—sorry!" James cried out from the floor.

Prewett frowned at the four boys and Remus felt a stab of wobbliness right in his chest, and his legs felt like he had been a victim of the jelly-legs jinx. Prewett was in extremely casual clothes and it made him look even younger than he normally did; he probably could have passed for a seventh year. He wore a dark green jumper that sported a black F on it and a pair of jeans. It just looked so nice that Remus couldn't stand to look at him another second.

Tuesday, he thought, stomach whirling around. Tuesday, and these dumb, false feelings will probably stop.

"You four look quite guilty," Prewett said once James and Sirius got to their feet.

James flashed his Potter grin. "We always look guilty, sir."

Prewett snorted. "No running in the halls, and please keep an eye out. You could have caused quite a bit of chaos..." He lifted the cage, showing off the doxies. "And not a good sort of chaos."

Some of the doxies gnashed their teeth at the boys. "Yes, sir," James and Sirius chorused.

Then James asked, "Where did you find them?"

Prewett cast a suspicious gaze on him. "I've cleared them out," he said firmly before giving them a nod and heading off. Thankfully not removing any points.

James turned, opening his mouth. Remus knew exactly what he intended to say, and held up a finger. "No."

"What? But—"

"Absolutely not. Doxies are venomous."

James sighed. "Fine. Spoilsport."

/\/\/\/\/\

The following morning the Slytherins were having an extremely difficult time staying seated at their table. They kept sliding off and bumping into each other. The only ones who managed to stay upright were the ones gripping the edge of the table so hard they were unable to eat. Finally, Slughorn waddled down to figure out the problem and informed the Slytherins someone had put a slipping potion over the entirety of the benches. Pretty much half the Slytherins looked at James and Sirius, who were innocently eating their breakfast.

"This will take some time to get cleaned up so, in the meantime, the houses will have to share," Slughorn added, and there were loud groans. Technically, you weren't limited to eating with only your house unless it was a big feast, however it was unusual for students to sit elsewhere. Now there was a lot of shuffling and complaining as the benches for all the other houses grew crowded. Some Slytherins even had to sit with the Gryffindors, though for the most part the Gryffindors abandoned a large portion at the end for them.

Aegis sat down next to Remus, not caring. "Did you do that?" he asked as he gathered food onto his plate. "Never mind, I am assuming you'll say no, regardless of whether you did do it or not."

"You know us so well," laughed James, and Aegis smiled.

At least where the Marauders sat there wasn't any trouble. Sirius was obviously slightly put off by the fact Aegis was there, but remained friendly enough. No arguments broke out during the meal. Really, the worst thing was when the post came there was quite a confused flurry as the Slytherin owls tried to figure out where their owners were. Other than that, nobody really seemed to care too much about the Slytherins sitting at other tables.

Except for a few Slytherins. As kids began leaving to head to class, Remus heard Lucius Malfoy complaining very loudly about what happened, and being forced to sit with Hufflepuffs. A Hufflepuff prefect reminded him he had three tables to choose from and he chose the badgers. Malfoy mumbled something Remus couldn't hear, but the Hufflepuff prefect removed a couple points from Slytherin so it couldn't have been very pleasant.

/\/\/\/\/\

As long as Remus didn't think about what was going to happen the next day, he managed to get through Monday fairly well. The few times it crept into his mind he began to panic and get frightened until he managed to banish it from his head again. He knew there was something very wrong with being this scared of kissing a girl, but at least now that he had had the nightmare he could pretend that was the only reason.

He managed to avoid Lily for the most part until Study Group, and he considered just not going at all. If he hadn't had missed the group on Friday he probably would have skipped it; as it was, he went, and sat nervously next to Lily trying not to think of blood or kissing. It was harder than he thought possible. He wound up barely paying any attention to what the others discussed, spending most his time doodling swirls on his parchment and trying not to jiggle his foot.

He kept picturing kissing Lily, and turning into a wolf. Which was ridiculous. The 30th was practically a new moon, complete opposite. Plus Fawley said it'd be safe. Course, he had only asked about spit and not—not whether or not a kiss would somehow activate his lycanthropic curse however if it was a possibility he assumed Fawley would have told him. Right?

"—mus? Remus!"

He jumped, blinking up at Lily. "Eh?"

