Day 373
Two months. Two full, work-induced months, since the Governor disappeared, and Daryl decided to go off with Michonne, trying to find him. After our heart to heart hunter decided to go back out there, he didn't want to leave Katana alone, and I didn't blame him. I mean, how could I? If it was possible, I would be out there with them.
Even before the turn, my life was chaotic. I always traveled with my team, solving cases, and catching killers. I wasn't a domesticated kind of person. Then after the world went to shit, there was always something to do. After the farm, we spent so much time on a road, and it felt natural.
But now, sitting in the library, waiting for the rest of the council to meet, I was wondering how I got myself into this position. Prison was prospering as best as possible. Hershel was teaching Rick all about farming, and it was going better than we all thought. It might not be what I meant when I told the sheriff that he needs a hobby and something relaxing to do, but I won't stop him if it works for him. Piglets were growing up, but it still will be a long time before we can think of them as food. They will have to grow up and breed.
So, for now, we were still doing runs and scavenging. Merle and I were still hunting whenever we could, so our people had something else to eat except canned food.
At the moment our only issue was walkers, who were pilling up at the fences. No matter how many people we had working and stabbing, there was more dead than us. And the more people we brought in, more geeks ventured our way. That's why we called the meeting, I was hoping we could wait a few more days for Daryl and Michonne to come back, but we were running out of time.
I sighed heavily and stared at the map again, trying to convince myself that the plan would work. I was tired. No, that's too weak. I was mentally exhausted from sitting in this office and figuring things up, from going through papers, maps, or supply lists.
I missed the simpler times on the road, where Rick was the one who did all the planning and thinking, and I was just waiting to execute his orders. I didn't have to worry if the decision was right or wrong because it was not on me, not on my shoulders. And yeah, sure, we were a council. Everyone had something to do, we all had our roles, but if something goes wrong tomorrow, it's on us. And I never wanted that kind of responsibility. Plus, I felt trapped here.
Morning hunts were the only times when I could get away, but it wasn't the same without Daryl. Recent runs also sucked because Glenn wanted more people trained, so he kept taking others with him. Merle and Sasha were busy with prison security, Glenn constantly planned his routes, Carol made sure that the domestic side of prison works. Hershel had his farming, and even with doctor S, he still was our Doc.
And I? I had to make sure that someone always knows what's happening, that all those aspects I just mentioned are going smoothly. On top of that, many people realized what I did before the turn. Not the FBI side, but having a doctorate in Psychology, so apparently, I became our local shrink. Something I tried to avoid for so many years.
"Ya alright, baby girl?" Merle's gruff voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I glanced up at him.
"How about you stick to Dollface or Sugar. Baby girl really doesn't suit me, Hook," I answered, faking a smile. "Where's the rest?"
"On their way. Ya sure everythin' good?"
"Yes, Merle. Don't you worry, I'm all good," Just as I said that others came bursting through the door, slowly, one by one, taking seats by one of the tables. I smiled broadly and moved from my spot to go where they were. I grabbed the map with me, and I placed it in the middle of a table.
"Tyreese and I checked the road leading to 27, and it looks good," Sasha announced straight away, and I was grateful for that. It was around eight in the morning, and we really should do it today, as soon as possible.
"And 27?" Glenn asked, looking over at the map.
"There's some blockage near Greenville, but south looked alright." Sasha traced her finger down on a 27 interstate going to Warm Springs. I glanced down at the piece of paper and tapped my finger to the other point, more West.
"If we gonna take them south here," I tilted my head and bit on my lower lip. "We don't know what's there, and I don't think turning around in the middle of a town it's a good idea."
"I agree," Glenn confirmed and tapped his finger next to mine. "If we go through here, it's far enough from the prison, and we can turn around."
"Do we have time to check this road out?" Carol asked, furrowing her brows and glancing around.
"The fences this morning were bad, and people are getting scared," Hershel added, mindlessly rubbing a hand over his beard. I nodded and sighed heavily.
"We should do it today like we planned, but maybe someone can take a car and go ahead of us. Contact us with a walkie-talkie if something goes wrong."
"We have enough gas. I can do it," Glenn added and looked around at others.
"And who's gonna lead the walkers away?" Carol asked, her voice shaking a little bit. She always cared and worried a little too much.
"I will," I replied, not hesitating for even a moment. Hershel snapped his head towards me, and a glimpse of worry shone in his blue eyes.
"I'm not sure it's a good idea."
"Hershel, I know the risks, trust me. I'll take one of the Woodbury trucks," I told him, trying to calm down his worries.
