Salladhor Saan stood before Stannis. "Everyone in King's Landing was talking about the murder when I stopped there," he said.
"Renly, Balon Greyjoy, Chris Griffin, and now Joffrey," said Stannis. "Now I'm the last of the five kings."
Salla shook his head. "It wasn't Joffrey who died. It was his mother, Queen Cersei!"
"What?" said Stannis's wife Selyse. "But you said you burned three leeches. One for Greyjoy, one for Griffin, and one for Joffrey."
Stannis looked at Melisandre. "You know, I'm starting to think Davos was right about you. Maybe you are a fraud."
"No, my lord!" Melisandre cried. "Wait… what did you call Joffrey when you burned the last leech? You called him Joffrey Baratheon, didn't you? Well, he's not really a Baratheon, remember, because his Uncle Jaime is his true father. All we have to do is get that boy Edric Storm back in here, prepare another leech, and call it Joffrey Lannister…"
Stannis cut her off with a wave of his hand. "No more of your lies. Over the past few months, I've been acting cruel, dishonorable. Some might even say out of character. And it was because of your influence over me. Davos saw it. I should have listened to him all along. You are dismissed from my service, woman."
"No…. please," Melisandre begged. "You've got to give me another chance. You need me…"
"Get out of this castle at once!" Stannis thundered. "And be grateful you're leaving with your life."
Melisandre ran away crying. Then Davos came in holding a letter. "This just came from the Wall," he told Stannis. "I think you're gonna wanna hear this…"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Maester Aemon had found an old wheelchair for Stewie in Castle Black's infirmary. Mabel was pushing him down a hall when they were stopped by a stout man with a face like a frog. "What are you doin' here at Castle Black?" he demanded of Mabel. "Women aren't allowed at the Wall!"
"You know, that reminds me, I've been wondering about something," Stewie said. "You guys aren't allowed to take wives or father sons, are you? So, are you all gay? Cause if you are, I might wanna join up myself when I'm a little older…"
The man's face turned red with rage. "How dare you call my sexual orientation into question?"
Brian came up. "What's the problem here?"
"Are you the one who brought this girl here?" the man demanded.
"She came her as a refugee," Brian said. "I'm pretty sure that's within our rules. Who are you, anyway? I don't think I've seen you before."
"My name is Janos Slynt," the man said proudly. "I was the commander of the City Watch in King's Landin', and now I'm about to become the commander of the Night's Watch!"
"Well, you're not the commander yet," said Brian. "Not until after we hold an election."
Slynt narrowed his eyes into slints. "You're Brian Griffin, aren't you? The traitor Hand's pet direwolf? I remember when I arrested Lord Peter. Who knows, maybe in the near future we'll be cutting off your head too!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Bane and Bronn were visiting Tyrion in his prison cell.
"It seems weddings are becoming more and more dangerous these days," Tyrion said. "First the Red Wedding, and now this. At least only one person died at this one."
"How many times have you been in jail now?" Bronn asked.
"This is only the second," Tyrion defended himself. "And just like that first time, I'm innocent. I didn't kill Cersei."
Bane laughed. "Good luck makin' Joffrey and Tywin believe that!"
"Maybe I don't have to," said Tyrion. "If I demand a trial by combat like I did in the Vale, one of you could be my champion."
"Fat chance," said Bane. "Right before we came in here, Joffrey came up to us and said, 'Just in case you two have any ideas about fighting for the Imp, you should know that if he asks for a trial by combat, I'm gonna name the Mountain as my champion!'"
"That's a spot-on imitation of his voice," Tyrion said dryly.
Bane shook his head. "I like you, Tyrion, but not enough to die for you."
"Same here," said Bronn.
Tyrion slumped. "At least you guys are honest."
