"So, take two! Everyone ready?" Zane chugged his beer and tossed it to the side. It was early in the morning, and the Crimson Raiders were ready to, once again, assault the twins stronghold…at last.
Felt like it took longer than necessary, but the Operative wasn't gonna mention it. He was more content with watching Vaughn make an ass of himself and try and give a big heroic speech to the other raiders.
…was sort of funny to watch, and even a little endearing.
"Zane, you there?" Lilith buzzed via his ECHO device.
"Loud and clear, Lil. What's up?"
"Tannis' amplifier is in place and, as far as I can tell, Vaughn's forces are ready to head out. We're not gonna get a better chance to move on the Calypsos, so let's make it hurt and make it count."
"Gotcha."
"Yeah a…I…" She started to break up. Zane frowned and mashed his finger against his device when static filled his ear. What the fuck was happening?
"Hey turd farmers, check this out!" Oh Christ, Troy.
"Take a look at the moon! Troy's bout to blow your spine out your ass!" Tyreen as well…but something wasn't right. Despite the clear, patronizing tone, Zane turned his head towards the moon…just as a massive, iridescent beam enveloped it.
"God power, bitches!"
Zane was at a loss for words. For fuckin' once, the twins left him at a fuckin' loss for words at the sight of the moon enveloped in that iridescent energy…the same sorta shite he saw when Amara Phaseslammed people.
Which, really, only meant that—
"DID THOSE FUCKWAFFLES PHASELOCK THE MOON?!" Moze shouted.
"…apparently." FL4K noted. "Though I do wonder if this was a simple power display, or something else."
"Eh, both, you dingus. The key to the Great Vault's been in front of your dumb faces the whole time!"
"See, I WAS planning to leech enough Vault monsters to charge it myself but…then you handed us your stupid Siren friend and, now, Troy can just use Eridium!"
Zane furrowed his brow in a mix of shock and anger at yet another reminder of them being unable to help Maya.
"So, now, once I charge up Elpis, the Great Vault will open…"
"I'll leech the monster inside and—heh, we become GODS!"
"We'd invite you to our place for the grand opening but…kinda a family thing. Plus we hate you."
"Yep, see ya at the end of the world!"
They, thankfully, cut the line. Zane took a long deep breath and turned towards the others. "So, who wants to get the car warmed up? We gotta go."
"Seconded," Tannis chimed in. "Troy mustn't be allowed to open the Great Vault, though as he infuses himself with Eridium, he'll be nearly invincible."
"Then we cut off his supply. Vault Hunters, once Tannis takes those turrets down, you spearhead the ground assault. Change priorities from getting the twins and find and destroy their stash of Eridium."
"And whoever has a death wish can take on Tyreen and Troy!" Claptrap added a little too eagerly.
"Leave that to me." Amara cracked her knuckles. "It'll be tough, but a tough fight's the best fight, after all."
"Good. I'll be sending down some personal reinforcements once you get inside. Until then…get the job done, anyway you can. Now we definitely can't afford to fail." Lilith sounded even more hurt than usual. Zane could easily see why; it was easy when they figured the twins didn't know how to open the Vault. Now, they were literally on the cusp of victory and…well galactic anarchy.
"Oi, Lil, whatever happens, it ain't yar fault, understand?" Zane said. "You did the best ya could against pretty fuckin' unspeakable odds. Not many can say that…well 'cept me. I can. But that's besides the point."
"Yeah…I guess you're right. Thanks. When this is over—"
"Drinks're on ya. Best get a credit card. I buy the expensive shite." Zane ended the call and took a deep breath. "So, let's get started. Cause…stakes haven' been this high before."
"Yeah…always figured the twins becoming 'gods' was just bullshit," Moze said, stating at the phaselocked moon. "but…now I ain't so sure it's bullshit."
"It is not, unfortunately." FL4K was already in the Technical, cranking the ignition. "If Tyreen leeches whatever slumbers in the Great Vault, she will no doubt become the most powerful thing in the universe. And, based on my records and personal findings, what is God but the most powerful being in the universe?"
