Chapter 54: Emotional Baggage
Summary:
Izuku comes to the realization that maybe everything is NOT okay.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)
Chapter Text
It wasn't until the next day that any of the class saw Izuku again and he still seemed hyper focused as if he was ready to lash out at any given moment, even during class his laser like stare was constantly bored into whoever was speaking. The weird thing was his nose was constantly leaking blood but Midoriya didn't look like he was doing anything that stressful. (If only they knew.)
It was brought to the attention of the entire class when Ectoplasm commented on it. "Midoriya your nose is bleeding."
Izuku just gingerly brought his hand up feeling it before grabbing a napkin from his pocket and wiping it up. "Sorry I was so focused I didn't even notice.
"Midoriya, it seems to be bleeding a lot more than normal. Did you overuse the quirk?" Ectoplasm questioned.
Spamming it at this very moment Ectoplasm-Sensei. "No, maybe it's just flaring up, it does that sometimes."
Ectoplasm just grunted returning to the lesson but the class, especially Momo knew that wasn't the entire truth.
When lunch rolled around Momo quickly walked over to Izuku. "Izu your coming to lunch with us right?" Deku Squad was nodding behind her.
"Sorry Mo I'm busy. You guys have a good lunchtime okay?" Izuku created a portal before stepping through, which the group watched with differing opinions.
"Guys Deku is starting to worry me." Uraraka stated what was on everybody's mind.
"He's acting like I did at the start of the year." Todoroki added.
Mo did this, this is karma for what happened with that Toga girl. Why did she have to be so stupid and get jealous because Izuku was near another girl, stupid stupid Momo. She brought her hands to her head and tried to hide the fact that she was starting to tear up, she just wanted Izuku back.
"It's only been a couple of days maybe he'll go back to normal soon enough." Kirishima said hoping to help the group out.
"I hope so." Was Momo's only response.
The rest of the day passed quickly until hero training, they were doing quirkless sparing for the day and they'd rotate every 2 minutes. That way everyone would have a shot at sparring everyone, All Might was still in charge of their hero training despite his deflated form.
Toshinori looked out at the class of students and noticed how they kept glancing at Midoriya, who in turn had a look on him All Might had never seen. "As I explained go ahead and start your sparring however would you wait a bit young Sero, I wish to speak to young Midoriya before you two start."
Sero nodded and silently thanked the delay, he did not want to fight Midoriya at the moment, even quirkless Sero felt the animosity the boy was radiating.
"Young Midoriya, what seems to be the issue? I heard about the attack two days prior and I'm glad you are alright." Toshinori felt proud of his other successor for earning her license and had congratulated her but she didn't even seem happy at the moment. It must be because Midoriya is hurting and she can't help him.
"Not you too All Might, I promise I'm fine. I've just had some revelations recently about some stuff." Izuku said with a cold steely voice.
Said voice spooked the man because he'd never heard the child talk like that. "If you say so young Midoriya. Alright get back to your sparring you two."
Sero stood in front of Midoriya in his usual fighting stance, the calculating look on the other boy made the tape user feel like he was being seen through and he didn't like it. Sero wearily readied his stance not sure what was about to come.
The world sat in slow motion as Izuku mentally thought the steps of this battle out. First, distract target, then block his blind jab. Counter with cross to right cheek, Discombobulate. Dazed, will attempt wild haymaker, employ elbow block. Take free body shot then block feral left swing. Elbow to right jaw bone then capitalize on the injury, further exacerbating it. Slam fist into cracked ribs, follow by traumatizing the solar plexus. In summary ears ringing, jaws fractured, three ribs cracked, full diaphragm hemorrhaging, normal physical recovery six weeks, full psychological recovery, never.
Izuku executed his plan and every single step went just as was planned. Izuku looked down at his work and smirked, he did that all without a quirk after all. Just you wait villains, Izuku has been reborn and this is his start. When Izuku turned the entire class had stopped their sparring to stare in horror at what Izuku just inflicted on their classmate. Izuku simply shook their stares off before walking over to heal Sero. When All Might walked over to talk to Izuku he didn't even turn to look at the man. "Yes?"
"Young Midoriya perhaps it's best you sit this out." Toshinori sheepishly added, not wanting to anger the child in front of him.
"Why? I simply sparred with Sero and he'll be healed soon." Izuku replied coldly in a manner that Todoroki who had been watching found oddly similar to his own tone. Realizing that's what he sounded like Todoroki realized he should probably try and not speak like that.
"Well you seem a bitagitatedmy boy, it might be best to rest. You were attacked by a villain like two days ago, I'm not surprised the event has disturbed you." Toshinori was doing his best to make it sound like it wasn't the boys fault he was like this.
