CHAPTER 71:

Yearning


Kids were taught from a very young age to distinguish things by comparing their features. A taut skin meant 'younger', while wrinkles meant 'older'. Unable to reach something with your hands meant the target was 'taller'. A rock was 'weightier' than a feather.

But how much did a secret weight?

Jay knew it now. And the answer was 'more than the world itself'.

Confessing what had been hiding in his heart was one of the best things Jay could have done. Last night he'd finally gotten rid of the emotional laster that meant keeping this forbidden love to himself.

Between sobs, hugs, and several refills of tea, Jay relayed his parents the truth about his stay at the palace; how Kai had almost become his captor because he was blinded by the idea of marrying Jay; how the Monarch's carefree and childish actions were only a facade of a traumatized boy who yearned for acceptance from everyone; how, despite having all the elements against it, Jay and Kai had made amends and planted the seeds of a friendship in which Jay's feelings had bloomed without the young man realizing any of it. How he, with his stupidity and stubbornness about regaining his 'normal life', had thrown everything out of the window and, most likely, broken Kai's heart again —who knew if not the whole family as well.

Like the loving and understanding parents they were, Ed and Edna tried their best to reassure their son and keep him calm, reminding him that he wasn't weird for letting love into his heart, and that, for them, it didn't matter who owned his heart, he wasn't hurting anyone. As Jay's spasms and cries quieted down, the boy eventually fell asleep of exhaustion, sandwiched within his parents' bodies on the small straw cot.

When his eyelids fluttered open the next morning it didn't take Jay a titanic effort to keep them up like the last time. It had been days, many days, since the boy had been able to truly rest during sleep time. The levels of dizziness and lethargy weren't higher than any other regular day. His skull felt a bit sore yet, but nothing too painful to keep him in bed like an invalid.

Jay sat up on his bed and stared ahead, his mother was across the shack, tending to the fire as she prepared any meal the boy was yet to acknowledge. Her eyes suddenly found those blue pools of her son.

"Jay! Honey, don't move," Edna gasped when she noticed the child was no longer peacefully asleep. She quickly got to his side, kneeling and almost forcing Jay to lie down again.

"I'm okay, mom."

"Are you sure? I don't want you fainting and bumping your head again. I know you're tough, but bones have their limits, dear." Edna lovingly caressed his hair.

The worry in the woman's face extinguished only after Jay nodded again with a bit more firmness, biting on his lip to try and stop the grimace that still appeared with the repetitive motion. Edna smiled, her fingers unconsciously started playing with Jay's hair, picking up straws that had tangled in the locks during the night. Jay was still bewildered by the small woman's actions, Edna seemed the same mother he'd known for years; the same forgetful yet adorable lady that didn't miss a chance to embarrass her son whenever she could, be it through motherly taps on his nose or sharing awkward stories from his childhood. Nothing had changed.

Or… nothing had seemed to change.

It was just too good to believe that, in a world filled with so much hate and two-faced people, Jay had gotten the two purest souls as parents. Maybe last night Jay could have told them he wanted to marry a goat and they would have still reacted the same way because their most immediate goal was to make sure his health didn't get any worse. But now, with the light of a new day, Ed and Edna could have changed their minds...

It surely couldn't be any easier for them than it was being for Jay. Not only had the couple suddenly discovered their son had unusual preferences, they now knew the true story behind Jay and the Maharaja, all the ups and downs they had gone through, all the mistakes they both had made.

Jay looked away for a moment. "What is it?" Edna asked, sensing his discomfort.

"... Are you sure you… you're not… upset with me? Disappointed? Not even one bit?" Jay couldn't help but ask.

"Jay…" Her palm cupped Jay's cheek and she looked into his eyes.

Grasping Edna's wrist, the boy could only lean and melt into her touch on instinct as he was reminded of the many times his mother had come to the rescue when he was feeling unwell.

"Honey," Edna resumed. "We'd gain nothing out of getting mad at you. A person can't tell their heart to stop feeling the things it feels. That's beyond our human reach. Like we told you last night; what you have in here." She placed a hand over Jay's heart. "Is something beautiful, no matter whom it is directed to."

Adoration filled the boy's chest and it exploded throughout his veins. Ed and Edna's words of reassurance hadn't been just empty endearments meant to calm the kid's destroyed nerves.

Jay leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the small woman, trying to stifle a sob. The cry eventually came out nevertheless.

"I was so scared that you would… you would hate me and… kick me out or… or something worse." Jay shivered as the story of Kai and Cole's past played in the back of his mind.

