*CHAPTER 70:
A shadow of himself
It was finally out in the open. What had been torturing Jay for weeks was no longer a secret only he knew about. A part of him felt relieved; voicing his feelings had lightened his anguish a fraction, but now, a different worry made its appearance —his parents' reaction.
What were they thinking about him? Did Jay even want to know that? Could he handle being reviled by his progenitors?
Edna leaned away a few inches, hoping to see her son's face clearer, but Jay kept it hidden from her.
"Kai? As in… the King?" The woman blinked with surprise at the confession that had just reached her ears.
Jay shook with terror, regret was running fast through his body. Oh, Brahma, why had he done this?! Why couldn't he just stay quiet and suffer his deviation in silence like everyone else did?
His hands clenched Edna's dress tightly, he couldn't stop what he felt for Kai, but Jay didn't want to lose the love of his parents either.
"I'm sorry!" Bawled Jay, voice losing all its strength in a second. "I'm so sorry! I don't know why it happened. I… I just..." The sobs were too violent for the boy to keep talking, snorts were running down his nose as his whole face got soaked in tears in record time.
Gentle hands were on him again. "My baby, calm down," Edna shushed her son, bringing him in to resume their previous hug. "Breathe, you'll pass out again at this rate."
Jay clung to the woman with all his might, trying to make himself a map of her little body, just in case he had to leave her forever in a few minutes. Edna, though, remained calm on her spot, same with her husband. Both adults rubbed soothing circles on Jay's back as the boy fought against his own jitters and cried. He would cool down for a moment then explode the next second, no sign of stopping anytime soon.
"I'm so sorry…" Jay went on with his lamenting.
"Why are you apologizing for, honey?" Edna whispered in his ear while caressing her son's scalp.
"Because I… I… never wanted to upset you… I tried to avoid it, but I…" His cries won the battle again. He had tried, very hard and stubbornly, to block all the feelings that started to grow inside of him as soon as he set foot in the palace. But Jay could have tried a lifetime and still have fallen in love with Kai and his family. They had been right from the start; Love was free, it didn't know about genders, and when it hit you, there was nothing to do against its magic.
The married couple was silent, Jay shook in Edna's arms, his heart at the top of his throat, ready to jump out and abandon his body at any moment.
"Jay… Son, we're… we're not upset," Ed muttered.
Jay gasped. His head shot up and he zeroed on his father's face.
"I'll admit it's… shocking," Ed said, checking with his wife for a more proper word. "But apart from that..." he shrugged in modesty, leaving Jay quite confused.
"But… But I'm not normal, am I?" Jay sobbed. "Normal boys don't… do this."
Ed and Edna looked at each other, the woman pushed a flock of ginger hair away from Jay's eyes.
"Honey… Is that what's been eating you up all this time?" Jay shrank with shame as his mother's supposition hit the nail on the head. "Jaybird… 'Normal' only means 'what happens most commonly'. It's okay to be different. Your dad for starters; his ideas are a bit crazy, but they make for great inventions too."
Ed chuckled. "And your mother was the smallest girl in her village, but she's just as amazing as any other housewife."
Cheeks flushed and wet, mouth hanging open as his breathing remained erratic while staring at both of his parents, Jay was left in complete astonishment. Was he... hearing things?
"You… You don't… hate me or… think I'm… disgusting?"
"Son!" Ed looked just as incredulous and horrified as his wife. "Of course not! Why would we? You're our child, we'll always love you no matter what."
Unable to do anything else, Jay started shaking again with renewed force.
"Honey, why should we hate you for having such a beautiful feeling in your heart?" Edna asked.
Jay's hands went up to cover his face as another cascade of tears flew out of his eyes with a choked moan. He doubled over, trembling and leaning on his mother for support. Shock running free through his veins —shock and eternal gratefulness.
The more Ed and Edna hugged him and kissed his face, the more Jay cried. How could he have been so blind? How could he have grown up with such erroneous beliefs when his parents were one of the purest creatures in this world? Why had society made him think he was becoming a filthy monster by letting love into his heart? The questions would remain unanswered, for Jay was already too busy trying to get a hold of his wrecked mind.
His parents didn't hate him, they didn't see him as a filthy rat, they accepted his feelings and even validated them.
It was okay to love.
It was more than okay.
••••••••••••
Zane moaned, rather dulcet and concealed, but that was just his style —until he'd lose all composure when Cole pounded him hard in the next minutes. The former doctor's serenity wasn't the only sound in the room however.
As Zane lay on the bed, face down while Cole hovered over him, thrusting his cock in and out of the boy's willing body, Lloyd and Kai were lost in their own bubble of moans, roars, and cries. The blond lover lay next to his straw-colored duplicate, tummy up in the air and legs resting on Kai's shoulders as the Maharaja made love to him. Lloyd gripped the sheets, wrinkling every spot while Kai's hands ran up and down his thighs as his hips collided with Lloyd's ass over and over.
