"Ellie, would you like me to tuck you in?" the marchwarden asked, standing in the doorway to the bathroom where the child had just finished readying herself for sleep.
"No" came the swift reply. With that, Ellie plucked her beloved teddy bear off the bathroom counter and moved into the kitchen for a glass of water. Haldir's eyes trailed her silently. She was wearing her favorite pair of pyjamas, ones Haldir had carefully laundered to be ready for her visit. He had made her favorite desert that evening, though she had only taken a few bites before pushing it aside. Now she had refused to be tucked in, a ritual they both enjoyed, and her father cherished. Something was definitely bothering her.
"How is school?" Haldir tried again, after he entered the kitchen.
"Fine." That one word answer. It must be a trait of mortal females, Haldir determined, to express their irritation by answering all questions in one word.
"How are your activities? You're taking dancing aren't you?" Haldir pressed.
"Do you even know what ballet is?" Ellie answered, playing absent mindedly with her bear. Though she had used more than once word, her attitude was as defensive as ever.
"Ellie, is something is bothering you-" Haldir tried to reason.
"It's nothing" she answered. By the way she enunciated the word, he knew it was not nothing.
"Ellie, I cannot read your mind. But you've been like this since you got here this afternoon." The warden observed.
"Why do I have to come here?" She asked sharply. The question had burst out of her, as if it had been suppressed for some time.
"Your nana and I would both like to spend time with you sweetheart."
"But you're not really my father" Ellie protested. Whatever answer Haldir had expected, it was not what his daughter had just said. Perplexed and hurt he was momentarily silent.
"Ellie, I am your Ada. That means father. I am your father." Haldir emphasized, once he'd pulled himself together.
"No, daddy's my father. I have daddy's last name. Ellie Wilson" she countered, emphasizing her last name.
Haldir wanted to say many things about how much he loved her mother. How Ellie had been made of the love they shared. How she had his eyes, and that was proof she came from him. But he knew other things made a father, things Michael Wilson were doing. Things he could not do for her. The reason his daughter was not growing up in Lothlorien had very much to do with his actions. He had pushed Lauren to return to Earth, for her own safety, but that was the reason why he only saw his daughter infrequently. Ellie was now school aged, becoming more inquisitive about her unique circumstances.
"Can't both of us love you very much?" Haldir suggested.
Ellie furrowed her eyebrows, silent in deep thought. After a minute, she shrugged her shoulders and headed off to her bedroom. She did not say a word or look back before closing the door behind her.
Haldir had hoped that the little girl would, as children often do, forget all about their problems by the next morning. He was wrong. Ellie barely glanced at him during breakfast and ran out the door after her cousins who had picked her up to play. During dinner at Uncle Orophin and Aunt Lyari's flet, the child's uncharacteristic reserve was also noticed by the adult present.
"What did you elflings do today?" Orophin asked cheerfully. He was received with a mixed chorus of voices coming from his own children, telling the table in disjointed snippets about their adventures.
"Climbed a tree"
"Swung from the tree!"
"Jumped from the tree!"
Ellie kept her eyes down and continued to push her food around her plate.
"What did you do Ellie?" Orophin prodded, giving her an encouraging smile.
The table fell silent as eyes turned the little girl. Slowly raising her big blue eyes to look at the table, she shrugged and nonchalantly relayed that she "played."
The table fell uncomfortably silent. Haldir looked intently at his daughter. She would not meet his gaze, keeping her eyesight fixed on the untouched food in front of her. He suddenly thought he understood. Ellie's distance was seeded in resentment. Lorien was not her home. It never has been, it was just a place she had to visit every so often. Filled with people she barely knew. Her home was Earth and he was taking her from where she'd rather be. He was competing for the child's affections against a man who was, in her eyes, far superior. It shattered him. Fortunately, Lyari was tactful enough to change the topic of conversation. She shot him a sympathetic look as she began discussing plans for a picnic in several days.
The walk back to his flet was also embedded in awkward silence. Haldir did not offer to hold her hand, somehow he knew she wanted the distance. Ellie quietly slipped into the bathroom, without having to be told, and got ready for bed. When Haldir heard the gentle click of his daughter's door close, sank heavily on the sofa in the living room. Holding his head in his hands, he exhaled heavily.
Haldir felt like a fraud. Who was he kidding, trying to play Ada with Ellie? She is a smart, bright child. He should've known she would see through him. Did he really think cooking her favorite foods and seeing her every month qualified him as her father? It was clear to Haldir that she had a wonderful father, and he was the loser in the competition for her affections. He had failed at the most important task of his life. The burden of defeat was overwhelming and Haldir felt a pang of anger sweep over him. He jumped up from the couch and began to pace the living room restlessly.
"Ada?" Ellie peered from behind her bedroom door.
All of Haldir's harshness melted away.
"Ellie, I'm sorry I woke you" Haldir excused.
"What are you doing?" she asked, appraising him curiously.
"Nothing. Go back to sleep, meleth"
"I'm hungy" the child admitted. No wonder, she had had no dinner.
Haldir smiled. "Would you like me to make you a snack?"
Ellie nodded enthusiastically. Haldir gestured towards the kitchen. His daughter broke into a bright smile and scurried out of the bedroom. The marchwarden lifted the elfling in one sweep and settled her onto the kitchen counter, eliciting a delighted squeal.
"How about some lembas and fruit? Or I can make you an omelette?" he offered.
"Omelette" his daughter ordered. He had to chuckle; she would become quite bossy one day.
A short while later, the elfling was happily munching on a plate of food. Haldir's heart filled with joy watching his daughter. Ellie lowered her fork and looked at her father intently.
"Do you really love me Ada?"
Caught off guard by the question, Haldir answered (perhaps a little forcefully) "of course. I would do anything for you."
"Then why can't I spend more time here?" she hesitated for a moment, then added "with you?"
The marchwarden's eyebrows shot up. "Would you like that?"
Ellie's blue eyes looked doefully at her father. She nodded silently. Perhaps he hadn't understood at all. He had assumed Ellie was upset because she didn't want to be in Lorien with him. But it was in fact the opposite. She was upset because she thought he didn't want to see her.
"Ellie, nothing would make me happier if you spent more time here with me. We'll talk your Nana next week."
Lauren shot her daughter a bewildered look. When Ellie had told her she wanted to spend the summer with Haldir, it had honestly surprised her. Tennis camp and a week at the cottage had already been thrown around. Michael took it particularly hard. To his credit, he forced a smile on his face and told Ellie they would support whatever she wanted to do for the summer.
"We are going to miss you around here Ellie" Michael lamented.
"Why don't you and mommy come too?" Ellie said, as if the answer had been obvious.
