Summary:
What happens in Godric's Hollow...
Notes:
This chapter is dedicated to Maddie ( nobothersgiventoday on tumblr) as a belated (very!) birthday present, and who is a complete dote and a beautiful person! The ending was going to be too long (who wants to read a 12K chapter?!) so I have split the final chapter in two and I will be posting the second part in a few days... I hope you like it and that it doesn't disappoint (*hiding behind couch*)!
Chapter 51: Heroes
I, I can remember (I remember)
And the guns shot above our heads (over our heads)
And we kissed as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)
And the shame was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
Then we could be Heroes, just for one day
David Bowie (1977) Heroes
Previously…
"Dear gods, please let them be alright," he repeated, his nausea and panic and horror growing. "Not this, oh fuck, not this, please! Please!"
Hurtling through the sky at ever increasing speed, aware at any moment the machine might disintegrate beneath him, heart pounding in his ribcage, what have I done, what have I done, what have I done…
His thoughts stuck in a loop, like a scratched record, gnawing at every nerve fibre, squeezing his chest until he thought he might combust with the confusion and the horror and the dawning, terrible realisation…
What have I done…
How very unlike him. What had he hoped to achieve, running at Voldemort like an idiot, without a plan? To save James, to give them more time? Had he believed himself capable of taking on Voldemort single-handedly, telling Reg and Kreacher to save Lily and Harry as soon as he heard the blast? Reg had started duelling Peter even as he ran. But he was the expendable one. Not so badly thought out, after all.
How quickly life oozed out of him. He felt as though he were falling, unable to breathe, his breath pushed out of him, his heart racing but weak, as though it might cease to beat soon. Maybe he was still in the werewolf camp. Fenrir Greyback's pack. Vicious hands around his throat, at least once a day, throttling him as he gasped.
"Why are you here, Remus Lupin?"
"I had to..." unable to get enough oxygen into his lungs to speak.
"Answer me!"
"Had to leave… they found out," he gasped for air.
"Did they?" a loud laugh, hands still cutting off his airways.
"Let me go!" rasping.
"What are you?" Loosening his vicelike grip on Remus' throat long enough to let him reply.
"A werewolf," knowing what Fenrir demanded to hear.
"Who turned you?"
"Greyback."
"Who decides if you live or die?"
"Greyback."
Pressing his pointed nails into his neck as he inhaled sharply.
"Why are you here Remus?"
"I had to leave..."
"Why, did your friends find out?"
Nodding.
"Do they hate you now?"
Nodding.
"Are you despised because you are a beast?"
"Yes"
"What is this?" Running his thumb over the invisible branding on his neck which he had been trying to locate.
"They..." voice breaking.
Gasping as Greyback squeezed his neck again.
"The-they branded me…"
"Of course they did, you disgust them. In the same way your friends find you disgusting?"
"Yes."
The same way your father finds you disgusting, doesn't he?"
"Yes."
Each time he said them, these lines, he believed them a little bit more. Sometimes he forgot, why he was even there, sometimes he believed everything that Fenrir said. He had no friends. Everyone despised him. He could never go back.
The others told him it would stop eventually, whenever Greyback decided he had "trained him in… like a dog". It hadn't. He tried to keep a low profile, he tried to remind himself his only role was to spy on Greyback and report back to Dumbledore. But it was hard to say nothing, to do nothing, seeing the way Greyback treated the others. He had gotten himself hurt by sticking his oar in a few times, despite himself. He was a Gryffindor after all. A few of the other werewolves, the more reckless ones, had seen it as a sign to fight back, to question Greyback's dictatorship. Perhaps they hoped he could defeat Greyback and take over as Pack Leader. Fenrir had sensed it, had smelled the mild rebellion before it even started. Had killed one of the two main instigators, the one who always reminded him a bit of Sirius, too brave, in front of them all, run a knife through him, all the while looking at Remus, smiling. As though to remind him that this was all his fault. That only for him, there would have been no deaths. Then he had made another pack member kill the second rebel. Still looking at Remus, and laughing. He couldn't stand it any longer. Perhaps that had been Greyback's intention all along. He had bolted that night. Left them. Disgusted at himself. It had taken him another three days to muster up the courage to return to the flat. To face them all. To face himself.
With these thoughts for company, he drifted into unconsciousness…
…
The Potter's cottage came into view, and his motorbike dived down recklessly, at breakneck speed.
He could see the cottage. Did that mean…?
