The Ultimate Detective and The Ultimate Hope Gaiden: How I Met Your Mother (And How I Met Your Father)

Despair Arc

Chapter Seven: Junko's Second Bonding Exercise!

Present Day

"So did you and Sayaka feel better after your baths, Daddy?"

Makoto nodded and replied "Yes Kiki, we did. We felt much more at peace than we did after our breakdowns. And your Mother and Leon weren't the only ones to notice our improved moods, for you see…"

XXX

May 1, 2015

"My, you two look sooo much happier!"

Makoto, Kyoko, Sayaka, and Leon looked up at Junko, currently in her cute persona as Makoto nodded "Yeah, we're feeling a lot better. Thanks for asking, Junko."

"No worries!" Junko suddenly shifted to her depressed personality as she apologized "Anyway, I feel really bad that my initial bonding exercise made you both cry like that. Like, super super super super super bad!"

"Ano…you don't have to apologize…I know you didn't mean any…"

"No, I need to apologize…so, if you guys don't hate me too much…I'd like to try a different bonding exercise with you guys. One that won't worsen your anxieties. Of course, I'd understand if you hate me…"

"W…we don't hate you, Junko…"

Despite his words, Makoto was a little hesitant to go along with Junko's idea. He believed she meant well, but he was afraid of a repeat of his and Sayaka's breakdowns after whatever Junko had planned.

In the end, the part of him that wanted to give Junko the benefit of the doubt won out as he turned to the others and asked "Guys, what do you think?"

"Hmm…" Leon mused uneasily "I mean…I guess there's no harm in giving it another go…"

Sayaka hesitantly nodded, deciding "I mean…even though it reminded me of my idol group, it did make me feel a little better knowing we were all in this together…so…as long as it's not too bad, I guess it's fine."

Kyoko was the only one who outright opposed the idea in her mind, remembering how distraught Makoto had been after the nightmare that had followed. She did not want to see him reduced to such anguished tears again, even if it was entirely by accident. She quietly gasped as she felt a light squeeze around her hand. Looking next to her, she saw Makoto give her a reassuring smile, squeezing her hand once more.

If Makoto says it's okay, then… Kyoko sighed and relented "…Alright, I'll go along with it if you will."

Junko grinned, reverting back to her normal personality as she exclaimed "Great!" Turning back to the others in the Dining Hall, she proclaimed "Alright everybody, we're gonna do another bonding exercise, so gather 'round the big table!"

Everyone more or less grumbled, but having nothing better to do at the moment, took their seats around the large table as Junko began to explain her new bonding exercise.

"Alright everyone, so since we're the sole surviving class of Hope's Peak Academy, I thought it would really help us to bond as one big family if we shared one of our secrets with each other!"

Makoto blushed as he realized just what he had agreed to, worrying Oh no…I only have one big secret…and it's totally embarrassing! Kyoko's gonna laugh at me, I just know it!

"And why should we have to tell our secrets to you, plebian?" Byakuya questioned.

Celeste nodded "I concur; telling you all my secret would not just be difficult, it would be impossible."

"Aw come on!" Junko whined "I promise, nothing leaves this school, even when we all get out! So what's wrong with a little kiss and tell? I'll even tell you guys my and Muku's darkest secret as a show of good faith okay? Before I became the Ultimate Fashionista and she joined Fenrir, we were both homeless!"

HOMELESS?! Everyone else thought as they stared in shock at the twins, finding it hard to believe that two immensely successful young women were once homeless.

Mukuro nodded, confirming "It's true. Our parents died when we were young, and without any way to pay the mortgage, we were forced out and had to live on the streets for a time."

Junko…Mukuro… Makoto thought in awe at their life story.

Junko then grinned "Okay, now that I've spilled the beans, it's time for all of you to!"

Annoyed that Junko had basically tricked them into complying before they could walk away, Kyoko sighed "…There's no dissuading her at this point, so let's just get it over with."

As everyone mumbled reluctant agreement, if only so she'd stop pestering them, Junko grinned "Okay, same rules as last time. So…Sayaka! What's your biggest secret?"