"Mhm. But she won't become a god." Amara took her spot in the gunner's seat. "Not while we're here to do something about it. So, let's stop the end of the world."
"Eh, more like universe at this point." Zane climbed into the back of the Technical, offering a hand to help Moze in. Once the Gunner was secure, the Technical peeled out, following alongside the other vehicles as they sped towards the stronghold for a second time.
Honestly, Zane was, for once, worried. But it was fine; he saw two outcomes happening. They either stopped the twins and saved the universe or didn't.
And he never liked to think about the latter. No sane person let themselves wonder on what could go wrong, and instead focus on what could go right.
"Moze, you checked your mag for the fuckin' twelfth time," Moze stopped her weapons inspection and glanced up at the old man. "Ya got full mags. Yar good."
"Am I? This isn't just…mowing down a buncha cultists again, Zane." She set her assault rifle to the side and yanked up her SMG, giving it the same inspection. "We're potentially stopping a universal threat from emerging. I need to be as ready as I can be, or else we're fucked. Like…fuck…Iron Bear might even be enough."
"It'll be 'nough. Don' overthink. It's like every other time—"
"Except now we'll be going up a fucking demigod." Moze finished for him. "Don't forget what Tannis said. If we don't get rid of that Eridium, Troy's basically unstoppable. So we need to work fast before he hurls those 'Anointed' at us like they're fucking rocks."
"He won't." FL4K said from the driver's seat. "Troy will be focusing all of his energy on moving Elpis, and Tyreen lacks the means to create Anointed herself. It's quite a paradox; they are at their strongest, yet weakest."
"…the fuck's that mean?"
"As I said. If Troy stops pulling Elpis, they cannot open the Vault. Tyreen cannot properly safeguard him, so they will rely on their cultists for protection, who we go through like coffee paper, need I remind you. So, chin up, Moze. We will get through this. Together."
The Technical came to a stop. Moze poked her head up and saw they were at the stronghold's entrance once again, with the same turrets at the ready.
Said turrets suddenly stopped aiming at them and drifted downwards. Tannis landed nearby, Siren tattoos dimming and seemingly out of breath. "Okay…that took more effort than I anticipated."
"How? They're just turrets." Amara noted.
"True, but they were quite talkative, and very mouthy. They used nearly every trick they knew to keep me from deactivating them…and made some promises I'm not sure they can keep."
…Moze was so worried about what was to come, she almost forgot Tannis was a weirdo.
Still, the Technical zoomed forward and they kept going, coming to a stop in front of a bridge that the COV was deeply entrenched on, and with enough fortifications in the way to make crossing with the Technical less than ideal…well shit.
"Hang on, the fuck?" Zane motioned to something nearby. Moze stood up in the back and watched an…Atlas ship touch down?
"For Rhys-ball! And…y'know…the Crimson Raiders! Go team!" Rhys? He was sending reinforcements?
"You're actually helping us, Rhys?" Moze asked, watching the hatch drop and Atlas troops rush out, open firing at the bandits in their sights.
"Well, sorta. Can't really be there in person, but I can send some Atlas troops. With Maliwan's merger falling through, I finally got some breathing room, sooo…reinforcements! And that's not all."
"Wait, there's more?"
Another ship touched down. The second it opened, a buckshot blew apart a bandit's head.
"Jakob's rides with you too, Vault Hunters!" Wainwright called as he stepped out the ship, racking his shotgun. "Let's show these damn zealots the might of the Crimson Raiders…which is a weird name, I admit."
"Shit, did Lil grab everyone we met?" Zane chuckled as he hopped out the Technical. "Like…I ain' complainin', but—"
"Let's do this shit! B-Team, Operation Wild Ride is a go-go, go-go, go-go-GO!" And a third ship literally crashed into the bridge.
Zane frowned. "…they got the crazy fucker too?"
"Tina's alright." Amara dropped down as well. "Little…volatile, but she's helpful…and hopefully okay in there."
"Nah, she's fine. Those ships can take a beatin' 'fore they violently explode." Zane noted.
"Either way, let's move, team!" Moze took point, open firing as she and the others passed through the gates.