"Oh gods, Merlin, fuck!" he choked, sensing the dangerous wards, what that meant, at the last second and veering off sideways, almost careering into a tree, breaking heavily onto the wet tarmac with a screech and cloud of smoke, skidding dangerously across the road as the bike spun around itself a number of times before pounding into the wall opposite his friend's house, dragging Sirius along the ground as it turned, ripping through his jeans, blood oozing from his limbs, his wrist broken. Without a backward glance he got up and raced towards the wards. Thanking the heavens for his expertise in dealing with dark magic, he sliced a small opening into the deadly wards and squeezed through. Immediately he saw the gaping hole in the wall of his friends' home, the front door blasted aside, the brick wall giving him an intrusive view into the sitting room, Harry's cuddly toys sitting on the couch. Empty.
It was eerily, ominously quiet.
"Please, not this, please…" his heart as though it might burst out of his throat.
As he scanned the scene in front of him, his eyes fell on a tall figure, lying on the ground not far from where he stood.
He found himself unable to speak as he fell at his side.
"Moony," he tried to say, overcome with fear.
He was so white, so spent, bright red blood dripping from the side of his lips. He could barely feel a pulse, it was so weak. He was dying.
"No, no, no, no," he whispered, desperate, smelling the acrid stench of Dark Magic.
"Who did this to you?" he choked. "Surely not Peter, please, not this…"
He willed himself to think, to quell the guilt threatening to spiral out of control and render him useless, unable to function. That particular odour, the smell of bitter almond, brought him to his senses. A Black Special. One of the bad ones. One of the lethal ones.
With trembling hands, he lifted his wand.
"Nolite Ventrem Venenum!" he rasped, repeating the incantation over and over, as his wand traced an intricate pattern over Remus' throat and chest and upper abdomen.
Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the blood leaking from Remus' lips dried, his skin took on a slightly warmer hue, and Remus' chest heaved once, rivulets of water running down his face and chest. He threw a heating charm at his ex-lover as guilt overcame him.
"Moony," he whispered, crying, grabbing a hold of Remus' hand and squeezing it gently. "Fuck! Please don't die! I swear, I'll do anything, just don't die! Please, please, darling, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…"
He stopped mid-sentence as he saw another figure on the ground, not far from Remus, face down in the mud. He knew that hair, surely, but it couldn't be?
"Reg?" he croaked, unable to get the words out, turning the man over carefully and catching his breath. "Reg? Merlin, fuck… no!"
But it was Regulus, eyes closed, his breathing faint, so thin, and white as a ghost.
"Nonononono, Merlin, fuck, please, please," he said.
What was wrong with him? Another vicious, deadly curse, the type his cousin would have enjoyed.
"Think, think!" he said to himself desperately, holding Regulus' cold hand now. "Fuck!"
He threw one healing charm after another, unable to breathe, every ounce of knowledge he had ever learnt, every counter spell, every single life-saving charm he had ever heard of, all his will bent on saving his brother.
"Please, Reg, don't leave me," he said, desperate rage in his voice. "I should never have left you at home alone, I should have come back for you, I should have saved you from them. Merlin, fuck, I'm so fucking sorry, I can't tell you how sorry, you can hate me all you want, but please don't die, not now we have you back, please, Reggie…"
He was sobbing now, watching his little brother dying, dying in front of him, he couldn't bear it, couldn't bear the-
"Sirius," Reg was looking up at him with a faint smile, his voice practically gone.
"Reg!" Sirius said, leaning over him, wide-eyed. "Reg, are you…?"
"I am unwell, but I think I shall survive. You saved me," his faint voice sounding calm.
"You… me… you spoke to me, I spoke…!" Sirius said, terrified.
"Father's curse died with him, it appears," Regulus said, with a weak laugh.
Sirius cried as he squeezed Regulus' hand, terrified of hurting him.
"What the fuck happened?" he said.
"Which part?" Regulus asked.
"I don't know! Any of it! Here, now!" Sirius said.
"Voldemort didn't like what I said to him," Regulus said, taking deep breaths with every few words. "I was trying to delay him entering the house, and to distract him from killing Lupin. So I told him."
"Told him what?" said Sirius, looking at his younger brother in bewilderment.
"Told him I despised him and everything he stood for," Regulus said, able to read Sirius' shock. "I apologise, I forget sometimes that you don't know what I know."
"Fucking hell, Reg!" said Sirius, biting his lower lip. "You did what?"
