Under normal circumstances, I'd wish everyone a happy Inauguration Day, but given all the recent events I don't think that'd be a wise idea.
Saturday, February 11th, 2012
In hindsight, Steve probably should have been prepared for a wait. When Tony said it would be an hour, Steve didn't think it was going to be that long. However, he had seemingly forgotten that time seemingly moved slower when you were anxious, and each minute felt like a solid day as he waited for Tony to emerge from the therapist's office. Steve tried to tell himself that nothing too bad could possibly be happening. After all, it was only an hour. There wasn't much that could be done to Tony in that time. Then he remembered how his mother had described how she had seen a child go from being aggressive and combative to docile and unresponsive in seconds just by having a doctor insert a needle in his eye and anxiety spiked in the pit of his stomach again. The only thing that kept him seated was the fact that he was on the thirty-second floor and the only way he'd be able to get to fresh air in a timely manner would be if he jumped out the window.
God, why is the air in here so stale? Steve found himself gripping the edge of couch instead, hoping that somehow tying himself to a physical anchor would help him tame the frantic need to run building inside of him. Sadly, if anything it made it worse.
Hoping to distract himself, Steve tried observing what the others were doing. Pepper was quite a way into a well-loved copy of Pride and Prejudice, and Happy and Rhodey were scrolling through social media on their phones. Steve didn't think to bring a book with him, but he did have his phone. However, the only person he really wanted to text was Tony and he had a feeling that trying to do so would only be detrimental to him, so he refrained from even pulling out the device at all.
Thus, Steve had no choice but to try to force himself to relax. That was obviously easier said than done, but he still had to try. He kept reminding himself that Tony agreed to see the doctor voluntarily and if anything was seriously wrong, they would have heard a commotion coming from the other room by now. Tony would fight back if someone tried to do something to him as drastic as a lobotomy. Of that, Steve could be absolutely certain. So, the fact that they hadn't heard a struggle, or a fight could only be promising.
Unless the room is sound-proof. Steve had a hard time suppressing his shudder at the thought, and the action ended up catching Rhodey's attention.
"What's up, Cap?" Steve jolted a bit in surprise but composed himself rather quickly.
"Nothing much," he said. "Just thinking."
"You're worried about Tony," Steve blinked but did nothing to deny the assessment.
"Yeah." He pushed back into his seat somewhat uncomfortably. "I know I shouldn't be but… I can't stop." Beside him, he could see Pepper slip her bookmark between the pages before turning to face him.
"That's understandable," she said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Believe me when I tell you that we're all worried for Tony, too. We wouldn't be here if we weren't."
"I know," Steve said. "And I appreciate that you're here. I'm sure Tony does, too, but I highly doubt that we're worrying about the same things." Pepper frowned in confusion.
"What do you mean?" Steve clenched his jaw.
"Nothing," he eventually came out with. "It's probably just irrational paranoia."
"All the more reason to get it out in the open," Rhodey said. "If it is nothing to worry about, we can just tell you so and then you can stop worrying about it." That did make sense, but Steve still felt hesitant.
"The thing is, I kind of already know it's not anything to worry about," Steve said. "Tony, Natasha, and Clint have all told me it's not likely to happen in the modern age."
"Alright, now I'm just curious," Rhodey said. "What could possibly have you so worried?"
Taking a deep breath in preparation, Steve explained his concerns with the mental health system. He started with how homosexuality was viewed in the forties and used that to explain how he feared someone would try to harm Tony using his sexuality or mental status as justification. When the same assurances he'd heard before came out of Pepper and Rhodey's mouths, Steve became frustrated and blurted out what he was afraid of.
"I know what really happens to people who aren't mentally healthy," he said. "You can't promise me he's going to be okay when I'm not in there to protect him from what they could do." Pepper and Rhodey exchanged concerned glances.
"And what would that be?" Pepper asked with caution permeating every word she spoke.
"My mother was a nurse," Steve explained. "When I was a kid, she'd take any work she could get at any hospital, including the sanitarium. She didn't work there long, though, only a day. No amount of money could make up for the horrors she witnessed there."
Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy all exchanged looks. Steve could sense a silent conversation was being held. They wanted to help him, but there was a hesitance to find out more. They obviously had some idea of the arcane mental health practices of his time, but they couldn't be sure they wanted to know the true extent of it. Luckily, Steve had mercy.
"It's not something you all need to know about," he said. "I didn't even need to know about it. I just overheard my mother talking about it with my Aunt Anne."
"Does Tony know, though?" Steve looked down at Pepper's question.
