Pehea wau i ʻike ai i kou makuahine
Based on the characters and stories of Hawaii Five-0.
Hawaii Five-0 is owned by CBS and their respective creators.
Mel tapped away on her phone before tucking it back in her pocket. She offered Catherine another tissue and a look of indifference. The evening sun peeked through the blinds that hung over the office window. Catherine glanced at the clock on the wall, "Oh my god, I've been in here for four hours." She swiped her fingers across her cheeks and stood up from the chair.
"Seems like something you should probably be doing on a regular basis." Mel chided as she stood up and leaned behind her desk to grab her purse and car keys.
"Thanks for listening, Mel."
She snorted, "That's what they pay me the big bucks to do." Catherine and Mel exchanged a look before bursting into a fit of giggles, "Okay, so the pay is shit, but I like the job." Catherine just shook her head as she made her way to the door. "One more thing."
Mel's last words came a little too late. Catherine opened the door only to find a very sullen Steve sitting on the floor against the wall across from the office.
"You need to talk to your husband." Mel walked up behind Catherine who was staring at Steve. She handed Catherine an appointment reminder card, "That's when I expect you back here." She twisted a brass key off of her key ring and tossed it to Steve. "Tissues are in my desk. Bottom left. Whiskey's in the bottom right. I expect the whiskey to be replaced and the door to be locked when you're done. No sex in my office. Good night, McGarretts." Without another word, she disappeared down the hallway.
Catherine wrung her hands together as she stared at Steve. "Hi."
"Hey." His voice was worried, thin, and worn.
She looked down the hall to the left and then to the right, "Where are the kids?"
Steve pushed off the floor and stood a foot away from her with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Tani offered to watch them. She and Junior just picked 'em up on their way home." He took another step closer, "Mel texted me and said she, uh, she thought you and I should talk." He saw the hesitation written on her face and closed the space between them. "Hey." He whispered as he cradled her jaw in his hands. He stared deep into her eyes, his gaze piercing her soul. "I love you, you know."
"I know." She whispered back. "I love you too."
He rummaged around in Mel's desk until he found the bottle of Jack. Unsurprisingly, she had two lowball glasses tucked away in the drawer. He poured two fingers of whiskey in each tumbler before stowing the bottle back in the desk. Tonight wasn't a night for getting wasted. He walked over to the couch where Catherine had settled and handed her a glass, "Cheers."
"Salud." Catherine took a sip before setting the glass on the floor, "What… What exactly did Mel tell you?"
Steve sat down beside her, "She said I should ask about the office." Shrugging, he added on, "That's it. She, uh, said she wasn't going to tell me anything else or she'd be breaking HIPAA." He cracked a wry smile.
Catherine took a deep breath, "The, um…. The new wing…" She pointed around the room, "Your office, Mel's… this department…" She sighed, "Years ago when Billy started the firm, he took out a pretty big life insurance policy for himself. After he died, his dad came by the house and brought me this letter Billy had written. They found it when they were cleaning out his apartment. In it, he, um, he talked about starting the business and what he wanted to do with it. He… he wanted to use the business to give back. Said he wanted to do something good for the world. That he wanted to start by upgrading the old V.A. offices so vets would feel more comfortable coming by…"
"You were the reason they built the Special Warfare Operators department."
She shrugged and shook her head, "It was Billy's money. I just made the donation. Made sure it actually went to what he wanted it to go to."
Steve wrapped his arm around her. His thumb stroked her wrist, "So that's why you avoid this place, huh? Reminds you of him too much?"
"I hate that damn memorial wall." She muttered. "I hate looking at it."
"Me too." Steve admitted. He pressed a kiss onto her shoulder as she leaned back into his chest.
The warmth of the whiskey flooded her body as she took another sip, "There's something else."
He nuzzled his nose against the back of her neck and rested his forehead on her shoulder, "Talk to me." He mumbled.
"Something happened… the night that - the night that he died." Catherine's head hung down as she stared at her reflection in the glass. "Steve, I… I never told you, but he and I…" She sat up and tried to lean away from him, but he held her securely against his body. Steve wasn't going to be scared off that easily. "Billy came on to me when we were on the stakeout. We kind of had a moment and he… he made it pretty clear that he wanted to be together. In more than a business sense." She felt Steve's chest rise for four seconds and then fall very, very slowly.
"What, uh, what happened?"