More bandits waited. More bandits were blown apart by their combined effort. Moze slapped in a fresh mag into her assault rifle as she took cover, hearing an Atlas soldier do the same, popping out to return fire and drop a bandit or two.
"Least these guys are trained pretty good."
"…I…graduated top of my class." Said soldier noted.
"…right, my bad." An explosion made them both flinch. Moze popped her head out of cover to see a crater where, earlier, some cultists were gathered…now reduced to chunks, courtesy of one of Tina's bombs.
"YES! FEEL THE MIGHT OF KABLEWY! COMING SOON, KEBLEWY TWO, SON OF KEBLEWY!" She cried from her spot, cackling like a demented hyena.
The large group kept fighting and pressing on. Each of them contributed their own way, such as Wainwright blowing apart flanking cultists, the soldiers mopping up anyone ahead of them, and Tina straight up blowing up anything in sight. Things were going decent…she didn't wanna say well, but decent.
"Full moon party! Woohoo! I can feel that god-fire pumpin' through my veins! I'm burnin' brighter than a supernova!" Troy was riding his high. She planned to cut that shit short.
Tyreen said something else, but Moze didn't hear it, as FL4K's skag impaled someone on its horn. "…how long was Mr. Chew here?" Moze asked.
"He rode with one of the others." The Beastmaster sniped someone from afar, sending their corpse plunging to the ground. "Mr. Chew needs a lot of room, else he gets antsy and gores the nearest person."
"Fair." Another cultist exploded and the group kept fighting. They were running out of time.
"Maliwan ship!" Zane called. Moze dove for cover as one of said ships flew by, laying down suppressing fire on anyone they could. The Atlas soldiers were, unfortunately, unable to get out the way, being mowed down pretty fast. The ship finished its strafing run, remaining ahead of them as it continued to rain down fire, forcing them into cover.
"Damnit! We're pinned down!" Moze growled. "Did anyone bring something to take that shit out?!"
"I got my boom booms, but I ain' so sure they can blow that bitch to pieces." Tina fiddled with what Moze could only assume was several frag grenades tied together.
"Amara," Zane called. "Your launcher?"
"Outta rounds!" The Siren called, turning to shotgun a charging psycho.
"Shit! Well—" The ship violently exploded. Moze poked her head out of cover and… was honestly surprised to see Maya ahead, holding a rocket launcher, with Ava nearby, covering her with a pistol. "…huh…well, didn't see this one coming."
"Nor did they," Maya grunted, reloading the rocket launcher and firing another shot, clearing another bunch of bandits. "but, using that to my advantage while I can."
"How'd you even get here?"
"Drop pod. I'm not missing this, not with stakes this high." Maya set the launcher on her back, grunting in exertion. "And not while those fuckers keep taunting me over my mistake." The former Siren hefted up a Maliwan SMG she unloaded into a charging bandit. "Now let's move."
The larger group kept going, soon delving into a large building with a big, broken pipe jutting from the wall. The markings inside told her it was converted into a passageway, one the COV used to traverse deeper into their…oddly disorganized stronghold.
"Through here," Moze called to the others. "We should be getting close."
"I'd imagine so," Wainwright said, working swiftly to load more shells into his shotgun. "These zealots've been increasing in numbers. Seems those twins really don't want us in here."
"Well, too bad! We ain't stopping 'til we get 'em!" Ava shouted, eagerly reloading her SMG.
"…least she's pretty excited about this," Zane noted. Still, the group pressed on and reached another swath of bandits, cleaving through them as the group approached another set of gates…a staple of COV stuff, at this point.
"Hey, fam? Could y'all kill the Vault Thieves and their friends real quick? We got a LOT going on."
"Stop codding them, Tyreen! Listen, you filthy demented mouth breathers! I'm charging an entire goddamn MOON, so WHY THE HELL ARE THE VAULT THIEVES STILL ALIVE?! Kill them now, or I'll RIP YOU APART AND PISS ON YOUR ASHES!"
"He's losing his composure," FL4K said coldly. "Our advantage grows."
"What makes you figure that?" Wainwright asked.
