And the winner is... CHSHiccstrid! You guessed the reasoning correctly! Now, onto the chapter :D


Entry 50

Well, I found out why he won't use my gift, and… let's just say it's not what I was expecting.

Let's back up.

It was late in the evening, after my dad got back from a long (apparently stressful) day of chiefing. He was sitting in his favorite chair, poking at the embers in the hearth, and after a moment of gathering my courage, I asked, "why won't you use my gift?"

"Hiccup, I already told you-"

"You told me an excuse. I want to know the truth."

He sighed. "Fine. The truth is, my original hammer was also a gift."

"From who?"

"From your mother."

I stopped, my next retort getting trapped in my throat. So that's what it was; it all made sense now. "It… it is?" I managed to get out.

"Aye. She gave it to me at our betrothal. Snoggletog, it just so happens."

I looked down. It made SO much sense. Here I was, just trying to do something nice for my dad for once, and I ended up basically recreating a gesture from the dead love of his life. Way to go, Hiccup; I'm sure you made him feel SO much better.

"Sorry, Dad," I offered meekly. "I didn't know."

He sighed again. "No matter, Hiccup. What's done is done."

It was quiet for a minute, and I could feel the air slipping back into its usual tension, so I took a leap and asked something I'd always wanted to ask. "W-what was it like?"

"What?"

"Being… being with her?"

Dad went silent again, for so long I was worried I'd gone too far. But after an eternity, he finally answered. "It was the best moments of my life."

I swallowed, waiting for more. Finally, he looked up slightly, making eye contact (and for once, I didn't feel unsettled…).

"Your mother hated me, at first. We were so different, I thought she'd never come around. But slowly, she began to return my feelings… and after a few months, we were betrothed. During a dragon raid, nonetheless, and had a bit of chaos with the ceremony. That was the only time I ever spared a dragon… because of your mother. Once we got the pendant it stole back, I let it go. She did something strange to my emotions, that woman…" he chuckled slightly, eyes alight with memory. I just looked on in awe, trying to imagine it all. It was so hard to think of, my parents.

I don't even remember what my mom looked like, and I can't begin to fathom my dad sparing a dragon's life. My mom really must have had some effect on him… I just wish I got to see it.

"How long did it take? To get married?" I asked.

"A couple months. Far too long, in my opinion… though my parents thought otherwise."

I nodded, taking in more information than I'd heard in a really long time. And, with my dad in such a seemingly good mood, I asked one final thing. The question that even when I had mustered the courage to ask other things, I never could bring myself to inquire. "And… what about me? Was… was she happy?"

Dad's fond smile faltered a little before returning, so quick I'm sure he thought I didn't notice. He took a moment before answering. "We were both very excited when we found out."

That wasn't enough. "And…?"

"And your mother loved you more than anything. She did everything she could to keep you safe, as did I." His voice had become short, and I took that as my signal to stop pushing.

"I… I guess I should get to bed," I said, getting up and heading toward the stairs. "Um… thank you, Dad. For… for the stories…"

I got no reply.

And now, as I sit here writing this, I don't know what to think. It's something almost… magical to hear stories about her. As if I'm hearing tales from a golden age, long past. But I just don't understand what about my last question changed the mood so much. We were talking so nicely, almost like the old days… then boom, he was cold again.

I know Mom died when I was only a few months old, and because of a dragon. And what he said, about how she did everything to protect me… it makes me wonder. Did the dragon kill her while she was trying to… protect me? Is that what caused all this?

Is… is it my fault she's gone?

Whether or not that's the case, it sure seems like my father has put some blame on me. And honestly… I feel like it's deserved. If my assumptions are correct… it really should have been me who was lost that day. But my mom couldn't let that happen… and now, I'm here and she's not.

And really, what good is that? What do I have to offer that's better than what she could've done these last thirteen years? All I seem to have given Berk is a headache…

And all I've given my father is grief.

Until next time …

-H


There was actually more I wanted to have them talk about, but it was getting too long for a journal entry... maybe I'll do a one shot post movie or something. Or maybe I'll incorporate it later in this story. Idk yet :)