Chapter 54 – Almost…
OC P.O.V
You think it's easy
You think I don't wanna run to you
But there are mountains
And there are doors that we can't walk through
I know you're wondering why because we're able to be
Just you and me within these walls
But when we go outside, you're gonna wake up and see
That it was hopeless after all
True to my word I did not leave Prime's side. I was there when he awoke fifteen hours later after Rachet had repaired the more sensitive and debilitating wounds that required sedation. The look on Prime's face as he came to, made the long wait worthwhile. His optics had darted about the room frantically, once he had managed to open them, searching for something.
''Prime, it's okay, I'm here,'' I reached out and held his servo, leaning over him slightly. As his optics took in my form and felt my servo grasp his, his whole frame seemed to relax. He appeared to have found what he was searching for.
''Ahh… OC… You stayed, you're here,'' his weak voice seemed almost amazed.
I gave a small laugh and squeezed his servo, ''Of course I am Prime! Where else would I be? Besides, I promised you I would stay by your side. I am not inclined to break my promises.'' I smiled down at him.
Prime returned the smile and gently squeezed my servo, ''Something I am very grateful for, I assure you.'' All at once Prime's face seemed to change as though a dark cloud had swept across it, his optics grew dim for a moment, and he turned his helm to the side as though he could not look at me.
/Not again!/ I thought briefly to myself as he once again seemed to do a 180 and emotionally shut down.
''Unlike me, who promised you I would never leave you, that I was not going anywhere, and look what happened!'' His voice, although a low whisper, was so full of self-loathing, regret and anger, I almost stepped back in shock. ''I allowed myself to be killed at the hands of Megatron which, in turn, almost led to the destruction of this planet, its people and almost led to your own death OC.'' His optics closed and I saw a slight shudder run through his healing frame.
I stared at Prime for a moment. This was a side to him that most mechs and people never saw. The part he literally took great pains to hide and prevent others from seeing, not for his sake, I assumed, but for theirs. /Ever selfless/. The guilt ridden, self-doubting, second-guessing, unsure Prime that seemed almost crippled by his insecurities and the ever-growing weight he tried to carry on his shoulders. /Well not on my watch! He was going to stop trying to take responsibility for everything!/.
I leant over him, reaching for his helm and gently encouraged him to turn his gaze back towards me so he could see and hear what I had to say. He reluctantly obliged. I left my servo where it was as I gazed down at him, a slight smile on my dermas and a fierce fire burning in my optics. ''Oh Prime,'' I stroked the side of his helm. ''What a pile of scrap!''
His optical ridge immediately shot up in surprise and his dermas slightly parted in shock. /Clearly not what he was expecting me to say, good, I'll press my advantage/. ''Prime, I do not mean to make light of your feelings, but your logic behind them is totally unwarranted and well - illogical. You did not allow yourself to be killed by Megatron any more than I allowed myself to be turned into a Transformer. It was something beyond your control and from what I hear you put up a bloody good fight when it was three on one and you basically kicked all their arses with Megatron only besting you when your back was turned as you searched for Sam.''
Prime's optical ridge had resumed its natural position and his dermas had closed in a thin line as he lay there listening. ''While your passing,'' /fuck that was hard to say and not a little weird as he lay there alive listening to me say it/, ''allowed for certain events to take place, it was also YOU who eventually stopped the chain reaction and saved everything and everyone – including me!'' I felt my intake valves start to cycle air rapidly as my emotions bubbled to the surface, remembering the horrible moment when I learned of Prime's death and the subsequent sheer joy at his possible resurrection.
His servo squeezed mine in quiet encouragement and support and I brushed his face with my digits. ''You promised you would never forsake this planet and its people, which still includes me, so you see - you didn't, you haven't broken your promise. Not even death stopped you keeping your promise Prime.'' I smiled at him as he lay there, his optics blinking rapidly as he processed everything I had just said, as well as fought off the aftereffects of being sedated. /Great he may not even remember anything I said to him!/. I let out a sigh and before I could register my own actions, I leaned down and gently kissed his cheek.
Prime froze, his servo tightening on mine as my dermas grazed his cheek.