"Morgana's hell, you make me sick! Both of you, vile creatures! Let me finish him off! As soon as I arrived to aid my Master, the Dark Lord saying Regulus was to be killed, slowly, and now I know why! I'd have instructed that pathetic Worm to help me, but he seems to have disappeared, or I'd have throttled him for his insolent incompetence already! Out of the way, scum!"
The hair at the back of Sirius' neck stood up and he spun around on the ground, placing himself between Regulus and his cousin's wand. Before he had time to utter a single word, his own wand flew into Bellatrix's outstretched hand, her shrill laughter filling the air.
Sirius looked up at her in silence.
"I told you to move," Bellatrix locked eyes with him, towering over him. "I must fulfil My Lord's command!"
"Fuck off," Sirius snarled.
"I said move!"
Silent refusal.
"Very well!" Bellatrix smiled, pointing her wand at him. "I won't lie, little Siri, I've wanted to do this for years! Crucio!"
"Sirius," Regulus tried to say, but he was unable to move, still too weak.
If he didn't move, he was protecting his brother, all he had to do was bear it. His limbs shook and his vision blurred, his fingers digging into the ground to steady himself. He spat out blood, biting the side of his cheeks against the screams.
"I'm in no hurry, darling, I can keep this up until you go insane, pretty coz!" Bellatrix said twirling his wand with delight. "I'm sure St. Mungo's would love to have you in their long stay ward. Ready to move yet?"
"Sirius, no," Regulus' faint whisper.
Bellatrix sighed with irritation, as though reminding herself of her cousin's innate and inveterate stubbornness, as Sirius' drawn figure looked up at her, unmoving.
"Always so oppositional, so arrogant," she hissed with displeasure. "So be it! I've always thought being tortured into insanity is crueller than death! And when the Dark Lord comes back out, after killing ickle babykins Harry Sweetie Potter, he can decide whether to finish you off, bring you back with us as a prisoner to play with, or leave you here with your rotting brain! And don't forget, Dumbledore and his friends will think it was you, won't they? Everyone will blame you – Sirius Black, Secret Keeper, traitor. Nobody will believe your innocence! Your worm friend will make up a cunning lie to deceive them all, if I haven't killed him yet! Perhaps that your friend Potter did this to you as revenge for killing his son, before he was overpowered by our side!"
Sirius' pupils widened immediately, his gaze shifting towards the house, torn between shielding his younger brother who lay unprotected behind him, or trying to rescue his Godson, violet pinpricks covering his entire body. It was raining heavily by now, sheets of water pouring from the leaden sky, running down Sirius' drawn features.
"Oh dear, poor coz, what would you do though, wandless and useless against my Master? Always so useless, such a waste of space! Little tiny Harry is dead, darling, very dead, by now, as is his mother, no doubt!" Bellatrix laughed coldly. "And soon you won't even be able to recall why you were kneeling here, or who that disgusting, cowardly creature hiding behind you is!"
"Fuck you!" Sirius managed to choke out.
"Did you ever achieve anything of use, of value, your entire life? Or did you just ruin the lives of every single person who knew you?" Bellatrix asked, smiling as she saw the way her cousin's jaw clenched, the way his eye contact faltered.
"Crucio!"
As Sirius' body twisted with agony, Bellatrix sighed with pleasure.
"Not long now," she commented, licking her bottom lip.
"WHERE IS HARRY POTTER?"
A howl filled with hatred startled Bellatrix and she whipped her head around. Voldemort stood in front of the blasted entrance to the cottage, his right hand digging his wand into the red-headed witch's back, the other dragging her by the hair in rage.
"Where is the child? Where have you hidden him?" he screamed at the woman. "Answer me!"
"My Lord?" Bellatrix's eyebrows rose in horror. "Have you not killed it yet?"
Voldemort's face was purple with rage.
"This mudblood has hidden it from me, and refuses to tell me where, despite me using every single Unforgivable Curse on her!" Voldemort's contorted face turned back to Lily, pulling her hair so that she was pressed up against him. "You will tell me where the child is, or else…"
"Or else what, Tom?" Lily's hoarse voice spat back defiantly.
She seemed unaware of how small and helpless she was, beside the most powerful wizard in the world, wandless, exhausted, still in agonising pain. By rights she should have been unconscious by now.
"I will kill you, slowly, painfully! You cannot imagine how-" Voldemort screamed again, being called by his original name sending him into a frenzy.
Lily's laugh was cold as her knees gave way, Voldemort's hands holding her tightly and keeping her upright.
"As if that would persuade me to tell you where my child is, Riddle!"
Voldemort noticed Sirius Black, on his knees, swaying unsteadily, covered in sweat and signs of the Cruciatus.