"But if something happens out there-"
"And you telling me you wouldn't feel the same way about Rick or Glenn going?" I asked him, furrowing my brows. "The only reason you say it, is because you don't want to lose my fighting skills. It's the same reason why you didn't let me go with Daryl in the first place. And for what? I haven't been in a fight for weeks; heck, I don't even do watch or fence as often anymore because there's always something else you people need me to do!"
I didn't even realize I stood up until my hands slammed the table. I was angry, all my closed feelings finally getting out. Probably awful timing.
"For tossing papers, sitting in this office and checking and triple checking what others already confirmed. And fuck, all those people coming to me with their personal shit. Carol, do you remember me in Atlanta? I don't like new people, and there was a reason why I didn't have a fancy office before the turn. It's because I'm not fucking empathetic enough to sit down in a chair and listen to people's issues. I want to be out there, do important things! And precisely because I am one of the most skilled fighters it's best I'll go. If something happens, if I'm gonna get stuck; I'm the best choice because I can take care of myself."
My eyes widened when I realized I just screamed all my inner thoughts at our council. I sighed heavily and sat back down, avoiding their faces.
"Well, shit. Don't hold out on us, Doll," Merle said snarkily and started clapping, just to be slapped in the arm by Carol, who told him to shut up.
"You should've told us you feel this way, Eli," the Grey-haired woman said softly, a small smile tucking at her lips.
"How could I? Since Governor, you all kinda assumed I'm going to run this shit. You all decided that basically one of us, either Daryl or I, have to stay here. And then suddenly everything started piling up, and I barely even leave this place anymore," I admitted shrugging my shoulders gently.
"OK, so I'll take the car ahead of Elena. Then she will lead them away, and the rest of you will get outside and move the dead walkers away to the spot we decided on before," Glenn finally announced after a moment of silence that surrounded the room.
"I'll tag along," Merle stated casually, and I cocked my brow at him, crossing my arms on my chest.
"Yeah, how about no," I stated coldly.
"Listen, Dollface. Ya go out there, some shit happens, and I'm fuckin' dead when Darlina comes back. Won't matter if ya alive, but if he hears I wasn't there, I'm dead meat. So yeah, I'm goin'."
There was no way of convincing Merle to fuck off and stay in prison. Especially after he made a valid point that he won't be much help with hauling bodies with just one hand. Lots of crap, that's what it was. His left arm is strong enough, and bastard knows it, or he could drive a car with bodies. Anything but being in a closed of space with me for hours with Captain Dipshit.
Alright, now I'm just babbling and whining like a little baby. Breathing in deeply, I threw my pack into the back of a car and took the driver's seat, placing my MP5 on my lap. I reached out into the glove compartment and checked a few CD's wondering what would be the best choice. Something with a great beat. Why not go with good old Motorhead? Worked once, right?
Merle finally took a seat next to me and shut the door. "I see ya picked music, great choice, Sugar."
I hummed in response and glanced at him. He was smirking in his typical, cocky way, but his jaw was tense, clenched together.
"You nervous?"
"Pff, ain't nothin' to be nervous about."
Rick made his way to the car, and I pulled down the window so he could talk to us. He leaned in, propping his forearms on the door, and smiled gently.
"We are all ready. Glenn is already on the road. Most of us are inside. Once you're gone, we gonna start moving bodies. Keep in contact."
"Any news from Daryl?" I don't even know why I asked, I had a radio too, and there was no communication so far.
"No, but they were checking around Thomaston. That's in a different direction, so nothing to worry about."
"Great, well off we go then, sheriff. I'll see you." I turned on the engine, and slowly we made our way through the gate.
We took one of Woodbury's tracks, which had extra metal slabs all around them for protection. We rolled down windows, just a little so music would be able to reach walkers and finally get out through the front gate. I stopped the car a few yards from it and pressed play, the blazing guitar sounds coming out of the speakers. For good measure, I held my hand hard on a horn, hoping it will be enough.
I glanced around at the mirrors and noticed that walkers started to move away from the fences and slowly stumbled towards the car. I grinned widely at Merle and moved slightly forward, not lifting my hand from the horn.
It was slow and mentally painful, sitting in the car with Merle and super loud music, walkers right behind us, but I felt more alive than I did in the last few weeks. Dixon was bobbing his head to the melody, and I snorted at that view. Of course, our resident hillbilly is a fan of metal.
"Glenn, how's our road?" I asked through the walkie-talkie when we were about to turn off the interstate.