"We're done," she laughed. "Come on."

"Ooh. Er, r-right."

He gathered his stuff and followed Lily through the castle, watching her braid bounce back and forth. What if he hurt her? What if the kiss made the wolf angry, and he tried to bite? What if he banged his mouth against hers too hard? What if went in for the kiss and banged her head and because he was so strong it cracked her skull open somehow?

What if he was a lousy kisser?

What if this didn't unlock the secret to liking girls?

What if he was absolutely broken, and wrong, and—

"REMUS!" Lily shrieked, as Remus stepped right off the top of a stairwell without noticing. He dropped his books and careened wildly until he grabbed hold of the railing, managing—somehow—to catch himself before he went tumbling all the way down the stairwell. There were some students at the bottom, laughing at the cascade of books and parchment, and a broken ink bottle dripping everywhere.

"S—sorry!" he gasped out, pulling himself to his feet.

Lily ran over, seizing his arm. "Why are you apologizing?"

He rubbed his elbow, feeling dumb for apologizing. "I—I don't know..."

"Are you okay?"

He nodded, feeling embarrassed. "F—fine, yes, thanks." He quickly scurried down the stairs to retrieve his things. One of the Ravenclaws had started picking his books up, and handed them over to him with an amused smile. "Th-th-thanks," he whispered.

"Anytime," the boy said with a wink.

As Remus hurried up the stairs he heard some of them snickering over what happened, and heard one of them say Loopy Lupin. He ducked his head, shoving everything in his bag, trying not to be sickened over the fact he had lost a bottle of ink. Lily fretted over him the rest of the way to the tower, keeping her arm linked with his to prevent any more accidents. Once inside the tower, she told him he really needed to do better about noticing his surroundings. During her mini-lecture, Peter—the only Marauder in the common room—came over. He stood to the side, listening until Lily finished.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Remus nearly fell down an entire flight of stairs," she replied.

Peter frowned at Remus who shrugged. "I—I'm fine." Then he realized he could smell something rather... medicinal faintly on Peter's clothes. "What happened?"

"Wh-what?" Peter suddenly grew nervous. "What m-makes you think something happened?" Then he gave a high-pitched nervous laugh.

"Oh for Merlin's—I'll see you later, Lily!"

"Wait!" She grabbed hold of him, pulling him close. "Are we... I mean, tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course," Remus promised, only half-listening; he was too concerned about the medicinal scent.

"Okay! Goodnight."

"Goodnight!"

"Honestly," Peter whispered as they went up to the dorms, "it's nothing, Pomfrey fixed Sirius—"

"WHAT?!" They burst into the room and Remus zeroed in on Sirius who had a bandage around one hand. A hand he quickly tried to hide behind him. "What happened?!" he demanded.

"Remus fell down the stairs again," Peter replied.

"Nonono, first of all, this isn't about me, second of all I didn't fall down the stairs, I—I caught myself before I did." He dropped his satchel and went over, grabbing Sirius's arm, pulling it back into view. "What happened?"

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, ignoring the fact he had a large bandage wrapped around his hand.

"What happened?"

Sirius looked at James, and Remus whirled around. James gave a sheepish smile as he mussed his hair up. "Everything is fine, Remy, you don't need to worry! We're fine."

"Well, we did get those points removed, and two nights of detention each," Peter mumbled. James shot him a look, and Peter ducked behind Remus. "I mean, we're fine!" he promised.

"One of you is going to tell me what happened right this second, or so help me—"

James let out a sigh. "Sirius got bit by something, that's all."

"Bit," Remus said, and James nodded. He looked at Sirius who shrugged. "By what?"

"That's not important," James said smoothly, patting Remus's arm. "He got the antidote and the bite is—"

"ANTID—" Remus cut himself off and whirled on James again. "Were you lot trying to steal doxies?!"

"No," James said.

"Of course not," Sirius said.

"Maybe a little," Peter admitted.

Remus exploded, shouting at James about how stupid they were, how utterly stupid, and how could they do such a thing, and what if they didn't get Sirius to Pomfrey on time, and did they understand how dangerously stupid they were, and why were they even trying to steal doxies in the first place when they were very venomous anyway?!

Finally, he finished his shouting, and fell back, breathing heavily.

"I think Brains might be a wee bit annoyed," Sirius giggled.