"Tell me, or your friend dies!" he hissed, pointing his wand at the dark-haired man, his other hand holding her by the scruff of the neck.
"S-she's n-n-not stupid, V-voldemort, s-she knows y-you'll k-kill us all a-anyway!" Sirius' faint voice shook so hard Voldemort could hardly hear him.
"Potter isn't dead yet, my Lord, he's next on my list, after the half-blood and my cousins here, I think you stunned him and planned on enjoying killing him later on?" Bellatrix said eagerly. "He's obsessed with the mudblood, disgustingly so, he will tell you!"
Her eyes danced with zealous joy and Voldemort's face split into a grotesque, wide grimace.
"Very observant, Bellatrix, my dear," he said.
Lily's legs crumpled beneath her and she found herself on her knees, as invisible ropes held her motionless, and unable to speak.
…
His wrist flicked and James Potter, who had been lying in a stupor until then, woke up with a sudden gasp, as Voldemort's figure loomed over him, the red veins in his eyes dilating.
"TELL ME!" Voldemort roared. "Tell me where the boy is hidden!"
Barely awake, James felt Voldemort's fury as the wizard invaded his thoughts, rendering him unable to react, unable to think.
"Tell me!" Voldemort screamed. "Do not DARE keep this from me, you traitorous liar! You and the mudblood! You both know where he is! Tell me! Tell me now, or I will kill your wife, before your very eyes! TELL ME!"
James saw Lily, kneeling beside him on the ground, rage in her eyes, and caught his breath.
There was no time.
He closed his eyes momentarily, breathing heavily, raindrops splattering his eyelids.
"I will tell you," he said brokenly. "But promise me you'll spare her life!"
"Very well," Voldemort sneered, as victory flashed across his face. "I will spare her, as long as you tell me, now!"
"Prongs!" Sirius heaved an exhausted, warning breath.
"The child," James whispered. "The child is hidden inside-"
His voice dropped. Voldemort grasped him by his jacket and pulled him upwards, closer.
"Where?" he raved. "Where is he?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," James said, quietly, his eyes level with Voldemort's neck.
His hazel eyes narrowed for a heartbeat as his wet hands grabbed a hold of Voldemort's robes. Then Bellatrix screamed in horror as a huge pair of antlers emerged from where Potter's head had been, before plunging through his neck, transecting his windpipe and hitting his vertebrae. Voldemort's red eyes bulged, his mouth opened but no words escaped his lips, his wand still in his hand, pressing on James' chest.
Sirius tried to stand up as he saw Bellatrix point her wand at the large stag, shrieking the Killing Curse, but his legs collapsed from under him. As a flash of green emerged from the tip of her wand, she staggered to the side, the luminous light hitting the bushes near the side of the house as she collapsed to the ground with a low thud, a knife embedded between her shoulder blades and one in her neck.
"Not a bad shot, if I say so myself," Marlene commented, exhaling deeply, as she closed the leather sheath which was attached to her belt. "I always said I'd get that bitch who killed my family*."
"Pretty good, Marls! My throw was more deadly though," Dorcas said. "Penetrating injury to the base of the neck, instant death guaranteed."
They both looked over at Voldemort's slumped figure.
"He's already dead," Dorcas said. "I have no clue how the boys managed to get a fucking stag involved in this mess, but I like it."
Sirius was gaping at them from where he had keeled over.
"Knives are quieter than wands. And I was always shit at wordless magic. If I hadn't been so turned on by your knife-throwing skills, I wouldn't have bothered practising so hard," Marlene said, moving swiftly to where Sirius lay, and gently turning him onto his back as he groaned with pain. "Afternoon, Sirius Black, best lesbians to the rescue, as you can see. Your brother's Patronus called us."
A small smile flitted across his face.
"You're a fast learner, Mc Kinnon," Dorcas said, looking at her girlfriend with a proud grin.
"You're a pretty good teacher, Meadows," Marlene's cocky reply.
"Remus," Sirius murmured, trying to grasp Marlene's hand.
"On it," said Dorcas, as she slipped behind them.
"Is he…?" Sirius murmured.
"Still alive, he'll make it, I think," Dorcas said, scanning Remus' barely breathing figure with a worried frown.
Sirius' eyes fluttered.
"Reg…" he said.
"Reg?" said Marlene. "Oh Sirius, I'm sorry love, but Reg is-"
"Fucking hell, it's Reg! It's him!" Dorcas said, spotting the thin boy and recognising him instantly. "Badly injured but alive, at least for now!"
