Spawn - I forgot to respond to your review in the last chapter, sorry about that. Eden was named quite a while ago when I started writing an upcoming storyline where she couldn't just be 'Amy's baby'. She had a few names before I settled on Eden (Evie and Willow amongst others) but they never seemed 'right'. I think I saw Eden on a list of 'short baby girl names' found on Google and it just stood out to me!
Gwennie49 - I'm glad you're still enjoying reading when you get the chance! If I'm honest, the constant lockdowns/restrictions/distancing etc has been screwing with my mental health, and being able to escape to this AU for a couple of hours each week has really helped, so it's good to hear people are still enjoying reading it!
When Shelby let herself into her sister's house, she was greeted by the sound of Rachel laughing with Lily and Max, the three of them sat together on the floor playing a game of buckaroo that Rachel had just lost.
"Look at that" Amy cooed to Eden when she saw her sister, "you got to have a nice cuddle with Rachie earlier and now Auntie Lelly's here just in time to burp you, you've got someone new to puke on today, isn't that exciting."
Shelby rolled her eyes as she slipped off her jacket, "hello to you too" she laughed as she walked over to the couch where Amy was curled up with Jimmy as Eden fed.
Lily and Max both greeted Shelby when they heard her voice and Rachel turned to grin at her Mom, Shelby simultaneously happy that her baby seemed so happy, and worried that she was going to rip that happiness away from her when they got home, "hi Mom!"
"Hey baby" Shelby smiled as Amy handed Eden over to her with a cloth, "have you had a good day?" she asked as she lifted Eden to lay against her chest so she could burp her.
Rachel nodded, "I wasn't expecting Auntie Amy to pick me up, did you know?"
Shelby and Amy shared a look, it was the first time Rachel had ever referred to Amy as her 'Auntie' rather than her 'Aunt', and, although she'd never have mentioned it, Amy always felt that 'Aunt' made her sound like an old woman, the sort of person who you only saw at family functions, who'd pinch your cheeks and have a floral handkerchief specifically for licking and wiping invisible dirt from your face. "I did" Shelby nodded, "she messaged me after lunch to ask if it was okay, but we thought it would be a nice surprise for you at the end of the day."
"It was" Rachel smiled, "thank you."
"What did the two of you choose for dinner?" Shelby asked, wiping Eden's chin as she brought up some milk, "I'm starving."
"Burgers" Rachel smiled, "Auntie Amy said Uncle Jimmy would warm them up when we're ready to eat."
"Oh she did did she?" Jimmy glared at his wife before laughing and kissing her cheek when she just shrugged, "I'll go do that now then."
As Jimmy stood to go warm everyone's dinner, Amy moved to curl up with Shelby, "okay?" she asked quietly, she'd noticed as soon as she'd seen her sister that there was something on her mind.
"Yeah" Shelby gave Amy a look that let her know she didn't want to say anything in front of the kids, "it's just been a long day."
Amy nodded in understanding, she'd try to get her sister alone later to talk to her, "well at least you don't have to worry about making dinner" she chuckled.
Shelby laid Eden in her swing when Jimmy brought everyone's food through, calling Lily and Max over to sit by the coffee table. Conversation was light as they ate, Lily and Max telling their Aunt and Cousin all about their new baby sister before beginning a heated debate on which game they were going to play with Rachel once they'd eaten.
"I'll clear up" Shelby said once everyone had eaten, beginning to gather everyone's plates.
Rachel was about to offer to help but Amy stood before she got the chance, "I'll give you a hand" she shook her head when she saw Jimmy go to speak, "I'm okay" she told him, "I don't need to rest, I don't feel like I'm pushing myself too much by stacking the dishwasher" she bent to kiss him softly, "I'll tell you if I need a break, I promise." Jimmy just nodded, accepting that his wife knew her limits and let her help take the dishes through to the kitchen, "okay" Amy got out mugs to make tea for everyone as Shelby put their plates in the dishwasher, "you might be my big sister but I know there's something on your mind."
"There is" Shelby nodded, "but I don't really want to say anything yet, it involves Rachel and I don't think it's fair that I tell other people before I've spoken to her. I'm going to talk to her when we get home, she might need someone later on…"
"Of course" Amy nodded, "she can ring me any time, even in the middle of the night, Eden's up pretty much every other hour, tell her she can ring me whenever she wants. And you too, just because I'm your baby sister, doesn't mean I can't be there for you." She saw the look Shelby was giving her, "I mean it Shel, if you can't talk to me, call Mom, you need someone too. I know you're the oldest and you want us all to think you're invincible, I know you always want to he strong for the rest of us, but whatever's going on, it's okay if you need to take a break from being invincible for a while, none of us will judge you for that."
"I know, I know, I just don't want Rachel to think it's her fault. I don't want her to think that her presence in my life, her past, upsets me."
Amy smiled and wrapped her arms around her sister, "she's an amazing girl, and I think she'd understand that you love her, and because you love her, it hurts you to know that she's been hurt. There's nothing wrong with that Shel, I know that when I was assaulted, it hurt you, it hurt Jimmy, it hurt Mom, Dad, Matt and Luke. That wasn't my fault, they were hurting because I was hurting, I didn't cause that hurt, and I think Rachel will understand that she didn't cause your hurt either. You've done so much for all of us Shelby, it's okay for you to need us for a change."
