Hello beautiful people, hope you are all okay.
This has been the most heartbreakingly beautiful thing I have had to write.
Please let me know what you have thought of it.
This story has been an emotional rollercoaster for me, and none of it would have been possible without you.
Without further adieu,
The final Chapter of To Love is to Destroy…
{Clary's POV}
It was like ice tempered by fire was climbing through my bones, everytime I thought the pain would be too much to bear and hoped for it all to just end, it got worse.
The last thing I remembered was looking into those bright, golden eyes so full of life.
I didn't get a chance to tell him I loved him.
However, the pain of knowing I would never see him again was fizzed out by the agonising torture spreading through my core.
The vicious whippings my father had dealt me, mixed with the wolf's serum, was nothing compared to this.
It was all I could think.
All I could feel.
All I could hear were the silent screams I wished would echo.
All I could want was the pain to end.
Whether that was death or something worse I didn't care.
And every second the pain continued, despite my mental efforts to will it away, will myself into a forever sleep.
{Jace's POV}
It was pure turmoil, complete torture being forced to sit outside the Infirmary on the steps, just waiting and waiting and waiting to find out anything, anything at all.
The Silent Brother's had barred me from the room, claiming that if they were to work successfully no distractions could be present.
I had argued back that I wasn't a distraction, Clary could need me in there. Despite my best efforts I had been thrown out, left here to overthink every decision, every moment I had spent with her.
It was nearing the end of August, the air was clean and fresh (as it always was in Alicante, for we had no cars or pollution) and the sun was beating down on me gloriously.
On another day I would have been outside training, making good use of the pleasant weather. I smiled at the thought, the hope that someday Clary and I might enjoy a day like this together, her kicking my ass at training in the open fields of Idris.
It felt like years had passed when Brother Zachariah finally stepped out of the building.
I sat bolt upright and looked into the hollow places where his eyes would have been many, many years ago.
Brother Zachariah was different to the other Brothers, there was a humanly warmth that hung around him - a fragment of his past self still cracking through the surface ever so slightly.
"Wha- Is she? How?"
My words stumbled out, I had no idea which question to ask.
Jace Herondale, do you remember the blade you handed to us? The one in which Clarissa Morgenstern was run through with?
The eerie, monotone voice echoed around in my head.
"Yes, I don't see how that's relevant now."
I stated, growing agitated at the lack of information I was receiving.
You misunderstand. The blade which attempted to kill Clarissa was Phosphorus.
"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"
I snapped back, not getting where he was going at all.
It should, considering that blade was forged by Wayland the Smith himself. It cannot be destroyed, it can only cause destruction.
"So it's an old sword? What does this have to do with Clary?"
If it weren't a Silent Brother speaking to me now, I would have punched that person in the face repeatedly, by to harm one of the Brotherhood in any way was an unspeakable crime.
It had everything to do with Clary. Wayland the Smith forged it from pure adamas, which is of the Angel Raziel. Clarissa is not a child of the Angel, at least not in the eyes of the heavens, her blood is tainted. So the fire of the Angel that burns within that blade is burning through Clarissa, to an ordinary shadowhunter it would have been harmless.
It was as if the earth had just shifted, I staggered slightly and grabbed onto a pillar to steady myself.
"She will wake up though?"
I cannot be sure, currently she is in an internal battle - the demonic origins in her blood fighting the heavenly fire that was in Phosphorus. It will either burn her out, or she will vanquish that of the fire and wake.
This time my knees gave out and I fell hard to the floor.
"Burn...Burn her out…"
Were the only words I could speak.
{Alec's POV}
After Jace had left there had been many questions and queries, and I was desperately growing tired of answering them.
I had wanted to run out after Jace to comfort and be there for my parabatai, but my father had embraced me in a tight and fatherly hug I couldn't get out of. That had led to the series of questions,
"Where did you find them?"
"Did you see Valentine?"
"What happened to Clary?"
"Are you hurt?"
Izzy, Jon and I were being asked the same questions over and over, it was mentally draining and infuriating - I knew Jace needed me and I was here having a chit-chat.
Locking eyes with Izzy I knew she felt the same as I did, both itching to flee the room, and the suffocation of questions.
"Has anyone heard anything from Jace?"
I blurted out, causing the Nephilim around me to fall into a strange silence, everyone turning to Imogen.
"Well have you?"
Izzy back up, both of us eager to find out what was happening.
"Brother Enoch communicated with me earlier, the news on Clarissa's situation is fatal. But-"
We will never know next, for I turned and bolted from the room - Jon and Izzy close on my heels.