"Mandrakes," Peter said.

"Sorry, what?!" Remus demanded, still panting.

"You helped us steal a mandrake for a prank," he pointed out.

"A MANDRAKE IS NOT VENOMOUS!" he shouted, and Peter shrank back. "Bloody hell, none of you can be alone for five minutes, can you?"

"Pete probably could, me an' Siri?" James shook his head. "Definitely not."

Remus stormed to his bed, unable to believe how—no, no he could believe it, he definitely could believe how stupid they were. "You'll be fine?" he added, glaring at Sirius.

"Yup!" he promised. "It was only a small bite. Pommy got the poison out, got the antidote in me, and put stuff to heal the bite on my hand." He examined the bandage. "I'll need to reapply some tonight before bed, and again in the morning, and see her after Herbology. It's fine."

Remus grumbled and grouched the rest of the night, and grumbled and grouched through breakfast, and extra grumbled and grouched through Herbology when Sirius couldn't use his hand and he had to do most the work when they were paired together.

"You'd do most the work anyway," Sirius reminded him, then gulped when Remus glared. "Errr... right..."

All the Marauders went with Sirius for his checkup, and Pomfrey thankfully didn't kick them out. She allowed them to stand by while she looked over the bite. It still looked a little red, but she promised it was healing properly. She put more potion on it, rewrapped his hand, and sent him off with another bottle of the healing stuff to put on later.

After a very awkward Defense class in which Prewett kept giving James and Sirius annoyed looks, Remus suddenly wished they could go back to the morning again. During lunch, Lily had asked Remus to meet her somewhere after Defense, and he knew what it meant, and he couldn't back out of it now. Well, he probably could... he figured Lily would understand... however, he knew he needed to do this.

"I'll see you guys later," Remus said after they left the classroom.

"Where you going?" James asked.

"Meeting up with Lily," he answered. "It's her birthday today, so we're... going to do some stuff together."

Sirius tousled Remus's hair with his left hand. "Have fun."

Fun, yeah, sure, he thought, hurrying away, ending up in the empty room before her. He put his satchel down and began pacing, chewing at his fingernails, wondering if this was really about to happen. If he was going to kiss a girl on the lips. He was twelve, he had no business kissing anyone! No, it was a mistake. He'd have to tell her no. He had plenty of time to start liking girls. Except, he didn't want plenty of time, he wanted it now so he'd stop thinking about—about certain boys. Plus he didn't have his whole life ahead of him for something like this, he only had a few years. Once he graduated, that was it. He'd be back home with nobody but his parents for the rest of his life.

The door opened, and Lily came in.

"Hey," he said, going to his bag to pull out a present. "Happy birthday! Ah, sorry there's no... cake..."

"It's fine," she laughed, sitting down on the floor to open the handmade card then unwrap the presents. He had knit her four bookmarks—rather crudely made but hopefully nice enough, a small chocolate cauldron he had won from a bet, and six biscuits which his mother had sent the previous day. Very timely. It wasn't much, but Lily hugged him tightly, thanking him multiple times. She especially loved the bookmarks.

They sat with their backs to the wall, talking about various things, putting off the real reason they were celebrating her birthday with just the two of them. Lily talked about turning thirteen; apparently, she had had similar thoughts that Sirius did. She'd wake up on her thirteenth birthday and suddenly things would be different. He wasn't really sure what things exactly, but he nodded and listened anyway. She asked about the bandage on Sirius's hand, and he replied he hadn't been with them when it happened and all he really knew was that Sirius had been bit by something. He knew if she knew they had tried to steal doxies she'd make a big deal, and he didn't want to go through that at the moment.

Then they both fell silent, not having much else to say. Remus wrapped his arms around his knees, trying to keep his breathing steady. Lily toyed with the end of her braid, casting sideways glances at him.

"You... still want to?" she asked.

"Y—yeah," he forced out.

She shifted her weight, kneeling down facing him. At least she seemed nervous too. "Okay."

Remus unlatched his hands and got on his knees facing her, trying not to shake too hard. "Okay."

They knelt there, staring at one another in awkward silence.

"You look terrified," she noted.

Remus shrugged. "I—I feel a little—little scared. Er, nervous, I guess would be—be the better word," he quickly corrected, not wanting her to know that he was terrified.

