Remus felt on edge all day Monday and every time the four of them were alone he grew paranoid that Dumbledore would come out of nowhere with his wand to erase their memories. The others noticed how jumpy he was, but he promised he was fine. None of them brought up his lycanthropy, though James did mention the house, telling Remus the same thing Pete and Dumbledore said, and reiterated how much he wanted to sneak in some time to listen.

"Maybe we can do it Friday night," he suggested, eyes sparkling.

"Maybe we sh-shouldn't at all," Remus muttered, running his fingers nervously along the strap of his satchel. "It's extremely risky."

"That's the fun part," laughed Sirius, and James grinned while Peter made a face.

"We're Gryffindors, we do risky stuff!" added James.

Remus shook his head. "No, you do risky stuff because you're idiots. Think of how much trouble you'd be in if you were caught!"

James put his arm around Remus. "We've never been caught going in and out of Hogsmeade yet! Besides, this is less dangerous! After all, we won't be wandering around the town. We'll just... come in and... go near the house to hear what all the fuss is about."

"You're in, right?" Sirius asked, elbowing Peter.

"Ahh—yes. Yes, of—of course," Peter squeaked, clearly not wanting to be in at all.

"See?" Sirius turned his gaze to Remus. "Petey's in."

"It's settled. Friday night." James squeezed Remus gently.

"I thought we were going to wake up early on Saturday to prank Filch's office?" Remus asked, hoping to be able to put the sneaking out until a much later date. "I've been practicing the snowing spell."

James looked rather chagrined. "Er, right. Yes. We can do that—well, okay, we can do that Saturday morning, then sneak out on Saturday night. Yes, perfect, we'll do that. Now, come on, it'll be better if it's all four of us."

He wanted to say no, knew he should say no. Sneaking into Hogsmeade was wrong, being out after hours was wrong, doubling up on that was super wrong! If it were for anything else he'd say absolutely not. However... part of him wanted to be there in case they heard a wolf howling, to try to steer their minds away from the thought of that's where Remus went on full moons. If they knew where he went... well, he had a bad feeling they'd try to show up sometime. He'd probably be able to convince them not to. Probably. It just seemed like it'd be a bad idea to let them near that house by themselves where they could hear the screams and howls.

What if... some of the screams sounded like his own voice? Would Dumbledore do that? To hide his own screams during the full moon? Would he have enchanted the place to sound like that? Or would that be too much?

He couldn't be sure, and that meant most likely he'd need to be with them to make sure they didn't start suspecting things.

"Maybe," he croaked out. James slapped his back so hard he began coughing.

"Thattaboy!" James said triumphantly. "Saturday night it is."

Remus felt violently ill.

/\/\/\/\/\

Tuesday evening one of the first memories Fawley saw—after easily ripping through his barrier—was Dumbledore's warning. Once she left his head, Remus told her about the nightmare he had, and how afraid he was of his friends losing their memories of him. Fawley rubbed his back, admitting she wasn't sure how much she could reassure him, because if Dumbledore did find out, it would mean their memories would be wiped.

"If he finds out, I can try to talk to him," she said, giving him a gentle hug. "I don't know if it will do any good, but I'll do my best."

Remus sniffled, nodding. "Th-thank you, Miss Fawley."

She sighed. "How have I become an advocate of this?" she asked, and then gave a laugh to show she wasn't really annoyed by it. "James has Quidditch these evenings, right?"

"Y—yes."

"I would like to talk to him again, and Peter. Perhaps next week you can bring Peter with you. Sometime later we can work out an evening where I can come to talk to James."

They went back into his head, pouring through various memories while he tried to fight back. At one point he felt a very sharp stab of pain in his head, and the memory stopped. He fell back, pressing his hands against his head, groaning a little in pain as the stabbing continued.

"Remus—"

"I'm a-all right," he gasped out, curling forward. "I think."

"Remus, you pushed me out of your head."

Remus froze, eyes slowly opening as he stared straight ahead. "Wh... what?" He looked up, unable to believe his ears.

