When the conference with Dakunia had ended, McCoy slumped back in his chair, feeling too heavy to even try to get up. It felt a bit like being underwater, the sounds surrounding him muted, and every move taking immense effort. All those new, overwhelming facts and fears seemed to be weighing him down, not just figuratively, but literally.
Although it wasn't the part of Hope being a 'duplicate', whatever that really meant, that had knocked him sideways. Sure, he'd have to get his head around that one, figure out the consequences, or side-effects, or fallout, whichever. And certainly deal with his anger about how she'd been treated. But he'd seen stranger things. And however Hope had been 'created', knowing her inside out as her doctor, her friend, her partner, he could say, without the shadow of a doubt, that she was as human as it got.
How she'd react to the news, however, what it would mean for her emotionally, or even for her future, was another story, of course. And, disconcertingly, this time he honestly had no clue whether she'd take it in her stride like most everything else, or break down, as any other person probably would. Either way, they'd tackle this together, work it all out like they did with everything.
Hope was still the same, amazing woman she'd been an hour ago, nothing had changed there. And in case she started to doubt that, he'd keep reminding her of the fact as long as it took for her to return to her confident self again. Heck, she could turn out to be the daughter of a Gorn and a Horta, for all he cared. She'd still be Hope. His girl. The love of his life.
No, it wasn't Hope's history, or 'nature', that bothered the doctor. What scared the living daylights out of him was that business with Section 31, whoever they really were. Dakunia's insistent warning, paired with Jim's visible alarm at the sheer mention of that department, had put the fear of God into him. If Section 31 were as ruthless and dangerous as he had reason to believe, how was he ever going to keep Hope safe? How would he ever be able to sleep again?
He jumped, when the captain sat down heavily in the chair next to him. Jim and Spock, who had been engaged in a quiet conversation at the far end of the briefing room, repeatedly casting him concerned glances, had obviously decided that he'd had enough time to collect himself.
"How am I supposed to keep her safe, Jim?" McCoy blurted out before Kirk had the chance to say anything.
"You mean, 'How are we going to keep her safe'?" the captain corrected him gently, coaxing the hint of a smile out of the doctor.
What would he do without his loyal friends by his side? He couldn't even imagine life without their friendship and support anymore. They were his family, just like Hope and Joanna.
"My God, Jim," he ran a tired hand over his face. "I was expecting a lot of crap from Starfleet, but this Section 31 business certainly surpasses my wildest speculations."
"Calm down, Bones, she's safe here with us," Kirk smiled, resting a comforting hand on the doctor's arm.
"How can you say that?" McCoy cried out, testily shrugging him off. "The way I see it, she isn't safe anywhere!"
"You heard Dakunia," the captain's voice was soothing. "Section 31 deals with threats, they don't concern themselves with harmless girls. And no one will ever learn about her newly discovered memories. For what it's worth, I trust Dakunia. He won't tell a soul. And neither will we, of course."
"More secrets," McCoy sighed miserably. "Will she never be free?"
"Secrets, yes," Kirk agreed softly. "That can't be helped. But this time, she has you and us to talk to. Besides, she's the most resilient person I know."
The doctor threw his friend a pained look. Of course Hope was resilient! Not least because she had to be.
"And she's also the happiest, Bones," Jim added with a warm smile. "You make her happy. You're the best thing that could have happened to her. With your help, she can overcome anything. She's a very lucky woman, and she knows it."
"At least, now we can be sure that she will not need to return to the past," Spock cut in, saving McCoy from the emotional moment Kirk had created. "Unless she wants to, and we can find a way to make it happen, of course. Maybe you should discuss this with her at some point?"
The doctor felt a cold hand grip his heart. Would Hope want to go back if she had the chance? Now that she knew about her children?
"You all right Bones?" the captain's gentle voice brought him back to the present.
"What am I even going to tell her, Jim?" McCoy groaned. "Where do I begin? How do you tell someone that they're a 'duplicate'?"