"Me too."

"Do... you... still want to?" he asked, looking up into her eyes.

Lily nodded. "Yes. I think it's—I just don't want it to be this huge... thing, you know? I mean, when I kiss someone for—for real reasons. I don't want all this... pressure... for my first kiss to be... right. I don't want it to be some big deal. And—I want it to be because I want to and not cause I feel like I have to, with a boyfriend."

"Yeah." He pushed some of his hair back from his face, hoping she couldn't hear how hard his heart was pounding. Then, for lack of anything better to say, he repeated, "Yeah." He began sweating, and wiped his hands off on his trousers, not sure what to even do with his hands anyway

Lily scooted closer, so their knees were touching, and she reached down, smoothing out her skirt. "Cassie said hers was amazing," she said and Remus tried not to frown. "Said she wished it lasted longer."

"Oh." He tugged at the hem of his jumper, looking down at his lap. "How—how long is a kiss supposed to last?" He had seen his parents kissing all the time. Usually short, quick kisses, sometimes longer. One time he walked on the two of them with their arms wrapped around one another, kissing so long his younger self couldn't figure out how they were still breathing. Actually, he still wasn't quite sure. Their noses were kinda smushed up together. That had to make it difficult.

"I dunno. I guess it depends. I guess at least a couple seconds, to make it real."

Was a one second kiss not real, then? "Oh," he said again. "Er, okay."

They knelt there, staring at each other in more awkward silence.

Then suddenly Lily's hands were on his face, cupping his cheeks, and her face was right there, and he began to panic—major panic. He screwed up his eyes as all the terrible possibilities of what could happen (most unlikely) ran violently through his head, and then her lips were on his.

He wasn't sure what to do. Where to put his hands, or even what his lips were supposed to be doing. Did he need to put pressure back against her face? Should he put his hands on her face, like hers were with his? Were they supposed to go somewhere else? Around her shoulders? Or waist? Please, Merlin, not her waist! But, were his eyes supposed to be open? His parents closed their eyes a lot. He opened his eyes and saw Lily's eyes were closed, so he quickly closed his eyes again, but then it was over. Suddenly and quickly, and not diminishing any of the freaking-out-awkward-feelings he had inside of him.

Remus opened his eyes again and the two stared at each other in even more awkward silence. Then he couldn't stand it another second and reached up, wiping his lips off on his sleeve, trying not to make gagging sounds and failing. It had felt a lot grosser than he anticipated. Not... the worst thing (it'd be impressive if anything could beat washing off his dead skin when he was burnt), but not pleasant by any means, and not an experience he wished to repeat.

"Ugh! Yuck!" he moaned, wiping his mouth off one more time. Lily looked less than amused at his response, and he realized why. "Er—well—that—um—it wasn't—that—when—when I said yuck, I meant—ahhh—"

"Uh-huh." She rolled her eyes, then at least smiled. "It was weird."

"Yes," he said quickly, regretting at least the gagging sounds and the yuck. "I—I don't think I particularly like kissing."

"Oh really? I couldn't tell!" she teased before sitting back with a sigh. "It... was... not what I was expecting. But I guess that might be since we're just friends."

"What w-were you expecting?" He knew he had been expecting something: suddenly liking girls. Suddenly and miraculously being a regular normal boy who liked girls. But he didn't. He wasn't. He felt no different, except a little grossed out. It hadn't worked. It hadn't worked! So what was he going to do now?!

She shrugged and then moved her legs so she sat flat on the floor instead of on her knees. "I don't know. Why everyone is so interested in doing it. Why everyone wants to do it all the time. Why people get caught snogging everywhere."

Remus thought back to the couple he had heard snogging. "I couldn't tell you. That was... um..."

"Yuck?" she offered, and he flinched a little. "It's fine. I didn't mind it so much, but it wasn't anything to write home about." Why would you write home about a kiss anyway? he wondered, knowing it was just a saying but still thinking it was a little weird for the situation. "More interesting than kissing your hand, at least."

"Kissing your—what?!"

Lily cocked her head. "Your hand!" She held up her hand in a sort of fist shape. "You kiss there."

Remus curled his fingers in, examining the edge. "Huh."