Sayaka gulped, blushing as she started "…Well…the idol business can be brutal to get your foot in the door, so I had a hard time getting a first audition. Then I met this agent who promised he could make me a household name, if I could prove my commitment to my dream. So…before he could pull some strings and get my foot in the door, he…he demanded…that I pose naked for a photo shoot for a pornographic magazine!"

"HOLY SHIT!" Mondo exclaimed.

"Babe…is that true…?" Leon whispered, leaving Sayaka to reluctantly nod, tears in her eyes at the memory.

Sayaka… Makoto thought, his heart going out to her as he recalled a conversation they had before he and Kyoko became friends.

"I did whatever it took to reach that dream. I mean it. Even some things that…weren't so pleasant."

So that's what she meant…the poor girl…

Sayka gasped as she felt Leon wrap his arm around her, assuring the distraught idol "Sayaka, don't worry. I don't think any less of you for what happened in the past. That sleazeball just better hope the riots do him in before I can catch up to him!"

"Leon…"

"He's right!" Mondo roared "No girl should ever be forced to do shit like that. If I ever see that sleazeball when we get out, he's fuckin' dead!"

"Mondo…everyone…" Sayaka flashed back to their first day at Hope's Peak, when everyone said they'd stand up for her if Teruteru tried to hit on her again. Sayaka wiped her eyes on her wrist, giggling as she assured them "Thank you…I'm better now!"

Makoto and Leon smiled warmly at their friend, happy that she was feeling better when Junko interrupted "Alright, if we're done feeling warm and fuzzy, let's move on. Alright Leon, what's your secret?"

Leon also blushed, scratching the back of his head nervously as he admitted "Well…my first kiss…was with my cousin Kanon."

"Leon!" Sayaka gasped, everyone else wide-eyed at the revelation as well.

"Leon Kuwata, sharing a romantic kiss with your cousin is unacceptable!" Taka roared, pointing his finger at the Ultimate Baseball Star.

Leon held his hands up in surrender as he defended "Hey, it wasn't by choice, okay? She cornered me and forced her lips on me! Once she let me go, I told her never to do that again and stormed off, I swear!"

Everyone stared in silence, making Leon's blush redden until he felt Sayaka's hand wrap around his own and give him a reassuring squeeze. He turned to face his girlfriend who merely gave him a reassuring smile. Leon's blush faded into a gentle pink as he wordlessly smiled back, happy that she had come to terms with his secret. Makoto and Kyoko smiled warmly at the romantic moment between the two lovers.

"Ugh, alright, enough mushy stuff, let's move on." Junko said, ruining the tender moment before she asked "Alright Chihiro, what's your secret?"

"Well…my only real secret is that I'm a boy, and you guys already know that, so…"

"Aww, come on, you must have some other secret to share! So…"

"Junko, stop it!" Everyone turned their astonished gaze to an unusually stern Makoto Naegi, who scolded "Chihiro shared with us an extremely painful secret; it would be extremely distasteful of us to ask him to dig up more of them!"

"Makoto's right!" Mondo agreed "We agreed to this fuckin' exercise to bond as a class, not to humiliate ourselves for your amusement, Junko! So give Chihiro a free pass, okay?!"

"Makoto…Mondo…" Chihiro smiled as he mumbled "…Thank you…"

Seeing the unified glares sent her way, Junko relented "Fine, I won't push anymore." Chihiro sighed in relief as Junko continued "Alright then…Mondo, your turn!"

Mondo clenched his fists together, his eyes suddenly becoming downcast, his expression filled with remorse as he recalled "Well…as ashamed as I am to admit it…I'm responsible for my brother Daiya's death."

"SAY WHAAAAAAT?!" Hifumi exclaimed, voicing the thought racing through everyone's minds as they tried to reconcile this admission with the honorable Mondo that they had come to know.

"Yeah…it's true. See, Daiya was about to retire and hand over control of the Crazy Diamonds to me. But then…everyone started talkin' shit behind my back, sayin' how I wasn't gonna be able to fill Daiya's shoes. Eventually I knew that I had to beat Daiya just once! Just fuckin' once!"