"Yes and no," he said. "He knows I have well-founded fears of the mental health system, but I've never told him the nitty-gritty of it. What I heard… It was just awful. It was one of the few times I saw my mother cry. There wasn't much that could upset her, but what they were doing to the people there; what they were doing to children, it was just… Too much."
A beat of silence passed that was only broken up by an utterance of "shit," from Happy. Pepper brought a hand to her mouth and eyed Steve nervously while Rhodey looked down as he processed the information. Steve leaned back in his chair, knowing that he said too much. As the guilt washed over him, his eyes landed solidly on the office door, desperately willing Tony to come out.
It was silent for another few moments before Steve felt a hand gently set itself on his bicep. Slowly, he made eye contact with Pepper, whom – to her credit – didn't look the least bit pitying.
"You've never told anyone that?" Steve nodded. "Not even Tony?"
"Not even Tony," he confirmed. "At least not in detail."
"Wow," Pepper softly murmured to herself.
"And you're worried that's what might be happening to Tony right now; that they could seriously be abusing him." Steve shook his head to that statement from Rhodey.
"No," he said. "I know it's irrational. They're not going to hurt him. They can't and it'd be stupid to try."
"But you still can't help it." Steve winced as Rhodey hit the nail right on the head.
"No," he said again. "I can't. That's why I said it was irrational."
"But it made perfect sense for you," Happy said. "At least, back when…" Steve nodded and cut him off before he could say any more.
"Yeah," he said. "Exactly."
"I want to ask if there's any way we can help," Pepper said. "But I'm not sure how to go about it. I mean, it's not like you can see a therapist when that's the exact thing you're afraid of."
"I wouldn't need that anyway," Steve insisted. "I just need to get used to the fact and accept that things are better now, for Tony's sake if not my own." Although he said it, a part of Steve's mind couldn't help but doubt that it would be as easy as that. The looks the others gave him told him that they thought so, too. His eyes had started drifting towards the door again when Rhodey caught his attention.
"I promise you, Tony's going to be alright." Steve frowned skeptically but before he could voice his doubts, Rhodey held up a had placatingly. "I'm not going to promise that he's not going to be upset – he probably will be – but physically, he's going to be fine. They won't do any of that messed up crap to him and they won't send him to the hospital unless they have good reason to think that he's going to do something drastic, which I find doubtful."
"I do, too," Steve agreed with the deepest hope in his heart that it would remain true.
"And if they do anything against his consent, we'll sue the pants off of them." The fact that she was smiling and the ease with which she said the words did nothing to undermine how serious Pepper was. Regardless, Steve's lips quirked upwards a bit and he was at least able to give her a semi-smile in return.
"Look," Happy said. "I'm not any good with this 'feelings' mumbo-jumbo – that's why I've been sitting here like a deer in headlights the entire time – so believe me when I say we wouldn't be here if it wasn't in Tony's best interest."
"Just give it a little more time," Rhodey implored. "Tony will come out of there just fine and you'll see that there's no reason to fear for him." Slowly, Steve nodded.
"Alright."
Before anyone could say anything else, a low bang could be heard in the distance and the source couldn't be determined before the room started shaking. Instantly, Pepper crouched down onto the floor, holding on to the couch for support while Happy looked ready to throw his body over hers to shield her from any debris should the ceiling collapse. Steve jumped to his feet and locked eyes with Rhodey, who looked about ready to do the same. However, he had the sense not to move until the shaking stopped, which it did a moment later.
For a moment, everything was still and silent, as if everyone were afraid that even the slightest movement or sound would set the shaking off again. After a bit of hesitancy, Rhodey got to his feet and Happy offered Pepper a hand up.
"What was that?" she asked once she was sure she was standing steadily. "An earthquake?"
"In New York?" Steve questioned in disbelief. Pepper shrugged.
"They've been having earthquakes in Pennsylvania because of fracking," she pointed out.
"We're still too far from that," Rhodey said. "Unless it was something catastrophic, we shouldn't be feeling it."
"Car backfire?" Happy suggested.
"Top powerful," Steve dismissed. "Let me get a look outside."
"You should probably stay away from the windows in case there's an aftershock," Rhodey warned, but Steve wasn't deterred. He knew his body could withstand a lot worse than a little broken glass. Thus, he was unconcerned as he moved to the other side of the room to get a better look out the window.
Right away, Steve saw a plume of smoke rising from the other side of the city. Where exactly, he couldn't be sure, but it had to be at least on the other side of Manhattan. He glanced over in the direction of the tower. Although from the angle he was at, Steve couldn't see the building itself, he also didn't see any smoke emanating from that direction, which he chose to take as a good sign.