"He will be frantic and erratic during our fight. A belligerent beast makes easy mistakes."
"Let's make sure we can get to that point, then. For now, let's keep going. We're getting somewhere." Moze reloaded her assault rifle and pressed on. Each passing second they lost more time. It was only a matter of time before the twins succeeded, and they failed.
And failing was the last thing she wanted to do, mostly because she knew the fuckers would glorify the everlasting shit out of it. She refused to take that to the grave.
Amara slammed the garage door shut behind her, trapping the COV outside and giving them some breathing room. They were getting closer to where they needed to be, but the Siren could tell the lengthy fight was taking a toll on their ammo reserves and energy. They just needed to hold out a bit longer, or just grab a cultist's gun like Zane did.
Even though COV guns were…well…trash.
"What the FUCK did I say?! GOD, can you fuckers do ANYTHING right?! EVERY step and EVERY turn, you fuckers've FUCKED UP in killing the Vault Thieves!" Troy was still screaming like a drama queen. "Drown the Vault Thieves in your blood if you have to, I don't care! Just get it done, or GET THE FUCK OUT!"
"That's gonna backfire sooner or later." Zane mumbled.
"What do you mean, old man?"
"Bandits can only take so much verbal abuse before they…y'know…say fuck this, fuck ya, and put in their two weeks' notice. Of course, a fuckin' two weeks' notice is usually code for shootin' their boss in the face or bailin' in the middle of the night."
"So, it's only a matter of time before their own allies turn on them." Wainwright chuckled. "That'd be ironic, and pretty damn funny."
"Might be happening now." Moze pointed ahead. Some of the bandits were…just not shooting. They were just staring up at the intercoms, then at each other.
"…see, now that was just mean." One bandit said. "Like…does he know how hard this shit is, yet he's yelling at US? Like…c'mon man…I didn't need that today."
"I-It's alright, Doug! God-King Troy's just having a hard day. D-Don't worry!"
Amara pursed her lips. This was…unexpected, but they could use this. The Siren stepped forward and cleared her throat. "Your 'God-King' thinks you're all worthless. Why stick around him when he clearly thinks you're all…well…you heard him."
"We don't exactly have many other options. I mean, it was this or getting fed to skags."
"I fucked up and got in debt and one of their boys bailed me out. Was gonna get a foot cut off."
"They said they'd pay for my college fund."
Amara pondered all of that. "And…you expect them to commit to all of what they offer, right? Have they so far?"
All of the bandits remained silent. Amara took that as progress.
"Shit…have they helped us?"
"I mean there was that one time—wait no…they made Liam fight a spiderant naked…what about…no…wait…huh…yeah no it's just been give give give…well where's the getting?!" They continued to argue amongst themselves as Amara silently directed everyone to follow.
"You all just…sort things out. We need to keep going."
"Gotcha. We're probably gonna unionize and stage a blood coup. Probably hang and flay all those who don't side with us." Amara was unsettled with how casually he said that. But, regardless, they pressed on.
"…not sure how that turned out well, but good job, Mara mar." Zane commented. "Might make things weird on Pandora but, eh, fucks with the COV, so it's fine with me."
"Yep. It pays to be a people person sometimes…also, Tina, where are Brick and Mordecai?"
"Somethin' somethin' puttin' up smoke, somethin' somethin' I stole a ship and got here myself aaaaaaaand somethin' somethin' they're gonna be pissed."
Amara…just sighed. Well, that made sense.
They were amused to find themselves in a cathedral. One where, no doubt, the twins gave grand sermons to their underlings. Said underlings, thanks to Amara, were potentially rising up and turning on one another, and Troy's continued insults towards them were merely stoking that fire.
FL4K wanted to see his face when he realized he, unwittingly, caused a revolution amid his followers. It'd be funny, but for now, they had trouble…namely in the form of an Anointed standing at the podium, arming himself with handgun.
"The fuck's that?" Ava asked.
"An Anointed…show caution. They require insurmountable effort to fell." Mr. Chew snarled and hung close. The beast was wise enough not to charge in, lest the Anointed simply atomize him.