"Well, I never," said Marlene, looking at her girlfriend in astonishment.
Sirius sighed with relief and his head slumped to the side.
"Oh fucking excellent, he's unconscious too," muttered Marlene, checking Sirius' pulse. "We need to get them both to St. Mungo's, fast!"
"Not safe!" Dorcas said.
"It will be, very soon," Marlene said. "Look."
Dorcas turned around. The entire Order seemed to be apparating around them, just outside the perimeter of the wards. She could already make out a few of them talking to a crowd of neighbours who had heard the explosion at the front of the house and were visibly distressed, pointing to the shimmering wards surrounding the property.
"Thank Merlin Dumbledore is here, for once!" Dorcas said.
"Huh! Always gets here when we've already done most of the dirty work!" Marlene said, wiping her wet forehead with her sleeve and looking around for Lily and James. "Are those two alright? Where did that stag go? And where the fuck is Harry?"
…..
"Lily," James said, holding his wife tenderly, kneeling in the mud beside her in the pouring rain.
"James," Lily's voice wavered.
She was shaking violently, her sodden clothes clinging to her. He didn't realise that he was shaking too, as the adrenaline started to wear off.
"He hurt you," James said, a wave of revulsion washing over him as he looked at her. "The Cruciatus, the Imperius, the-"
She should have been unconscious, he had never seen such a vivid, pinprick rash. Concern for her overwhelmed him and he struggled to contain himself.
"I'm alright, James," Lily shivered, pulling him closer despite the obvious pain. "I'm going to be fine. Most of the bastard's curses didn't work on me."
"And Harry?" James whispered, making sure nobody was listening.
"He's with Minnie, he's safe," she said, tears rolling down her wet cheeks.
"Thank Merlin, I don't know how you did it!" James said, gazing at her in adoration. "He had anti-apparition wards, our wands were gone-"
"I was so stupid though, I came back here in such a rush, I forgot to get myself a wand in Hogwarts, I couldn't help you, James. I was a liability!"
"Hush, darling," James, whispered soothingly, seeing how tired and ill she looked. "You're the best and bravest person I know, you can explain it all later."
"And stupidest," Lily murmured, with tears in her eyes. "If it wasn't for-"
"If it wasn't for all of us, every last one of us, working together, none of us would be here!" James said, kissing her lips tenderly. "I can't believe that Harry is safe, that Riddle is dead…"
She picked up Voldemort's wand gingerly and waved it at James' hair, cleaning his bloodied hair which was dripping onto his wet face.
"What about Pettigrew?" lily asked, her voice changing abruptly.
"Fuck," said James, looking around.
…
"Where is he?" growled Moody, as both he and Dumbledore advanced towards them.
"I don't know," James said, swaying as he stood up quickly.
"Sirius Black, where is he?" demanded Dumbledore.
"What? No!" shouted James, looking around in a panic as he spotted Sirius lying unconscious beside Marlene. "It's Pettigrew we need to catch! He's the spy!"
"I knew it wasn't him!" Alice said, sighing with relief, as Frank swore quietly beside her.
"Pettigrew?" Aberforth said, looking at James and Lily in astonishment. "Peter Pettigrew? The timid, small fellow?"
"Yes, Pettigrew is the spy. He was our Secret Keeper, and he betrayed us…"
The reality hit him as he spoke it. James broke off, unable to continue.
"Well fuck me! Minerva was right, Regulus Black was telling the truth!" said Moody, staring back at him. "Albus, did you suspect this?"
Dumbledore shook his head in disbelief.
"Regulus?" James' voice cracked.
"Yeah, honey, he's here, we need to get him to St. Mungo's immediately," Dorcas said in a calm voice.
"Reg…" James said.
Lily tried to stand and promptly fell back down, as James picked her up in his arms and she groaned with pain.
"Longbottom, Vance - Install new wards! Doge, Fletcher, Meadows and Mc Kinnon – get the injured to St. Mungo's immediately. The rest of you cover the perimeter and begin combing the house and the grounds!" Moody ordered. "We need to catch that fucking rat!"
"Dorcas, Lily needs a Healer too," James said, walking over to them, Lily's head resting on his arm.
She was still shaking all over, as though the severity of the pain of the Cruciatus was only hitting her now, holding onto James' shirt weakly. The pain of touching anything balanced against the need to feel her soulmate beside her, his warm embrace. She was starting to cry.
"Let's go!" James said.
