CHAPTER Seventy One
Rex sat in the darkened bedroom whilst they treated Wolffe, shaking from the adrenalin and still unable to believe the last few minutes. He hadn't lost it like that since just after…..Order 66.
The look of disgust on Ana's face. He rubbed his hand over his head, disgusted with himself.
His daughter, sleeping in her cot, blond curls framing her face, looked peaceful.
She and Ana were why he was fighting, still.
Ana…...he couldn't believe what she had done. He was living a lie, thinking she had waited for him, wanted him; she hadn't...just a copy.
His confusion at that time; he was not confused now, not about his daughter.
He couldn't lose her.
He dressed her and wrapped her in her blanket, tucking in her favourite Tooka doll. He packed everything he thought she could need and gently picked her up.
He wasn't going to lose her.
They were with Wolffe; he was sorry about that, he really was. Now he needed time to be with his daughter, time to think; slipping out of the back door, they were away before anyone noticed.
.
He liked speed, probably imprinted on him from Skywalker; he relaxed letting the wind rush against his face. He slowed, thinking of his daughter, wrapped up tightly against the cold and secured in her child seat. He was travelling along the edge of the prairie, bordering the desert where he spent years big game hunting and hiding. They were good years, with his brothers hunting for Joopa but when he met Ana, his life changed. He felt his throat constrict at the thought, pushed those memories down and concentrated on the speed. He hadn't made a conscious decision to go to Ana's house but realised that was where he was heading, or the accident spot. He didn't know why.
Skirting the house with the speeder slowly, he then headed into the undergrowth to where the Nexu attacked him. He pulled up and got out, lifting Kallie with him, wrapped up and strapped to his chest. Wandering around the small area of open undergrowth, his memories took over.
"This was where your Mom found me. She saved my life. She's a good woman." He talked to his daughter, they all did. It aided speech development, Wolffe said.
He hadn't meant to stay here so long, or to fall in love; he thought he was too old for that, and yet, everything that had happened since then, was validated by the small person he held in his arms.
"I hurt her Kallie, but she took me back."
Can I do the same?
Knowing she was in love with him, he had left, without explanation, frightened of his own feelings.
She followed him, to Atollon, and was the first person he had opened up to about his feelings after the War and Ashoka. Then he left again, as the missions came first. Always the mission, focused on the mission. Never even spoke to her or found out if she was still there or what she was doing.
Then she and …...Wolffe.
Can I blame her, if she took comfort elsewhere. But Wolffe?
That hurt the most…..and the lie. No the lies hurt more. He'd had his fill of lies during the War.
He was born because of a lie.
His whole reason for being was a lie.
His life was a lie.
"She lied to me Kallie and I don't know if I can forgive her. I'm sorry."
He kissed the top of his daughter's head.
"I don't care what you do Ad'ika, but never lie to me."
His daughter struggled to pull her hand out from the blanket; he held her closer.
The crack he heard was a wood branch broken by a boot; he was ageing but not senile. He stilled.
A man's voice came from behind him, "Put your hands on your head and turn around very slowly." It was a voice, he recognised.
"I'll have trouble with part of that request" He turned, very slowly as it gave him time to appraise the situation. He took in every piece of information that revealed itself. He recognised the slug thrower pointed at him, one of Ana's fathers, and from the ornate markings on the barrel, the one he had admired. "and I don't think that belongs to you, Jay."
"Rex!" The man exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't know" Admitted Rex, turning fully.
"Is Ana alright?"
Rex nodded.
"Come in, its freezing cold out here!" Jay indicating with the barrel of the Verpine. He followed the man into the house he had originally shared with Ana; it hadn't changed much.
Kallie was getting restless; he guessed, she needed feeding again, although it had only been a couple of hours or she needed changing. Either way he needed somewhere to stop and take stock.
"So what's the problem?" Jay asked.
.
You could cut the atmosphere in the room with a blue milk butter knife, so the saying went, and Gregor had to break it. He hated these atmospheres.
"You couldn't resist could you Wolffe; I told you, you were playing with fire?"
"She needed someone and Rex wasn't there."