Cole couldn't help to glance at them, he hadn't imagined Kai and Lloyd would look so damn beautiful when having sex. Cole's heart filled with joy every time Lloyd cried out Kai's name, head tossing in every direction on the pillows as he shook and arched in synch with the monarch's moves.
But…
There was something… strange, awkward… Cole couldn't really decide on a word for these odd vibes he was getting from Kai's face. The Maharaja's features were tense, teeth clenched tight and shoulders stiff as he grabbed onto Lloyd's body; things that would have been normal hadn't it been for the slight trouble Cole sensed on his husband.
"Uuuh, Kai!" Lloyd moaned in a very guttural tone that would make any dick turn into steel in a matter of seconds.
Kai suddenly halted, breathing hard and uneven. For a very long second, his grip on his spouse increased in force, then he was abandoning Lloyd's ass and jumping on top of him —a move that surprised everyone. Getting a hold of the oil bottle laying around on the sheets, Kai carelessly poured the liquid on Lloyd's cock —only to bury the hardened flesh inside of himself a moment later.
Lloyd shouted in ecstasy, pupils blown as he stared up into his husband's strained face. Kai hissed, lowering himself on Lloyd's length and feeling his cavity being stretched on the go. He leaned on Lloyd, arms angrily pinned on the mattress, hovering over the other boy in an almost predatory attitude —but nothing was frightening in his voice as the Maharaja pleaded to his spouse, "Fuck me."
Instead of waiting for Lloyd to react and give in to the request, Kai started moving, elevating his hips and letting his ass fall down again, impaling himself with Lloyd's length. That motion ripped boisterous moans out of the two boys. At first, Lloyd could barely do anything other than squirm and shake under Kai, surely the pressure of the monarch's tight ass was making him see stars, but at some point, the young man found it in him to grab Kai by the back of his thighs and thrust up into him. The moan that erupted from Kai the next second seemed to work like a magic potion for Lloyd. Although the green bean was obviously overwhelmed with emotions and feelings, he did his best to please Kai.
The two husbands yowled, pushing against each other as their passion mounted. Cole watched the scene gobsmacked, surprised eyes fixed on the two boys locked in a tight embrace, screwing up each other senseless, letting out moan after moan in a way he'd only seen very few times.
A lukewarm hand stroked his forearm, bringing Cole back to the body encasing him in wonderful heat. Zane stared at him out of the corner of his eye, waiting for Cole to resume their activity that had stopped as the boy's focus drifted to the other couple in the room.
Swallowing his embarrassment, Cole lay on Zane's back and pressed kisses to his neck and cheek.
"Sorry," he apologized in his ear.
"It's okay," Zane responded, and he honestly didn't appear offended or bothered in the slightest by Cole's mental lapse.
The noiret forced himself to block out all noises and concentrate on his gorgeous lover, restarting the pace at which he banged Zane, hard and deep, aiming all his thrusts at the boy's prostate.
"Kaiiiiii!"
"Uh! Hold on, baby! Just a little more…"
Lloyd screamed at the top of his lungs, heels digging hard on the mattress as his body arched and shuddered with the force of his orgasm.
"Shiiit! Oh, Lloyd, keep going! Baby, please! I'm- Ugh! Aaah!"
Lloyd gasps transformed into animal grunts as he held onto Kai's hips and tried to do as his lover wanted, despite the pleasure in his body being so big that he couldn't even keep his eyes open and focused on the boy riding him and furiously jerking off. The Maharaja bounced hard on his spouse a few more times then flexed, shivering as cum shot out of his member and spilled onto Lloyd's chest.
"P-Pebble…" Zane reached for Cole's hand again.
Fuck! Cole'd gotten distracted once anew —but no more. Zane's hips were lifted off the bed, the blond replaced the pillows and brought one close to his chest, burying his face in it as Cole expertly angled their bodies and catapulted Zane to Nirvana, stroking him from the inside and outside. When Zane and he were both satisfied, Cole collapsed on his lover's back with a long, relieved sigh, being careful not to squash Zane. Cole allowed himself a moment to just breathe and bask in the afterglow of their love-making before opening his eyes.
There they were in front of him; two young boys, covered in sweat and other body fluids, lazily lying together —Kai's face hidden in the crook of Lloyd's neck as they all centered on regaining some normal respiration.
Cole's eyes closed with distress.
••••••••••••
It was either very late into the night or very early in the morning when Cole's umpteenth attempt at sleeping with his family was truncated again —and not by Lloyd's somnambulist tendencies this time— Cole just couldn't sleep. There was too much on his head.