"No! Potter, you need to stay here! Your friend is still at large, and your knowledge may be vital in finding him!" Moody said.
"James, I'll go with Lily," Frank said, calm as ever. "I'll send a Patronus back as soon as I can, letting you know how she is."
James looked torn.
"He's dangerous as fuck!" Moody growled. "We can't let him escape!"
"Find him, James," Lily said. "I'll be fine."
James placed Lily carefully in Frank's arms and she hissed with pain, her face a mottled white and purple, almost translucent tone.
"She's pregnant, Frank, please…" James whispered quietly.
"Of course, mate," said Frank, with a sad smile. "You can count on it."
James nodded, his lips pursed tightly as the others stepped outside the gap in the new wards and vanished. He closed the wards immediately.
"Potter?" Moody called him.
"Ready," he said, white-faced.
"Homenum Revelio!" Dumbledore chanted.
He repeated the spell until they had covered the entirety of the grounds and house. Nothing happened. James shook his head. How would they find him, looking for a rat in this place was never going to be easy and that would mean revealing their secret, his secret at least.
"Professor," he said. "I need to tell you…"
He broke off, watching as Bandit meowed and sidled up to him, purring. She placed her paws onto his knees and meowed again, staring at him intently with her golden eyes. He raised his brows.
"Potter and Longbottom, check the house!" Moody shouted at him and Alice, as he and Dumbledore began to walk away towards the clump of trees, wands held aloft. "The rest of you, spread out, comb the field at the back and the front garden!"
"Get him," he ordered, in a whisper.
The kneazle jumped down immediately and moved towards the back of the house, stealthy as a lion, James following at a discreet distance. They entered the kitchen, and James stopping in the doorway as he saw Bandit's tail twitch. With a snarl, the animal jumped into the air, landing just beside the legs of the kitchen table, and swiped with her large paw, as the cornered rat hit the wall and lay momentarily stunned. With a low roar, Bandit braced herself to pounce and the rat disappeared, replaced instead by a terrified looking wizard, lying on the ground, with his eyes squeezed shut in horror, hands covering his eyes.
"Don't kill me! Please!" he squealed, looking up at James through his fingers.
Bandit prepared to jump.
"Wait!" James said.
…
"Prongs, please, I can explain!" he yelped again, looking up at his friend beseechingly. "You've always been kind to me, let me explain!"
He watched as conflicting emotions passed over James' face.
"Get up," James said in a low voice.
He stood up, still shaking like a leaf.
"Prongs, please listen to me," he begged, putting on his most desperate and pleading expression.
"I'm listening, Pettigrew. Talk," James said in reply.
Now it came to it, what was he meant to say?
"I was scared, Prongs," he whispered frantically, his nose twitching uncontrollably. "I was scared out of my wits! They threatened to kill me if I didn't work for them, Bellatrix was going to murder me!"
James' eyes flashed with something, possibly pity, but he did not interrupt. Encouraged, he began walking towards him, still trembling pathetically, now making sure that tears filled his eyes.
"It wasn't my fault, Prongs, I never wanted to hurt anyone, I never thought that the Dark Lord would try to kill Harry, I swear to you! If I had guessed that, I would never have," he gulped, pressing his fingers into James' arms and gripping him in panic. "I loved you, I loved Lily, and Harry. I never would have let them hurt you if I had known, I promise you, I'd have died-"
He was cut off mid-sentence as James grabbed his shoulders and pushed him against the wall.
"Don't lie to me, Wormy! I know you were scared, I could understand you making a mistake, I can't say I will ever… but you knew they wanted to kill Harry, you knew my son was in mortal danger and you did nothing to save him, to warn us! You knew as soon as you became our Secret Keeper that you were condemning us all to death, Lily and Harry, my wife and my baby? I could have forgiven you, Wormy, if you had betrayed me, if it was only my life you were sacrificing for your own, but betraying Lily and Harry?"
He squirmed, unable to keep looking into those hazel eyes, recalling all those times James had stood up for him, taken a detention for him, gotten hexed as a result of defending him, risked his life on numerous occasions to save his.
"It was Sirius' fault, all of it," he said, falling over himself in the rush to explain himself, to hurl the blame in another direction. "If he hadn't stolen Jenny from me, if-"
In a flash, James' arms were mercilessly pinning him against the wall again.