"It... wasn't much of a kick out, if I had fought against it I would have stayed in," she explained carefully, "however this is the first time you've managed anything like that."

"It's—what? I did what?"

"The little bit of a barrier you normally have is only when I enter your head. This time you yanked it back up in the middle of me looking through a memory!"

"I what?!" He straightened up, hands falling, chest heaving. "I did—I—I'm—"

"Yes," laughed Miss Fawley and suddenly they were hugging, both of them laughing. Tears dripped down Remus's face—happy tears, very happy tears. "This is amazing. You—this isn't something—you're only twelve and—Remus, do you have any idea how impressive what you've just done is? Only a natural should be able to do something like that at your age, like Sirius. I've known people to study Occlumency for years and only manage what you're doing after a long time."

He wiped his face off, trying to avoid sniffling so she wouldn't know he was crying. "I p-probably won't ever be able to—"

"No! There will be no self-depreciation here right now, Mr. Lupin, do you understand me?"

He nodded. "Y—yes, Miss Fawley."

She reached out, stroking his hair gently. Unlike when his mum did it over the holidays, he didn't mind at all. That slipped right into him feeling incredibly guilty for not minding Miss Fawley doing this, but not wanting his mum to. Suddenly he didn't want Miss Fawley doing this—except no, he really did, it felt so nice... but he shouldn't not mind her, but mind his mum, and—argh, it was a big mess in conjunction with the incredible joy from a few seconds ago, and he wanted to hide somewhere for a while.

"How do you feel?" Miss Fawley asked, as if she knew what he was thinking.

"C—confused, I guess?"

She smiled. "No, I mean... your head is hurting, right?"

"Oh! Yes. It's... hurting pretty bad."

"Let's take a short break, then."

Of course he wasn't able to do it again, nor could he put up the minute initial barrier. They ended the session a bit earlier since it was clear he was too exhausted, and they parted with two promises: Fawley would bring the enchanted ribbon next week, and Remus would talk to Peter and James about meeting up with her sometime.

He was in a very good mood, practically skipping along the corridors despite the pain in his head. Instead of going to his dorm, he instead headed towards the kitchen to get something to celebrate with. A small piece of cake or something. The house-elves were quite pleased to give him a container with a piece of cake, and he thanked them profusely before leaving.

I hope I can do it again next week, he thought as he took some back corridors and secret passageways to get to the dorm quicker. I can't believe I did it. Is it really that shocking for someone to get to this point already? I feel like I'm not progressing at all, so...

Remus turned down a corridor then froze. There was a figure halfway down, leaning slumped against the wall, head down. Remus could smell blood. He hesitated, not sure whether to leave them alone or not but the student lifted their head and Remus nearly dropped his container when he saw it was Aegis.

"R—Remus!" Aegis said in surprise when Remus took a few steps forward. There was bright red blood smeared on his lips and chin, with more dripping all over his uniform.

"What happened?" Remus demanded, closing the space between them.

"Oh. Nothing," Aegis said, hand fluttering to his face. That's when Remus noticed there were faint streaks of tears on his cheeks.

Remus frowned. "Th—that is a lot of blood for n-nothing."

"I... got into a fight," he admitted.

"You? In a fight?"

Aegis flushed slightly, quickly pulling his jumper up to wipe off some of the blood. "Fine, he fought me and hit my nose with a rather vicious hex."

Remus set his stuff down and rummaged in his satchel till he found a handkerchief and water. He got the handkerchief wet and handed it to Aegis who thanked him, wiping his face off.

"Who did it?" Remus asked, folding his arms.

Aegis avoided his eyes. "Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does—"

"Please." Aegis looked at the bloodied cloth. "I—I'll get this cleaned and returned to you."

"No, it's—you can keep it," Remus said, giving Aegis a worried look. "Was it... Malfoy?"

Aegis flinched very faintly, and Remus knew he was right. "No, it... doesn't matter at all," he murmured as he searched his pockets for a hair tie. His hair was down, and a mess. A scraggly mess, with a few flecks of blood in there as well. He ran his fingers through his hair—wincing a bit—before pulling it back. He noticed Remus staring at a particularly bloody section, and sighed. "Some of my hair was pulled out."