"You should have kept your dick in your pants and jerked off in private, like everyone else."
"It wasn't that Gregor, I could have gone anywhere for sex." He sighed.
"Aw, Fek it Vod." He stood up shaking his head, "You both should have known better. What did you think Rex was going to do when he found out."
"We weren't going to tell him, ever."
"You know what people are like on the base, any base, rumours fly around. Just like the GAR." He added after a pause." Or had she changed her mind. Have you spoken to her?"
"No. Its my fault Gregor, I pursued her."
"Bollocks. She was up for it, I saw her with you remember. Stop defending her."
"Gregor…" Wolfe's voice was low, threatening.
"Ok, ok. I'll back off." Gregor backed away shaking his head. He knew this was coming; he had always known he would have to pick up the pieces.
.
Hearing the speeder departing, Ana knew Rex had left, probably going to Joopa Base. She hoped. She needed to talk to him, to explain, when he calmed down but now she had her daughter to look after and she would soon be ready for a feed, as regular as clockwork. The room was silent, she must still be asleep; Ana pushed open the door and her worst nightmare unfolded.
The cot was empty, sheets strewn on the floor; clothes and baby items taken from the open cupboard. Her favourite toy missing.
Ana felt her chest tighten in panic. She screamed and ran down the stairs.
The baby milk in the Conservator was gone.
So was Rex.
"No, no, no, no, no….no."
Suddenly Tula's arms were round her shoulders; she had never thought Rex would do this, take her daughter. She would have let him see her, anytime.
"Fierfek!"
"He's at Jay's." Essie came rushing in, breathless. "Kallie's with him. They'll stay there overnight. The girls think it's a visit. They're excited to see Uncle Rex and Kallie."
Ana opened her mouth.
"Kallie's fine, she was giggling when I was on the com."
"We'll go to Joopa Base, give you room." Gregor offered, although Wolffe looked as if he was going to argue.
Essie nodded.
"Now, I need to speak to Ana, alone."
Tula made Caf and placed the mugs on the table and left, with Gregor and Wolffe.
Essie sat down and took a long drink. "So what happened; I thought you two were happy."
Ana took a drink; "It's a misunderstanding. He didn't let me explain."
"Well, you need to explain quick; I've never seen him behave that way."
Ana stared at the hot bitter drink in her mug.
"After I got to Atollon, Rex was bad but I stayed with him. He was always on missions and eventually…he made it plain he didn't want me. But I stayed. I felt useful to the rebellion."
"So how….."
"Wolffe and I got together; he was kind and supportive, there were some bad experiences but then Rex returned, injured and I…we, finally got back together."
"Wolffe?"
"We stopped…when Rex came back, and I…it's a mess. I didn't tell him."
"So, you just….didn't tell him?"
"I didn't cheat on Rex."
"Technically." Essie emptied her mug and went to make another one.
"Wolffe knew I was in love with Rex. He understood."
So did Essie now, the looks from Wolffe, his manner sometimes.
"You're right; it's a mess. Jay said Rex'll be back tomorrow, so let's see what happens then."
.
There was no sleep for Ana that night, as much as she wished for it, to bring the morning faster. She was up before the sun, giving up on trying to sleep. It appeared Rex was the same, as she heard the speeder pull up just as she poured her second Caf. She put more on.
Rex looked tired; it showed in his eyes. She wanted to rush to him but….
He held Kallie out to her, "She missed her Mother."
She took her daughter, she was okay, but then why shouldn't she be. She was with her Father, he was just as important as she was. She hugged her daughter.
Essie pushed a cup of a Caf in his hand; Ana couldn't remember her coming in."I'll leave you two... to talk."
"Rex…."
"Why, why Wolffe?"
If she says we're the same; she's not the woman I thought she was.
"I ….you had gone…..I needed….. someone..."
"Someone?"
Not me. I'm too angry to listen to this.
He turned away.
"Rex …please. It just happened."
He was still angry.
"It was over before …we …"
"I need to be away from you…."
He heard her sharp intake of breath.
"How long?"
"I need to be able to see Kallie."