He was sorely tempted not to tell Hope anything at all, suddenly understanding why Dakunia had chosen that path. There was nothing but heartache to be gained from knowing the truth. But then, he'd have to find some other explanation for her flashbacks. And that would mean lying to her, which, of course, he couldn't do. She'd been lied to enough already, and she deserved nothing but the truth.
Besides, he couldn't build their marriage on a secret, on lies, no matter how much he'd love to spare her the heartache. No, the way to go was to be completely honest and then just be there for her. Ease the pain as best he could. Not to mention that she needed to know how serious this was. That she couldn't tell anyone. That she had to stay safe.
"I know what you're thinking, Bones," Kirk broke into his thoughts. "But she's waiting for answers. Those memories won't just go away. There's no way around telling her."
"And don't you think I know that?" McCoy blustered. "Of course, I'm going to tell her. We can't start making up new lies. She deserves the truth. If for nothing else but to stay safe."
Jim nodded mildly, and the doctor felt himself deflate.
"But where do I start?" he looked helplessly at Kirk. "How do I say what needs to be said? How do I soften the blow, prepare her for what's to come?"
"You're a doctor," the captain replied. "It's not the first time you've had to break unpleasant news to someone. You'll find the right words. Besides, Hope's much stronger than you give her credit for. I'm pretty sure she'll surprise you. She'll be relieved to have answers, to finally know the truth. She may need some time to adjust, to get to grips with the situation, but with your help she'll come out the other side stronger. Like she has every time. Nothing we've learned today will destroy her life. Or her happiness, for that matter. Because she won't let it."
"Thanks Jim," McCoy smiled, getting up. "I needed to hear that. And you're certainly right. They don't come any stronger than Hope."
Of course, Jim was right. Hope was one of the strongest people he knew.
Certainly stronger than I am, he sighed inwardly, looking gloomily at his usually so steady hands that he just couldn't seem to stop from trembling now.
Truthfully, the only thing still keeping him together was the knowledge that Hope was safe for the moment. Here on the Enterprise. With him. Needing him. That she was only a few steps away, happy to let him hold her and feel her reassuring presence, to show her how loved she was, how special, how wonderful. He couldn't change the things that had happened to her. But he could still give her all the love and care, the Geborgenheit she craved and deserved. Powerless as he was to change the past, he certainly had the power to make her future the happiest it could be.
Hope must be rubbing off on me, he thought, shaking his head in wonder, because instead of weighed down and helpless, he suddenly felt animated, imagining all the nice things he would do for her.
"Now go tell her," Kirk clapped an encouraging hand on his friend's back as the three officers made their way to the door. "And take tomorrow off, if you need to."
But when the doors slid open, and the doctor saw Hope already standing there, anxiously waiting for him, his resolve crumbled, and all he could do was pull her into the tightest hug and back inside the briefing room.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Jenny couldn't suppress a surprised yelp at being so unceremoniously yanked into the briefing room, and into the mother of all bear hugs. And, of course, it didn't take a genius to realise that Leonard had been seriously rattled, and that that was to do with her, or more precisely, with the conference call he'd just ended with Admiral Dakunia, as Uhura had informed her only a few minutes ago.
Needless to say, the intensity of McCoy's embrace, normally her safe place, was making her feel rather uneasy right now. The way he'd wrapped his arms around her, almost crushing her, burying his face in her hair and clinging to her as if he hadn't seen her only this morning, and after an incredible night, too, could only mean one thing. What they were going to tell her wasn't pleasant.
She'd been surprised when Spock had asked her and her team to check the latest translator update for a rather unusual bug that afternoon, but had also been grateful to have her mind taken off her worries and fears. And, of course, she'd suspected that that had exactly been the first officer's intention, recognising it as one of his subtle kindnesses. It hadn't occurred to her, however, that he was trying to keep a subspace meeting with Dakunia from her.