Shooting a quick text off to Natasha – hoping that the others had some idea of what was going on – Steve turned his gaze back out onto the city. Despite knowing it was futile, he hoped it wasn't an emergency the Avengers needed to respond to. He knew it was probably selfish, but he didn't care. Tony wasn't going to be up for this and to be honest, Steve didn't think that he was going to be either.
The appointment had been going surprisingly well. Dr. Cranston seemed to know what she was doing. She listened to what he had to say; really listened. She never asked Tony to repeat himself and the questions she asked were intelligent and well-structured rather than vague or leading. That made it much easier for Tony to explain everything that had been going on honestly without holding too much back.
They mostly discussed his alcoholism and the incident that happened in D.C. Tony wasn't keen on discussing much else – at least right then – and Cranston seemed to pick up on that. All things considered; the session seemed to be going well.
…Then the room began to shake.
Having spent most of his adult life in California, Tony was well-versed in earthquake safety protocols. Given that there was nothing sturdy he could reasonably take cover under, Tony had no choice but to crouch down on the floor and cling to the chair he'd been sitting in for stability. Seeing that Cranston was just sitting in place, looking like a fish out of water, he caught her attention and gestured for her to do the same. Thankfully, she wasn't too shocked to take notice. She slid out of her chair and grabbed onto it just as he had. A few moments later, the shaking stopped.
They both waited a minute or so to see if there would be aftershocks. When none were immediately forthcoming, they rose to their feet slowly.
"Well, that was unexpected," Cranston commented.
"Are you alright?" She nodded.
"I've just never been in an earthquake before," she explained. "I've got to admit, that was a little frightening." Tony nodded in understanding. It had been years since he first experienced an earthquake, but he could remember his own shocked terror at the unexpected event.
"No one knows what to do the first time it happens," he said. "You did great, though."
"I'm glad to hear you think so," Cranston said before turning and heading over to her desk. "Well, seeing as it's been almost an hour and I'm sure you want to be on standby in case this was something more than an earthquake, maybe we should work out when our next appointment is going to be so I can let you go."
Tony agreed, glancing towards the door. Although the appointment wasn't as bad as he built it up to be in his head, he was still relieved it was over; especially now since what Cranston said had been right. He honestly did want to get out there and find out what was going on and if this was an Avengers-level problem.
Cranston whipped out a big planner notebook and they discussed what time would be convenient for both. They settled on Wednesday, February 22nd at two in the afternoon. Cranston wanted to put a bit of space between visits and off the top of his head, Tony didn't think he had any meetings at that time that day (he'd apologize to Lara later if he was wrong,) so it work out just fine. After that, they shook hands, exchanged pleasantries, and finally Tony could exit back out into the waiting room. The only thing that came as a sweeter relief than opening the door was seeing Steve on the other side.
Steve had been looking out the window when Tony stepped through the door, but right away his gaze was pulled from the view and to his boyfriend. Without a moment of hesitation, Steve closed the distance between them and pulled Tony into his arms.
Yes, was Tony's only thought as he melted into the embrace.
"Hey," Steve said. "How'd it go?"
"Good," Tony said. "Better than I expected. Steve's muscles relaxed and he gave Tony's back a rub.
"Good, good," Steve said as he let out a breath Tony didn't think he knew he'd been holding. "I'm so glad to hear that." Steve held Tony for a few more seconds before pulling back and stepping aside to let Pepper get a hug in, too.
"You did it," she congratulated. "I'm so proud." Tony felt a little twinge in his heart, thinking of all the times Pepper had to clean up after his drunken antics over the years and how long she'd probably been waiting for him to take this step. He knew nothing he could say or do could instantly make up for it, but he hoped that the hug could be a start.
Happy and Rhodey made their way over to express their congratulations as well, which Tony was grateful for. Once everyone had been assured that things had gone well, Dr. Cranston took the opportunity to cut in.
"Remember," she said. "Your next appointment isn't this coming Wednesday, but the following Wednesday at two o'clock."
"I look forward to it." Cranston smiled.
"No, you don't." Tony dropped his pacifying smile.
"Alright, I don't," he admitted. "But I'm not dreading it, either."
"Well, that's at least good to hear," Cranston said.
"Uh, did you need this back?" Tony turned to see Rhodey holding up the packet he'd forgotten about.
Whoops.
"Don't worry about that," Cranston quickly assured. "You can take that home to finish up and bring it back next session. I don't want to keep you if you need to be heading out of here real fast."
