A few days later, Jaime came to see Joffrey in his room. Joffrey was still wearing his striped shirt. It smelled like it hadn't been washed for days.
"Have you been wearing that ever since your grandfather died?" Jaime asked.
"I'm the king," Joffrey snapped. "If I want to wear my favorite shirt every day, I can!"
Jaime sniffed the air. "Have you at least had a shower today?"
"Don't need to. I used Axe Body Spray."
"Well anyway, you need to come to a meeting with the council. There's an urgent matter to discuss."
"Don't feel like it," said Joffrey. "Meetings are boring."
Jaime sighed. "Joffrey, you realize that being a king is basically nothing but going to meetings, right? Your f…." He couldn't bring himself to refer to Robert as Jaime's father. "Robert didn't like meetings either, but he went to them anyway. If you don't want to do your job, you might as well step down and let Stannis be king."
"Never!" Joffrey shouted. "That bald bastard!"
"No, Joffrey, it's you that's the bastard," Jaime thought… but did not say.
"Fine, I'll go to your stupid meeting," Joffrey sulked.
They went to the throne room. Pycelle, Qyburn, Mace Tyrell, Lord Redwyne and Lord Rowan were waiting for them. When Joffrey sat down on his throne, he saw a box on the table next to it. "What's this?" he asked.
"This came from Dorne today," said Qyburn. He took a little stature out of the box. It was a statue of a viper, with Princess Myrcella's Lannister pendant hanging from its fangs.
"I think this is some kind of threat," Jaime said.
"A threat?" Joffrey scoffed. "Who would dare threaten us? There is no one left to oppose the Lannisters. We won this war. We won by a lot!"
"Remember how Oberyn Martell got killed by Gregor Clegane? His family might be angry about that, and they might hurt Myrcella in retaliation."
"Why are you so concerned with my sister?" said Joffrey. "You never seemed to take much of an interest in her before- or me, for that matter!"
"If I had, you would have been stoned in the streets," Jaime thought but didn't say.
Joffrey was fuming. Who did Jaime think he was, telling him what to do? Was he trying to usurp Joffrey's position as king?
Suddenly, INSPIRATION! He would send Jaime to Dorne! It would be killing two birds with one stone. Jaime could fix the situation with Myrcella, and in the meantime, he wouldn't be able to interfere with Joffrey.
Jaime saw Joffrey's customary scowl change to a smile. "Uncle? I have a mission for you…"
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A little while later, Bronn and Bane were at a table in a tavern gambling at dice, when Jaime entered. He went up to where the two sellswords were sitting. "You were friends of my brother, right?" he asked.
"Well, I wouldn't say we were his friends," said Bronn. "But we offered him our services in return for payment."
"Don't say it like that!" said Bane. "You make us sound like prostitutes." He looked up at Jaime. "If you're accusin' us of helpin' Tyrion murder your sister and father, we didn't have nothin' to do with it."
"That's not why I'm here," said Jaime.
"Then why are you here?" Bronn asked.
"You say you offer your services in return for payment. Well, I'm in need of your services. I need you to travel to Dorne with me."
Bronn's eyes lit up. "I've always wanted to go to Dorne! I hear they spend half the time fightin' there and the other half fuckin'!"
"Well, we'll only have time to do the first of those things," said Jaime.
