Remus was feeling incredibly snappish and he didn't know why. Well, he did but that wasn't the point. The point was that he was in a bad mood with no real way to relieve it. Well, there was but it wasn't an acceptable way of dealing with it. He was not going to start a fight with another werewolf. No matter how good that sounded right now. There was enough of that going on without him contributing to it.
He couldn't keep back a shudder as he thought about how everyone (and that wasn't an exaggeration) in this Pack acted. The aggression. The violence. Yes, werewolves were notoriously short-tempered around the week of the full moon but that seemed to be all the time for this lot. They seemed to be constantly close to the wolf part of them. Was this Greyback's influence or just what happened when you didn't get any outside interaction? It seemed to be very stereotypical but Remus would be quick to admit that he didn't know how stereotypical werewolves really acted. He wasn't exactly a normal werewolf, was he? Not that any of this lot let him forget it.
He didn't want to be a "normal" werewolf. Whatever that was. He just wanted to be Remus Lupin but the world didn't seem to want him to be.
The world wanted him to be like them. Rough. Bloodthirsty. Uncaring. Disillusioned. Broken. Monstrous. Evil. It was easier that way. What better way to vilify them? You could only do that if you considered him subhuman.
He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't. And neither were any of them, as much as he disliked them. They were people down on their luck. Abandoned by society. Society made them like they were. Vicious. Tired. Angry at the world. Disenchanted. Mistrusting. Suspicious. Everything Remus had been terrified of turning into. Scared that he could still turn into.
No. These people were different than him. They were. They had no morals. They avoided bath water like the plague. They weren't interested in education or simple learning. They lived one day to the next and no more.
Not that he could talk. Between the full moon swiftly approaching and the fact that he was still missing her so, so much was at the very forefront of his mind, he was a bit of a mess. And probably looked more than a bit feral, by his standards anyway. Brushing his fingers across his chin, he winced. He really needed a shave. He was not one for the shaggy look. No matter how much a certain somebody used to like it. No! He wasn't thinking of her, remember? He wasn't very good at this.
He kicked sharply at a rock, it shot forwards and bounced off a tree - ricocheting into the depth of the trees. He had been avoiding the trees. Everyone seemed to linger there and he didn't want to come across anyone. On purpose or otherwise. He didn't want them to be anywhere near him. They made his skin crawl. Made him want to turn tail and run. Remus did not like that feeling. But it seemed to be here to stay. Or, at least until he got to leave. Which he hoped was soon.
Not that he wanted to leave Albus in the lurch or anything. Remus knew that his mission still had to be completed. He just suspected that it wouldn't end the way Albus hoped it would. In fact, Remus didn't think he could even persuade them to be neutral. Not with seeing what Greyback was like with them.
He was promising them the world. A world where they were in charge. Where they could do as they pleased. Where they answered to no one. It didn't matter that it was all lies, they were completely blindsided by it. Remus' offer of safety paled in comparison. Especially since they knew that it wasn't guaranteed. It sucked.
There was a flash of flame that nearly made Remus jump out of his skin. Instinctively, he looked around to ensure that nobody saw that. Thankfully, there wasn't so he brought his attention to where he saw the flame.
He knew it was no ordinary flame, there was no smouldering underground or curling smoke. It was phoenix fire, after all. Fawkes' fire to be specific. Honestly, which other phoenix would go anywhere near him? They were creatures of light. The complete anathema to him.
Anyway, there was a feather on the ground. Or, more specifically, a feather on top of a scroll which was on the ground. An extremely effective method of sending messages. Obviously, that was an important message. Albus wouldn't have used Fawkes otherwise.
But Remus still didn't make any move towards it. What of it said he had to stay? Because, the mission wasn't done after all. He knew that. Albus knew that. But being told, ordered, to stay with Greyback made it different. Made it harder to bear.
He tutted at himself and shook his head. He was being ridiculous. Stupid even. He reached for the note, bracing himself for the contents.
Remus, this is very alarming news indeed. It looks like some schedules have been accelerated and plans set in motion that we weren't expecting. We need to regroup and consider our options. This means I need you to return as soon as possible, while, and I cannot stress this enough, staying safe.
He read through the letter five times before taking his wand and setting it on fire. The ashes drifted to the ground; the smell of smoke sharp in his nose.
Remus heaved a sigh of relief. He didn't think he had ever been so relieved. Which was silly. Of course Albus wouldn't expect him to stay with Greyback. He wasn't cruel like that.
Rubbing a hand over his face, Remus took a steadying breath. Some tension had left him, making him feel lighter. He hadn't realised how much pressure Greyback made him feel.
He didn't think that he would feel as much pressure if Greyback just came at him. But the man (was Greyback a man?) hadn't approached him ever since that first time. Not a word, not even a glance. It was unnerving. Remus couldn't help but think that he was planning something. Greyback didn't ignore people. He liked to play with his targets. His prey.
Remus shuddered at the idea of being Greyback's prey. He actually felt a bit sick at the thought. There was no way he'd be able to fight back effectively if Greyback got it into his head to do that. Greyback was more dominant, more in touch with his wolf than Remus ever would be.
But Remus almost felt giddy with glee, that didn't matter. Because he wasn't staying. He was going back home. Well, to his house but that was all he wanted. Something comforting, familiar. He hadn't had that in a long time.
So, what was he waiting for? He had to pack his (minimal) things! He had to say his (again, minimal) goodbyes! He would be in a nice, safe, warm bed in a locked house by nightfall.
He started walking back, a spring in his step and a cheerful whistle on his tongue. He'd just got the first note out when everything went black.
AN: If you want to see how Remus and Tonks dealt with Valentine's Day apart please check out my story 'Tripping Up'. It's a short two shot that I published on Valentine's day and haven't had any reviews yet (shameless begging). I would love to know what you think of it!