"Bro…"

"So on the day of his retirement, I challenged him to a street race! And while we were racing…I drove my hog completely recklessly! I was desperate to get an edge over him, to prove that I could beat him! But in my rush…I drove right into the path of an oncoming truck! I thought I was a goner! But then…Daiya…he pushed me out of the way and took the hit that was meant for me! He went flying into the woods off the road. So I pulled over and ran over to him! He was bleedin' so much; Kami, there was so much blood! I knew he wasn't gonna make it, that it was all my fault!"

Mondo… Makoto thought, his heart going out to the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader.

"But then Daiya…with his last breath, he said as I held him in my arms "M…My bad, kid…I fucked up. Sorry. Hey, kid…The rest is up to you. No matter what, you gotta keep the gang together. Cuz it's the team…you and me put together. It's…a pr…a promise…between men…" After I got back, I told the gang a bald-faced lie. I told them that Daiya had gotten cocky and gotten himself killed. It was a lie to keep the Crazy Diamonds together, and they all bought it! It was the only way I could keep the promise I made to Daiya! I lied and desecrated my brother's memory to keep the promise I made to him!"

By the time he finished, crying manly tears of anguish, everyone was rattled, even the more stoic ones like Kyoko and Celeste.

"Bro…" Taka muttered, unsure of what to say to comfort his best friend.

Luckily, Makoto was there to lend his support, assuring the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader "Mondo…you shouldn't keep kicking yourself for this…your Brother did what any Big Brother would do…protect their little siblings. I'd do the same thing if it was me and Komaru!"

"Makoto…" Kyoko whispered, trying to block images of a mangled and bloodied Makoto out of her mind.

"Professor Makoto is correct, Bro!" Taka finally found his voice, urging "Daiya wouldn't want you to keep blaming yourself for his death! And even though I may disapprove of how you did it, you did keep your promise to him; you kept the Crazy Diamonds together! They respect you as their leader! Once we get out of here, you can tell them the truth about what happened and why you lied back then. But until then, make peace with yourself, Bro! It's what Daiya would want!"

"Bro…Makoto…" Mondo smiled, the guilt finally dissipating from his face as he vowed "I promise, between men…and women…that I'll tell them the truth once I get out of here. Then I can really be the strong leader that the Crazy Diamonds deserve!"

"That's the spirit, Bro!" Taka cheered as he clapped Mondo on the back, the two Ultimates laughing as the others smiled, happy that Mondo could finally move on with his life.

"Alright then, Bro…" Junko interrupted "What's your secret?"

This time it was Taka's turn to gulp, admitting meekly as he bit his lip "…As ashamed as I am to admit it, one time in elementary school…I was struggling in studying for one of my tests…and I didn't want to bring home a failing grade to my parents…so I…I CHEATED!"

Everyone let out a collective gasp, shocked that the leader of his school's Public Morals Committee actually cheated on a test.

"Hit me if you must for my transgression! I was so guilt-ridden when I got my test back, that the next day I confessed to my teacher. Not only did he allow me to retake it, but he also recommended that I start volunteering on the Public Morals Committee. As shameful as my decision was…it made me into the man I am today! But still…it's a stain on my character that I don't want anyone to know about! Imagine if I ran for Prime Minister and my opponent used that skeleton in an attack ad! Even if I paid off my Grandfather's debts, I'd be no better than he was!"

"Bro, chill! If I'm not defined by my stupid decisions that cost Daiya his life, then you're not defined by cheating on one test just because you got nervous!"

"Bro…" Taka smiled, nodding vigorously as he pledged "You're right, Bro! Even if my opponents were to find out, I'll simply use my own experiences to show the people that I can relate to the pressures placed on them by society! Then I'll pledge to work tirelessly to give them every chance to succeed that I was given!"

"That's the spirit, Bro!"