"Who did this?"

Aegis just smiled, letting his hands fall. "How is your evening going?"

Remus grit his teeth. "It was Malfoy, wasn't it?"

"Remus..."

They stared at one another, and Remus decided to let it drop for now. "Would you like some cake?" He offered out the container.

Aegis shook his head. "I am not very hungry. I appreciate it, though."

They talked for a bit longer and then Remus offered to walk Aegis back to the Slytherin common room, which made Aegis laugh. His eyes crinkled up and he thanked Remus, but of course turned him down. After their goodbyes, Remus headed off then doubled back, sneaking along as best he could out of sight, keeping an eye on Aegis as he trudged back to the dungeons. A few kids gave Remus strange looks but nobody gave him away. Soon, Aegis disappeared through the Slytherin entrance without any issue, and Remus hurried to the Gryffindor tower.

He had no proof it was Malfoy but... heavily suspected it was. His stomach burned with anger, and the wolf paced around as his temper grew. He kept seeing the blood on his friend's face, and hearing him admit his hair had been ripped out. It wasn't fair... why the hell was Aegis such a target? He wished Aegis would trust him... Remus would never judge him for whatever it was everyone else seemed to be judging him on.

Sirius would know, he thought as he went into the common room. That, though, would be a huge betrayal. No... as curious as he was, if Aegis didn't want him to know then he wouldn't know.

Sighing, he put his cake in his desk drawer, no longer feeling like celebrating.

/\/\/\/\/\

The Marauders were, once again, the subject of Study Group on Wednesday night thanks to James and Sirius doing the slime fountain spell in a bunch of loos earlier in the day. They had, of course, been caught... not that they had particularly tried to avoid being caught, in Remus's opinion. In any case, Twycross ranted for ages about them and how they were an embarrassment to the Gryffindor name.

"Look, if you're going to spend all of our time here complaining about them, let me know," Bones said, cutting her off. "That way I can go and actually get work done."

Twycross's mouth snapped shut, and she glared. "Right. Well." She gave an insulted sniffle. "I believe my point has been made."

"A thousand times over," Aegis muttered under his breath. Remus snorted, fairly certain he was the only one who heard that.

Sometimes Study Group lasted till after seven-thirty, sometimes it was just an hour long and ended at seven; tonight was one of the nights it ended at seven (mostly due to Twycross annoying everyone) so Remus went to sit across the hall from where Peter's photography club was held, reading for a few minutes till the door opened.

Peter was one of the last ones out and his face broke into a smile when he saw Remus. "Study Group end early?" he asked, shouldering his camera bag.

Remus stood up, tucking his book in his satchel. "Yeah, Twycross was... well..."

"Being Twycross?" Pete asked, and Remus smiled. "Well, thanks for coming to get me, that's really nice of you."

"How did tonight go?"

Peter chattered away about some sort of process they worked on and Remus nodded, having no idea what Pete was meaning but enjoying listening to him talk about something he loved. Then, suddenly, Peter made a turn down a rarely used corridor and Remus followed, asking him why they were going that way.

"Mulciber, Avery, and Bulstrode like to hang out the other way and cause problems," Peter explained miserably. "One time when nobody was with me and I took that way they attacked me."

"What? When?"

"Last term. I dunno if they still hang out there but I don't wanna risk it."

Remus stopped in his tracks. "They harass students?" As he said it he realized that's something the Marauders did often; hang about in a corridor while James and Sirius hexed random students. "Is it very awful harassment or little hexes?" He grew uncomfortable asking that, knowing how hypocritical he was being, getting upset about this.

Peter stopped too, turning to face Remus. "Kinda bad hexes. Last time I went by they were trying to use some spell I never heard of. It sounded scary. I think they're there most nights but... why?"

"They're setting themselves up for a nice prank if they're in the same spot every week," Remus answered, and Peter grinned. "I'd say we should do something now, but we need something good, especially if they're badgering others."

"Next Wednesday is Valentine's day," Pete pointed out. "The Photography Club's been asked to take pictures of the dessert."