"I'm back. Follow Chipley Highway and then turn right to Winter Road. Floor it and come back to us," Glenn replied, and I nodded, looking at Merle, making sure he heard it.
"Rodger. I'll let you know when we're on our way back."
"We're nearly there, Doll. Let me tell ya, this is the most borin' field trip I ever took."
"I'm sorry, Hook. Noone was making you come along. I'd be just fine, you know that," I told him, scrunching my face at him. A herd of walkers followed us slowly, shuffling, and reaching their rotten arms as if they could grab us. There were dozens of them, and I hoped that we got all of them to go with us. I stopped continually pressing the horn, using it only so often, when some were trying to split from the group.
"Elena!" The urgency in Merle's voice pulled me from the dreamland, and I didn't even have time to realize that probably for the first time since we met, he used my given name. Fuck, fuck. There were at least two dozen geeks blocking our way forward. There were still about half a mile away, but we were trapped. I slammed the breaks and held my hand to Merle, passing him my MP5. His eyes went wide, and he shook his head.
"No way in hell, I can do shit from this position, Doll." He waved at me his knife hand, and I cursed profusely.
"Get in here," I ordered and was already half-standing, lifting my leg to swap places with him.
Merle grunted something and awkwardly got under me, his left hand gripping my hip harshly, shoving me towards his vacant spot. I stumbled a little and hit my head on the door. Wincing in pain, I bit my lower lip and pulled down the window all the way.
"OK, Hook. The back herd gets too close to us, you have to start driving. I got the front," I told him and started getting out of the window.
"Can't we just slam into them?"
"Too many, what if they get stuck under the hood? Just drive!" I sat down, my ass hanging out, and held on to the roof rack with my left hand. Gripping my automatic with my right, I propped it against my hip. Once Merle started slowly moving forward, I squeezed the trigger, holding it down. The rapid-fire of bullets flew and hit walkers in front of us. I didn't have a proper hold on a weapon, but I didn't go through all my training for nothing.
Geeks ahead of us started dropping to the ground, creating a path for us, and I realized how loud it was out here. I could hear the music coming out of the car, but the walkers' growls seemed to be the most deafening noise. I kept my finger on a trigger until the gun clicked, empty. I was about to get down back inside when Merle cursed loudly, and my head snapped to the left. Herd from the back was way closer than I thought. Way closer, considering that one of the geeks was nearly next to me, reaching his hand towards me.
I screamed loudly and threw the gun inside, scooping closer to the right. I didn't have time to react or get inside. Merle revved the engine and sped up, and just like that, I was flying. I yelped in surprise and stumbled backward, my back hitting the door hard. The only reason I didn't hit the ground was because I managed to hook my foot on the headboard of the passenger's seat.
I tried to pull myself up, but the speed and wind were working against me. "Merle!" I shouted and strained my belly muscles, trying to hold my head away from the road. And then we were riding over the bodies I just shot down, making my foot slip. I was freely screaming now because the only thing that held me in place was my boot, which got stuck in the headboard. I was getting dizzy, and the blood from walkers was hitting me everywhere, in my face, arms, neck.
And then we were stopping once again, so I stretched my arms, touching the ground and holding myself. "Unhook me, dipshit!"
I felt Merle's hand on my leg, and seconds later, my foot slipped from my boot, and I was free. I slid down slowly and twisted myself to my knees. Not wasting any moment, I got up and yanked the door open, jumping into the car. My heart was racing, and I just stared right ahead.
"Ya good?" Merle asked me, and I could hear the fear in his voice. I glanced at him, noticing droplets of sweat on his forehead, and his left hand was gripping the wheel just a bit too tight.
"Yeah, let's finish it off. Where the hell is my shoe?" I answered, nodding my head vigorously, trying to convince him and myself. My heart was hammering in my chest, and breathing was hard, my thoughts still full of images of my body gnawed by walkers in the middle of this road.
"Back seat."
"Great, I don't need it anyway right now. Just drive, Merle."
Older Dixon put the car in gear, and we started moving once again, herd right behind us, and I slummed in the seat, breathing out in relief.
"Merle?"
"Yeah?"
"If you going to say anything to Daryl, I'll make sure that your junk won't ever work again."
Day 398
We didn't speak about the incident to anyone, even the council. I guess threatening Merle to cut off his dick works magic. I might have to use it more often; it seems like an excellent bargaining chip. Since the day we led the walkers away, we managed to stay on top of that issue. Sure, we still worked on a fence daily, but it wasn't as big of a problem anymore.
