Enjoy!
Christine
Chapter 94
The Sacrifice
My father was worried as well. After the amount of love he'd seen Erik show me, his sudden absence confused us both.
It was midday, a week after I'd last seen him, that Erik arrived at my bedroom door in Nadir's house.
A million questions raced through my mind as I watched him stand there in the doorway, eyes dark, looking at me. There was a stack of paper in his hands.
"May I come in?" he asked softly.
I nodded, feeling a pit in my stomach. I closed the door after him. "Erik-"
"Christine," he said, at the exact same moment. He waited for me to continue, but I nodded for him to speak. "Christine, I love you."
My face contorted. "Then why-"
"Please." His voice was gentle but firm. "Please, before you speak, listen."
I closed my mouth.
"I love you more than anything," he said, gaze hard, pinning into me, "but I have to be the one to go into that Chamber."
My mouth went dry. "But Nadir-"
"Has a son."
I stared at him.
"Nadir is the only family that Reza has left."
"You can't." I gripped the doorknob behind me. I needed to hold on to something.
I saw a grimace in his mouth. "Christine, if Reza is orphaned when I could have prevented it - if he is left without family because I wanted to live happily ever after with you - I will never forgive myself."
"He could come home with us," I suggested, but my voice wouldn't go above a whisper. "He could be...we could take care of him in France."
Sadness lined his eyes. "Reza adores our company, yes, Christine, but he loves his father. More than you realize, I think. And Nadir - as cold as he seems, he has unending warmth for his son. I would hate myself for destroying that. And you?" He closed his eyes. "Christine, you have your father now, too. And you and he can leave for France once the Shah is gone - with or without me."
No.
No no no.
No, this was all wrong.
"I thought you loved me," I said, voice breaking. I felt tears forming in my eyes. "I thought you wanted to marry me."
"I do love you, Christine." His voice broke too. He took a shaky breath. "And I could survive this. If Ibrahim is right, and the Shah would break before the heat kills-"
"Then Nadir could do it. If the Shah will break, then Nadir will survive-"
"But there's a chance that won't happen."
"Exactly!" My voice was shrill. Erik looked pained as he took me in. "You can't do this. You're so...you're so selfish! You can't make me fall in love with you all these months, all this time, and then do this! You asked me before if I was angry with you for planning to do this behind my back, but I wasn't, because Nadir volunteered instead. But now you- Now I'm furious!" Hot, fat tears slid down my face. "You can't do this. You can't just rip yourself away from me. It's not fair."
I knew he was crying too, but he didn't take his eyes off of me. He stared at me, taking my words, unflinching.
There was silence, and then he responded, gently, "I am glad that you hate me."
I was incredulous. "What?"
"It will be easier to forget me. And should I survive, I will deserve your hatred then too."
I wanted to scream. I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I wanted to break something.
"Please," I begged him. "Please don't do this."
He finally looked away. "The Chamber was finished this morning," he said. "Nadir knows where I stand on this. Ibrahim does too. And now you know. You'll tell your father, and he will know. Reza will learn. This is my punishment for taking the lives of hundreds - I will either die and take the Shah with me, or I will survive and lose you. I know you hate me now, Christine." He paused. "I will always love you." A pause, and then he dropped the stack of papers on the bed. "Please read this. I never did get the chance to tell you about my life. Should you care to know...it's all right there."
He didn't kiss me. He didn't hug me.
I think it was for the better. I think we both would have broken apart should he have done so.
He left.
Leaving me alone with those papers.
And the problem with his logic, I decided as he closed the door behind him, was that I didn't hate him.
The problem was that I loved him more than words could ever say.
Hands shaking, I picked up the papers and read.