"I'm fine." Izuku said dismissing the man.
"Well I don't like putting my foot down but Midoriya you are excused from this training, you may sit on that bench over there. We all need our rest every once in awhile." His voice softened at the end once his order had been given.
Izuku grumbled but complied. "Fine."
As the boy walked away the rest of the class looked down at the now repaired Sero who had yet to wake. "Okay what happened to young Midoriya, he's like an entirely different person."
Momo was almost sobbing when she heard All Might said that. She'd been inconsolable for the past couple of days for the same reason and the girls all collectively wanted to hit Midoriya for making the poor girl hurt like this. "W-we d-don't k-know and h-he w-won't say a-anything."
Everybody present felt for the girl, Toshinori in particular. Somehow he felt like he'd failed the boy, and by doing that he's also failed his other successor. "Aizawa was with him, did he say anything?"
"All he did was tell us what happened and that we should give him space, but that clearly isn't working." Kaminari noticed Sero's eyes open and he reached over to lift him up.
"W-what happened?" Sero blearily asked.
"Midoriya." Jiro said the irritation clear in her voice. "We need to do something, we can't let him stay like this. It's like he's gotten rid of his emotions or something, he's so ... blank." A weird word choice sure but it felt appropriate to the girl.
"I was unable to catch up to him yesterday after he left the dorms, I'm fairly certain that he made a portal and escaped in that manner. I apologize profusely for being unable to perform such a basic task. "Iida bowed to his class.
"Dude chill, it's not your fault. I know Midoriya, he'll be out of his funk in no time Yaomomo, and once he is we'll give him a good whack for being so stupid." Kirishima tried to encourage the girl in his own way but she didn't look reassured in the slightest
"I've k-known him s-since w-we were t-ten, he's n-never been l-like this." Momo said while still crying.
"I will talk to the boy, you all may return to sparring or don't. The choice is yours." Toshinori said trying to break up his class before leaving to sit down on the bench next to the boy.
"Midoriya I'm sure you can see the results of the way your acting. You're scaring your classmates and have driven young Yaoyorozu to tears. What's wrong my boy and please tell me it's not nothing because clearly it is something." Toshinori was pleading with the boy to open up even a little bit.
Izuku on the other hand had barely been listening instead too focused on the sight of his crying girlfriend. The sight was wrong to him, so very wrong, he'd thought he'd killed the part of his body that cared in order to protect her and everyone else but if this was the cost, was it worth it? It had to be ... right? If Izuku stopped caring he wouldn't be sad when he failed to save them. Izuku was a realistic person, like he told Eraserhead, had it been anyone else they likely would've died. If she was capable of an attack like that in broad daylight with likely next to no planning involved, then once she gets tricky people WILL die. Izuku was doing this more to protect the others than himself, that was the pledge he made at Dagobah. If needed he'd become the monster to protect them all. But if all it took was the crying form of his girlfriend and he was already questioning himself, how weak was his will? Realizing Toshinori was talking to him Izuku stopped his internal monologue.
"Young Midoriya, young Midoriya, earth to young Midoriya." Toshinori had resorted to shaking the boy once he realized he wasn't listening.
"Ah sorry, what is it All Might?" Izuku frantically recovered.
"I said do you not see what problems your actions are causing? Your entire class is worried about you, young Yaoyorozu is worried about you, I am worried about you." Young Jiro had a point, he was acting cold and very much unlike himself.
"I see." Was the only response Izuku gave. "Is it wrong?"
"Is what wrong Young Midoriya?"
"Trying to turn everything off so it won't hurt when you lose them."
That made Toshinori pause for a bit. "Midoriya my boy, do you remember the conversation we had at the hospital the night of the battle with Stain?"
Izuku was confused but responded. "Yes?"
"Then you remember what I said about becoming numb to killing people. Because to me it sounds like your trying to do exactly that." Toshinori explained.
"I-I guess I am, I just - if Toga's target had been anyone but me and maybe a few of my classmates they'd be dead right now. She wants to hurt Momo especially because in her deranged mind she somehow stole me from her. I just want to save everyone All Might but we're fighting a bunch of super powered villains that no have no morals and will do everything in their power to get what they want. If I respond with anything less than that I just ... I don't think it'll be enough. And if I fail even one of them, then I know I'm going to blame myself. It's just so much is happening and moving around and the enemy has so many angles of unexpected attack that I can't possibly prepare for every one of them. I mean we got rid of the warp quirk which is amazing but it feels like we removed one problem and four more sprouted up in its place and I just don't know what to do." Izuku had been hurting, he didn't realize it until it was said out loud but really he was.
