Chapter 55 – Walk before you Run

OC P.O.V

As I raced out the door I yelled out to the large red and blue figure hobbling along. ''Hey! Wait up, where do you think you are going?'' I was by his side after a few strides.

Prime paused for a moment to glance at me, ''I thought that would be obvious OC, I am following doctor's orders and heading to my quarters to convalesce. It is quite unnecessary to accompany me,'' Prime started to speak but upon seeing my obvious hurt expression, he continued, ''however, I would be glad of the company,'' and he gave me a smile and gestured for me to walk beside him. I gave a quick smile of thanks in return and fell into step beside him. We walked for a few paces in silence. I couldn't help thinking that less than half an hour ago we were helm to helm in an intimate embrace, on the verge of expressing some sort of feelings for each other.

Now.

Now we were walking silently side by side in companionable silence, our ''moment'' seemingly forgotten /or perhaps avoided given Rachet's none too subtle subtext/. Prime seemed lost in his own thoughts and I certainly wasn't going to say anything if he was making no motion to. /Maybe he was under the influence of the medication and not quite himself?/ I let a sigh escape my dermas.

''Are you okay OC?/ Prime asked as he hobbled along, turning his helm slightly to address me, though not slowing down.

I was not expecting him to have noticed so I gave a slight start at the sound of his deep voice. ''Oh, ah, sorry, didn't mean to do that out loud. Just been a long day.'' I paused for a moment. ''A long few days, as I am sure you would agree.''

Prime gave a soft sigh himself, ''Yes, indeed.''

There was another pause. I decided to take another tact and change the subject. ''So tomorrow, if you are feeling up to it, I thought I might try and see what this new body of mine is capable of. Like, can I even transform? What am I capable of?'' I could not keep the growing excitement out of my voice.

Prime gave a low chuckle that shook his frame. ''Patience OC! Remember to walk before you run. You have been through a monumental change in your life. While your seeming adjustment to this change is nothing short of remarkable, it is important you take your time to adapt to your new life and abilities. Don't rush into things.''

I gave a little snort, ''Not the first time I have heard that tonight.'' Then immediately regretted saying it in case it made Prime feel awkward about before.

Again, there was a gentle, yet somewhat exasperated sigh from Prime, ''I know, but it is wise advice that is perhaps worth heeding.'' Prime came to a stop outside the entrance to the Autobot hanger and turned to face me.

I stopped beside him, wondering if he was referring to my eagerness to explore my abilities or what had transpired between us before. Once again, I gave a loud sigh of defeat, ''I guess you are right. Doesn't make it easy though,'' and I gave a soft smile.

Prime gave a small nod of agreement and took a step forward, placing a servo on the side of my face, brushing it with one of his digits. /NOT helping!/. I felt my body heat up again at the contact. ''Indeed, it does not OC.'' His servo remained where it was, and his optics shone brightly as he gazed at me. ''However, I believe you have a saying here on Earth,'' I felt myself tense up for a moment as I had a feeling I knew what he was about to say.

/Please don't say it!/.

His deep voice rolled on unaware of the impact they were about to have, how could he. ''Good things come to those who wait.'' While his optics shone, and his dermas curved into a smile thinking he had given me some comforting advice, I felt myself react. I visibly flinched and stepped away from him, hugging my arms about my waist and making a sobbing sound.

Immediately Prime reached out towards me, all traces of a smile erased from his faceplates, ''OC! What is wrong? What did I say?''

I curled in on myself as I felt the memories of Chase wash over me in a painful wave. Prime's servo came to rest on my shoulder gently in a comforting gesture, ''OC? Please, what is wrong? What did I do to upset you so?'' I forced myself to look at him briefly, his optics held concern and not a little panic as they darted all over my face, searching for any sign of what had triggered my reaction.

I closed my optics and ex-vented deeply. ''I'm sorry Prime, I…'' The feeling of his servo on my shoulder and his frame so close to me again after our shared moment earlier, sent a whole new wave of feelings through me, including guilt. I stepped back away from his touch so I could process everything I was feeling at a safer distance. I could feel waves of confusion and worry rolling off Prime as he fought to understand my reactions and condition.

I opened my optics again, forcing myself to look at him. I cycled deeply, ''It's just that… that is what Chase used to say to me. He said it the night of our first date, after I had showed him my powers and I thought he would run away from me,'' I paused a moment to let the memory wash over me, ''he said good things come to those who wait and that I,'' /Oh the pain!/. My spark clenched and ached and felt as though it shattered all over again. ''That I was worth waiting for! I raised a servo to my dermas and covered them to try and stop a strangled cry from escaping. The emotional and mental band aids I had carefully been placing over my ''heart'' and mind since Chase was lost, were suddenly wrenched off and my wounds lay gaping and exposed once again.

Optimus, who had closed his optics as I explained my reaction to his words, stood there for a moment unsure how to react, clenching and unclenching his servos by his side. He opened them once again and began to reach out to me to comfort me, stopping short as he must have noticed my frame tense. He hesitantly brought his servo back by his side and spoke in a low, soft voice laden with guilt and sorrow. ''OC, I am so sorry. I had no idea, please forgive me. You must know I would never do or say anything to deliberately cause you pain.'' His optics focused on mine, desperately pleading for forgiveness and understanding.