"We almost kissed." It sounded so juvenile recounting it nearly ten years later. "I mean, almost as in, it was basically there… And I… I didn't tell him no. And I should have. But instead of telling him no, I just told him to go check something in the back of the van so we'd have some space between us." Catherine shook her head, "Mel said something earlier… She said that doubt cuts deeper than fear…. I- I was doubting you. And doubting us. And I… I just... I let it get to me. Rather than trusting you to have my six, I… let it get the best of me. And then he died. Because I couldn't get my head right and do my job." She took a long drink and finished off her glass.
Steve took her empty tumbler and set it back on the floor. "Tell me something." He began, "If things had been different…. If he was still… hadn't been... you know... Would you, uh, would you have done things different? Been with him?"
Catherine looked down at their entwined fingers. Their wedding bands. Her engagement ring. "No." She shook her head, "Before the shooting started, we, uh, we had talked about grabbing a bite at the Wailana. I was gonna tell him he needed to back off or he would need to find someone else for the job…. But..."
"But you never got the chance." He filled in.
"Yeah." She chewed on her lip, "I just… I tried to stay busy. You remember- I ran and worked out all the time after that. I was so fucking in shape." She leaned her head backwards and smiled softly at him.
Steve pecked her lips as his hand slid across her soft curves. Two kids and over the hill- he liked this version of Catherine best. "Didn't help, huh?"
Catherine shook her head, "No. Distractions were… They were just that. Distractions. And it didn't deal with the problem. The problem was that he died and it was my fault."
His grip on her tightened, "Cath, you- you gotta stop saying that. It wasn't your fault. None of it. It wasn't your fault that he couldn't take a damn hint that you were spoken for. It's not your fault that a shooter came out of nowhere and got lucky." Steve chuckled, "We get shot at all the time. Someone's bound to get lucky once in a while."
She gave him a swift jab in the side with her elbow, "That's a terrible joke." Her voice was restrained as she bit back a snicker.
"Then why are you trying not to laugh?" He grinned.
Catherine leaned back into him, "Because I may or may not have a slight buzz right now and you know what one-drink Catherine is like."
Steve reclined on the couch and pulled her down with him, "So what, uh, what helped?" He kissed her neck, "What changed?"
"Everything I did after that… It was like I was trying to atone for his death... And nothing made it better. That if I could help someone or save someone- that would pay the debt for Billy. A life for a life, you know? Finding Sato for Kono. Joining Five-0. Going after Najib. Joining the CIA- I mean, there was the whole being blackmailed thing with that, but I embraced it. And then there was the whole getting Doris out of Morocco thing…. Showing up in Montana when you called after Joe died. Going after Omar Hassan and Greer on his behalf. Nothing made it right. Nothing will ever make it right because truth is- Billy shouldn't have died. He was a SEAL and I've been in combat. He shouldn't have died. It's on me and it's just never made sense. There's… there's no rhyme or reason to it."
Steve propped his head up on the arm rest and looked down at her, "There's no logic behind death and loss." He argued, "Trying to, uh, to reason it out can take you to some pretty dark places. Guilt. Blame. Trying to hide from your pain by distracting yourself…." She looked up at him with a knowing smile. Steve rolled his eyes, "I know, I know. Preaching to the choir." He chuckled, "But, uh, you know, something I learned after mom died… Blaming yourself doesn't heal anything. Acceptance and gratitude do."
"How the hell can I be grateful when he's dead?" Just saying the words made her voice crumble.
"You can be grateful that he lived. Grateful that you knew him. That he was really important to you. He, uh… As much as I hate saying it- he was there for you when I wasn't. It's okay to be grateful for those things. Doesn't change you and me- where we are now. Just keeps us thankful for the people who got us here."
She curled into his side and closed her eyes, "But how do you stop thinking about the loss?"
Steve shrugged, "It's not easy, but what's the alternative?"
Catherine thought for a minute as the gentle tapping of raindrops hitting the window lulled her into a meditative mood, "I guess…"
"Cath, there's no amount of grief and guilt that can change the past. What matters is what you do now."
There should be a law that Steve McGarrett- decorated Navy SEAL and real-life Adonis with eyes deep like the ocean and a crooked smile that melts steel- should NEVER be allowed to hold tiny infants against his broad, muscular chest. Should NEVER be allowed to smile at that infant like she's his whole world, or to laugh and tickle her as he cleans up her face after a riot of a dinner.
Catherine watched from the sink as Steve wiped Baby Joan's cheeks with a damp washcloth. With every swipe he would tap her nose or blow a raspberry on her cheek. A few hours with her and he was a natural. The sight of the two of them together had her ovaries screaming. Why yes, Steven, I will have all your babies. Wait. What?! Where had that thought come from? Catherine wasn't a baby person. Kids over the age of seven, sure. Babies? Toddlers? Little kids? No way.
