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The car I was driving in took a spill of a sheer cliff. It plummeted down for a terrifying moment and I was weightless until it can splashing down in the ink black water.
It started to sink and I panicked but I was locked inside the vehicle as the water slowly rose. In through the cracks the water poured into the vehicle. But it wasn't water. It was Grimm worms and centipedes. Tiny and crawling over each other as they spilled through the air vents and came inside.
The car slowly sank and the bugs came twisting and sliming their way towards me.
'Just fucking take me,' I told the dream.
The centipedes were up to my ankles now, slithering over my body and crawling their way inside.
'It's not real. You'll wake up any minute now,' I tried to remind myself. It didn't help much. I was in agony.
They crawled through my skin on dozens of legs. Slowly making their way up my waist as the car I was in sinking slowly and inexorably down into the murky depths. I could see nothing out the windows.
The bugs made their way over my shoulders until only my head remained. I tilted my head back up to try and stay out of reach of them but they piled on top of one another as they made their way inside.
They reached my lips and I held my breath and closed my eyes.
I woke up with a gasp. I was alone in my room at Atlas Academy. There were no bugs. I was safe. Or as safe as I ever was with Mother knocking on my figurative door day and night.
I was shaking and couldn't stand as I tried to leave my bed. Phantom pains wracked my body. From the head down I was in unbearable pain. My nerves pulled and twitched. My whole body was malfunctioning as I spasmed.
I didn't scream. I collapsed out of my bed with a gasp and landed on the hard floor. I crawled my way to the bathroom and shower. My body shivered all the while and I was sweating hard.
I crawled on my belly to the shower and disrobed with tremoring arms and legs. I turned it on and sat in the warm shower, letting the heat pour over me. I trembled in the shower under the water.
I tried to shake it off, tried to recover, but the dream stayed with me as I layed on the shower floor. I rubbed my face with my hands.
The medication was just not hitting my dreams. And I doubted they ever would. These were messages from Mother to my subconscious. It was a sign of her presence in my mind. She was there. Like a shark, shifting just beneath the surface.
I eventually mastered enough of myself to leave the shower on my two legs. I dried myself off briskly. I walked to a drawer in my room by the bed and pulled it open. It was full of little pill bottles. I read through the labels for a moment and pulled one open and popped a tablet under my tongue to dissolve.
I let it happen and relaxed into the sweet taste of the powdering pill.
It was one of the tranquilizers to help me relax. I was taking about six of them a day. My doctors wanted me to be at zero. The medication was addictive even at low dosages. But I needed them for the panic and what I was starting to suspect were small seizures related to the fear. The shaking was just too much. It made me feel epileptic, even.
There came a knock by my door. A crisp sound. I walked up and paranoia made me check the peephole. It was Weiss. I swung the door open.
"Weiss," I greeted.
"Cloud," she returned. "I heard the water running through the walls." They'd gotten me a room next to team RWBY's. "I wanted to check on you. It's the middle of the night. What are you doing in the shower?"
"Why are you up?" I asked. I dodged her question for a moment. I knew she wouldn't let it go for real. I stood aside to let her in. She stepped inside with her hair drawn mid back height and down around her shoulders. Her blue eyes were like crystal in the dull, low light.
"I sometimes read late into the night on my scroll. It's a bad habit to have but it's one of my vices. Are you alright?"
"Just another nightmare. Moth-Salem related. I think. I can never be one hundred percent sure. I had to crawl to my shower I was shaking so bad."
"Shaking? From what?"
"The fear. The loss of control over my nerves. Take your pick."
"I didn't realize it was still so bad. I thought the medication was supposed to help."
"They are. But the shaking was pretty bad." I took a moment and breathed. "You know what?" I asked.
"What's that?" She asked. Concern written blatantly on her face.
"I've lived a while and been around and I think untreated PTSD and depression can cause mini-strokes. Or mini-seizures."
"Don't stop talking there for gods' sake!" She looked horrified.
"What else is there to tell? I think I'm going through it. Or it could just be Salem related or have to do with how I was grown. If I have serious brain damage as a result of one or both of those, I wouldn't be surprised."
"Did you take anything to help with it?"
"I just took one of the tranquilizers they prescribed."