With that reminder, Tony turned his eyes to the window to see if the earthquake had caused any damage. That's when he saw the huge plume of smoke rising in the distance.
"Oh my God," he said. "What happened?"
"We don't know," Pepper started to say.
"Wait," Steve said at the same time as he scanned the screen of his cell phone. "Natasha just texted me back. No word from S.H.I.E.L.D. yet, but the EMS system in the meeting room is reporting an explosion somewhere near Hell's Kitchen. She says it's probably best if we're on standby to respond."
"Shit," Tony muttered. Already, it didn't sound good. "We better get out of here, then."
With a few parting words to Cranston, the five of them were walking out of the office at a far brisker pace than when they came in. Despite the situation, Steve wasn't deterred from falling into step beside Tony and gently placing a hand on the small of his back.
"You sure you're okay?" Tony nodded.
"Yeah," he said. "It really wasn't that bad. What about you?" Steve frowned.
"I'm not as okay," he said. "But it's not something we can talk about right now. I promise, I'll tell you later." Tony didn't like how exhausted Steve sounded, but had to admit that he was probably right, so he accepted the assurance for right then.
"Okay," he said. "But if you really can't hold it back, say something." Much to Tony's surprise as they came to a stop inside the elevator, he felt Steve's lips press against his cheek.
"I will."
Normally on weekends, Lara would go up to her younger brother Victor's house in Nyack, New York. This was partially because she loved her little brother and wanted to see him, and partially because she didn't trust her neighbors not to steal her mail or her laundry or her car. So, her weekends gave her time to head up there to take care of those chores and indulge in being able to drive herself somewhere rather than having to rely on the train. However, it had been only been a couple of days since she had finally been allowed to return to her own apartment and she didn't want to pack everything up again when she'd just gotten back. So, instead she stayed at her apartment in Hell's Kitchen, just trying to catch up on some rest and relaxation time.
Specifically, she was doing that by lounging on her couch with one arm wrapped around Telemachus, and the other wrapped around a bowl of popcorn. She was watching some kids movie on one of the local TV stations because it was legitimately the only thing she could find to watch. She couldn't afford cable and couldn't figure out how to get Netflix to stream on her TV (part of the problem was that she didn't have a streaming device) so she had to settle for what the local antenna channels had to offer up. On Saturdays, that generally consisted of sports she didn't care about and the same three infomercials on repeat for hours on end. This week, she lucked out and happened to find a movie playing on one of the ABC affiliates. Although it was a kid's movie with very cheap special effects, it was still better than nothing, so she stuck with it.
Her day had been largely uninterrupted. She got a text at one point from Tony asking if she knew his social security number (which she did, although texting it back to him almost certainly meant that she was going to have to memorize a new one) but other than that, she got no texts or phone calls, which she was thankful for. All in all, it looked like she was going to have the peaceful day she'd been longing for weeks, and she could finally just let her guard down.
Then a low, yet deafening bang reverberated through the area.
Acting off of pure instinct, Lara threw the bowl of popcorn across the room and pulled Telemachus down to the floor with her. The cat thrashed and scratched at her arms, trying to break free, but Lara kept a tight grip on him, not knowing what was going on and unwilling to let her furry companion come to harm. Within seconds, the ground began to shake and Lara knew enough from her time in California not to try to get up from the ground. If she got crushed, so be it, as long as she gave Telemachus a chance at making it through, it didn't matter.
It felt like forever before the shaking stopped and even when it did, Lara refused to get up. It took a particularly nasty swipe from the cat to finally get her to let go and even then, she just let Telemachus slide out from underneath her. She didn't move for another few minutes, waiting for the aftershock to come and finish her off.
It never did, though. After the initial quake, the building remained stable. No aftershocks to be felt. Eventually, Lara realize the worst wasn't about to happen and began to slowly push herself up off the ground. As she lifted her head, she glanced around the apartment to see if there were any damages. Spotting nothing obvious, she stood up. As she did so, she saw that the movie was no longer playing. Instead, she was greeted by the face of weekend news anchor Ernest Anand. However, the image was all she had. His lips were moving, but no sound was coming out of his mouth.
At first, Lara thought something was wrong with the TV, so she turned the volume up. That ended up not working, though as she cranked it up to a hundred and still no sound came out of the speakers. At least, from her perspective it wasn't. It took her another few moment to acknowledge that the sounds of the world were being drowned out by the sound of a thousand angels screaming at the top of their lungs directly in her ears. Wincing, she probed her ears for blood, but upon inspection only came back with earwax. Taking that as a good sign, she wiped her fingers off with her shirt before inspecting the remote for the button that turned on closed captions.