Toshinori saw the worry and fear etched into his boy's eyes, it was very familiar to how he had felt at one point. "My boy, you are not wrong to have these worries in fact after Nana died and it was just me and Torino I shared many of them. However if you let fear dictate your actions, you're letting them win. I must say that I myself never found love for that very same reason ... now that I am retired many things I did are beginning to seem unhealthy, I just hadn't realized it at the time. I stewed in my own anger over what All For One had done for so long that it ate at my very essence, I no longer understood what it meant to be a hero. So when I say that what you're doing reminds me of myself, let me say it comes from experience. True there are dangerous times ahead of us and you will likely not be able to save everyone but that shouldn't stop you from being yourself. Remember what you said to me all those years ago?"
Izuku shook his head.
""I want to save people with a smile, just like All Might."" My boy not only was my smile fake for the longest time, it was simply a tool to remind myself of Nana. I know they say never meet your idols but you, you my boy, are MY idol. I'd forgotten for so long just why I became a hero, after I thought I'd defeated All For One I felt purposeless. My goal was complete, I'd gotten my revenge at the cost of my health, I was a husk in more than one way. Then I stumbled into some random principal's office only to discover a wide eyed boy who just wanted to be a hero for no reason other than helping people. It was that moment I rediscovered myself, my boy you are my hero."
Izuku was stunned into silence by that proclamation, he didn't even have words for his mentor. "I ... surely I-"
All Might just laughed. "My boy I chose you for far more than your quirk, I even offered you One For All remember? No I chose you because of your heart, it made me remember myself, it made me remember Nana. It's okay to stumble my boy, it just means we can get back up and hit harder than before. I know the moment with Toga has shaken you, hell it's shaken me and I'm little more than an invalid now. I've got maybe a few minutes left with One For All so for all intents and purposes I'm done, it's your turn now and I believe in you wholeheartedly. So why don't you show the world why the start of All For None and Deva is now?"
Izuku had broken down completely during his dare he say father's speech. The man believed in him so much it hurt that he'd slightly deviated from All Might's views and ethics. "I'm sorry All Might, I r-really a-am."
"We never fixed how much of a crier you are did we?" Toshinori chuckled. "My boy you don't need to thank me for anything, all I did was give you the tools. It was you who took them and used them to further yourself. This is your start my boy, are you ready?" All Might held up fist for the boy the bump it.
Izuku shakily lifted his hand and bumped the man's fist. "I'll do my best All Might, I've got a gang of low lifes to destroy." The fire was back, Izuku no longer felt empty, purpose and drive were returned.
It was time to bring a little girls tormentors to their knees and Izuku was going to d̙͚̣̱͛͑̔̊̋͜i̪͖̥͔̱̱̒̿s̻̘̓̇ͤ̃̐̃ͅm͙͉̯̯͎̿̍ͧ͞ą̰̺͚̫̩n̺̿͗̔ṯ͈̗͉͙̆ͤ̈̽l͕ḛ̠̠̙̼ͬ͊̕ them.
"Now that's the Izuku Midoriya I know, but first I believe you have a class to talk to and an angry One For All user to apologize too." Toshinori smiled brightly at the boy, a little humor in his voice now that things were finally settled.
"...I guess I do." Izuku shot up before speaking. "Thanks All Might, for everything. You have no idea how many times you've saved me." Izuku walked off to talk to his class.
All Might himself had started tearing up as he left, stupid boy, making this old man worry like he has.
Izuku saw the majority of his class staring at him as he approached, his mental preparations were far from complete but he still needed to do this. "So I may need to apologize for a few things, especially to you Sero."
"Yeah no shit sherlock." Hagakure sniggered.
"Dude you hit me into the floor so fast I don't remember a thing, honestly probably a blessing in disguise. But we good, it was sparring after all, and if it helped bring you out of your funk I don't mind. Though next time you need a sandbag to beat down could you make it Bakugo." Sero said jokingly which made Izuku happy since the boy really wasn't angry.
"The fuck you say Flex Tape like hell he could do that to me." Bakugo angrily bit back.
"You do remember the bomb training right?" Sero stuck out his tongue before running as an angry Bakugo chased him.
"I should probably explain, I was just so worried I'd lose someone that I figured it'd be better to cut emotions off entirely. Which in retrospect, was not the healthiest decision. I just didn't know what I'd do if I lost one of you. I'm sorry." Izuku explained as he bowed.
Todoroki winced before talking. "Seeing you like that made me think of myself Midoriya, please remember we are here if you need someone to talk too."