Mondo and Taka shared one last laugh before Junko coughed into her fist and interrupted "Alright, enough of the Bromance…Hifumi, what's your big secret?"

Hifumi clenched his fists and seethed "Grr…as ashamed as I am to admit it…I used to loathe the very idea of anime and manga!"

Everyone's mouths dropped in shock; the idea that their perverted, geeky classmate could once have hated the very anime he was so passionate about.

"My sister Fujiko would have them on all the time, but I could never get into it! It wasn't until I was home alone and Princess Piggles happened to be on that I was finally hooked! I began to appreciate anime for what it truly was! It was then that Fujiko and I were finally able to bond over anime and we were able to help each other with our respective creations! But if my peers ever found out, I'd become the laughingstock of the fanfic community!"

As Hifumi let out a sigh to let everyone know he was done ranting, Junko continued "Alright then…Celeste, your secret? And no saying "it's impossible"; we all know that's a load of crap."

Smiling politely, Celeste started "Before I reveal my secret, I must have your collective words that you will not disclose this to anybody. If you do…" Celeste glared at them and threatened "…I will pay a special organization to have you all killed. Your very existence will be unforgivable."

Everyone nodded in cautious agreement, unsure of whether to take her seriously or not.

Returning to her usual polite smile, Celeste agreed "Very well…my secret is…my name is not actually Celestia Ludenberg."

No, really?! Everyone thought sarcastically, not believing from day one that a Japanese girl could actually be named Celestia Ludenberg, especially if said girl was the Queen of Liars.

"You see…my real name is…Taeko Yasuhiro."

"WHAT?! You mean your last name is the same as my first name?!"

"Yes, and I do NOT wish to be associated with someone as stupid as you." Ignoring Hiro's protests of "Don't be mean!", Celeste continued "So please, I would appreciate it if you continued to call me Celeste."

Hifumi grinned and assured her "Of course, Miss Ludenberg! Whether it's Miss Ludenberg or Miss Yasuhiro, that doesn't change the fact that you're still the pure white rabbit I shall swear to serve for the rest of my days!"

A slight blush darkened her cheeks before she forced it away, thanking in a rare show of gratitude "Oh…thank you, Hifumi…"

As Hifumi grinned victoriously at having made Celeste blush, Junko interrupted "Alright, so that's Tae…sorry, Celeste's secret. Next is…Sakura!"

Sakura folded her arms over her breasts and closed her eyes, admitting "As ashamed as I am to admit it…I wasn't always the honorable person I am today…in fact, I used to be a…bully…"

"Sakura…" Hina gasped, taken aback by Sakura's admission.

Kyoko's eyes widened, surprised that the woman she had confided so deeply in when Makoto wasn't an option had a darker past to her than she had initially let on.

Nodding, Sakura elaborated "It wasn't until I met my boyfriend Kenshiro that I began to value more than just brute strength, and truly sought to become stronger in heart and soul as well as body. I understand if this revelation makes you think less of me…"

"No way, Sakura!" The Ultimate Martial Artist's now open eyes widened as she turned to a determined Hina, who assured her "So what if you were less than pleasant when you were younger? That's not the Sakura I know NOW! All I care about is that you're the Sakura I met when I entered Hope's Peak Academy last year!"

"Hina…" Sakura smiled and bowed her head, thanking "Thank you, Hina…"

Makoto smiled at the touching scene before Junko interrupted "Alright, this is touching and all, but let's move on…Hina, what's your secret?"

Hina gulped and began "Well…you guys know how I'm addicted to donuts, right?"

It's kind of one of the core tenets of your personality, Hina… Makoto deadpanned as he recalled how she threatened to uppercut him if he got in the way of her donuts.

"Well, you see…the reason I played so many sports…was because I was so overweight from all those donuts and I needed to find a way to burn off all that fat!"

So that's why she was so concerned about her figure… Makoto realized as he recalled another past conversation where she was so worried about losing her figure.

"Hmph, that's your embarrassing secret? How plebian…"

Suddenly angry, Hina retorted "What did you say, you jerk?"