"Don't you dare try to blame anyone else for your vile behaviour, you fucking bastard!" James' voice was low and dangerous, trembling as though he was fighting to control himself. "If you say one more word against my brother, I swear to you…"
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Peter said, his breathing ragged, his eyes wide and terrified, flicking across the room from side to side, as though trying to find an escape route. "Please, have mercy on me, Prongs, don't let them throw me into Azkaban! I'll go mad in there! It's inhumane! You know I won't survive it!"
The conflicted look returned to James face, just as he had hoped.
"Please, let me go, I swear to you, I'll disappear, leave England, and never show my face, ever again!" he sobbed.
"I can't," James said, his voice tight. "Your actions resulted in the deaths of so many people, innocent people."
"Let me go!" he said, his voice rising.
"Do you feel any remorse, Wormy?" James asked, searching Peter's face, as though in the hope of seeing something reflected back.
Peter's eyes darted around frenetically.
"I'll tell them about you, and Pads, I'll get you both thrown into Azkaban with me! I'll tell them all that Moony is a werewolf!" he cried, shaking uncontrollably now.
"You do what you think is right," James answered, clenching and unclenching his jaw.
He couldn't stand seeing James' pained expression, as though even now, after all that he had heard, he couldn't bear to think ill of him.
"James Fleamont Potter, always thinking you're so noble and honourable and better than the rest of us!" Peter spat out, still frightened, but with venom in his tone. "You made it impossible for me to talk to you about how I wasn't coping, how petrified I felt!"
James' face turned grey.
"That was never my intention," he said quietly. "You know I would have supported you to leave the Order if you had told me, I would have done anything to help you. Same with the others."
Peter flinched, unable to contradict him.
"You never respected me, liked me, as much as the others. None of you did," he whispered instead.
"You are the only one who thought less of yourself, who compared yourself unfavourably to us," James said. "Why would I have entrusted my family's life to you, if I didn't respect you and trust you implicitly?"
James' voice shook, the anguish of betrayal in his voice.
He couldn't answer him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered finally, the first semblance of real guilt now reflected in his pale blue eyes, grabbing a hold of James' jacket frantically. "I'm sorry about Harry. Please, save me!"
"Incarcerous!" Alice said, as ropes wound themselves firmly around him.
"Prongs!" he cried. "Please!"
Bandit, who had been watching the proceedings from the side-lines and growing more and more uneasy, hissed loudly.
"Good job, Potter," Alice said, with a look of revulsion at Peter as she pulled him away from James.
"Alice, wait," James said. "You need to know, he's an Anima-"
In the blink of an eye, the ropes tethering Peter fell to the floor and a terror-stricken rat darted across the room towards the door, as Alice screamed in shock. With a fierce yowl, Bandy launched herself into the air and sprang after the rat, pursuing it eagerly across the field of wildflowers.
"Bandit!" James shouted, tearing after them both, his heart pounding.
As he ran, he watched from afar as the rat transform back into its human form and grab a hold of the wand he had left carefully hidden beside the tree stump. Bandit hesitated, looking back at James.
"Avada Kedavra!" Peter screamed, aiming at the kneazle.
Bandit jumped on top of Peter with a howl of rage, he squealed with fright, moving his arm to lash out at the animal, the wand tip now momentarily pointing at his heart as the green light flashed. He crumpled to the ground, motionless.
"Peter!" said James, falling to the ground beside Peter and staring at his friend in shock.
He felt a warm hand on his shoulder.
"He's gone, James," Alice said quietly.
He looked at Peter, silent and grim, hating him and mourning him. He closed Peter's eyes carefully.
"I'm so sorry, James, for everything," Alice said.
He nodded.
"I'll go and let Moody and the others know," she said, gripping his shoulder again, as though she guessed he needed some time alone. "I won't tell them about the rat. I have a feeling this relates to the illegal stuff you once told me about, nobody else needs to know, alright?"
He nodded again, unable to speak.
…
"James?" said Dumbledore.
He looked around, still in a daze, and drew in a sharp breath as he saw Severus Snape appear from behind the old wizard.
"Stand down, man!" said Moody. "He's with us!"
James stared up at Moody.
"What?"
"Get up, you're soaking wet, Potter, for fuck's sake!" said Moody gruffly, as though uncomfortable at the sight of James kneeling beside the dead man.
"So, Pettigrew was the traitor?" Snape said, looking down at James as though it were possible to blame him for his friend's betrayal.
James nodded. He wanted to cry, but he felt numb.
"Get up," Moody said, in a kinder tone, extending his right hand and heaving James up.
"Pettigrew? I never liked him. Can't say I'm surprised," Snape said to Dumbledore, with a spiteful sneer in James' direction. "They were all deviants, all four of them, one way or another."
