A story told for the Birbs, who are incorrigible encouragers. I love each of you desperately.

If this is your first time through EMYM, sorry for marring the perfection of Kijima's headlines with this lovely nonsense epilogue. I needed to, for Clara.

If you're one of the nutsos that has read EMYM all the way through, you do realize that's like the equivalent of 4 published YA novels? Just so you know, this crack is for you.

Onwards, to a double date for the Hizuris and Shoga.

xo, pers


Kuon tugged at the neckline of his black tank. "Does this cut make my neck look weirdly long?" he asked his wife.

There was no answer. The bed reflected in his full-length mirror held only rumpled sheets, empty of curled-up wife angel. He wandered out into their living room.

Kyoko was halfway up the floor-to-ceiling windows, toes gripping the trim, face red, fingers splayed. Kuon didn't even blink. "Sun of my heart, do you think this top makes my neck look long?"

"No," Kyoko grunted, thrusting herself up six inches with the word. "That's just your neck." Her grip slipped-Kuon braced himself-she pushed off mid-fall, springing over his shoulders in a full backflip.

"Mean," he said, pouting.

She frowned at the windows. "I'll take him down today if it's the last thing I do."

Kuon stepped in front of her, sticking his lip out slightly. His eyes transformed into deep, shining wells of sadness. When Kyoko finally tore her eyes from the window she squirmed beneath his gaze. "Mean," he repeated.

"Kuon," she said, his name on her lips still more precious to him than any pet name would ever be, "you know I love every inch of you. Even the long ones."

"Especially the long ones," he said. His pout twisted into a mischievous grin as he pulled her close. She blushed and nodded silently. It was brief, but the kiss she planted on his jaw would carry him through every moment of the impending double date.


"When I asked you to do the laundry," Koga said, shifting uncomfortably in the passenger seat, "I assumed you knew you had to hand wash silk."

Sho veered sharply into the next lane, slamming Koga into the door. Koga frowned and braced his foot against the center console.

"I assumed your underwear wouldn't actually be silk, asshole."

Koga tugged at the elastic band of the borrowed and slightly-too-small, slightly-too-cotton, slightly-too-Sho-doesn't-give-a-ripe-fuck-about-comfort. He refused to rise to Sho's bait, pulling the visor mirror down to check his hair instead.

"If you don't stop fussing, I'm going to run us through a car wash." Sho wiggled the wheel, making Koga's curls fall back out of place. "With the windows down."

Koga flipped him off but closed the visor. It was normal to have some anxiety about going out with people like Kuon and Kyoko. Even if they had tied for Sexiest Taken Man. Complicated pasts were not so easily buried. He glanced at Sho, running his teeth over his lower lip. Especially lifelong complicated pasts.

"Are you… excited for today?" Koga asked, chewing on the pause between his words.

Sho laughed, accelerating sharply. "Can't wait to destroy her."

"It's rock climbing. Not a competition."

Sho's answering grin was feral. Koga swallowed hard. If he'd been driving, they'd be pulling over right now so he could do something about that grin.

"Everything with Kyoko is a competition," Sho said, ripping the wheel sideways and tearing black stripes across the parking lot of the studio.

The massive studio warehouse was dimly lit, crates and set pieces stacked in an order understood only by stagehands. A single corner glowed brightly, tucked behind Lory's personal Lawrence of Arabia props. Koga ran his hand curiously over a lifesize camel, spinning as he walked to read the writing on a canvas sack as large as Kuon.

IMPORT OF ARABIA

HIGHEST QUALITY DESERT SAND

GRIT GUARANTEED

Kuon stood in front of a realistic cliff face holding a network of canvas straps that looked made for something far more interesting than rock climbing. Sho whooped, drawing the couple's attention to their entrance. Kuon tossed him a set of straps, his smile annoyingly carefree.

"Late and lazy," Kyoko said, sticking out her tongue at Sho.

Koga held up the mess of straps. Several buckles dangled, held together by a polished carabiner. He hefted it carefully, keeping his gaze focused on Kyoko and his mind carefully clear of any questionable fantasies involving straps.

Sho grabbed a harness from Kuon, immediately trying to shove his feet through holes, talking smack with Kyoko nonstop. "At least I'm not stupid and small." He stood on one leg, unable to find a second hole large enough for his foot. "I'm gonna cream you. First to top—loser buys." He hopped, shaking the tangled net.

Kuon had his on and fastened already. The snug fit made it very difficult to keep casual eye contact. He was helping Kyoko into hers, tugging gently to pull her back against him while she fired back at Sho.