As I pulled back, I spoke once more, ''Prime, you are a great many things, but someone who does not honour their promises, someone who does not stay true to their word, you most definitely are not! So please, do not ever say that about yourself again.'' I stopped speaking and simply stood there, allowing him to come to terms with my observations.
Prime did not speak for a few minutes. He closed his optics, as if in silent thought. He did not let go of my servo. When he opened his optics again and turned to look at me, they were bright with emotion. ''Thank you OC, for your support and your – unique – way of making me see sense.'' He began to try and sit up, propping himself on his right side for a moment before swinging his pedes slowly over the side of the gurney and sitting upright.
For a moment he swayed unsteadily as his body adjusted to being upright. He reflexively reached out to grab me and I him. We were both at optic level in this position, mere metres separating us, holding each other by the arms.
His deep voice washed over me, and I closed my optics, savouring every word, ''Yet again you break my fall, yet again you save me from myself,'' I felt his large right servo move to cup my cheek, his digit brushing against it softly before he began pulling my helm towards his, slowly, deliberately. I dare not open my optics in case the moment shattered. ''My OC, my light''. I could feel the heat of his ''breath'' on my face as he ex-vented softly.
I tensed in anticipation – /for what?/. Every fibre of my being was on fire, electricity tore through me.
I felt my helm come to rest against his and his other servo came up to cup my face in a chaste yet intimate display of deep affection and trust. I brought my servos up to cup his face too, mirroring the gesture, desperate to maintain this contact. I opened my optics only to find them gazing directly into Prime's, our dermas almost touching. Never had I been so close to him in such a manner. It was all at once unnerving and yet breathtakingly hypnotic.
We both seemed to be staring into each other's souls, searching for answers to questions we did not know and could not give. Neither of us spoke. How do you put into words feelings you don't fully understand, are afraid of and are overwhelmed by? It felt as though we each had a servo on the lid of Pandora's box and were on the verge of opening it. His optics searched mine desperately as his dermas started to move, ''OC I..''
''AHEM!'' Rachet's ''cough'' broke the bubble we were in, our moment shattered, our opportunity lost and we both withdrew quickly from each other as though we had been caught out doing something highly illegal. ''Well. I can see you are feeling much better Prime.'' The smug bastard! ''OC, I'd say our patient is going to make a full recovery, wouldn't you?'' He began to walk over towards us from wherever he had appeared, data pad in his servo.
I could feel myself grind out under my breath, ''More than I can say for you.'' My optics flashed daggers at Rachet for his ''impeccable'' timing. /I thought he was the one who ''wanted'' Prime and I to confront our supposed feelings for each other?/.
Beside me I could feel irritation and a little embarrassment radiating off Prime as well, though he seemed to do a better job at hiding it than I. ''Rachet, how – good – to see you again old friend.'' He tilted his helm towards me. ''I was just thanking OC for her support when you so diligently turned up to complete your rounds.'' I had to stifle a laugh at the slight sarcasm Prime was throwing Rachet's way. /Good to see I am not the only one slightly pissed at the interruption/. Prime made to stand up.
Rachet called out, ''Just stop right there Prime! Last time I checked I was the doctor around here and I am the one to clear patient's before they leave my Med Bay. You have just been through quite an extensive repair. You need to take it easy and rest, not put yourself in stressful situations in case you injure yourself.'' Rachet's optics slowly moved between Prime and I, as though addressing us both. ''Take it slow, take time to heal and adjust to your new improvements and modifications before you go rushing into things or you might injure yourself.''
A small part of me wondered if Rachet was trying to warn Prime and I to back off for the moment, see how we, perhaps especially me, adjusted to this change between us before we did anything we regretted.
Prime must have had the same thought as he looked at me and gave a soft, almost apologetic smile before he replied, ''Alright Rachet, I shall yield to your medical wisdom and advice and ''take it easy''. Am I required to lay back down again?'' Prime raised an optical ridge.
Rachet gave a snort, ''It wouldn't hurt you, neither would getting some additional recharge. You are still slightly groggy from the sedatives I gave you not to mention a bit bruised and tender from the beating your body has taken.'' At this point Rachet turned to address me. ''Wouldn't you agree OC?''