Damn it. The man's pheromones should be considered narcotics.
"Are your hormones going into overdrive yet?" Mary sided up to Catherine at the sink and began to dry the clean dishes. She glanced over to make sure her brother was out of earshot before continuing, "I know- you're like… the female Steve, BUT you're still a woman. And he may be my brother, but I'm aware of what he looks like, and the combination of him playing with Joan must be making you crazy. In a good way."
Catherine shook her head and tried to dismiss the thought that Mary had so accurately pegged. "She's very cute."
Mary rolled her eyes, "Seriously? Your big, tough boyfriend is playing with a baby and all you can say is 'she's cute'?" Catherine opened her mouth to protest the boyfriend aspect of the remark, but Mary beat her to it, "Don't even. You're living together. He's your boyfriend."
She wasn't wrong. Catherine had packed up most of her belongings and moved them into a storage unit after the lease on her house ended. The few clothes that weren't Navy uniforms made the move to his place. Everything else was boxed up, taped up, and meticulously labeled and organized to be dealt with another day. "Fine." Catherine bit back a smile, "She's very cute and he's good with her. Happy?"
"You've got it bad." She grinned.
"Got what bad?"
"Baby fever."
Catherine rolled her eyes, "Hell no. They're cute to look at, but too messy for me. And they're always sticky. Why are they always sticky?!"
Mary waved her hand dismissively, "You're thinking about toddlers. Toddlers are the sticky ones. Babies are perfect." She dried the last dish and slid it into the cupboard. "You just need some baby snuggles. You'll come around." Her head snapped around as she waved Steve over, "Steve! Let Catherine hold Joan."
"No, no." Catherine backed away as Steve walked in holding Joan. The countertop bit into her back as she shot Steve a look that was best described as, "Keep that thing the hell away from me."
"Cath, it's a baby, not a bomb. Just hold her for a sec." He chuckled.
She shook her head, "I'm good. Really. I, uh, I don't wanna take away from your family...bonding."
Steve stifled a smile. Catherine Rollins was willing to take on a Yakuza goon in a bathroom without so much as a gun or a partner waiting in the wings, yet here she was: terrified of a sixteen pound chunk of giggles. "C'mon. I just cleaned her up. Hold her."
Catherine could count on one hand the number of times she had held a baby. It only took two fingers and both times she passed them back to their owners as soon as they cried - which they always did. "I have to go do some stuff for work."
"Bullshit. You work for me now and you're off duty." Steve raised a mischievous eyebrow.
"Language, Steve! But seriously, Catherine? Bad excuse. Hold the baby." Mary chimed in.
"Hold the baby, Catherine." He walked closer and held Joan with outstretched arms.
Catherine leaned away as if the mere presence of Joan would have her weak in the knees. She was right to be wary. It did. Joan giggled and cooed as Catherine's eyes widened in terror. "Please don't make me do this." She whispered just loud enough for only Steve to hear.
He was enjoying this way too much to back off, "Hold. The. Baby."
Cautiously, she wrapped her hands around Joan's torso and took her from Steve, tucking Joan into her side. "Hi…." She mumbled nervously. Joan's gummy smile spread from ear to ear. Catherine's eyebrows raised and Joan broke into a fit of giggles. The giggles quickly turned into a full-on belly laugh as Catherine tickled her tummy.
Mary stepped up and stood beside Steve, "Hold on." She said, bending down dramatically. She stood up and turned to Steve, "Here's your jaw. Picked it up off the floor." She peered over out of the corner of her eye as Steve stood entranced by Catherine holding Joan, "Is it cool if I run out to the store real quick and get another pack of diapers?"
"Uh huh." Steve nodded as he crossed his arms over his chest, watching Catherine make faces at the baby.
"Is Joan okay here with you and Catherine?"
"Uh huh."
"Steve?" Mary muttered.
"Huh?"
She smirked as she grabbed her purse, "I'll be gone twenty minutes. Keep it together, big guy. You're practically drooling."
Steve closed the door to the bedroom and prowled across the hardwood floor. Mary had been right. She was only gone twenty minutes, but that had been twenty minutes of watching Catherine fall in love with a squishy, giggly little girl. It nearly made him fall to pieces. He didn't think it would be appropriate to shove Catherine up against a wall and kiss her until coherent thought left her mind when they were supposed to be looking after a baby, so he sat on the couch and watched her like a hawk instead. As soon as Mary came through the door, hauling in a case of diapers, He excused himself for the night, made sure the house was locked up, and stalked Catherine up the stairs to the bedroom.
"So how's it feel?" He asked as he stood behind Catherine at the bathroom sink and tapped on the Five-0 badge that was clipped onto her belt.