"Buys you a brain? Sure," she said. She was bouncing too, popping around like popcorn.

Koga watched Kuon, mimicking his actions as he assembled Kyoko's harness. It fit as snugly as it looked. Damn Sho and his Normal Cycle wash habits. He turned to the perpetrator, anger turning to mirth at the sight of his lover tangled up like a blonde kitten that got over-enthusiastic with its yarn ball. "Do you need help?" he said.

"Mental help," Kyoko said.

Sho flipped her off. "I've got th-" He tripped over his own ankle, arms windmilling and feet tangling tighter.

Koga closed his eyes. Ren shouted. Kyoko laughed.

Sho fell with a thud into the giant bag of sand. It swayed, a billion grains eager for release. Sho scampered forward, his eyes wide and neck twisted behind him. For a breathless moment the bag held at the top of its arc.

"Timber!" Kyoko called, pushing Kuon backward to safety.

The crash shook the ground, splitting the side of the bag and spilling a dune into the room. Sho stood knee-deep at the edge, his face red.

"Yeah," he said. He flipped his hair out of his face. "Sure. I'll take some help."


Kyoko could feel every single hair on her arms standing at attention as Kuon connected the belayer's rope to her harness with a click.

His voice sounded far away, pushed down the wind tunnel of her rushing pulse. "If you fall—" she looked at him; no fear clouded his eyes, "—I'll catch you."

A sharp tug on the rope. Her pelvis lifted, toes barely touching the floor. Last time she'd worn one of these she'd flipped head over heels three times. Her muscles sang with memory. She nodded sharply, glaring at Sho.

He was leaning back into his harness, sway-backed and simple-minded. Koga's muscles showed clearly as he held the rope taut, keeping Sho from crashing backward.

"That's enough," Koga said.

Sho shook his head, his bleached hair floating above the ground. "Dunno. Few more seconds. Proof you can catch me."

Koga scowled and jerked hard on the rope, suddenly sitting into his harness. The movement slammed through their connection. Sho's hips flew skyward and his head hellward and his lips curse word.

"Enough." Koga stood up slowly, setting Sho down gently, if head-first.

Sho lay on the ground dramatically until Kyoko laughed. He moved like some wannabe action hero rising from a near-kill scene, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck.

"Let's do this," he said.

Kyoko and Sho dipped their hands in chalk dust, clapping loudly. Koga coughed, disappearing in the dust storm.

Kyoko heard Kuon whisper to her. "Get him." She winked, gripping the rope for a moment before stepping up to face the wall. It reared before her, a wall of rock pitted with crevices and cracks. Parts were smooth, the bold light glinting off the sheer face. One-her favorite-jutted out into the warehouse, daring her to hang upside-down.

Kuon counted off. She glanced once at Sho. He stuck his tongue out and she answered him with the rude gesture she'd thrown at Tsuruga Ren ages ago.

"Go!" Kuon shouted.

She leapt forward, the rock giving more purchase than their living room windows. A grin cracked her face as handhold after handhold sprang easily to her reach. It was like climbing Kuon. She flew. Her arms began to burn. Her body was humming, working, thriving beneath the stress.

Blonde and cursing hovering just out of her peripheral vision. She pushed herself harder. The wall six inches up was sheer. Kyoko hollered down at Kuon, "Left!" She felt the rope tug as he shifted around her; a comforting tug at her waist as he pulled the line taut. The hold lapsed. The line slackened. Kyoko leaned back. Only the tips of her connected to the wall, her body feeling the siren call of gravity as she bounced once, twice-then exploded up and out.

She was flying.

The space of a breath, a single weightless moment, and all of life.

Kyoko slammed against the rock. Her fingers carved deep into the crack she'd aimed for. Her foot slipped, caught, kicked in triumph. She roared at Sho. The path ahead of her was clear. She could hear him just beside her, breathing heavily and singing.

"Feeling you is my craving," he crooned, his voice only hitching a little when his grip slipped. "Can't sustain-ain-ain-"

"Sho," Kyoko said with a grunt, thrusting herself up. "Shut up about Koga."

"THESE BOUNDARIES!" Sho scream-sang, swaying from a single handhold to wave down at Koga.

Kyoko scoffed, sorely tempted to stomp on his hand. She chose moving up instead of focusing on Sho, always a good life plan. The top was a body length away. She stretched. Sho grabbed her ankle and jerked. Kyoko's grip slipped. The rock flashed before her, gray and dark and rough against her skin. She dug her fingers and grit her teeth against it; one hand caught. Her shoulder snapped.