James looked back at him in stony silence, as though it was taking every ounce of his self-control not to snap, as though only rage or numbness existed.
"Severus," Dumbledore said, in a warning tone.
"What's he doing here, Albus?" James asked.
His voice felt rough, he could taste imaginary blood in his mouth, his heart pounding. All he could hear was Snape intoning the Cruciatus and the sound of men's laughter.
"He's one of us, he was a spy for our side, over the past few months," Dumbledore said calmly.
"He warned me about the prophecy," Dumbledore added, failing to mention that both he and Snape were aware of the prophecy many months beforehand.
"Did you know he was coming to attack us today, to kill Harry?" James said to Snape.
Snape's gaze dropped instantly.
"I tried!" he said, his thin shoulders tense as they glared at each other in the pouring rain. "He said he would spare Lily! I came here as soon as it was safe to… I came to check if she was-"
"He risked his life to save your…" Dumbledore stopped, as though unsure what was the safest way to finish that sentence.
"My debt to you is repaid, Potter, I owe you nothing," Snape said, looking at him like he still wanted him dead.
There were so many things James wanted to say, to scream, at the man, so many conflicting emotions. He was clenching his jaw so hard it hurt.
"Thank you, Severus," he said finally. "Thank you."
"I was only doing it for Lily," Snape said, recoiling from the words.
"I know," James replied.
"He was very brave, James," Dumbledore said, with a placating smile. "Had Voldemort found out, he would have died a gruesome death."
"That's true," said James, feeling suddenly exhausted and bitter. "Very brave."
"One of the bravest men I know," Dumbledore added.
James gaped at him as though he had two heads.
"I'm sure your opinion means a lot to him," he said after a pause, swallowing hard.
"And I'm sure over time, you'll all learn to get along and forget the past," Dumbledore said, looking at the two men and smiling affably.
Snape looked like he had been asked to eat a pile of Hippogriff droppings.
"We may," said James, with a dismissive shrug.
"You should go to St. Mungo's now, James, make sure your friends and Lily are safe?" Dumbledore said.
He was obviously trying to get rid of him.
His wife and friends were hurt, possible gravely ill, as well as Reg, and his other best friend had betrayed them and now lay dead a few feet away from where they were standing. He had killed Voldemort. Harry was safe.
He didn't care about Snape.
He realised he was shaking.
…
The inquest was over. Voldemort's death ascribed to "an unexplained attack by a rogue deer", Bellatrix's death ruled as lawful, following the evidence provided by Remus, Regulus, James, Lily, Sirius, Dorcas and Marlene, as well as the other Order members. The press had dwindled and eventually left. Their friends had departed, knowing that some of them hadn't seen each other, spoken at all, since Halloween.
Remus risked a quick glance in Sirius' direction. He was lighting a cigarette now, his fingers trembling slightly, his mouth set in a hard line. His robes were too big for him still, the black cloak and black hair and dark stubble contrasting starkly with his white face. But he looked a little better, less heightened, less on edge. He took a deep drag as though to steady himself and looked at James, avoiding eye contact with him.
"Rogue deer?" he said, with a wry laugh, trying desperately to keep up the charade.
"Pretty accurate, for once," James said, trying to smile back.
An uncomfortable silence followed. He couldn't think of anything to say. Lily was looking between them, as though unsure whether she should interfere. Regulus was standing apart, his hands clenched at his side, looking stiff and uncomfortable.
"Alright, Reg?" James said.
James was hypervigilant, eyes flicking between all his friends, as though constantly checking to see were they safe.
"No," Regulus said.
James winced.
"I want my brother and Lupin to talk," Regulus continued.
Lily tried not to smile.
"So do I, Reggie," she said.
James smiled at Regulus, wide and thankful.
"Thanks for saying what we were all thinking," he said. "I want them to talk too. If they're ready."
"When will they ever be ready?" Regulus asked, as though confused.
"Touché," Sirius gave a bitter laugh, finally raising his eyes to meet Remus', full of guilt and self-loathing.
Notes:
PS Any comments? It took me a long time to write this final part for some reason (or not so hard to believe, I've been writing this since November 2017!) I promise a happy ending!
* Bellatrix, Travers and other Death Eaters attacked the Mc Kinnons and killed the entire family, save Marlene, who had been out on a date that evening with Dorcas.
PS Anyone want a short epilogue after the end? I kind of want to tell you what they all did, if anyone is interested? (I'll still do the awful canon ending separately, ugh!)
