Chapter 52
Sorry for the delay with this update, things have been rather hectic lately, with job hunting and uni work. Hopefully now that things are settling down a bit I should be able to get back to finishing this story sometime in the next year lol .
Thanks to everyone who is still sticking with me and for the lovely reviews I received after my last update. Sorry for keeping you in suspense all this time. Jo x
"What?" Virgil gasped. He felt as if he had just taken a sudden blow to the guts as he could hardly breathe.
Whatever it was he had been expecting Gordon to reveal, this had not been it.
"I don't understand," he stuttered, "How?"
Gordon didn't answer right away. It seemed as if he was trying to find the inner strength to relive that moment by having to share speak it out loud. Virgil could certainly understand the younger man's hesitance; he had after all kept this secret to himself for the past several months. But he also knew that sharing the burden with another person would be a huge benefit to him.
"Look Gordon, I understand that this must be extremely difficult for you. But I promise you, I just want to try and help you and I really think that talking about this will be good for you. You shouldn't have to carry this burden alone…please." Virgil almost cringed when he heard how desperate and needy his voice sounded with his final plea to the red head.
He was expecting Gordon to try to run again, but instead he just gently gave a small nod before taking in a shaky breath. As much as Virgil wanted to understand the truth behind what had happened the day that is counterpart had died, he also didn't want to push Gordon in case it caused the younger man to clam up completely. So, he silently watched as Gordon composed himself the best he could before he opened his mouth to speak.
"I don't know how much Avery has told you about what happened," Gordon began "It was supposed to be a simple rescue, we were to go to the location and pick up a family who were stranded at sea in a damaged boat…at least that was the information we had been given."
"I know it wasn't as simple as that," Virgil said quietly, his words indicating to Gordon that he had indeed been told the story of what had happened during that rescue; or in the least what was known.
"No. It turned out that the family that we had gone to rescue were fleeing. The father was a biochemist or something and he was being forced to make weapons. Those who were forcing him were threatening to hurt his family if he didn't cooperate…at least that was what Penny told us after it had happened. Anyway, when we got there, we were told that there was an injured girl, so Avery came with me in Thunderbird 4 to pick them up."
Virgil gave a nod. He already knew all of this as Avery had told him about what had happened weeks earlier. However, he didn't want to rush Gordon, so he just allowed the aquanaut to continue at his own pace.
"When Avery first examined the girl," Gordon continued a small tremble evident in his voice as he spoke softly, "it became apparent that her injury was caused by a bullet. In fact, the boat itself was riddled with bullet holes. As Avery worked to get the bleeding under control so we could move the girl and her parents over to Thunderbird 4, Virgil radioed in to warn us that a missile was heading our way and that we needed to move."
"But you weren't ready," Virgil commented.
"No. Avery told Virgil that we needed more time. This sadly was something that we had run out of." Gordon fidgeted nervously, his gaze back on the floor rather than on Virgil.
"So, he positioned Thunderbird Two in place to take the hit instead."
Gordon nodded. "At the time I knew that he was only doing it to protect Avery," he sniffed "I had no idea that he was protecting his baby too…"
Gordon stopped and closed his eyes, taking in several deep breaths before opening them and looking straight at Virgil. It was the first time since he had started to tell Virgil what had happened that he had looked him in the eye. "A part of me had hoped that he wanted to protect me as well, but…" he shrugged.
"I'm sure that he…" Virgil tried to reassure Gordon, before the red head cut him off.
"I appreciate what you're trying to do, and I'm sure that that is what you would do if it had been you in that situation; since you obviously care about your brothers. But I'm sorry, that's not how my brother was."
"It's okay, you don't have to apologise to me Gordon," Virgil told him. Yet Gordon's words had hurt. He hated the idea that there had been a version of himself out there that didn't care at all for his brothers.
"I wish I could tell you differently. I wish he had been more like you; I really do. Sometimes I think that if it hadn't been for Avery, I wouldn't have believed that he was capable of caring for someone else."
Virgil kept quiet. As much as he wanted to argue on behalf of the other version of himself, he knew that Gordon was right; he didn't know what he was really like. But a part of him wanted to believe that maybe deep down a part of the other man had wanted to protect his baby brother too…just as he himself would do.
Taking another deep breath, Gordon went on.
"We heard the explosion, above us and saw Thunderbird 2 go down…the sound when she hit the water…I'll never forget it…then watching as she sank beneath the surface…"
Although Virgil knew all of this has happened, hearing the words spoken out loud again sent a chill through him.
"Is that why you're not in the pool, because the water reminds you of what happened?"
Gordon gave a small nod as his cheeks flushed.
"Every time I look at the surface of the water, I just keep seeing it, over and over. I can hear Virgil's voice as he said that he was trapped in his chair…that he couldn't get out. I can still hear the panic and fear in his voice as he knew that he was going under with her because he couldn't free himself…"
"So, you went in to rescue him?" Virgil asked gently, trying to break Gordon from the memory of watching his brother's craft sink.