I slowly removed the servo from my dermas and wrapped it back around my waist to try and comfort myself as I did not feel it appropriate to be comforted by Prime at this point in time. I gave him a brief smile. ''It's okay Prime, how could you have known, and I know you would never do anything to hurt me. It's just… bad timing I guess.'' I closed my optics to try and centre myself amidst the maelstrom of emotions swirling about inside of me and felt some of the pain leave me.

Looking back towards him, I spoke again, ''I guess I just have to accept the fact that there will be times that people will say or do things to remind me of Chase, when memories will flood back into my processor when I least expect it and I have to just let them flow through me, embrace them, cherish them and release them.'' I stood a little taller now as the emotional weight began to lift from me, slowly dropping my arms by my sides as I let go of some of the hurt. ''It is going to take some time, but a wise ''individual'' once said not so long ago, we carry the memory of those we love with us, we don't hide them away.'' I gave Prime a sad smile.

Prime stood there for a moment, his optics dimmed, no doubt processing his own remembered pain at the passing of his spark bonded Elita 1. Slowly, they brightened as he refocused his gaze on me and a small smile formed on his dermas. ''A very wise individual indeed.'' He continued to stare straight at me, into me, through me. ''An individual who continues to amaze me with their strength, their courage and their ability to rise above every challenge placed before them. An individual I am truly honoured to know and consider a very dear friend.''

I turned my helm to the side, overcome with emotion and feeling somewhat embarrassed by the high praise Optimus just gave me and the accompanying feelings they stirred inside me. I wanted to reach out to him, hold him and be held but I just could not do it, not at the moment.

The memory of Chase was now at the fore of my processor and I felt that in some small way I would be betraying him, especially after our conversation about Prime in the kitchen that night came unbidden into my memory. /Perhaps that is why he pulled away from you so suddenly earlier tonight in the Med Bay during our ''moment'', he felt guilty about Elita?/. I once again wrapped my arms about myself and turned to face Prime again with a smile on my face. ''Thanks Optimus, I appreciate your words, they mean a lot to me.''

''It is the truth OC, I meant every word I said.'' He gave a small, sad smile again before he sighed deeply, his servos remained clenched by his side. ''Well, I guess I had better let you head back to recharge for what remains of the evening. Please do not feel the need to rise early, you are still on ''leave'' for the time being until we can think of a way to explain what has happened to you to General Morshower and the JCS''. His dermas twist into an unpleasant grimace of sorts at the thought of how that would go down.

I gave a small nod, ''Well the same goes for you too Prime, you ARE meant to be taking it easy for the next three days. That means you are allowed to stay in recharge for as long as you like and are forbidden from visiting Hanger 1. I will be watching you!'' I gave him a cheeky grin and unwrapped my arms, letting them rest on my hips in a playful, bossy manner.

Prime gave a laugh, ''Yes Rachet's apprentice! I will behave myself.''

''Good, glad to hear common sense wasn't knocked out of your head in that battle of yours. Now, I believe YOU should turn in for the evening Prime and get some recharge, I have a feeling you need it greater than I at the moment after all you have been through too.'' My smile faded slightly as I recalled flashes of memories. I pushed them down.

''Agreed.'' He took one step closer to me though did not make an effort to reach out to me. ''Will you be okay OC? Do you need me to stay up with you?'' His voice held nothing but concern for me.

I shook my helm, ''No Prime, I am fine, I will be fine. You go inside now. I am actually quite tired. But thank you for the offer, I appreciate it. I'll see you, and the others, tomorrow,'' I started to turn and walk off in case I changed my mind.

I heard Prime call out, ''Good night OC, recharge well,'' he started to turn and head inside.

I stopped for a moment and looked back before I called out to him, ''Prime!''

He froze in his tracks and turned back to me, ''Yes OC? What is it?''

I allowed the biggest smile to spread across my face, ''I missed you and I am so glad you are back here with us – with me''. I raised my servo up to tap the place above my spark twice.

Prime stood still for a moment, staring at me before he too raised a servo and mirrored my actions. ''As am I OC. More than you know''. A wistful smile played on his dermas for a moment, and it looked as though he was about to say something else but instead, he simply nodded his helm at me and turned to walk inside.

I smiled at his retreating form and turned on my heels, walking back to the Med Bay in silence as my body was bathed in moonlight. For a moment I contemplated heading to my beach to watch the sunrise but as I continued to walk, I felt my body ache with tiredness. Today would be a big day. I would get to see the others for the first time in what seemed forever, and it would be – interesting – to see how they coped with what had happened to me. I might also get to try out a few things with this new form. Might being the operative word. Prime's words echoed in my thoughts, /walk before you run OC/.

A look of determination fixed itself on my faceplates as I strode the final paces into the Med Bay and to my berth. I whispered to myself softly as I laid down to recharge, ''Just don't expect me to walk for too long Prime, I am itching to run!''