There was some more awkward silence then Lily lifted her head. "Are you mad at me? I kinda feel like I pressured you into it. You obviously didn't want to, and you hated it—"

"What? No!" He scooted closer to her. "I'm not mad. If I—I didn't want to, I wouldn't have. It wasn't—it—it was weird and okay, yeah, yuck, but we c-couldn't have known that before, that's all."

"Promise?"

He reached down to hold her hand, knowing she liked that sort of thing. "I promise." She squeezed his hand, and he squeezed hers gently back. Then he thought of something, and debated saying it or not. Saying it would mean having it happen again. Which wasn't ideal. But... "Was th—that really a kiss though?"

"What do you mean?"

He felt himself heating up, and tugged at the end of one of his sleeves. "When—when my parents kiss they—they make this sound. The sort of sound you make when you b-blow a kiss."

"When you smack your lips," she said slowly.

Remus nodded. "We just... sort've p-pressed our lips together without d-doing anything. Are you... s-supposed to do something with your lips? Like that?"

She studied him for a few seconds then asked, "Do you want to try again?"

He gulped, not sure how to answer because he didn't really want to try again, but at the same time he wanted to know if it would help. If they didn't do a proper kiss, then how could it have helped? Was that the problem? It wasn't a real, proper kiss, so of course he didn't feel different yet? He had to try again, just in case. Even though it was disgusting.

"If... you do."

They faced each other again, and Remus felt even worse than the first time. Also hopeful. They had obviously done the first kiss wrong, and that's why it was weird and gross, right? Probably? Maybe?

Her face was close to his again, and he closed his eyes waiting. Nothing happened.

"Come on," she said. "I did it the first time, it's your turn."

Ahhhh. "I d-don't know what to do," he admitted.

"You pucker your lips," she said, and puckered hers. "Like that."

Remus wrinkled his nose. "Do... do you move your lips when—when you kiss?"

"I haven't the faintest. I suppose...? I mean, if you kiss with your tongue you have to move your—"

"WHAT?!" Remus recoiled back, putting a couple feet of space between them. "With your what!?"

Lily began giggling. "Your tongue! It's called a French kiss. You're part French so you should be able to—"

"NO!" He covered his mouth quickly. "N—no, I—that—the—that—I—n-n—I—"

"I'm teasing!" She held her hands up. "Your face went as red as a tomato. I wasn't meaning we should. I'd rather not! No offense. But that's what it's called. When you use your tongue in a kiss. A French kiss. I don't know why."

Remus moved his hands to cover his face. "That sounds absolutely disgusting!"

"I agree with that," Lily said, and the two fell into more awkward silence.

All Remus could do was think about tongues, and he felt very ill. Who wanted someone else's tongue in their mouth?! Though from what he understood about sex (which really wasn't much at all, just confusing scenes in some books he read; he knew there was a section on it in Your Body but he had very purposely avoided that section) it was a lot worse than a tongue in a mouth.

"Are we... um, should...?"

Remus glanced over at her, and gave a slightly reluctant nod. He scootched back over to her, taking in a deep breath. This time Lily initiated the kiss again which was a slight relief he didn't need to. At first he froze up, then realized he was supposed to be puckering his lips, and he did, and it felt different but definitely not any better—actually, weirder, if he had to be honest; when they finished there was that smacking sound others made when they kissed, so he supposed they finally actually properly kissed.

Annnnnnd he felt no different.

Still grossed out, really.

He wiped his mouth off on his sleeve while Lily pondered over the 'real' kiss they had done, and stated she felt no different either. Same, he thought miserably, having no sudden thoughts about the attractiveness of girls. It was all still a sort of blank in his head. No unlocking, no wiping away the fog... it was just... a frustrating nothing.

"I'm glad we did though," Lily finally said, moving to sit next to him again. "I feel good that—that it's done with, that I don't need to worry when I get a boyfriend. That I did it because I wanted to, and not because I felt like I needed to."

"I'm glad you're glad," he mumbled, wishing something had changed in him; wishing he finally took that step everyone else was taking. He hated being so—so wrong! Not yet, he reminded himself, gritting his teeth. You will eventually, just—not yet...

"I'm glad we're friends," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

He rested his head against hers. "Me too," he answered wholly and completely honestly.

She fumbled with her hand until she slid her pinkie around his. "Forever friends, pinky promise."

He curled his pinky around hers. "Forever friends."