Kuon's voice was the first thing to come through the white. He was yelling over and over, the same word. Her name. She waved at him, forcing her other arm around. The pressure off her shoulder, she rolled it, testing the joint. It held. Kyoko exhaled fear and inhaled rage. The wind answered, dragging her grudges back out of the bomb shelter they'd formed against Kuon's love.

Her laugh began deep in her chest, thundering outward.

"Shotaro," she said, hissing his name. "You better run."


Sho felt the air around him grow cold. There was no air vent above him, and a glance over his shoulder revealed the giant fan stashed among Lory's set items was off. He heard Kyoko's voice.

Tears sprang unbidden to his eyes. Sho shook his head and shoved out a breath, forcing his own hot air into the unnatural cold surrounding him. He could feel her behind him, rising with a speed no human should be able to muster. The f-word replaced the lyrics to Chocolate as his new mantra.

This wall had sucked, and sucked hard. And not in a good way. God, so not in a good way. Good ways were so good, and this was so bad. His shoulders hurt and his thighs wouldn't stop trembling and his fingers were callused in all the wrong places for this kind of friction. He knew he shouldn't have tugged her ankle. He could hear Koga down there still reaming him out. But she'd been about to win. And she was tied by a rope to the largest freaking man in all of Japan-she was fine. "Overreacting crazy woman-" he threw the words into the smattering of fucks.

Of course they were the ones she heard.

Kyoko growled and suddenly, terrifyingly, Sho couldn't move. Something held him to the wall. Sho forced his hand down to his waist, fingers trembling as he struggled against the force to check his carabiner. It wasn't caught.

Slender fingers wrapped around his ankle. Sho bit his tongue. Whimper, he told himself, and you're never getting laid again.

Her grip released. The cold held. Her eyes were burning ice as she drew level with him. She'd never been more beautiful.

Kyoko reached up and touched the ceiling. He'd been there-he'd been so close-if he could move, he would scream. He couldn't, so he watched the smile transform her face into a goddess of war.

"You lose," Kyoko said.

Sho felt his head move in the forced march of a nod. He clenched his jaw but his head moved anyways. Kyoko laughed. The sound thawed something inside the room, the cold sloughing off like life's second skin. Sho sagged. The rock felt wonderfully solid beneath his cheek. Kyoko pumped her fist, hanging out over the room.

They were several stories high. Koga and Kuon looked like fairies, tiny dots of perfectly drawn men. Well, one perfectly drawn man and one asshole.

Kyoko was looking down too. Wonder drew her eyes wide and stilled her laughter. Sho started to grin back at her. He could see the idea forming in her mind. A spark-that's how they began with her. Deep inside, then rolling outward as the flame of dream consumed her.

"Do it," Sho whispered.

Her smile back was a conspirator's promise. She said nothing, frozen joy in front of him. Then with one graceful twist and press, Kyoko was flying.


Kuon was still fighting his own anger when she leapt. He wanted to kill Sho; the next moment, he wanted to kill Kyoko.

The worst part was how perfect she looked. Her hair a golden halo, her back arched and her limbs loosely held. She was poetry unfurling, verbs of love and passion painting the air above him.

The rope's heat burned his palms through the heavy gloves, but he was slowing her. He braced himself, then slammed the rope lock down. Her weight hit the line and for a moment they were both flying. He won, his feet touching the ground first. Prayers that were just her name whispered from his lips as he watched her spin above him.

She spun slowly, eyes closed, mouth curled in bliss. He lowered her down and into his arms, hugging her tight against him.

"Kyoko Hizuri," he muttered, his voice hoarse. "Please."

She hummed, tangling her fingers in his hair. "I flew. Like a real fairy. Kuon, dear- I flew."

Koga was staring at them slackjawed. Kuon unclipped her caribiner and set her down gently on the ground, cupping her cheeks gently. She gazed at him, golden eyes molten with joy. All he could do was shake his head.

"Promise me," he said, "that when you go skydiving, you'll let me be the one that pulls the cord on our tandem."

She glowed, beaming at him. He'd married an angel. A terrifyingly beautiful angel.

"Skydiving is a fantastic idea," she said.


Koga tugged on Sho's rope, annoyed that he was still up there staring down at Kyoko. She was insane, not beautiful. Well, maybe a little beautiful.

Nonetheless, it was no excuse to lollygag and leave him down here like a slave waiting-that analogy must never be finished. Comparing the Number Two Most Eligible Bachelor to a love slave is something that must never-

"Shotaro!" Koga yelled. He jerked hard enough on Sho's rope to pull the pup off the wall a bit.