"But you're not resting well," she concluded. She paced over and sat on my bed. She tapped next to her and indicated for me to join her.
I nodded and sighed but did, placing myself down beside her.
"Sleep is when I'm vulnerable. It's when she gets me," I informed her with a shaking voice.
"You need to sleep," she murmured gently.
"You don't think I know that?" I spat the words out. "Sorry. Sorry. It's just frustrating. You don't deserve that."
"When was the last time you got some real rest?" She wondered with a simple, minute nod to accept my apology.
"I've been double dosing on those tranquilizers at night. It's been helping a little," I informed her. I rubbed at my temple with my thumb and forefinger.
"Should you be abusing your meds?" She asked.
"It's not my fault. My meds abused me first. They all have side effects. All of them. And then they prescribe me something to deal with the side effects which in turn has its own side effects. It's a spiral but it's my brain that's being fucked up. And some of them have addictive properties in league with hyper. I can't miss a dose of some of them without going through miniature withdrawals. Suicidal thoughts are the best symptoms of that withdrawal I can hope for, there are worse ones. Ones that are indistinguishable from my symptoms."
"Is it really so bad?"
"It's not great."
"You always say you're doing alright," she whispered.
"I am alright. This is alright for me now. This is what that looks like."
"'Alright' is mini-strokes and seizures?"
"Maybe " I shrugged. "Don't tell Ruby."
"Why not?"
"She'll just worry over me. No reason to cause her undue distress. This is just what I am now."
"I think she deserves to know. So we can make a decision together. The three of us can make a decision about your health together. You're not alone," she promised me. She reached out and took both of my hands. All but forcing me to look her in the eye.
"Like what? Putting me back in a hospital?" I asked.
"If that's what it takes for you to get better, what's wrong with that?"
"They'll take my weapon. Again. They'll take my weapon again and they'll lock me up, for who knows how long."
"Does your therapist know? About all this?" She wondered.
"I've been telling her everything. Even about my creation."
"That couldn't have been easy. That was very brave of you."
"I don't want to be pitied. You should get that."
"You don't have my pity. I admire your strength," she whispered back. She put her arm on the middle of my back. "You're sick. Not weak."
I laughed a little and she looked at me concerned. "I'm not going to get better from this. What Salem is doing to me is for keeps. This shit is eternal. Brain damage is permanent damage."
"You can fight her," Weiss vowed at me with big blue eyes. Her silvery hair strewn out behind her head in a curtain.
"Hardly. She's so… so big. And I'm so small. I'm like a dog to her. I feel like I'm just a dog."
"Cloud, you've already done so much. I believe in you. Even changing your name."
"Symbolic and nothing more, that is. It changes nothing. She still has me."
"It isn't symbolic. You're beating her. You've been winning. You kept the relic safe. You killed Tyrian. You did what you could. And you fight so awake!"
"I feel half asleep all the time. I'm so doped up just to stay functional. I don't even know what it means to be awake."
"I don't know what to say. You seem to be okay during waking hours."
"I'll be fine. I'm still waking from that dream. Plus I've got somebody to complain at and that's only revving me up."
"Would you rather I left?" She wondered.
"No. No, not that. I'm not going to get any sleep so if you weren't here I'd just be alone. Awake and alone."
She held my hand in a tight squeeze. "I'm here for you, Cloud. Anything you need. I can help you as much as you want me to."
"You're already helping me. Just… thanks for listening. And for coming to check on me," I said.
"Of course," she whispered. She gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead. She ran one hand through my hair against the back of my head.
I leaned my head down into her lap and let her stroke at my long blonde fronds.
"Ruby and I are always here for you. You're doing so well. We're so proud of you and the steps you've been willing to go to get better."
"Talking about me behind my back again?" I wondered.
She laughed. A quiet peaceful noise in the emptiness of my room. "Not so much. But we both are. I know she is. And I am too."
"She's going to be the death of me, Mother is."
"Salem." She softly corrected me.
"Salem." I agreed. I groaned as she pulled her fingers through my hair. Her cool fingers touched my scalp. She tasted like something creamy and smooth through the space between us. Her dull white aura tasted delicious. So tranquil. It went down easily.