"I would never stop you seeing Kallie, never, you can see her at any time."
Rex turned and went to his daughter.
The conversation was over.
She still hadn't been able to explain.
.
Rex headed towards the communal freshers on this latest base, the last in a long line of bases he had been on in the last couple of months.
It had been a hard slog, but there was something to keep him going. He would be seeing Kallie soon. The base was a lot smaller than Yavin and they were only here for a couple of days. As he walked in the fresher, the head of steam met him and he was damp before he got in; at least it was actual water they used and steaming hot. Useful to have natural hot springs to tap into and just what he needed at this time. The training mission had been hard, dirty but worth it. He'd been working non stop since leaving Ana and had managed to avoid both Wolffe and Gregor but the whole thing had left him with a bad taste in his mouth.
He missed Ana. He missed Kallie, oh how he missed Kallie and he missed his Vode. He just wished he could turn the clock back.
It was like after the Siege of Mandalore, would he ever be free of the war.
They both turned as he entered.
"Fierfek!"
Gregor watched them both, looking between each, his stance changed in preparation.
Wolffe looked at Rex expecting the worst; it was Gregor who spoke first, "Am I needed as a referee?" He watched them both.
"No!" they both answered.
"Good." He turned on his heel, whipping his towel around his waist, as he left the showers.
.
Ana tied the tiny ribbon around the lock of hair; she had not wanted to cut it but he deserved to have something of his daughter to keep with him and it gave her an excuse to write the letter.
She was desperate.
Ana also realised she didn't matter, so long as he didn't forget his daughter. What ever happened between them Kallie did not deserve that and she would do everything to make sure he did not forget her or lose contact with her.
She opened the flimzi again, relishing it's texture; it had been her mother's and sat in her drawers for years together with the envelopes.
Ana had never used it before.
Pale cream flimzi.
"My Dearest Rex.
Please don't ignore this. I need to explain, ….."
.
Rex stripped off and stood under the shower head; he turned the temperature up, he needed to be clean, and the hotter water seemed to make it better. In his peripheral vision he saw Wolffe, his barrel chest covered in hair.
Was there something about Wolffe that was…..better?
Was I defective in some way?
Always coming back to how they were raised on Kamino.
"Why?"
The question was fired at Wolffe like a blaster bolt.
Wolffe looked down.
"Because you could?"
Another bolt.
Wolffe had to answer this carefully; he could see Rex was still hurting, perhaps Gregor had been right.
No, he would never regret his time with her.
"She was hurting Rex, from our mission and…you."
"Hurting?"
"What did you think she was going to do? She told me. You woke up feelings in her that she had dampened down for years, and you dropped her, like a disposable flimzi handkerchief."
It was clear that Wolffe cared for her.
That realisation hit Rex, as hard as the deception.
"It ended, when you came back; she only ever had eyes for you. I knew that. Me, I was a bystander in …..this; I could never take your place. I know now….I knew then."
"You should have told me, both of you."
"What would you have done?"
Rex turned the shower off the heat getting too much now.
I don't know.
"I don't know." He admitted.
"It was my idea not to tell you."
Rex stared at Wolffe, long and hard before he asked this question because he knew the reply would hurt both of them, even if they were brothers.
"Are you in love with her?"
Wolffe looked down.
"I've never….we've never…not since….."
Rex had his answer.
"I'm sorry, Ner Vod." And he held out his hand towards his brother.
It was time to build bridges.
.
Rex sat at the fold up desk and chair. in his makeshift office and turned Ana's letter over in his hands; Gregor had given it him.
Ripping open the envelope, another tiny envelope dropped from it and a letter. He carefully unfolded it.
"My Dearest Rex,
Please don't ignore this, I need to explain….."
He read to the end; he owed her that. He took it with him and lay on his bunk. Sniffing the paper, he realised it smelt of her and he thought of the good times.
Did they outweigh what had happened?
Could he forgive her?
The other tiny envelope was still in his hand; he opened it and a lock of strawberry blonde hair, tied with a pink ribbon, fell onto his chest. He placed his hand over it.
He had a lot to think about.
