Enjoy!
Erik
Chapter 91
The Unbelievable
You healed. Completely.
And you were brought back to my chambers to live with me, under the condition that you attended executions.
I was so frightened that you would hate me again. You'd told me, in words, that you now cared for me; and though this terrified me, your insistence broke my resolve. Of course I wanted your affection. Curse or no curse, I wanted it. And your reasoning that, because you were the one insisting, any foul fate would be at your own hands, not mine.
It was selfish, but I accepted this. I needed to feel cared for by you - and though you didn't love me as I now loved you, I would take whatever small pieces you would offer. Friendship would be enough.
When I was summoned to the party, you came with me. To be a comfort. At first, you were calm, and I felt that, perhaps, the night would go smoothly and quickly. But when the Flowers arrived, I watched as you retreated into some dark corner of your mind. I recognized that look. That place you went. It couldn't have been very different from the places I went as a child, trapped in a cage, having people leer at me through the bars.
I tried whispering in your ear. I tried actually speaking. I glanced at you repeatedly as I performed magic for the Shah and his guests. But your eyes never left the floor.
Only when I'd brought you back to my rooms did you finally snap out of it. But you expressed to me your guilt - why hadn't I taken your body when I had the chance? Why had you been saved from their fate? What made you so special?
There was nothing, I think, I could have said that would have eased your guilt. So I merely did what you'd done for me during that thunderstorm. I held you in my arms and asked you:
"Tell me five things you can see."
You trembled, and my heart broke a bit with every tremor. You moved your face to see the room. "The table," you said softly. "The couch. The walls. The rug. You."
"Good," I said gently. "Three things you can feel."
"The air. My clothes. You."
"All right." I rubbed your back. You trembled again. "One good thing that happened today."
You didn't respond for a while. Instead your breathing increased, as though you were about to panic once more.
"Christine?" I coaxed, gently as I could.
You tightened your grip on me, then told me:
"I realized I love you."
My mind cleared itself of everything.
I hadn't heard you right. I asked you to repeat yourself. You did.
I asked you why you'd say something like that. I told you that you didn't mean it. That you were feeling vulnerable. I asked you to not lie to me.
I thought of every excuse under the sun for why you might not mean what you said.
But you did mean it. Despite everything, your words were your truth. You loved me. You.
And when I let my guard down, when I accepted the possibility of it, I felt real happiness, real joy and connection and peace - something I never thought I'd experience again.
Christine. I love you. I love you with everything I have in me.
I need you to know that.
Above all, I need you to know that.