"Oh, they are doing that again?"

"Uh-huh. I wonder if Sirius is gonna take Inkwood. I wish I had someone to take. If you could take anyone, who would you go with? Evans?"

Remus stiffened a little, not liking this course of conversation. "Ah—nobody, really. It... isn't something that interests me. Besides, I'll have Study Group that evening."

Peter arched his eyebrows. "You'd really rather do homework?"

"Yes?"

They stared at each other for a few seconds and Remus realized he probably should have said of course he'd prefer taking a girl to a fancy Valentine's dessert than do homework. Except studying was infinitely the more interesting choice! It... just wasn't the choice he should probably take if he wanted to be a regular guy. Whoops.

"Who—who would you t-take?" Remus asked quickly, hoping Peter wouldn't think he was too weird. Perhaps... he should take someone? Except, the second he thought that he got a stomachache.

"Ummm... I dunno. Someone, anyone! It'd be nice." He went faintly pink. "Not that anyone would go with me."

Remus elbowed him. "Don't say that. You're absolutely brilliant. Anyone would be lucky to go with you."

"Not like the rest of you," he muttered, anxiously messing with his hair. "You're all good-looking and I'm bleh, plus you all have other stuff going for you. I don't—"

"All right, w—wait a minute, first off I am far from good-looking!" Remus protested. "I'm... small and—and sickly and—"

"I've heard girls call you cute," Pete said.

Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times. "Wh—what? What? No, I—"

"Yeah."

"Um, what girls? Was it Lily? Because she is biased and doesn't count."

Peter shrugged. "No. Well, I guess yeah, but she wasn't the only one. Inkwood and Colgate both agreed you were cute. Said you remind them of a puppy dog. Small and cute."

"Ahhh—wh—no?" Remus couldn't believe what Peter was saying! Obviously he had overheard their discussion wrong. "No! That's... completely wrong." He felt uncomfortable. He didn't like the idea of girls discussing him like that! Though... he had discussed them a little bit, therefore it'd be weird to be upset over them talking about him. But still. It made no sense. In any case, he didn't want to even think about it, so he switched the topic back to Peter. "Anyway, you look good. You are very good-looking, okay? And you've got a lot going for you! You're super nice, and very talented. Not to mention very sweet."

"Thanks... but I think girls prefer Sirius's good looks and charm over sweet and nice," he sighed.

"Pete, we're—we're twelve. Er, well, you're thirteen. Does it—is it really important to worry about what girls think right now?" Remus inquired. Peter gave him such a taken-aback-look that he knew he messed up again. Obviously he should be worried about what girls thought of him.

"Sirius talks about kissing all the time, and he's—he's practically dating!"

"Well, that's Sirius," Remus said, not wanting to talk about Sirius and Inkwood at all. Or this entire conversation. He partially regretted swinging by to get Peter if all he wanted to do was talk about girls. Then Remus realized he sparked this by asking Peter who he was taking, in order to pretend to be a normal guy. If he was a normal guy he wouldn't mind this. "Everyone... grows at a different rate. Such as our voices changing. We're all going to get there in the end... just at different rates. We'll all get girlfriends eventually..."

Remus swallowed at that, looking down at his shoes. He didn't want a girlfriend. Though he should want one. What if... he had to pretend for the rest of his school days? That'd be awful, and vastly unfair to any girl he pretended with. Of course... as a werewolf he probably shouldn't date at all. That was what his father was warning him about over summer. He wouldn't be able to have a real relationship, so... should he bother pretending?

"I want to know what it's like," Peter said with a pout.

"What, having a girlfriend?"

"Yes! And—and kissing."

Remus started to say kissing wasn't all it was cracked up to be, then realized he shouldn't admit to kissing. He did not want his friends to know he had his first kiss—a practice kiss, true, but still a kiss—with Lily. They would never in a million years change their minds that Remus and Lily were a couple if they heard that!

"Kissing sounds awkward. Do you really want to—to swap saliva with some girl?"

"Yes!" Peter groaned. "I do! Don't you?"