Catherine turned to face him and leaned against the sink, "A little bit like a hand-out." She laid her palms squarely on his chest, "You sure the governor's gonna be okay with us working together?"
"We've worked together before." His arms snaked around her waist and pulled her closer, "Remember? Because I, uh, I seem to remember something about you having it bad for your C.O. and as much as he TRIED to resist you, you, uh, got him under your spell anyways."
She rolled her eyes and snorted, "Oh, that's how you remember it?"
"Mhm." He grunted as he twisted her hair into his fist and gave it a firm tug backwards. Catherine complied and stretched out her neck as he began to work his way down to her shoulder, kissing and nipping as he went.
"Commander…." She whispered seductively.
"Lieutenant." He replied, moving back up and slowly kissing behind her ear.
Catherine closed her eyes and ran her fingers down his chest. This was bliss. A whimper escaped her lips. Steve quickly silenced it with a deep kiss. Her eyes grew dark with desire as she arched her back and pressed closer into him. Quickly, Steve bent down and grabbed the back of her thighs. She wrapped them around his waist as he walked into the bedroom and gently laid her back onto the bed.
"You know." She choked out as he wiggled her jeans down. The badge fell onto the floor with a clatter. "If we're… working...Oh, God. Yes." She groaned as his hands roamed her body.
He kissed her gently, nipping at her lower lip. "What was that?" He smirked.
She tried to catch her breath, but Steve had somehow taken away her ability to do that. "You're gonna have to treat me like one of the boys. Not your…. Not your girl- Ohmygodyes."
Her thoughts were interrupted by a pillow being slid under her head. "No way you're one of the boys.'" He growled. "You're mine."
The pleasure was magnificent. Steve knew all the little places to kiss and touch to drive her crazy. The inside of her thigh, behind her ear, the soft flesh under her jaw. Catherine soaked up every moment of him worshipping her body. She had been intimate with boyfriends in the past, but this was on a whole new level. This was more than sex. It was more than just a physical urge to be satisfied. There was no one on the earth that they trusted more than each other.
Steve and Catherine laid in a tangle of sheets, out of breath, and glowing from the sweat and the endorphins. Catherine's head lay on his chest, her hand resting on his abs. His thumb brushed across the angry bruise just above her eyebrow. "How's it feel? That guy, uh, Kuroda, he got you good."
Catherine smirked, "You shoulda seen the damage on him."
"You know." He mumbled, "Watching you, uh, put that thigh strap on… With that dress. That red lipstick..." He grinned, "You probably coulda killed him just standing there." He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, "So damn sexy."
She yawned and curled into his side. "Me in a thigh strap, you holding a baby. I guess we, uh, have some new turn-ons."
"Me holding a baby, huh?" His low chuckle nearly shook the bed, "You know, you looked pretty cute standing there all terrified of her. Badass Navy girl- scared of a baby."
Catherine rolled her eyes, "Please. Danny told me how you kept delegating her to everyone else all day."
Steve rolled over and nipped at her shoulder, "Don't even pretend with me, Rollins. You liked holding her. Mary had to practically pry her out of your hands when she got back."
"I'm not good with babies and I don't like them."
He snorted and playfully pinched her ass. "I hope those little panties of yours don't catch on fire, cause that was a lie if I ever heard one."
Catherine giggled and swatted his hand away. "Hands to yourself, Commander."
"You seem happier today." Steve tilted her chin to the right and kissed her.
"I'm trying." She admitted as they lingered on each other's lips.
Steve laced his fingers into hers, "It's gonna be good. Trust me." He kissed the star tattoo on the back of her neck, "I got your six."
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hey, you! thanks for reading! Leave your thoughts and feedback in the reviews!
The CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE CHAPTER is happening! Check out the prompts below and tell me your votes in the reviews!
1. Steamy scene, verbal fight, or physical fight.
2. Choose a pair to throw in the chapter: Danny and Grace, Evelyn and Tom, Junior and Tani, Chin and Kono, Quinn and Lincoln, or Grover and Renee.
3. Choose a line to be worked into the chapter: Fork or Hula Hoop
"I wanted to stab him with my fork, but I didn't want to ruin my meal with blood spatter. I had priorities, after all."
OR
"It would be hard to beat a man senseless with a plastic Hula-Hoop, and yet for a longer than I'd like to admit, I considered trying."
I'll have these options on Instagram and Twitter as well (Follow me at XOMaggieWrites) and will give a heads-up before the CYOA chapter is published. (It won't be immediate.)
Have a wonderful weekend, y'all!
XO,
-Mags-