Resting his elbows on the balcony railing, he let the cool air caress his naked chest, he'd only put his pants back on when he'd gotten out of bed minutes earlier. The night chill bit his skin, but he didn't mind it that much, the cold provided some distraction at least.
Cole let more of his weight onto the balustrade, hands getting tangled in the messed up ponytail as he lowered his head. He was so tired, mentally, yet his mind wouldn't give him a rest.
There was a series of faint noises behind him. Thanks to his many years of physical training as a soldier, he could guess who had gotten out of bed without the need to turn around or for them to speak. When Zane placed a hand on his back, Cole didn't even flinch.
"Pebble…"
Cole's eyes scanned his friend's shadowy figure. Zane had retrieved his kurta, the clothing protecting him from the night breeze, although the boy probably didn't need it that much, he'd always handled low temperatures better than any of them.
Cole didn't respond and remained on his spot, looking at the dark landscape that opened in front of them. Zane leaned on the banister as well, taking a deep breath and joining Cole in his contemplation, just silence for a while until Cole spoke up.
"Tell me you've noticed it too. Or am I… going crazy?"
Zane seemed to think for a moment, pupils anxious as they looked at Cole, but his gaze eventually lowered in defeat.
"No, you're not. I've… seen it too."
Cole bit his lip with agony.
"He's not himself," the noiret commented in a hushed voice. "He's never been this horny and needy. When he's not working, he's only going after us. And don't get me wrong, I love having sex with him, or any of you for that matter, but… it's just…" Cole faltered, unable to voice out his worries, thankfully Zane seemed to understand him.
His friend nodded. "He's also been working much more than his regular schedule demands," Zane added. "I've been telling him that there's no need for that, we've got counselors and helpers for a reason, but… He insists it's for the best of the kingdom."
Cole shook his head. "That's not true." Once again, he let his forehead rest on top of his hands, focused on controlling his breathing.
"What do you mean?" Zane asked, rubbing a gentle hand all over Cole's damaged back.
"He's just trying to keep himself occupied with anything. It's like he's pretending these two months with Jay had never existed. You've seen how he tries to avoid the topic or even say his name."
Zane worried at his lip with a silent affirmation. Of course the boy knew that too, Zane's ability to read people's behavior was a lot better than Cole's. If a dumb slave like him had seen it, Zane surely knew it from the very moment Kai came back from the trip.
As of two weeks prior, when they had 'forced' Kai to tell them about the trip and the whole Jay issue, they hadn't spoken again about the matter. Kai had cried his eyes out that night as he related the boys the nightmare of emotions he'd gone through while at the Walker's place. His tears, like acid, had eaten at his spouses' hearts and left ugly scars. All of them felt for Kai, because all of them loved and missed Jay as much as the Maharaja.
"We have to do something, Zane. This can't be good for him. This is going to create another hole in his heart, and instead of fixing it, Kai is only covering it with a patch so he won't see it."
"I'm afraid… the hole has already been carved and… there's no easy fix to it. Jay's departure has been a massive blow to our family, but especially to Kai. He had great hopes of a future with Jay. I can't imagine how hard everything must be for him right now."
Zane's sadness bothered Cole, it seemed like his companion had just accepted the awkward situation they were facing, as if this was supposed to be the norm.
"So what? You mean we can only stare with our arms crossed while our husband becomes a shadow of himself?"
Silence.
Silence was not a good omen. Silence meant that Zane was struggling to find the right words —because he knew the raw truth would hurt. The boy noticed how his gloominess affected Cole, who would look at him with scared eyes.
"Grieving processes are very complex and different for every individual, my dear." Zane clutched Cole's hands, softly intertwining their fingers. "Sadly, I don't think there's anything we can do to help him heal faster. Kai must be willing to overcome this heartbreak, otherwise, nothing we do or say will get to him."
Cole snorted internally; Kai willing to accept something that hurt him? That was a joke —and not a funny one.
Zane slipped his arms under large biceps and around Cole's torso. The noiret wasn't in the mood for cuddles, but deep inside, he knew Zane wasn't trying to rain on his parade but merely giving genuine advice. Cole might not like it, but that didn't change his feelings for the other boy. He wrapped his own arms around Zane as well, taking a deep breath and squeezing his friend and lover tenderly.
There had to be a way other than just waiting forever for Kai to come out of his sorrow all alone. There had to be something that Cole and the guys could do to help him.
As Cole and Zane entered the royal bedroom again and made up their own nest on the sofa to not disturb the already sleeping boys, Cole couldn't stop thinking about that. While Zane snuggled up to him, ready to go back to sleep, Cole dragged his fingers through the short blond hair, eyes fixed on the ceiling barely illuminated by the light that entered through the balcony door.
What would heal Kai's heart other than bringing Jay back to them?
...
Cole put his brain to work.