Byakuya sighed and elaborated "Obesity is a such a common fear among the 99% that it's not even worth worrying about in here. And obviously your training regimen has worked, so clearly you've been more successful at beating it than most commoners…"

"O…oh…" Hina muttered, blushing at Byakua's backhanded way of cheering her up.

As the room grew quiet, Junko asked "Alright Mr. Togami, since you apparently know so much about the secrets of us commoners, perhaps you can enlighten us to the secrets of the 1 %...so, what's your secret?"

Byakuya sighed as he admitted "…I never knew my Mother."

Sayaka stared at Byakuya with empathy in her eyes, having never met her own Mother as well. For her part, Kyoko stared at the Ultimate Affluent Progeny with sympathetic shock.

My Mother died young, so my memories of her are faint…but at least I had time to spend with her…

Toko teared up, exclaiming "D…don't worry Ma…Master…you can have one of my Mo…mothers…"

Byakuya's eyes narrowed as he sighed "This is why this secret is embarrassing; the last thing I want is for a bunch of commoners to look down on me and feel sorry for me because of this…so never bring this up with me ever again."

"Eep! Yes, Ma…Master!"

Kyoko nodded, remembering how angry and bitter she felt as her extended family looked down on her as a child and saw her as only a little girl who was abandoned by her Father.

Junko sighed "Alright, alright, we won't bring it up again…now, next would be Toko, but I doubt there's a worse secret than Genocide Jack, and we already gave Chihiro a pass, so it's only fair that we give her a pass too." Toko sighed in relief as Junko moved on "Next is Hiro…so, what's your secret?"

Hiro grinned sheepishly and admitted "Well…it's embarrassing because it's such a turnoff to women…but I uhh…I only wash my hair once a season."

YOU ONLY WASH YOUR HAIR FOUR TIMES A YEAR?! Everyone exclaimed to themselvesas they resisted the urge to pinch their noses.

Toko however, did pinch her nose as she exclaimed "Th…that's why you sm…smell like a big f…fat ugly donkey!"

Junko laughed and commented "This coming from the girl who doesn't bathe every day? I figured with a secret like that, you two would be made for each other!"

"Sh…shut up! I might not ba…bathe every day, but I still wash my hair more than h…him! And I'd ne…never go out with h…him!"

"HEY! DON'T BE MEAN!"

As Toko opened her mouth to retort, Byakuya interrupted "Toko, cease this pointless squabble so we can get this ridiculous Bonding Exercise over with."

"Y…yes, Master…"

With Toko no longer arguing, Hiro calmed down as well, allowing Junko to continue "Alright…Kyoko…what secret are you hiding in that big Detective brain of yours?"

Makoto watched with concern as Kyoko closed her eyes and folded her arms across her breasts, the Ultimate Detective deep in anxious contemplation.

The most obvious one would be why I wear my gloves…but I only want to divulge that information to family… She decided, glancing at Makoto before contemplating what secret she could reveal. Her eyes opened, widening in realization as she decided Well…I suppose THAT would be harmless… Sighing, Kyoko stated simply "…I'm very ticklish."

Junko burst into laughter and giggled "Seriously?! TICKLISH?! That's your secret? Hey Makoto, now you have the perfect weapon to get your girlfriend to do whatever you want…"

"…Forget it, Junko!" Kyoko silently gasped, taken off guard by Makoto's serious, scolding expression and tone as he retorted "Kyoko's my girlfriend, not my toy. Her body isn't mine to touch and tease whenever I want. The only way I'd tickle her is if she said it was okay, but I'm not going to touch her body without her permission!"

"Makoto…"

Junko sighed and relented "…Fine, sorry and shit." Seeing Makoto's glare soften and his head nod in acceptance, Junko announced "Anyways, you're last Makoto! So…what's your deepest, darkest secret?"

Everyone leaned forward in their seats, curious at what secret a book as open as Makoto could possibly have hidden within its pages.