"The God-King demands your heads, Vault Thieves," The Anointed blared in his two-toned voice. "and I shall deliver with righteous fury." He teleported away in a flash. The second he reappeared, the group focused their fire onto him.
From the doorways and entryways, more bandits poured in, open firing and forcing the group to take cover wherever they could.
"Maya, get down!" Ava tackled her mentor as an energy ball flew past, impacting the wall and turning it into rubble.
"Augh…thanks Ava…now get off me. Think you're on a rib."
"Sorry!" The teen scurried back to cover and Maya got to a knee, popping out of cover to shoot at the Anointed who, graciously, returned fire.
"Damnit…you're right, that thing's tough. Shot him in the face and he didn't flinch."
"Mhm. They require a lot of effort to properly fell but can fall regardless." FL4K tossed Moze a grenade, which she promptly chucked. "We just need to ensure it doesn't drive us from cover, lest we be slain."
"Well, I have a suggestion, if you're willing to indulge me." Wainwright said. "The crazy one's got a bigass bomb with her—"
"Don't insult Keblwey Three: Revenge of Keblewy!"
"…anyways…it might be enough to drop that angry zealot in one fell swoop. We just need someone to distract 'em and the others, so the bomb can be planted."
"I can accomplish that." FL4K tapped their chest. "My cloaking device should be more than sufficient. Tina, the bomb."
"Ugh, FINE!" She tossed it and, quickly, FL4K caught it, minding their hands to ensure it didn't detonate prematurely and…well eradicate them. "By the way, that's, like, sixteen frag grenades, some rubber band, and a taco shell. Be careful."
"…why is there—"
"It fell in while I was makin' it!" FL4K simulated a sigh and engaged their cloak, rising from cover and skulking down the isle. The others returned fire and continued fighting, though the Beastmaster's focus was sorely on the Anointed who, thankfully, remained in one spot.
For the moment.
A grenade cleared out a bunch of bandits. The Anointed grumbled and teleported to where they once were, hands crackling with that demented, Siren energy.
FL4K uncloaked and tugged on what they assumed was the bomb's fuse, priming it and lobbing it at the Anointed before diving for cover.
The resulting explosion was nigh deafening, even blowing out their audio receptors for a second. The Beastmaster quickly reset them, standing up from their cover and seeing the…well the crater where the Anointed once stood, with bits of crystalized flesh scattered about, confirming he died in the explosion, and didn't just teleport.
"WHOA! Guess that ends the franchise, doesn' it?" Tina whooped from her spot. "Eh, not really…Keblewy Four! It's Personal!"
"...right…" Amara cleared her throat. "The Eridium supply isn't far, right? Let's split up and take care of it, then meet back here."
"Mhm. Let us move, before they realize they are in danger, and seek to interrupt us." The hunt was drawing to a close, and FL4K couldn't have been more eager. After so much time spent waiting, watching, and listening, it was almost time to make good on their promise, and drag their blade across Troy's skull. To relish in the sound of him screaming like a little bitch as they flayed him. To ensure Tyreen was made to watch her brother be turned into a trophy before she got to join him.
They could already see it now…their demises wouldn't please Death, no. It would please them.
It would please them for eternity.
[I'll admit, this one was a mess. I had to write this in one day as much of the week was spent with me sleeping and recovering.
Turns out I did indeed test positive for the virus, so I've been handling that. Considering how my siblings are faring, I got the better end of the deal, but it's still a crappy deal regardless. I'll be fine in a few weeks, and I'll still try to upload good chapters. So, stay tuned.
For now, reviews.
To Oni seven: I may avoid from giving FL4K a non-canon spin off. May be too much to juggle alongside the DLC sequels and my personal projects. But, who knows?
To Le055Lion: I felt FL4K would be the first to insult back, so I'm glad people still enjoy that.
To EEJIT: Ah, understandable. But I'm glad you enjoy this tale regardless, and I'll have to see what this other story has to offer. Might be able to help me for future projects.
Thanks for reading, and I'll make a full recovery. Like I said last chapter, got too much to do to let a virus end my campaign.]