"Oh, my precious boy…" Edna added a little extra squeeze to their embrace while placing a kiss on her son's head and reminding him for the last time that he was loved just the way he was.

Subtle footsteps approached. When mother and son looked up, they found Ed at the door.

"Is everything alright?" Concern was written in the man's brow.

That was a good question. Was everything alright? Jay certainly felt a lot lighter than the past days, but there were things he wasn't brave enough to share just yet, as well as some inner demons that still loomed over him. What would happen to the Walkers if rumors got spread about their son? The last thing Jay wanted was to cause this lovely and supportive couple any predicament.

Everything was not alright, but when life got too overwhelming there was only one thing people could do; to take it one step at a time.

"Yes," Jay replied, drawing back from Edna's embrace and hastily wiping the tears away from his face.

His parents hadn't rejected him, that was enough... for now.

••••••••••••

Cole wasn't especially a morning person, at least he wasn't when he hadn't slept a wink. Zane had to be on top of him as the Maharaja and his spouses woke up and goofed around the bedroom for a while, stretching lazily and joking like the happy idiots they were.

Or 'used to' be.

Cole kept that remark to himself though.

As the time to work ticked by, everyone knew what they had to do. Kai got into one of his expensive outfits and sat down by the vanity to work on his make-up —of course, not before he left hanging the possibility of some more kinky games prior he went to attend the business.

Although it was hard to decline such an appetizing proposition, the royal spouses —led by Zane's wisdom— agreed it was better to leave such activities for when they weren't running short on time.

Leaving the monarch to finish his duties, the three boys moved to their own chamber to get ready as well. As they entered, Lloyd and Zane's conversation about the events of the day turned into background noise for Cole. His eyes moved around the room, but before they could settle on the wardrobe that held all his clothes, the chocolate irises would halt at the spot where Jay's bed had been for over the past months. In its place rested a new couch set and low table.

For the past two weeks, Cole had tried to not look that way, but it was impossible. He couldn't help but imagine the previous furniture, Jay sitting atop of the soft sheets while the boy changed his clothes, face scrunched up with a pout, or with his cheeks tinted a beautiful rosy color, or —in rare occasions— a gorgeous smile that made Cole even forget about his love for sweets for a brief moment.

Zane must had noticed his awkward staring and came closer to Cole, putting a hand over his shoulder and bringing him back to the present —the odd and cruel present.

"Cole?"

The silver pupils of his dear friend scanned Cole. The noiret didn't make a big effort to hide his gloom, Zane was well aware of it anyway, but when Cole found Lloyd staring back at him from the other side of the room, he tensed. They couldn't let the adorable green bean be another victim of Cole's mood.

"Sorry, I got distracted," he said, resuming his way to the wardrobe as his hands curled into a ball and nails dug into his palms.

••••••••••••

Fast but careful Kai moved the tip of the brush over the skin and away from his eye, he turned his face side to side a couple of times, checking that the amount of black paint around his eyelids was equal on both sides. He flashed himself a short smile, make-up was ready! It was time to move onto the accessories.

The Maharaja opened the corresponding drawer and took out one of the several jewelry boxes. Browsing through the different ornaments, he extracted a couple of necklaces and tried them on. After making his decision, he took out another box and searched for a nice set of rings. His fingers stopped short as they hovered over a specific one.

Even in the middle of the varied and overly complex sea of jewels, Kai's eyes were automatically driven to that one golden band with just a few tiny gems on it. He held it between his fingers and stared at the shiny metal. A freckled face appeared in the empty space of the circle.

'I spy, I spy with my little eye… something that is small, round… and yellow.'

Kai's imagination was so efficient that he could even hear the giggle at the end of that memory —and his heart squeezed painfully.

It didn't matter how much he tried to keep his mind away from the boy, Jay always managed to sneak back in one way or another. First it was the bed; getting rid of that had been fairly easy, anyone would agree that it was stupid to have an extra bed on the royal spouses' chamber. Later they discovered a few clothes the guest hadn't taken with him, for whatever the reason, and the very first outfits Cole and the others had shared with Jay at the beggining. It had hurt Kai to give them away, but he couldn't walk through the palace walls knowing that he could stumble into traces of the boy at any moment.

And now… that damn ring.

Kai dropped the golden band into the box and buried his face in his hands, the tips of his fingers reaching up to tangle in his hair and pull just hard enough to provide a physical distraction. He had promised himself he would come out of this.

For his family.

For the kingdom.

But how long would it be until Kai managed to spend one single minute alone without yearning to see those stunning blue eyes again?