Momo who'd been silent the whole time finally spoke. "Izu you can't just stop feeling, what about me? I know it's selfish but I have needs too, if you just suddenly shut yourself off from the rest of us it's going to hurt us, me especially. I-i couldn't bear s-seeing you l-like that." The girl ran over, tears in her eyes as she started lightly wailing on her idiot of a boyfriend.
Much of the class felt like they were intruding on what should be a private moment and went back to sparring or doing literally anything else. It helped that All Might came over and herded the class away from the two.
Izuku gulped before speaking. "I'm sorry Mo, it just, some things kind of clicked for me at the license exam. I-I don't even know how to explain it but I just felt so lost, like everything was going to come crumbling down. I'd thought with All For One and Kurogiri dealt with we'd finally be able to rest but then I suddenly find out we have even more dangerous people to deal with and it kind of broke me. Like Toga can somehow turn invisible, be cloned by twice, and even disguise herself as one of us. Hell she told me to my face that she's going to 'remove' the things from my life that I don't need, if I lose you I'm probably going to lose myself. So I thought maybe I could kill that feeling of pain by just not feeling in the first place but in hindsight it's obvious how impossible that is. I just don't know what to do, everything is going to come crashing down soon and we're at the epicenter. I can't protect everyone, not that they need protecting but still in many ways the enemy is going to be coming after us because of me." Izuku briefly rubbed the aching horn on his head. "I did this to save Eri and I don't and will never regret that but all I did was shift the target onto my back. I just - I don't know what to do."
Momo had been silent for Izuku's entire ramble seeing just how much weight he'd been carrying the past few days and was about to try and help him but he stopped her. "That was until a minute ago, All Might was always good at speeches wasn't he? Were going to rip the bastards to shreds, hell what I'm going to do them is probably going to be considered as a war crime in multiple countries. Then as for Shigaraki, I don't care if Nighteye thinks the future can't be change, I'm going to twist it into my vision. Whatever he saw will NEVER come to pass, that much I swear to you Mo."
The girl in question had gone from crying in worry to crying in relief, he was back and apparently on the warpath. "I missed you Izu. Never do that again okay?"
"I promise, I won't, you have my word." Izuku pulled her in for a hug, how could he ever give this up? It just felt to right to him, and people were trying to take it away. If Bakugo threw a temper tantrum when his things were taken, Izuku was going to leave a fucking crater if someone tried to take what was his. Sure it wasn't the healthiest response and he was more than likely angrier than he should be, but in the end all that had happened at the exam showed him one thing. It strengthened his mental resolve to do what was his needed, and that was.
H̵͔͉͕̣͖̖͖e͈̗̭ͅ ̙̱̗̣ṇ̺̺̝̰o̙͍̮̼̻ ̰̟l̜̝̝͖̺̲̫o̶͙̝̺̹ͅng̹̱̩̮͎͍e̠̳͈r̥̞̹̣̗̙ ̪̙̮͖̥̞͎̕n͝e̻̪͉̳̜e̸͈͉̱̦̪de͈̻d̦̹̲̰̘ ͇̹̱̝̜͢ͅt̺͚o͚̫̞̲͕̬̰ ̡͈͕̺̫ho̦̩l̢̟̼̙͚ͅd̺̲͖ ̦͈̭̞̹̦͞b̝̭a̧̹c͔̣͇͍̺͠k̖̰͓̬̳̞͡.͍̮͈̗͉̣̼͝
Notes:
Sorry for another short chapter, these last few have just been interlude's for the story picks back up honestly.
Current Quirk List
Izuku Midoriya: Kuroe, Float, Minor Regeneration, Breath of Life, Tempo, Ultra Sight, Muscle Augmentation (Renamed to Muscular), Warp Gate, Galeforce, Rewind, Quirk Enhancer
Bakugo Katsuki: Explosion, Pyrokinesis
Tenya Iida: Engine, Air Step
Jirou Kyoka: Earphone Jack, Mute
Koji Koda: Animal Speak, Voice Throwing.
Mina Ashido: Acid, Liquid Manipulation
Sero Hanta: Tape, Minor Fire Resistance, Fire Breath
Yuga Aoyama: Navel Laser, Photokinesis
Kirishima Ejiro: Hardening, Shunpo
Yaoyorozu Momo: One for All, Creation, Blackwhip
Shinsou Hitoshi: Thunderclap, Brainwashing
Denki Kaminari: Electrification, Lightning Rod
All For One: Unknown
Kurogiri: EMP
Eri: Zero Gravity
Nedzu: High Specs, Silence
Uraraka: Air Cannon
Ananiel: -None-
Eraserhead: Erasure, Super Strength
Sato: Sugar Rush, Molecular Manipulation
Quirk Bank: Water Cutter