"You're so strong. You've grown so much. You're so mature and you seem so ready and responsible for whatever may happen."
"I'm not. It's fake. It's fake pressure." I exhaled into her lap.
"You are. I can see it. You can't hide it from me," she murmured. "It's why, well, it's why I think I started to fall for you. You were already like that in Mistral. Before."
"Before I knew what I was."
"No one thinks less of you for your origins but you," she purred at me. "Ruby and I adore you." I breathed hard. "It's only you that thinks that way. Ruby and I have no intention of abandoning you. We'll help you get through this if you let us. I understand if you have to do it alone. But don't suffer in silence on our account. We're here for you," she breathed. "I'm here for you. I trust you."
I kissed her. Low and silky. She bent down slightly over my lips. I sat up slightly and put an arm around her and the other on the inside of her thigh. She let out a shuddering breath as I did. I squeezed her leg and she shifted to rub her thighs together.
Her full lips and the pout of them ran against my tongue and she tasted like some sort of cream pie. Like a custard. Smooth. Sugary. Sweet. A flavor I was liable to gulp down.
I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her down onto me. She straddled me in her nightwear. The thin pants she wore did remarkably little at the range we found ourselves at with her legs on either side of my waist. Her breath came low and fast through her nose and she mewled quietly against me. I bit her lip and she let out a very feminine meek sound.
"Hah…hah..." She panted. "Ah."
The tips of her breasts swelled through her nightgown. I released her for a moment and she leaned back and flicked her platinum hair over her shoulder and out of her pretty face. Her eyes glowed down at me. Soft and blue. There was a heat in them that was difficult to describe.
"I've always wanted you," I panted up at her. "Always."
Her breath hitched slightly at my words and she descended back down on me. Her tongue wrestled with mine before they parted ways to examine the others' mouth. Her tongue was smooth and it glid along my teeth softly. It explored me carefully. Her hips rocked against me and she let out a quiet purr as she ground her pelvis downwards into my shorts.
I groaned. My hands came up behind her to grab her rear and pull her down onto me.
"Wait," she breathed. "Wait."
"Me wait?" I asked like the dumbass caveman I was. "You're on top of me."
She beat my hard chest with a tiny, tiny fist. "You know what I meant. This isn't what I came in here for." The effect of her hitting me was ruined when her hand turned flat and wound up stroking my firm pectoral with the whole of her small hand. Her palm rubbed from my collar all the way to my sternum.
Her other hand descended and came against my barrel of a stomach. She traced her fingers under my shirt and against my skin.
"Plans change." I gave her firm butt a squeeze through her night clothes and her breath hitched again quietly above me. Her pale lips parted in two for a quiet gasp.
"Not like this. I want Ruby to be there for it when we do… when we do anything," she decided on her phrasing.
"Then let's not do anything like that," I agreed with her.
"We already kind of are," she disagreed.
She ground her hips down onto me to prove the point and she made me gasp. I looked into her eye and I could see her desire to do it again. She wanted me to make that noise again. I wanted her to do it again too.
"We don't have to do anything more than what we are," I amended.
She traced her hand further under my shirt and splayed her fingers against my ribs. I groaned into her touch.
"You have so many scars." She pulled my shirt up and examined my chest. "These ones," she stroked across my upper chest and lower stomach. I shuddered and got goosebumps. "Were from Tyrian," she continued. "What about this long one?" Her fingers lined up over my new addition. The laceration under my ribs left behind by a blade of energy.
"Taurus. Adam Taurus. He cut me with his semblance. It glanced off my armor, got me there."
I sat up and pulled my shirt all the way off rather than leave it halfway on. She looked at me and blushed like a virgin.
"Better?" I asked.
She nodded. She reached out tentatively and touched me. "Tyrian really did a number on you, didn't he?"
"He almost killed me. Turned my chest into hamburger for a bit there. Ruby had to run me back to town and get me stitched up. She thought I was going to die."
"You've been through a lot."
"And it all keeps coming"
"Which is how I know that you can get through this. Ruby and I trust you with our lives."
"You shouldn't, that's a mistake."
"Maybe. But it's my decision. No one else gets to make it for me. I trust Ruby and I trust you. Try and get some sleep, Cloud. I won't go anywhere."
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-WG