I was slightly shocked that Rachet would consult me on medical matters pertaining to an Autobot, but I surmised he was simply seeking support on ensuring Prime took it easy for a bit. Perhaps he thought Prime would be more likely to listen to the both of us? After a moment's hesitation as I processed this, I responded, ''Uh hunh. Yep, absolutely, what Rachet said. I think you are still under the effects of the medication and coupled with what you have been through I feel it a wise idea for you to stay here for a little bit longer and recover.''
Prime's optics seemed to sadden for a moment at the thought of remaining in the Med Bay. ''Very well then, I shall take it easy and continue to rest for a day or two..''
''Try a week,'' Rachet's voice interjected.
''Try three days,'' Prime's equally stubborn voice retorted. ''I do not have time to be absent from my position as Prime. ''Besides, I must report back to General Morshower. The relations between humans and…'' Prime made to stand again.
Rachet placed a servo on his shoulder to keep him in place, ''Will survive a few more days without your presence in Hanger 1. I have already spoken to Lennox regarding your condition and the importance of you taking some time to recuperate if you are to resume effective leadership. Lennox has already debriefed Morshower and Jazz has taken command of the Autobots effective since your operation.'' Rachet gave Prime a small smile. ''So, you see Prime, the only thing needing to be taken care of is for you to follow doctor's orders and rest!''
Prime sat there somewhat stunned and somewhat annoyed to suddenly seem – superfluous. ''Well then Rachet, it seems you have thought of everything and I appreciate your concern for my well-being old friend. However, I am absolutely not staying in here one more moment than is necessary.'' Prime did start to stand then as physical demonstration of his eagerness to be out of there. Both Rachet and I hovered by his side for support if needed. ''If I am to ''rest and relax,'' I shall do so back in the privacy of my own quarters if you please. That is non-negotiable.'' Prime stood tall and proud; a look of determination set on his faceplates.
Rachet nodded his helm, ''Very well Prime, as you wish. However, I will be checking in on you and Lennox to ensure you do not stray in the direction of Hanger 1. OC, I am sure will also support me in ensuring you get some rest,'' he cast a serious glance in my direction.
''Ah, yes, I guess I shall try my best to encourage you to take it easy.'' I thought for a moment, ''Perhaps you can counsel me on how to adapt to my ''change'' and help me navigate this new direction in my life?'' /Give him a task to keep him busy and it should help to distract him/. I squashed down the idea that it would also allow me to spend more time with him, possibly alone.
Prime seemed to think for a moment, ''Perhaps that is a good idea.'' After a moment's thought, Prime turned to Rachet and spoke, ''Rachet, we need to look into making modifications to our personal quarters area to accommodate OC's needs. I mean, where is she recharging at the moment?''
I spoke up, ''Well here. I kind of haven't really left here since everything happened. The Med Bay has become my ''home'' I guess,'' I shrugged my shoulders. A visible shiver went down Prime's frame.
''Absolutely not! That is not an acceptable situation at all. I will speak with…'' Prime paused as he saw both Rachet and I cast a stern glance at him. ''Jazz, is to speak with Lennox tomorrow regarding immediate renovations to our quarters.''
''Understood Prime, I shall convey your request. For now, I suggest you make your way back to your quarters and rest before I prepare a room for you here!'' Rachet allowed a teasing smile to spread across his dermas. ''OC, would you mind accompanying him?''
I was slightly startled that Rachet would now encourage me to spend time alone with Prime after he so unceremoniously interrupted us before. ''Sure Rachet, I think I can manage to deliver ''the prisoner'' safely to his cell,'' I gave a wink and a small smile and started to move towards the exit, gesturing for Prime to lead the way.
Prime gave a small grunt in both indignation and effort as he began to move his large frame causing him a small amount of pain. As he limped past me, I heard him mutter, ''To think I missed you.'' I gave Rachet one last, ''you sure about this?'' glance before I made to follow Prime's bobbing figure out of the door.
Before I left, I heard Rachet get my attention, ''Hey, OC. I'm sorry about before. I just… don't want to see you both get hurt. Take time to get to know each other as you are now. Then… in time… who knows,'' and he gave a quick smile before turning about and going on with his business.
I stood there for a moment dumbfounded by Rachet's apology and advice. The sound of the Med Bay doors banging shut alerted me to the fact Prime had continued on without me. I shook my helm and raced after him.