Remus wasn't sure what to say. Nausea spiked in his stomach as he tried to figure out how to get out of a real answer. No, he didn't want to swap spit with a girl! However saying that would be too weird, and he didn't want to outright lie and say yes, and he doubted saying 'maybe one day' would work either; obviously he should be wanting to at this point. So what to say?

"I... don't particularly find the idea of someone else's spit in my mouth to be enjoyable," he finally settled on.

Peter snorted, shaking his head. "If you put it like that it sounds disgusting. But if it was really disgusting why does everyone do it?"

"I can't answer that question," Remus replied honestly. "Perhaps soon you'll find out."

"I hope so. But I doubt it. Sirius is gonna date Inkwood and James is gonna get a girlfriend and you and Ev—" Peter stopped, noticing Remus's glare. "Er, you and someone will get together, and I won't ever." He gave another groan, slumping against the wall and covering his face. "I'll just be pathetic Pokey Peter Pettigrew left in the dust."

Remus folded his arms, hunching a bit. "I doubt you'll be left in the dust. I stand by what I said earlier, any girl would be lucky to have you."

Peter looked up at Remus, finally managing a small smile. "I dunno 'bout that but... thanks."

"I'm right about most things, aren't I?" Remus teased.

Pete rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the wall. "You sound like James now."

Remus puffed his chest out and began messing up his hair, which sent Peter into peals of laughter. Remus laughed too, quickly fixing his hair. They elbowed each other a few times then headed to the Gryffindor tower, Remus exceedingly relieved that conversation was over. He hoped he wouldn't have to have another along those lines for ages.

/\/\/\/\/\

Remus spent most of Thursday working on homework assignments as well as practicing making it snow. They still intended to get up super early on Saturday to make it snow in Filch's office. Early enough that it would be 'after hours' (before hours?), and Remus felt anxious about that.

Right before suppertime, he went up to the owlery to send off a letter to his parents. James, Sirius, and Peter were all off doing something (he wasn't sure if he even wanted to know what they were doing) so he was by himself which made him a little nervous, hoping he wouldn't run into Mulciber and Avery. It wasn't a great feeling, being anxious about walking through the school alone. Thankfully he made it to the tower without issue, and put his winter cloak on before slipping through the door.

Owls began complaining pretty much right away. Remus sighed, wishing he didn't have this effect on them. It made him feel bad. He hated scaring animals. "Arthur?" Arthur flew down, landing shakily on Remus's arm and hooting. Remus nuzzled him gently and moved to sit on the floor, letting Arthur balance on him. "Hey there," he whispered, pulling a treat out of his pocket. Arthur nipped lovingly at his fingers before taking the treat. "How are you doing?"

Arthur hooted again, biting Remus's nose very gently. Remus very carefully ran his fingers along Arthur's body, applying very slight pressure to see if Arthur was doing all right. Arthur bent forward and bit at Remus's ear, causing him to giggle.

"Hey that tickles!" he laughed, pulling back. "Silly boy." He nuzzled Arthur again who nuzzled back. He looked so tired and worn out. Remus stroked him, debating whether or not to use him. He didn't really have any way to get a letter back to his parents, unless he got one of the Marauders to attach the letter to the school owl. "Are you... up for a trip?"

Arthur snuggled closer and Remus continued petting him, wishing he could talk to Arthur, or rather understand what Arthur said. He wished he knew how weak Arthur felt.

"Maybe I should use a school owl," he murmured. Arthur gave an angry squawk and flapped his wings. "Oh—hey, calm down, it's all right." Arthur began pecking at Remus's pocket for the letter. "Look, I'm just worried about you!" Arthur stuck his beak in the pocket and pulled the letter out, giving Remus a look. Remus sighed. "All right, all right. You win. but be sure to rest plenty on the way, okay?" Arthur headbutt him very lightly. Remus rubbed his head. "Please be careful."

Arthur gave one last hoot then flew off. Remus got to his feet, going to watch him out the window, flying off into the dusk. Remus watched him until he couldn't see him anymore, then hugged the cloak around himself, shuffling to the door, trying not to worry.