Daryl came back in the meantime. They brought some supplies that they managed to find on the way back. He came back, and I could see that he looked more and more hunted every time he returned. On the other hand, Katana was even more closed off and angry, though she managed to keep looking for comic books for Carl. It was like he was the only reason she kept coming back.
But Daryl was losing his hope, I could see it in his eyes, and it was slowly breaking my heart looking at him.
I climbed the stairs leading to my cell. After working on strengthening the fences today and planning our next runs with Glenn, I was exhausted. I just had some quick dinner and was ready to hit the bed and just go to sleep.
When I got to my cell, I noticed that curtain was slightly pulled aside, and I could hear quiet sobbing coming out of there. I furrowed my brows, and my hand automatically went to my gun, still in the holster, but I was ready to yank it out if needed.
Slowly I pulled the sheet aside and stepped inside, releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding. Lucy was lying down on my bed, curled up in a ball, and she was crying quietly. Silently I crossed the small room and crouched down in front of her.
The girl was growing fast, and everywhere she went, it was like a gust of fresh air. Always sweet and polite, her smile could brighten every room, and my heart long to hear her laugh. I only imagined how it sounded, as she was too shy, even with other kids, and so far managed just tine smiles. She still didn't talk a lot, following me around, and surprisingly every time Daryl came back, she was observing him carefully. The hunter definitely noticed but ignored it as well as he could.
But she never was brave enough to actually get into my cell. Lucy sometimes ventured into C, and I suspected that either Beth or Carol showed her which room is mine.
I never was in this situation. Sometimes I had to talk and babysit kids during working on a case, but never someone I had to be around the next day. And Lucy was a sweet, little angel, and listen to her cries was making me nearly tear up as well.
"Lucy, sweetie, what's wrong?" I asked her softly, caressing her beautiful curls. Lucy lifted her face at me and sniffled before throwing her little arms around my neck, nearly making me fall. I circled her waist with my right arm and shifted, so I was sitting on a bed with a girl on my lap.
"Mama, bad dream," She mumbled in my chest, and I held her closer, rocking gently.
"And where's Ellen?"
"Ellen mean. I want mama," The girl answered, and I sighed silently. Slowly I stood up and walked out of the cell, glancing down, spotting Axel, who was just leaving his room.
"Hey," I spoke up, catching his attention, and I pointed at Lucy. "Could you find Ellen and tell her I got her?"
"Sure thing, boss. You need anything?" He replied, smiling broadly at me, but I just shook my head and went back inside. I layed down on a bed, with the girl still clenching to my shirt.
"Lucy, sweetie. You know I'm not your mama, right?" I asked her quietly and watched her bottom lip tremble while she nodded. "But I'll protect you and take care of you. Just like everyone else in here will. We are one big family here, alright?"
I wasn't sure how much she understood from what I said, especially when she pressed her soft tiny hand to my cheek and whispered 'mama'. I closed my eyes to stop the tears, and I felt like something was tugging at my heart.
That was so not the plan. Yeah, sure, I missed Amelia greatly and thought of never again having my own kid hurt. But it was something I put to rest, back in Palmetto, with Daryl by my side. And when we started this relationship, he stated that he didn't want kids. He was great with Judith and Carl, but it's different, being a cool uncle and being a parent. And I loved Daryl. That one was clear to me as a clear blue sky on a sunny day, even if I never told him that.
So why was I thinking of potentially jeopardizing what we had, what I was craving since the day we met? Why was I thinking of storming to Ellen's cell and grabbing all of Lucy's things and moving them in here? How would he react if I would say that I want that little girl to be a part of our life? It's not something you just throw at another person. And what if he would say no, what would it mean for us?
I let the shaky breath out and opened my eyes, staring at the face of a girl lying in my arms. I shuffled a little, so she was closer to the wall, on her side. Turning on my side and propping myself on an elbow, I started caressing her locks.
I could hear people moving around in the cellblock, Beth's soft singing, probably trying to put Judith to sleep. Quiet conversations of the people I cared about but glancing down, Lucy was my only priority at the moment.
"Once upon a time," I started, hoping to get her back to sleep. "There was a princess, but she was not ordinary. No, she didn't need saving, and she was very brave. She always thought that she doesn't need anyone to keep her safe. She didn't need a knight in shiny armor. And so she went through her life being independent, helping people in her Kingdom. But her parents feared she will be alone because, with all her bravery and independence, she wasn't easy making friends."
"And?" Lucy's sleepy voice asked when I paused for a moment, thinking about the next part of the story. I smiled softly at her and held her closer, listening to her breathing.