When Jenny and her staff had finished their assignment, she'd been thinking about calling a band rehearsal, or asking Chekov for a training session, to keep busy and give Leonard a breather from her constant yammering and whining, which seemed to be all she was doing lately. But then she'd thought better of it. In her current state of mind, she might just have started telling Nyota or Pavel about her woes, drawing them into her issues as well. And she didn't feel comfortable with that at all.
She was the one people came to for help, and support, and an open ear. The other way round would simply feel wrong. Except with poor Leonard, who'd been her confidant and counsellor from the beginning. She knew, of course, that the doctor didn't mind, even enjoyed worrying about her in his own peculiar way. He couldn't help it, it was how he demonstrated love. Probably how he felt it, too. And deeply so, because there was no other way he knew how to feel. Leonard felt everything very deeply.
But she'd still always tried not to bother him with every little problem, every issue, every hiccup. She wasn't this needy, clingy girlfriend, or at least she didn't want to be. On the contrary. Given the doctor's proneness to worrying and brooding, she always tried to be upbeat and positive around him. To cheer him up when he was in one of his moods. To show him how pleasant and wonderful life really was. Only, with her flashbacks and emerging memories, she hadn't been very successful at that recently. The worry about where it all came from, and whether she was going crazy, had become too much of a constant companion in her mind.
So, when Uhura had let on that Leonard, Kirk and Spock were in a mysterious meeting with Dakunia, her heart rate had instantly gone up by a million bpm. Immediately heading for the briefing room, all she'd been able to do was keep from barging in, sticking to pacing the corridor outside instead, and trying not to think about why she hadn't been included in the meeting. She just couldn't wait to hear what new information Dakunia had divulged. At that point, it didn't really matter if it was good or bad news anymore. She just wanted to have clarity. To know the truth about herself, even if the consequences were severe. Anything was better than this uncertainty.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Unable to hold off any longer, she gently disengaged herself from Leonard's embrace, and, wondering how to pose the question she so desperately needed answered without breaking down in front of the captain and Spock, decided to try the casual approach.
"So, that bad, eh?" she began, her voice surprisingly strong. "Am I officially going crazy now?"
Leonard just wordlessly shook his head, and Kirk, for once, seemed to be at a loss for words, too.
Only Spock, the epitome of calm, as always, answered, "Indeed, you are not, Lieutenant. Your sanity is perfectly intact, no need for concern there. However, there are quite a number of new facts that you need to hear about. Would you like Dr. McCoy to fill you in on everything in private, or would you rather we told you here right away?"
Jenny would really have preferred to do this in private. To have Leonard tenderly hold her while he gently let her in on all these 'new facts'. But given how upset the doctor seemed, and assuming that Spock hadn't suggested for them all to tell her together without reason, she decided to take him up on the offer. Leonard definitely looked like he could use his friends' support, an observation that certainly did nothing to reassure her.
"I think I'd rather you just told me right away. I really can't wait any longer," she replied, the relief on McCoy's face not going unnoticed, as he tenderly led her over to a chair.
He seemed to have his act back together now, all reassuring smiles and comforting hands in the small of her back or around her waist again, and Jenny instantly felt far less afraid, despite knowing that it probably was just that: an act. But even so, there was nothing like Leonard in calm doctor mode to make her feel safe and secure.
Just as she was sitting down, however, McCoy had a change of heart and, pressing a soft kiss to her temple, said, "You know, it's really a good idea to have Jim and Spock help me get all the facts straight when I tell you. But I still think we should do this in our quarters. It's more comfortable there. After all, this is a private matter and not some strategy meeting."
Absurdly, the only thing Jenny could think at that moment was that he'd just called them 'our quarters' for the first time in front of others, probably ever. Totally unrelated and certainly not the issue here, but oh so wonderful to hear. Something heart-warming and joyful to hold on to in the midst of this unnerving and mind-boggling situation. And she wouldn't put it past Leonard to have saved those words for an occasion like this, perfectly aware that they were sure to put a smile in her heart.
