Lorelai held her breath from the moment she heard her phone chime, seeing Rory's name pop up, until she finished reading the contents of her message. Luckily the message wasn't long.
All was not lost. There was hope that she might one day again talk to her. Yet she felt uneasy. The situation hadn't changed. Rory just knew now how she felt and resented her for it.
"Did you get a chance to do some writing?" Cara asked, as their session was approaching its end.
"I did," Rory replied.
"What did you write about?" she inquired, placing her notepad aside.
"About being Leah's mom," Rory said, feeling a sense of pride.
"And how did you feel after?" Cara asked.
"I was actually quite surprised. And exhausted. If I had written it a year ago, it would have been full of guilt, but now wasn't. I realize I am not perfect, I'm still learning and this will most likely continue to be so as she grows older, but I do love her and I want what's best for her. She is the most important reason for me to really make an effort and try to get better," Rory explained.
"Identifying someone else as your reason, especially if that is a child, can be a step forward, but you forget that the most important reason you should be doing this is for yourself. It may sound selfish, but it's like when on a plane you are told to put on your own oxygen mask first and only then assist others," she explained.
"Makes sense," she replied.
"I want you to keep writing. It is a good method to learn to focus on yourself in the present. On the side, try to also think about what motivates that person you are describing. Say, when you describe yourself as a student or an employee, whether it is just your supervisor who you are proving yourself to, or perhaps it is someone else or even yourself. Who are the people whose opinions matter to you? Whose approval do you search?" Cara said.
"Alright, I'll try," she agreed, already fearing that she was really going to dread this part.
"Why don't you give it a try - if you think about yourself as a mom, who are you making an effort for?" she suggested.
"Well Leah of course," she began hesitantly. "And Finn, he doesn't deserve to raise her on his own, I want to be a good co-parent," Rory added.
"Anybody else?" she pushed a little.
"I guess my mom too. She raised me on her own and our relationship has been very close. It's currently not as ideal, but nevertheless, I want to show her that the way she raised me can carry forward into my relationship with Leah," she replied.
There was another thing she had felt like adding, but she understood it would open up a completely new set of issues, that she didn't dare to address just yet. She wanted to prove that she could be a good mother so that she might someday in the future have the courage to have another child with Logan.
"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you?" Logan asked Rory as she was getting ready to leave to pick up Leah from Hartford.
"I'm okay, for real," she said, trying to sound positive. He tried to hide it, but she could see Logan was scared for her. And frankly she was a little hesitant herself, this was her first time driving on her own since it had happened. But she needed to prove to herself she wasn't completely incapable of performing everyday tasks such as picking up her own daughter.
She gave Logan a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her to hug her tightly, not wanting to let her leave.
"I'll be back in no time," she added with a weak smile.
As Rory drove off, Logan knew he needed to do something to distract him. He opened his laptop and inserted the small metal memory stick Rory had given him. The folder contained a single pdf file titled Logan.
This guy was infuriating. Yet while he clearly thought he stood above everybody else, there was no denying that he had a certain charm. And that was even more infuriating./.../
He chuckled at the first few lines. Infuriating was surely the right word. It was written in the form of a journal, a collection of her thoughts and impressions of him from when they first met until they broke up at her graduation. Rory had skillfully extracted the painful bits as promised, but it wasn't too hard to place it together in his head. Yet the thought that carried was love.
Rory returned an hour and a half later, having picked up Leah and some pizza on her way home.
"Look who I found," Rory exclaimed playfully.
"Whoa, I believe someone has grown?!" Logan replied. Even to his surprise he too had missed her a little.
"Logan!" Leah said, running into his arms.
He picked her up and threw her in the air the way she liked it. "I heard Santa came to visit?" he added.
"Yes!" she said cheerily, pointing at the bags Rory had gone back to the car to fetch by then.
"Wow, you want to show me what's inside?" Logan asked, his gaze following Rory around the room.
"What?" Rory asked, feeling his eyes burn a hole in her back.
"Oh nothing, Audrey," he replied, referring to her pseudonym in her book.
"You read it?" she said with a tentative smile.
"I did," he replied, continuing to look at Leah's toys at the same time, catching a glimpse of Rory in between.
As Leah had gone to bed, a little over tired from all the excitement, Logan grabbed Rory's hand pulling her close.
"Rory, please tell me again that you will marry me. After reading everything you wrote, I really have a hard time believing this is really happening. How is it that this privileged, arrogant, undeserving… oh and I could go on...man like me deserves you? he asked. "Will you, will you really marry me?" he continued, feeling as if his last hesitant proposal really didn't do her justice.
"Logan," she began, "I didn't mean to get that kind of negative ideas in your head," she added apologetically, only then realizing Logan was indeed serious. He needed confirmation.
"I will marry you, Logan Huntzberger," she said, pulling him up close. She pressed her lips tightly against his, feeling his body loosen.
"I love you," Logan replied, his forehead resting on hers, before his lips brushed hers again.
His thumb caressed her cheek, while her fingers ran down his spine, pulling up his shirt. It was as if the two of them needed to ensure they were still intact. First their lips and hands, later their entire bodies, found just the right places, slowly and comfortingly.
"I'm having the guys and Stephanie over for tonight. Any chance of seeing you then as well?" Finn asked, as Paris was getting ready to leave his bed at 6.15 AM. She'd stay over every once in a while, and return home with fresh bagels early in the morning as if she'd been out for a breakfast run, while the nanny stayed with the kids.
"Are you sure you want me here?" Paris inquired. From everything she'd heard about the guys, or read about the Life and Death Brigade in general, it didn't have a draw to her. She was never much of a party girl, sure, who wouldn't mind a good drink every now and then, but it seemed such an inner circle thing, and she felt out of place. When it was just the two of us, or with the kids, she would almost forget that they had a very different past. The feeling wasn't improved by the fact that it felt as if she was trying to fill Rory's shoes somehow.
"Absolutely. I'd love you to really get to know my friends," he said. "I know you saw them at Rory's birthday, but…," he began.
"I know, I know… the role is different. If you are sure, I guess I could drop bye once the kids have gone to bed. They wanted a pretend New Years Eve this year," she explained.
"I'm sure," he confirmed, kissing her fiercely, hoping to convince her to stay a little longer.
"I have to go Finn," she scolded, catching one last kiss.