"I know" Shelby returned the hug, "and once I've spoken to Rachel, if she's okay with me telling you, I'll let you know, but for now, believe me when I tell you it's nothing to worry about."
"Okay" Amy nodded, "just remember we're all here for you, for both of you."
"I know" Shelby repeated, "and I promise, once I've spoken to Rachel, if I don't call you, I'll talk to Mom."
"Good" Amy smiled, "now, tea or coffee?"
Shelby and Rachel stayed at Amy's for a little while longer before heading home "are you going to get changed?" Shelby asked as she unlocked their front door.
"Yeah" Rachel nodded, "is that okay?"
"Of course it is" Shelby smiled, not wanting Rachel to worry, "can you come back down when you've done? I want to talk to you about something."
"Yeah" Rachel frowned slightly, "sure, I won't be long."
"There's no rush" Shelby reassured her, "I'll go make us some drinks."
It didn't take Rachel long to change and she soon joined Shelby on the couch, tucking herself into her Mom's side, "is something wrong?" she asked quietly.
Shelby had been thinking, almost none stop, about how she was going to approach this, how she could tell Rachel about Leroy's letter without upsetting her too much, "I came home before driving over to Amy's" she started, Rachel nodded, she'd assumed from the fact her Mom was wearing sweatpants that she'd been home to change first. "I wanted to give you a little time at Amy's before I came over so I did a few little jobs around the house to kill some time" Rachel nodded again, "I went out to get the mail and" Shelby sighed, "there's no easy way for me to tell you this, there was a letter from Leroy."
Shelby felt Rachel tense slightly, the girl had been relaxed until that moment. "Fro, from…"
"If you want to read the letter then I have it" Shelby began combing her fingers through her daughter's hair, "it was addressed to me so I've read it and I can tell you what it says if you want, or, if you'd rather we can just forget about it and move on?"
"I don't…Why now. Why did he write to you? What…?"
"He said he wrote now because, when Hiram started talking about leaving, he put a lot of things of yours in a storage unit, the rental he paid for upfront is almost over and he wanted to give me the chance to get your things. I'm going to do that. If you don't want to go through them then that's okay, I can go through them for you or we can just leave them in the garage until you feel ready, but I want to get them from the storage unit. And he said he wrote to me so I could decide whether or not to tell you that he'd written, but I couldn't keep it from you, you have a right to know."
"I…" Rachel tucked herself right into Shelby, needing the comfort only her Momma could give her, "I, I'm glad you told me about it but I, I don't think I want to read it. Not yet."
"That's okay" Shelby kissed Rachel's hair, "I can keep it until you're ready, and, if you're never ready, if you don't want to read it, that's okay. You don't have to read it. And, if you do want to read it, maybe reading it in one of your therapy sessions would help."
"I don't know what to do" Rachel whispered.
Selby continued running her fingers through Rachel's hair, "that's okay, that letter isn't going anywhere, you don't need to make your decision right now." Shelby's heart broke as she felt Rachel curl even further into her, felt her daughter's tears against her neck, "oh Baby" she held Rachel as closely as she could, "it's okay, you're okay. That letter, it changes nothing, you are still my daughter, I am still your Mom, those men, they aren't going to take you away from me, this is your home and you will always be safe here. You are strong, you are brave and you are so, so loved Baby." Shelby hated this, hated her daughter being so upset, but she knew she wouldn't have been able to keep the letter a secret. Rachel had a right to know that Leroy had written to her, and, whilst part of Shelby thought Rachel might be able to give some insight into whether he was telling the truth or just trying to ease his own conscience, she wasn't going to force Rachel to read the letter just so she could find out.
"I'm sorry" Rachel whispered once she'd calmed down a little.
Shelby gently nudged away Rachel's fist as she went to wipe at her tears, instead swiping her own thumbs under her eyes, her hands on Rachel's cheeks making sure she looked her in the eye as she told her, "you never, never have to apologise for how you're feeling Baby, not in this house, not with any member of your family. You're allowed to be scared and upset by this, you've been doing so well, you've worked so hard to move on from what happened before you lived with me and it's absolutely okay if you get upset when you're reminded of that. There's a reason Alice has been talking about complex PTSD, and that's because you've been through something traumatic and that trauma was very recent, you are working so hard to put that trauma behind you and move on but it's okay that you aren't over it yet, it'll take time."
Rachel nuzzled closer, she didn't know how her Mom always knew what to say, always knew how to reassure her and make her feel better, make her feel safe. She couldn't remember ever feeling like this with her fathers, not even when she was younger, before they decided she was too much for them. There was something innately comforting about having her Mom's arms wrapped around her, and, for bow at least, Rachel wouldn't want to be anywhere else. "I love you Mom."
"I love you too" Shelby kissed Rachel's hair, "and no matter what happens, I will always be here Rachel, you will always have me. I can't promise you much, but I can promise you that."
