She was asleep still. This was the second day that all she had done was slept. She hadn't moved or spoke a word. I was worried what was going to happen if this continued. But about an hour ago she had started mumbling her sleep. She had twisted onto her back her hair fanned out around her. She was breathing hard and mumbling every so often. She usually slept curled up still; never moving continuously. She breathed slowly and slept; always waking me up from my terrors that seemed to overwhelm me occasionally. They became scarce the more she stayed in my domain. My terrors always woke her, and she would move from her room to mine and wake me up. Then she'd hold my hand and brush her thumb across my wrist sending me asleep. It was such a simple thing that I often craved when she was not around. I would awake thrashing and crying out when she left to help that pet of theirs. I needed her, and that left a tight feeling in my chest my body could never heal.
I laid beside her and slept some myself. Hoping that when I awoke; she'd be better and I could make her see sense.
I was in the dark again. It was dark and cold. The floor was wet with leaking water and the sharp stones were grating on my skin. I was being dragged through the tunnels again as I was taken to Thanos. He'd ask every day after my torture. He'd ask if I would help destroy Thor. He'd ask if I would relinquish everything on him. Each day I refused. But the days turned to months and months turned to years. Three years had passed where bones had been broken and pain had been brought to my body countless times. My body healed and that gave them more chance to keep on damaging my skin until I was again barely able to stay conscious. I was fed bread and water every other day. My hair clumped together and my face so grimy and covered in blood that I was sure I was never going to be clean.
They dropped me on the floor and I looked up to see Thanos looming as usual. The cave was dark and I barely could see through the dirt that lived on my face. The tiniest bit of light brought pain as the years worked by. They started their toll on my body, their fists and feet bringing shattered bones to my attention. Their claws and blades peeled my skin in agony. The burns of the flames causing the agony to ride all senses away. Another day I screamed. Another day they hurt me. But it was too much, another bone broken. My fourteenth as they stampeded over me, the skin melting and precious blood flooding out.
I remember the moment I broke. My shoulder blade snapping into fragments as I screamed Jane Fosters' name. They stopped momentarily. His voice made the cold seem like an enemy rather than an alley. His voice was just death put into sounds.
"Speak, Loki."
"Jane Foster." I apologised to Thor so many times. "Jane Foster. To break Thor there is a planet called Midgard. Jane Foster is courting Thor. He loves her; to break him, kill her." I sagged as those crushing my bones backed off. Sorry Thor. I tried.
"You shall lead the attack."
"No." I rasped.
"Lead the attack into Midgard. I shall make you King." King? King… Oh how I would love to be King. But not at the expense of Thor. But maybe there was another way to be free of this hell. Maybe there was a way.
"King?" I croaked. I had to get out of here and if this was my ticket; then so be it. "Of Midgard?"
"Of Asgard." He offered. I agreed. "If the price of King was all it took; we could have spared ourselves all this unnecessary pain." I was so sorry Thor. I broke; and with it destroyed everything.
"Loki!" I turned and saw nothing; but the woman was shouting for me. "Loki come on!" I looked to the darkness as they dragged me again. The pain caused my fists to clench, one arm trying to heal but the pain was causing me to slip unconscious. "Loki please! Lokes!" Lokes? Loki? Enya!
My eyes darted open and there was Enya above me. Her eyes wide with worry, her hair blanketing us both from the outside world. I noticed I was breathing hard and I was holding her arms in terror. I held tight; anchoring me to this moment as I stared at her. My breathing slowed but the sweat that lined my face reminded me of the pain it would always bring.
"Enya," I breathed.
"Loki, breathe. Just breathe. You're safe. You're safe. Nobody is going to hurt you. I won't let them Lokes." There was no lie there in her words. Just comfort and relief and terror for me. She was worried as I breathed deeply trying to feel normal. "I won't let anybody hurt you like that again." There it was 'hurt you like that'. She had to know it all by now. She had to.
"I broke."
"Yes." She kept still, each arm on either side of me and her body leaning over me. Her hip touched my hip and that was all there was for contact except my grip on her arms. "Anybody would."