I had to see him, I had to be with Jace.
Angel knows what he must be going through.
Heading straight for the infirmary, I saw a crumpled figure on the steps with a Silent Brother standing over them.
In that instant I recognised the figure as Jace and my breath caught, it appeared as though Jace had collapsed to his knees clutching his chest.
I slowed down at his side, shooting a worrying glance at him. Then I turned my attention to Brother Zachariah ; he was an easily identifiable Brother, there was something about him very unique compared to the others.
"What's wrong? What happened?"
Jon demanded, his eyes flickering between the distraught Jace on the floor and the Silent Brother.
Clarissa Morgenstern has been plummeted into an agonising coma of pain, the torment she is experiencing now is unlike any we Shadowhunters have ever endured. If she fights the pain then she will arise.
"So that's good isn't it? Surely she will wake? Clary has always been a survivor."
Izzy stated, confidence beaming through her words.
I wish it were so Isabelle Lightwood, but try to imagine unlimited amounts of torture, every second of every moment increases when you think you've endured the worst. Clarissa may be a powerful being, but it is the strength and will of her mind that will wake her.
{Jon's POV}
The Brother's words cut through me like a knife.
Somewhere deep down I had always believed that Clary would be fine, because, well it was Clary.
However, upon hearing the right this second she was in unimaginable amounts of agony was devastating. What was worse is I didn't know whether she would fight it, all her life she had only known betrayal, pain, loss and sadness. So who was I to tell her not to fight the pain?
Could I honestly tell her that it was worth it? To keep fighting through the trauma, to keep battling through it every moment of every day.
I hadn't realised I had sunk to the floor until I noticed I was eye level with Jace, his eyes mirroring the hollow wound I felt in the pit of my stomach.
Driving a knife through the speechless silence was a blood-curdling scream.
{Jace's POV}
It was as if my head was being torn apart from the inside, an anguished howl screaming in my head.
Bending my head low I tried to block the scream out, wondering what animal could make such a cry of agony.
And then it dawned on me.
I knew that scream.
It wasn't an animal.
My body was already in motion, I sprinted straight past the Silent Brother, too quick for him to react.
Bursting through the doors of the infirmary, I was forced to shield my eyes from the blinding white light exploding in the centre of the room.
An unmistakable force of power was erupting from the excruciating light in the room.
The force of power sent a numbing feeling in my knees until I was low to the floor. I knew I had to see what was going on, so I removed the back of my hand from my eyes and they flew wide once I took in the scene in front of me.
{Clary's POV}
I had been surrounded by darkness for so long that it was impossible to miss the flaring light shattering the ominous shadows.
For a moment it was as if I were tumbling through a very dark place, and then gray limbo, seeking out that light, that spark of spirit, that life…
There it was, a sudden blaze, a bonfire, brighter than any spark I had seen before.
Desperately, I reached out for it, wrapping it around myself, the coils of white fire that burned and scorched my skin. I screamed out loud-
And changed.
I can only describe it as a change of state, from numbness to absolute awareness and sensitivity.
Suddenly aware and rapidly enduring the white fire blasting through my veins.
I shot upward, a tearing sound that could only have been remnants of my gear shredding and falling away.
I was fire. A falling star.
Tongues of pure bred fire engulfing my every sense, and I was flying, flying upward. I looked down at my body and saw my vessels were flooding a viscous black, like poison leaking through your whole blood stream.
I suppose I should have been terrified, terrified of the inevitable death I was going to face - my skin was hotter than the sun, hot enough to melt lead.
The whole room was filled with light, a penetrating light pouring out from me.
The divine fire of angels was blazing through me, scorching my bones, searing my eyes. But I only felt a steely calm.
Momentarily, my eyesight ceased blurring and focused on one thing on the ground, I was at least 20 foot high now.
I wondered why then? Why focus on anything when agony was nothing compared to what state I was in.
Then I realised what it was I was looking at.
What I had missed was those pure gold eyes staring up at me, half in wonder half in terror.
Absentmindedly, I tried to lean forward. To get closer, for to be in his presence was where I belonged, where I always had.
But as he shrank back from my searing light, I realised how dangerous it would be for me to be close to anyone right now.
No, no.
Is what I wanted to scream,
I would never hurt you.
But the words never came.
I could not speak, the burning was overwhelming.
But even the smallest glimpse of my future was enough to send a sudden rush of adrenaline through my veins.
For that was what Jace was, he was my future.