"And one day came when Princess was forced to work with other people. She didn't really like them at first and didn't want to get too close because she was afraid she'll get hurt. But eventually, those people became her family. And there was her prince, her knight in shiny armor. But he wasn't really a knight. He was a hunter, a very good one."
"Like Dare?" Lucy interrupted me, and I giggled, pushing hair out of her face.
"Just like Daryl, yes. And he didn't like people even more than Princess. And that was something that intrigued her, pulled her to the Hunter. Like I said, she wasn't a lady that needed to be saved, but she felt safer with the Hunter. So she stuck around and tried really hard to become friends with him. And Princess had indeed few close calls that made Hunter save her life, but she also helped him and more than once rescued him from the bad situation. And then suddenly, in the heat of a battle to keep their Kingdom together, they realized they mean more to each other than just friends. So they finally admitted their feelings and lived happily ever after."
I sighed softly when I noticed that Lucy fell asleep, and slowly I pulled away, shuffling away from the bed. I placed a blanket over her small body and stood up, turning around. My heart nearly leaped out of my chest, and I yelped in surprise, slapping my hand over my mouth to muffle the sound.
"The hell you doing?" I whispered and pushed Daryl out of the cell to make sure we won't wake up Lucy. It took my brain a second after we stood there in front of our room to process that Daryl was standing right in front of me. I smiled brightly and threw my arms around his neck, hugging his firm body to mine.
It took Daryl less than a second to circle his arms around my waist and entangle me in a tight hug. I nuzzled my face in his neck, taking in his familiar scent. He was home, here in real life.
"How long did you stand there?" I asked, finally pulling away, staring into his blue eyes.
"The beginnin' of yur story, Princess." Oh, God, how did I missed his deep voice. I could feel it vibrate deep in his chest, and I climbed up on my tiptoes, giving Daryl a soft kiss on the lips. That soft kiss deepened very quickly when he tangled his hand in my hair and tilted my head to get better access. Seems like he missed me as much as I missed him.
Finally pulling away for him, I rubbed his scruffy cheek, and he pressed his forehead to mine.
"I liked that story."
"Mm, did you know?"
"Yeah, I didn't know she calls me Dare," Daryl said, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, and I hummed, stiffening a giggle.
"Well, she's young and can't pronounce your name. Look, I'm sorry that she's in there. I wouldn't let her stay if I knew you'd be coming back," My voice was low, and my insides twisted from nervousness.
"Hey, hey. Stop, El. What ya think I'll do now?" Daryl asked me and pushed a loose curl behind my ear. "I ain't gonna kick kid out. She's really attached to ya."
"Yeah, I don't know what to do," I replied, pulling away gently, shifting in my spot.
"How I see it, we're all family. And she's part of that. I ain't care if she sleeps in there every so often."
I bit my lip and nodded my head. Not permanent. And it's OK, Lucy will still be around. And we can be a cool aunt and uncle every so often. That definitely can be enough for me.
"How did it go?" I asked him, finally taking in his posture and how he looked like. Daryl was dirty but no more than usual, and there weren't any visible injuries, which put me a little at ease.
"Didn't find him," Daryl sighed heavily and shook his head. "I spoke to Michonne on the way back. She'll keep the search, but I'm gonna stop. No, I gotta stop. I wanna be here, help ya and the others."
I furrowed my brows and searched his eyes with mine. They were hidden under his hair, and he was chewing on his lower lip as if he was unsure of my reaction.
"Are you sure that this is what you want?" I asked him slowly, and Daryl nodded sharply.
"I'm sure, woman. Ya need me here, and I need to be with ya." With that, he pulled me back into his arms. I grinned like a crazy person and rubbed my hands on his chest, over his shirt.
"You know, I'll support whatever you decide, Big Boy. Let's go to bed."
"Um, yeah. How's that gonna work?" He asked me, and I rose my eyebrow at him.
"She's tiny. We can fit on that bed. And you can go one night without sex."
I took my shoes off and pulled my pants off, getting under the blanket next to Lucy. I scooped as close to her as possible, so there was enough space for Daryl behind me. And just moments after, he climbed in the bed, his strong hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him.
It felt so natural, having him and Lucy next to me, like everything was falling into place. There was this beautiful child right next to me, and even though she wasn't ours, she needed someone to take care of her, and maybe with time, Daryl would be alright with it. I had the man that means everything to me, and he was about to stay in here for me. I was happy, falling asleep with a small smile on my lips.