Sho cursed, clutching at the rock. "Asshole," he yelled back. "You want me to leap too? Burn your precious baby hands with that rope?" The words disintegrated into cursing as Sho shifted his weight and slid down a few feet.

"Bring it," Koga said. He widened his stance, trying not to watch Kuon and Kyoko being lovey-dovey. The public displays of affection were by far the worst part of a double date. So often it felt competitive.

He looked up at Sho. If Sho launched himself, he really wasn't sure he could stop him. He fiddled with the emergency stop on the belaying rope. Worst case, they'd crash in midair. They were roughly the same size. He measured Sho with his eyes, letting himself linger on certain areas longer than necessary. The angle was extremely favorable. Roughly the same size, indeed.

Sho was letting himself drift down with a series of stops and slides. Koga let himself entertain the notion that he was doing it for him. He bit the inside of his cheek as Sho neared the ground. The rope slacked; his feet were on the ground. He was turning toward Koga, a smile on his face brighter than a thousand falling angels.

"My turn," Koga said. He tugged on Sho's harness, unclipping him slowly. He could feel Sho's breath on his neck. It tickled. He held his head still; his instincts begged to turn away from the feel of his own hairs stirring on his skin. Sho's hands were on his belt, taking longer than he needed to twist the security lock open on Koga's belayer's hitch.

"Sure," Sho said.

Koga could feel the word. "Sure."

"Get a room," Kuon said, his voice tinged with warmth.

Koga's cheeks were hot, but he forced eye contact with the other actor. Kuon was smiling, richer and warmer than the poster had ever looked. Koga's mouth twisted, then opened in shock as strong hands pulled him forward.

"Mine," Sho said with a growl. He pressed Koga into a mortifyingly gentle hug. Kuon's only answer was to wrap his arm around Kyoko's shoulder, holding her close.

Koga cleared his throat. He nodded at the wall. Sho huffed, but stepped back and hooked the line into his belt.

The chalk was soft on his skin, the rock rough. Kuon stood beside him, a few frustrating inches taller. They said little. A "belayer belaying," "climber climbing," and the ascent began. The only sound that of his own breathing and the scrape of Kuon's shoes on the rock.

And the bickering of the two blondes beneath them.

"You think you can catch yours first? That giant lummock?"

"Seriously? You're calling Kogs giant-have you even seen your man?"

"Oooooh yeah baby. I've seen him."

"Shut up Kyoko. That's disgusting."

"What? I have eyes. I've seen him."

"Yeah, sure."

"Oh my god Sho. You dirty perv."

"I'm a perv! I'M the PERV."

"Yes. Absolutely. Perverted. Where is social services? I need to find Koga some help."

"Kuon's the one that comes home to a freaking old maid every day!"

"That's the best you can do? Call a twenty year old married woman an old maid?"

"Cleaning woman! Old! Crotchety!"

"Eeeeee and I'll stab you in the balls with my knitting needles."

"Oh my GOD," Koga yelled, his knuckles white. "Shut UP."

A few raspberries later, the immature children below silenced themselves and Koga continued his climb in peace. Kuon had never struggled with the noise; an occupational benefit of living with Kyoko, Koga supposed. His moves were swift and precise, like the wall was memorized already and he was merely going through the motions. It reminded him of Rusu.

The rope snapped against his chest. "Hey old man! Gonna move or just sit there and screech at me?"

Koga threw one hand behind his back in a lewd gesture that Sho answered with "Promises, promises!" and the other up, chasing after Kuon.

Kuon reached the top well before him, bracing himself against the crook of wall and ceiling to look out over the warehouse. "I can't believe she jumped from here," he said. Kuon was looking down with an incredulous smile. His wife stood next to Sho.

Koga could see the blonde of both heads perfectly and hear a low murmur. They were at it again. "Not even paying attention," he said. He tried to keep the disappointment from his voice, forcing a chuckle. He wiped the sweat off his brow, wedging his foot into a nook and resting as best as he could eighty odd feet in the air.

Kuon's answer was soft and easily missed. "Do dreamers ever?"

He smiled at Koga then. Koga found himself wondering what kind of boy Kuon had been. He smiled back. "Ready?" he asked.

Kuon grinned a wildcat grin.

"Now or never," he said.

Kuon held one fist out. Koga pressed his against it.

They drew in a breath together, and let it out in a shout that shook the rafters they hung from. The noise below stilled.

They flew.