And I was not prepared to give that up.
Squirming violently, I struggled hard to find my way back to myself, back to Clary.
As I battled harder, so did the fire, and I was losing myself in it, like falling further and further into the sun.
An agony of flames burst through my chest, and I felt the pull of gravity come into effect, and I knew I was falling.
Please.
I begged, as I looked up everything was fire and burning and I knew I was falling not just to the cold floor but into the cold bed of sleep that I could not be woken from.
No, fight Clary. Keep your eyes open, you will survive. For that is what you do, and you will survive your father as well. Find a will, find something to live.
Instead of staring at the ceiling, fresh images began burning the back of my eyelids.
Ones of me and Jace sparing, Jace cleaning my wounds, Jace cradling me when he thought I was dead. Short memories of the man I loved captivating my every emotion.
But mostly fear. Fear that if I gave up I would never see him again.
They say fear is the most powerful emotion, and I had not believed them until that very moment in my life.
I had always thought that fear was a weakness and I should be fearless always.
But it was that same fear that scared little children at night that saved my life.
As I was falling I forced the light out of my chest, willing it to leave my heart so it would be mine again.
{Jace's POV}
Static electricity could have been coursing through my bones and I wouldn't have noticed, all I could see was Clary. Her radiant, fiery red hair flowing out from her in waves, even though it was painful to look at her I couldn't bear to tear my eyes away.
The glorious light ebbing and flowing from her was both poisonous and humbling at the same time.
As if she had heard my thoughts Clary's gaze met mine, and it looked like she was actually seeing me now, not just another object in the room.
Displayed in her pure emerald eyes was her internal battle, her iris' glowing and darkening every second it was getting hard to keep up.
Staring into her eyes so fiercely it was like someone had turned off the lights, something had changed and instantly Clary began falling, falling fast.
Even as she fell I could match her resemblance to a falling star, she had burnt too bright and was now burning out.
Sprinting forwards I leapt and slid on both knees for Clary to collapse peacefully into my embrace.
Simultaneously, as I felt her skin on mine, the last remnants of the agonising fire seemed to whirl out of her chest. Leaving the room only in the light of the sun pouring through the tall windows.
Tilting her chin up to face me, my breath caught as I saw her face. I was closer now so could see the venomous black lines cutting into her features.
A heavy weight settled on my chest and stayed there, growing in heaviness every moment Clary's eyes remained closed.
"Please. Please wake up."
I was now cradling her into my chest, my face buried in her hair, hot tears wetting it.
"Don't leave me, you can't… just open your eyes… come back to me"
I was choking out my words, refusing to believe what was right in front of my eyes.
Clary was dead.
She was really gone.
I had lost her.
"No, no no… you're not dead. You clarissa fucking morgenstern your NOT dead"
I was now screaming into her body, begging with all my cells that she would say something… anything.
I tightened my grip on her now, my face buried in her neck.
I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it. She couldn't be dead.
It was Clary, the fiery rogue Shadowhunter who had turned my world upside down. She couldn't be gone. It wasn't possible.
But she was.
And I would have to live every day from then on thinking of all the memories we never got to make, all the experiences missed.
"Ave atqu-"
"Jace?"
A small voice breathed in my ear, not quite believing my own ears. The slightest of noises slicing the silence open as if it weren't there.
I pulled myself away from Clary slightly and looked into her eyes, which were now wide open staring back at me.
"Jace, how did I get here?"
Her small question vibrated beautifully around the room.
A thousand thoughts bounced in my head, hundreds of questions bursting to be answered, millions of words left unspoken. Yet all I could do was stare down in wonder at the girl I loved, resting in my arms.
"You're…you're alive…"
Was all I could think to say.
Her face rounded quietly into a peaceful smile, before she said,
"I am now."
"What do you mean now?"
"I was dead for ages Jace Herondale, I was never alive until I met you."
Speechless, I pulled her in for a consuming embrace, an embrace that said 'I'll never leave your side' , 'You're mine forever' and spoke of countless devotion.
"I love you Clarissa Morgenstern."
I whispered into her rich red hair, and felt her smile against my neck. The type of smile that could end wars, the girl that did start a war, and end it victorious.
And she was mine, and I was her's.
There it is, there is the conclusion to 'To Love is to Destroy'.
I will be posting an epilogue… I'm sure you will be happy to know.
Thank you for your continued support.
I will let you know in the epilogue whether I will be writing a sequel or not.
Please drop a review on what you thought of this rollercoaster.
Until we meet again - x
