The Avengers Whump & Bromance Anthology

The One Where Tony, Steve, and Clint Go Camping

Part 1

Whumptober 2020

PenPatronus

Steve had never been camping (beyond that period when he was 5-6 years old and he and his family had to live in a transient camp in the woods, because his dad lost his job. Clint said that didn't count).

Tony had only been glamping (Clint said that didn't count, either).

So, one weekend, Clint convinced Steve and Tony to go on what he called an "honest" camping trip. They hiked deep into the forest to a lake with small backpacks and sleeping bags. They hunted their food. They left their phones and every other luxury at home. The fun lasted two days. The night of the second day, while the boys were laughing around a campfire, a HYDRA helicopter flew overhead. It hovered for a moment, its spotlight blinding the Avengers. And then the bullets rained down and the helicopter dropped a small missile right into their campfire. The three men scattered in opposite directions as the forest exploded.

Steve woke up in a snow globe of sparks. He was lying on his back, staring up at a burning tree that was starting to fall over – directly onto him. Steve pedaled backwards, ankles digging into dirt and leaves, then he did a quick backwards summersault the rest of the way, yelping in pain when he put weight on his right foot. The tree collapsed right next to him, but Steve didn't hear it. His ears were ringing like church bells. His foot was throbbing. He examined it, and found a bloody hole. One of the bullets had gone right through his boot, just south of his toes. Steve started coughing, then. Several trees were on fire, not to mention the dry debris on the ground, and the whole area was quickly filling up with gray smoke. "ST—" he half-yelled, choking. "STARK! BARTON!"

Clint woke up facedown, half in and half out of the lake. He dove into the water the second he spotted the descending missile, but that didn't completely save him from the shockwave of fire. His clothes were burnt in several places, as was the skin beneath them. A bullet had nicked his left elbow. It was bleeding – the top half shouting in pain, the bottom half numb. Clint coughed out the water that had accumulated in his lungs and used his right arm to push himself up onto his knees. The campsite was annihilated. There was nothing left but fire. Trees were falling or burning up. His eyes watered from the smoke. "CAP!" he called into the fog. "STARK!"

Tony woke up on his side. For a long time, he just lay there, marveling in the fact that when he'd started running, he ran head-first into an oak tree. The genius had knocked himself unconscious and, judging by the swirling in his stomach, he'd given himself a concussion. He didn't want to move. If he did, he'd realize how much trouble he was in. And he was in deep. Shit. He'd been shot in two places – that much he remembered – but he couldn't recall where. So, Tony just lay on a pile of leaves and acorns and stared, mesmerized, as the fire on the ground inched closer to him. The heat of it stung the back of his throat. He could just fall asleep right there – just disappear. Damned if he moved, damned if he didn't. The acorns weren't so bad…

Something shoved its way under his armpits from behind him and lifted him up into a sitting position. "Tony," came Clint's voice, breathless in his ear, "Tony, get up!"

Steve emerged from the smoke like a ghost. He slid to his knees in front of Tony and held both hands out. The concussed Tony reached back out of habit and between Steve pulling and Clint pushing, he got up onto his feet.

He promptly collapsed. Steve pulled harder and Clint pushed harder – then they changed their tactics and pulled Tony's arms across their shoulders, holding him up instead of trying to help him hold himself. Tony's wounded body shrieked at him. There was a bullet in his leg, but he wasn't sure where because the entire limb was on fire. There was a bullet in his torso, but he wasn't sure where because everything from his neck down to his bellybutton was pulsating with pain. Frowning, confusion from the concussion setting in, Tony looked at his teammates and saw that they, too, were disoriented and bleeding and Tony wondered if there was ash and soot and dirt all over his skin, too. Steve was limping and coughing. Clint's busted elbow was dripping blood, and he was coughing. Tony suddenly realized he hadn't been breathing in a long time and took a deep inhale and he started coughing, too.

Steve and Clint marched forward, initially in different directions, but then Steve submitted to Clint's lead since he knew the woods better. Tony was dragged between them for a good fifty yards before he suddenly remembered how to walk. He tried to – he really did – but the bullet in his leg was sharp and fierce and he nearly passed out when he put weight on it. There was nothing for him to do but relax in his friends' arms. Tony surrendered.

Another hundred yards, and they were far enough away from the fire. Steve, jaw clenched and Adam's apple bouncing, admitted that he needed a break. Together, he and Clint lowered Tony to the ground with his back against a maple tree. Clint collapsed beside him, flat on his back, and Steve slowly lowered himself down, hurt foot outstretched. "Look at that," Clint said. He pointed at the sky. Steve and Tony followed his gaze. With the smoke behind them, and miles from civilization, the stars (including the arc of the Milky Way), stood out striking from the velvet black night. "Wow."

Steve exhaled through a slight smile. Everything in his life was ephemeral, but not the stars. Or pain.

Tony suddenly crawled around the tree, vomited loudly, then crawled back, far slower. For the first time, the three of them really looked at themselves, and each other. They had no sling for Clint's arm, no crutches for Cap to lean on, no bandages for the bullet in Tony's left hip or the bullet in his left kidney. "Leave your phones at home, guys," Tony said mockingly, imitating Clint's voice. "The point is to get away from everything, including technology. No, Tony, you can't bring an Iron Man suit. No, Cap, you can't bring your shield…"

"I'm Tony Stark. The media follows me everywhere because I'm so fucking important. The whole world probably knew we were camping out here – probably because you tweeted it!" Clint shot back. "Why else would HYDRA even know we're out here?"

Steve rolled his eyes and put his face in his hands. "Come on, guys…"

"If we'd brought a simple GPS locator – just something as simple as that – then the others would be able to find us when we don't check in, but NO, no, no technology or we're not going, Tony," Tony mocked.

"I hope you're the first one of us to bleed to death!" Clint spat.

"I hope I do! I won't have to look at your face!"

"Hey!" Steve picked up a fistful of dirt and launched it at the other two men. "Cut it out! Both of you! We're in trouble here. Barton, are we anywhere close to where we can get some help?"

Clint rubbed his eyes and sighed. "Yeah… Yeah, I think. There's a cabin on the other side of the lake. Didn't see lights last night so I doubt there's someone there, but it might have supplies. Maybe a phone if we're lucky."

"How long of a hike?"

"Three miles."

Steve looked down at his shot up foot. He doubted he could walk one mile, let alone three, let alone carrying half of Tony the whole time. That was what he was thinking. What he said was, "Let's get going."

Tony waved his hand like he was shooing away a fly. "You two go on. I'll wait here. You'll get there faster without me."

Clint didn't look at Tony. "You're not safe alone. That helicopter could be circling back to make sure we're dead."

Tony gestured at the holes in his body. He was pale and sweating. Even in the dim moonlight the other two could tell that he was trembling. "Look at me. I'm dead anyway."

"We're not leaving you behind," Clint said between clenched teeth.

"He's right. We have to stay together." Steve limped over to Tony and helped him stand up. "Come on."

Together, the three Avengers made for the cabin.

To Be Continued