"I revealed Jane Foster to my enemy."
"Yes." She said again softly. "Anybody would."
"I destroyed New York."
"Yes. Anybody would."
"But they didn't. I did."
"Because he told you to." I looked to her in horror. How did she know? I had talked of the force that I followed and the pain of hurting my brother. I spoke so freely to her when she awoke me from my terrors. "I shall not say anything."
"I was weak."
"Loki, you were not weak. You were destroyed. You had no way out and no escape and you broke. You lasted for so long what did you expect? Anybody would have broke and most much sooner. You did what any other would have done. He told you to lead an army; you led the army. You were told to destroy Midgard and you tried. But you didn't do so freely."
"I murdered Odin."
"We spoke about this." She spoke softly but her eyes were fierce. "Why do you repeat it so?" I didn't know what to say. I just stared at her; her green eyes so emerald and peaceful. They were fierce and angered but not at me. "Loki, you killed Odin for one reason only. To save Thor. If Odin knew he would agree that saving Thor was the right thing to do. Saving Midgard and Jane Foster was the right thing to do. You were broken and beat and wanted to do something right."
"I made it worse. I looked for allies and an army. I angered one and in an attempt to appease them Thor made them worse. They threatened Thor. I got greedy and I was caught." My voice was getting stronger. "I keep making mistakes. I am not made to do good."
"You saved me Loki. More than once. That is good. You are good. I was created for destruction; not you. If I can battle it then a walk in the park it should be for you." I still saw no lie.
"You believe in me?"
"I have always believed in you. I have always believed in you and your heart Lokes. I'll not believe you are anything but good no matter what you do."
"I didn't get to you in time."
"Nobody could. I broke Loki. I broke. Much sooner than you did. I was the weak one." I relaxed and let go of her arms. My hands were cramping and I let go. She lifted her arms and brushed my hair off my face and she was so sincere. There was no pity or no judgement. She just wanted me to be well. I pulled her down wrapping my arms around her as she fell onto my body in shock. I pulled her face to me and kissed her hard. The desperation in some form of contact was something I had never needed until I had took a chance and kissed Enya that first time. I grabbed her tight, pressing her into me as I kissed her. My hand held her head as my tongue was inside her mouth brushing against her lips. She groaned and relaxed against me and my hand clutched at her almost begging her not to leave.
"Loki," she breathed. She looked at me breathing hard. Besides a stolen kiss or two I hadn't gone much farther. She hadn't shown interest and I didn't push it. But she was beautiful and I was in great need of her to push away the last moments of terror.
"Enya, I can't explain." I whispered against her lips. The other mortals and my brother assumed we had already reached this step; and I made them to think so. But we had not. I knew of Enya and her past. I knew that with anybody she had not been and was not sure on the subject. She reassured me throughout the nights soothing me; but we had never reached this point. And right now, I could see no reason to why we hadn't. She was much younger than I and I lived a lot longer than her. I'd tried to stop thoughts of how important she was to me but she was important. She was the other thing that had caused so much pain to me; and fear. She had not judged one single action of mine that she had seen. Nor did she regard me with doubt and suspicion. I didn't know what this woman's spark was but I no longer cared. Without it she was still special to me and without thinking too much, I thought maybe she was for me. I'd been with many women in Asgard and I enjoyed what they had to offer and no more. But this woman, Enya, I enjoyed everything she had to offer and more. Her strength and brains. Her loyalty and determination. Her soothing voice and gentle caresses. Her genius that had no boundaries and then her skills that could not be limited. I'd seen her read Spanish and French and German and Chinese and Arabic without struggling. I had seen her conquer maths and science in a battle that passed by in hours. I'd seen her awful art, and seen her attempt to cook but had seen the joy dancing would bring. The joy singing and just being around the girls brought. Warren when he was near would always make her whole body relax. I wanted that offered to me too. I wanted more than just her body; and in that realisation I had realised maybe I had to be with Enya to really prove my worth. To Thor and to mother.
She looked at me softly and then I felt her sigh. "Then don't explain." She kissed me softly and from that point on I lead the way.