Gulping, Makoto blushed as he mumbled "Ano…this is kind of embarrassing to admit…but…I…ano…used to wet the bed until fifth grade…"

At least half the class burst out in laughter or giggles, finding his secret to be absolutely hilarious. The more stoic ones merely held smiles of amusement as they found humor in the innocence of Makoto's secret. Makoto was relieved that Kyoko's voice was absent from the chorus of laughter, her hand rubbing his back in a gesture of comfort as he buried his face in his palms and wished he could just disappear.

As the laughter died down, Junko exclaimed "Oh man! That's your secret?! You really are an open book if you have no other skeletons to talk about! Alright, thanks for the free comedy, Naegi!"

Serious again, Byakuya stood up and announced "Then that should complete this Bonding Exercise. What a waste of time; I'm going back to the library."

Celeste stood up and announced "I shall be on my way too; I will be playing a round of solitaire in my room if anyone wishes to see me."

One by one, everyone left the Dining Hall, making similar claims of wishing to be alone after having revealed their secrets to the others. The last to leave were Makoto and Kyoko who, after Kyoko managed to pry his hands from his face, left together for their room.

XXX

"…I'm surprised you didn't laugh at my secret…" Makoto finally told her after the Ultimate Detective finally managed to coax him into talking to her in their room.

"…I'll admit it was a little humorous…but remember what I told you when you were feeling self-conscious about your Christmas Ball outfit." Makoto finally looked up at her, making Kyoko smile as she cradled his cheeks with her bare hands and reminded him "I promised I wouldn't laugh at you, no matter what! I meant it, Makoto; I wouldn't laugh at you for an embarrassing secret from your past. And your…bedwetting has no bearing on our relationship; I love you, no matter what!"

"Kyoko…"

Blushing, Kyoko admitted "…If I'm being honest…I'm surprised you refused to take advantage of my secret so…vehemently…I figured you'd at least be tempted once you learned of my…sensitivity."

Makoto smiled and explained "Yeah, well…I've been on the receiving end of tickle fights from my parents and Komaru, so I…know how it feels to be tickled without agreeing. Sure, it might be all fun and games when you're a kid with your family…but as your boyfriend, I might not be so eager to get into tickle fights with you, especially when neither of us have consented…" …Plus you'd win every time…good thing you don't know how ticklish I am…

Kyoko smiled appreciatively as she told him "And I'm so grateful you're always taking my feelings into account…but just in case you're worried…" Kyoko leaned forward until their lips were just a breath away before she assured him "…You have my permission to kiss me at any time…"

"…Thank you, Kyoko…" Makoto breathed before he leaned forward and closed the distance, their lips parting as their tongues danced with each other, the loving couple embracing each other and rolling on the bed as they lost themselves in their passionate, consensual kiss.

XXX

Present Day

"Aww…that was so cute!" Kiki gushed before asking "You really thought Mommy would laugh at your secret, Daddy?"

Makoto smiled sheepishly as he nodded "I was still an insecure man, Kiki, and we had never talked about either of our secrets before, so of course I wasn't exactly confident that she wouldn't laugh at me…I'm glad I was wrong though."

Kyoko nodded "Indeed, and our relationship was able to grow stronger because we shared our secrets with each other."

Too bad we can't say the same for everyone else… Makoto and Kyoko thought as they reflected on how they again walked into Junko's trap and gave her free ammunition for her Killing Game.

"So what happened next, Mommy?"

Kyoko shook her head and told her "Tomorrow, Kiki. It's already past your bedtime."

"Aww…" Kiki grumbled, then yawned.

"See, you're already tired. You should head to bed, Kiki."

"…Okay, Mommy…" Kiki reluctantly agreed as she wiggled under the blankets, her parents whisking the blankets over her body as they tucked her in.

Placing kisses on her cheeks, Makoto and Kyoko cooed "Good night, Kiki. We love you."

"…Love you too…" Kiki yawned before her eyes finally closed, snores reverberating off the walls as she faded into her dreams.

Makoto and Kyoko smiled as they quietly walked out, Kyoko closing the door behind her as they yawned, tiredly making their way to their room so they could collapse on their bed and follow their daughter into slumber.