"Yeah," Gordon continued "I left Avery to get the family onto Thunderbird 4 while I got suited up as quickly as possible and went in after him. Before I dived in, I could hear Avery telling Virgil to hold on, that I was on my way. The biggest issue was that Virgil was unable to reach any oxygen and the water was filling the cockpit. I made it to the hole where the missile had hit and was able to get inside, but I had to fight my way around debris…I was able to see him before I could actually reach him…"
Gordon suddenly froze, as if the events were playing out before his eyes, and he could see is brother trapped before him. His breathing sped up and Virgil could see that the red head was trembling.
"Gordon…"
"I had to move the debris that was blocking my route, but I struggled to get it to move…I…I He had his eyes closed and my first thought was that I was too late…but then his eyes opened and he stared straight at me…"
Virgil let out a small gasp.
"…I'll never forget the way he looked at me, the look of hope in his eyes that he was going to be okay. But I couldn't reach him in time…I…"
Gordon broke down, tears streaming down his face as sobs racked his body. Virgil rushed to his side and wrapped his arms around him as best he could with the way they were positioned on the loungers. At first, Virgil expected Gordon to push him away, but instead the younger man allowed the embrace. In fact, he leaned into it; needing the comfort.
"Gordon, this isn't your fault. You did everything you could to save him."
"But it wasn't enough," Gordon managed between sobs "My Dad's right…he's dead because of me…"
"No!" Virgil snapped angrily, his reaction causing Gordon to pull away and look at him. "I know that you did all you could once you got him back to Thunderbird 4, Avery told me that you wouldn't give up…"
"If I could have reached him sooner, I could have got the spare oxygen mask on him before he ran out of air. Instead I had to watch as he realised that I wasn't going to get to him in time…watch as he fought to hold his breath for as long as he could; then watch as he…drowned."
"Oh Gordon, I'm so sorry," Virgil managed, his voice strained and thick with emotion.
"I just keep seeing it every time I look in the water…when I go to sleep; I dream about him, where he's blaming me for letting him die…and he's…he's…"
Gordon broke down once again, burying his face into Virgil's shoulder.
"That's why you've been avoiding me everyone since I got here, isn't it? Because I…"
Virgil didn't get a chance to finish his question before he felt Gordon nod his head against him, indicating he knew what Virgil was asking him. Virgil closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, trying his best to push down the wave of guilt that had suddenly rose in him. It had surfaced earlier during his conversation with Scott, as he knew that his presence was a reminder to the oldest Tracy of the brother he had lost. But with Gordon it was much more than that.
He was a reminder of the brother that he had failed to save.
The urge to flee overwhelmed him. However, the need to try and help these alternate versions of his brothers was even stronger.
"I hate that you've had to go through all of this alone," he told Gordon, softly, "and I'm so sorry that my being here has made this worse for you. I swear that wasn't my intention."
"Why are you here?" Gordon asked as he sat up, breaking all contact with Virgil and wiping his face with the back of his right hand.
In that moment, as Virgil looked at the aquanaut, he saw a vulnerability in him which made this Gordon appear younger than his own brother and his big brother instincts kicked up a notch; causing a tightness to develop in his chest.
"I foolishly thought I could help," he admitted, "Avery said that spending time with me had been a comfort to her and a part of me wanted to see if I could maybe do the same for the rest of you."
"Bet you're regretting it now," Gordon said with a small sniff and for an instant the mischievous grin that Virgil was so familiar with seeing on his own brother surfaced. However, just as quickly the smile was gone.
"If I can make a small difference then maybe it was worth it," Virgil said quietly.
"I appreciate what you're trying to achieve, but there's nothing you can do to help me. This is something I have to deal with by myself," Gordon told him, getting to his feet.
"But you're not alone Gordon," Virgil reminded him, "You still have your brothers…and Avery. I think you need to talk to her about all of this."
"No…I can't," Gordon cried out, his head shaking vigorously, "She's the one person I can't tell…she'll hate me, she probably already hates me for failing to save him."
Once again Gordon broke down, his body shaking as he sobbed silently into his hands.
"Trust me Gordon, she won't," Virgil explained, as he came to stand beside the devastated younger man. "I know that one of the things that Avery has had the most trouble with coming to terms with was that Virgil was alone when he died. But if you told her what happened, she'd know that that wasn't the case. It would help to bring you both some closure from all of this."
"But I didn't get to him in time, she'd know that I was there when he died but didn't save him…"
"Avery will know that you did everything you could to reach him in time. Gordon, look at me."
Virgil waited patiently for Gordon to once again look at him.
"If you tell her what happened she would understand, she'd know you tried your best."
Gordon shook his head, as fresh tears ran down his face.
"Yes, she will. If there's one thing me and brothers have learnt about being part of International Rescue, it's that you can't save everyone, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes circumstances interfere and stop us from doing our jobs successfully, no matter what we do. You can't control everything."
"I still don't know if I can tell her about this," Gordon admitted.
"That's fine, just think about it ok. You don't have to make that decision right now. But you need to talk to someone; you shouldn't have to deal with this alone."
"Thanks," Gordon said, his voice genuine, as he gave Virgil a small smile.
Virgil just gave a nod, then seeing that the red head had got his composure back; he turned to leave, knowing that Gordon would want some time alone to think.
"I wish he had been more like you, you know," Gordon said calling out after him.
Virgil turned and gave Gordon a small, sad smile of understanding.
He really wished that too.