…Have not disclosed whether the explosion was an accident or intentional as that is pending an investigation. Firefighters have been dispatched to the scene and are warning residents to stay clear of the area surrounding West Fiftieth Street in the Hell's Kitchen neighborhood. If you are inside, remain there. If you smell gas, contact nine-one-one immediately and follow the dispatcher's instructions.
Lara raked her fingers through her braided hair. Her plans had been to order take-out, but it looked like that wasn't happening. She probably should have been more worried about the fact that she couldn't hear or that she could potentially die in a gas explosion, but all-in-all she was just more annoyed than angry. She considered that a win given that a panic attack wasn't triggered by the explosion – or worse, a dissociative episode.
Since she couldn't smell gas, Lara figured she was probably safe for right then, though she remained vigilant, just in case. In the meantime, all she could really do was wait for news updates and pick the popcorn she dumped off the floor. For a moment, Lara was actually thankful that her diabetes disallowed her from having butter. Picking greasy popcorn crumbs out of her rug was not her idea of a good time.
Most of the popcorn she was able to scoop back into the bowl and dump out in the trash, but there were still tiny bits that she had to pluck out of the carpet by hand. She had a vacuum cleaner and she would run it, except that the people below her got angry and knocked on her door when she did. Although most of the time she was willing to put up the fight, she honestly doubted that it was the right time to do it after an earthquake and gas explosion, so she resigned herself to unnecessary manual labor. She was fairly certain that as she walked back and forth, Telemachus was hissing at her from wherever he was hiding, but her hearing hadn't returned yet, so she could just pretend that wasn't happening.
As she picked up the popcorn, Lara kept glancing at the TV. Every time she looked up, she hoped the closed captions would reveal something new, but she found that the reporter was just babbling on, repeating the same three bits of information she already knew. It was par for the course for broadcast news, but the captions just made it far more grating. The only thing that changed was that after about thirty minutes, the station was finally able to bring images from the scene via their "Sky Eye Traffic-Copter." As far as Lara could tell, the explosion hadn't happened too close by. The site appeared to be by the water, while her building was more in the center of Hell's Kitchen. That came as some relief, but she still scrutinized every breath she took carefully, on high alert for even the slightest whiff of gas.
Eventually, the anchor was able to disclose the address – 925 W. 50th Street – which confirmed to Lara that it wasn't anywhere too nearby. With the discovery of the address came images of the building prior to the explosion – most likely found online. Lara was initially alarmed to find that the building was a school, but the closed captions assured that the building was condemned, and it was unlikely any children were inside or anywhere within the blast radius. That didn't guarantee anything, but it did offer sufficient reassurance. A few more recent photos came up, showing boarded up windows and doors, which added to that reassurance. Then the most recent photos came up, and that's what caught Lara's attention.
The closed captions stated that there were reports that the building was being squatted in or being used as an improvised homeless center. That seemed to ring true as the most recent images seemed to depict boards partially or totally ripped off windows. Most of the windows were darkened, despite the removal of the boards, though, except for one. That one held within it a sign declaring the building the People's Unity Church of the Supreme Understanding – Hell's Kitchen Outreach Center on a white background with a watermark depicting an upside-down tringle being trisected by a ring. Lara's heart dropped the second she saw it.
Within an instant, she was pulling her suitcase out from underneath her bed. She had removed all of her clothing and essentials from it days ago, but she was almost certain she stuffed the one particular thing she was looking for in it's front pocket shortly after that night in D.C. where she tried to play into a scam. She found that she was correct and pulled out the packet she'd been handed by Lucy the recruiter all those weeks ago. The cover page was titled the People's Unity Church of the Supreme Understanding and just below it was a grayed watermark of a triangle being trisected by a ring.
"Mon dieu!"
To all my readers in the US, be advised that the FBI has issued warnings about protests being staged at various state capitols and federal buildings throughout the country. I don't care what your political affiliation is or your own personal opinion on the 2020 election, but please only go out if you absolutely HAVE to and if you do remain vigilant. I was extremely saddened to hear that five people died during the insurrection of the US Capitol back on January 6th, and I really don't want to hear about any more warrantless bloodshed. Please, everyone, just STAY HOME! That's what you're supposed to be doing anyway given the Coronavirus situation, so just think of this as more incentive to do so.
Remember kids, stay strong, stay safe.
Originally posted to FFN on 1/21/21.
