CHAPTER 77:

Leave and stay


Through the fields, then the old valley, a quick stop by Turdara…

Cole skimmed through the points he had marked on the map; with a bit of luck, he could probably get to Shaiya in less than a week. He was confident in his stamina, he could run for hours needing very little rest —and if he managed to get a mount on the way, he would get there even sooner.

He'd had enough of his husband's nonsense. No matter how many days passed, Kai wasn't showing any signs of improvement but the opposite! He was spiraling down to both his own ruin and his family's. The monarch's heart had broken into pieces. Being banned from loving someone was already bad, but banning yourself did a lot more damage to the soul —Cole knew that first hand.

His lover yearned for their friend, yet at the same time Kai tried to put an end to those feelings, forever trapped in the never-ending battle of 'what a King is expected to do'.

Fucking bullshit, in Cole's opinion.

There was only one way to fix this; if Kai couldn't get over Jay, their guest would have to come back.

Cole would bring him back.

Even if he ended up with blisters and scratches on his feet and they had to chop them off, he would cross the country on foot, stand in front of that scrapyard, look at Jay in the eyes and say…

"What are you doing?"

Cole shrieked, almost jumping out of his skin as he turned around and saw a shadowy figure standing by the door. Icy blues stared back at him, cold like stone. The ex-warrior should have relaxed upon recognizing Zane's features, but in fact, he only grew more anxious.

Aiming at everywhere, Cole reached behind himself trying to cover the map.

"I- I… uh- nothing! I just… My back hurts!" He exclaimed too loud, plopping down on the bed over the papyrus. The bag was still on the floor near his feet and Cole wanted to kick it back to its hideout, but that would catch Zane's attention. Cole hoped the soft light of the candle would conceal the incriminatory bag with the rest of the shadows around them.

In his alarmed state, it took him a while to realize that Zane was staring at him again, not saying anything, but somewhat scolding Cole with his freezing gaze. The blond pushed the door with his body, fully shutting it, then leaned on the board, fingers pinching his brow with a tired sigh.

"What were you even thinking?" Zane muttered, it sounded like a question, but he spoke it so low it could have been mistaken as a comment to himself.

"Uh… My bed, uh… You know, Lloyd kinda moves a lot and-"

"Cole, please." Zane exhaled. "I know you were about to leave for Shaiya."

Cole's heart stopped for a moment. Had the room been fairly illuminated the other boy would have noticed Cole's face turning a tone lighter as blood froze in his veins.

"H-How did you…?"

"I noticed one of the new maps disappeared, and you have been acting very odd lately. It didn't take me much time to put two plus two together." Zane walked up to the bed and gazed at the detailed painting hiding under Cole's body.

The noiret moved and saved the papyrus from being wrinkled any further, then handed it to Zane with a mortified expression plastered on his face. He couldn't believe Zane had caught him so fast. Cole was expecting for them to discover his plan the next day; when no one would find the royal spouse around the palace, it would only be a matter of time that a member of the family would come up with the same idea Cole had had a few days ago. But by then, Cole would be far enough for no guards to find him and take him back home. Now, though, his plan had been truncated before it even started, and not only did he have a mad Zane to deal with, his only chance at fixing this shitty situation had vanished into thin air.

"What were you thinking?" Zane repeated his previous question.

Cole averted his eyes to the floor, feeling pathetic and useless. He didn't want to talk about it, but he was aware Zane wouldn't let him out of the hook without an explanation, so Cole had no other option but to suck it up and confess.

"Kai won't get better, not like this, he's too stubborn!" Cole whined and let silence fill the room for a while.

The boy was sure Zane had heard the way Kai begged his lover for pain during their intercourse, the way their husband was slowly losing his mind, becoming a shadow of himself.

"The only one who can do something to help him… is Jay." Cole finished, firm in his belief that that was the only escape out of this agony, but by the way Zane shook his head lightly the noiret knew his friend was of a different opinion.

Zane placed a hand on his knee, while the boy's silence had felt cold, irritating, and even threatening to a point, his touch now was gentle.

"Cole... do you realize Kai would have gone nuts if you straight up disappeared over the night? You two have a strong connection, you've been his only source of strength for years. You can't do this to him. It could literally kill him if you left without notice."

Cole's eyebrows furrowed and his heart ached. He'd already thought about that for days ever since the idea popped into his mind after seeing those maps in Kai's studio. Of course he knew Kai would go ballistic and that the others would have it hard to calm him down while Cole was gone, but… the other option was just staying as they currently were; broken by the pain in their hearts.

"Besides," Zane resumed. "What were you going to tell Jay?"

Cole's hands turned into tight fists. He'd thought about that too, yet not as painstakingly. He'd just hoped once he got to Shaiya and saw Jay again, his heart would give him the lines. Cole would try them all until Jay agreed to come back to their house.

"I…" Cole felt his resolution cracking under Zane's stare. "I was going to tell him about how much Kai misses him, how we all miss him and that… everything has been a mess since he left… That we need him here!" Cole blabbed the first things that came to his mind.

There was another moment of complete silence in which Zane breathed deep before scooting closer to his friend and he loosely wrapped an arm around Cole's lower back.

"Cole, you can't put Jay in such a quandary. It's not fair to make anyone choose between his family or his friends like that."

I know that! I'm not stupid! Cole yelled in his mind, and he would have raised his voice if it hadn't been for the pain that was suddenly grabbing at the bottom of his throat. Tears rushed out of his eyes a moment later. Zane turned him on the bed so Cole was facing him and hugged the boy tighter in his arms while Cole gripped his shirt and started crying like a kid, something that wasn't usual for him —not even himself remembered ever sobbing this hopelessly in front of Zane.

"I just want him back. I miss him… so much, Zane... I can't..."

"I know, pebble, I miss him too..." Zane's voice got cut by a whimper of his own. Little sniffs and snorts echoed around the dark room. "But escaping to go after him isn't the answer. We need to stay together now, not just for Kai but for the sake of our family, or we will all crumble, one at a time, and then… there will be nothing to pull us back together."

Zane pushed Cole's chin up to look him in the eyes, but the visual contact only lasted for a brief instant. The tough, giant, young man leaned into his lover's shoulder once more. The truth in Zane's words piercing his chest like a cold arrow. And it was only then, as Zane softly pushed them both down onto the mattress, that the foolishness of Cole's failed plan came to strike the warrior full force.

Unconsciously, Cole had been lying to himself. Misguided by the yearning that had taken residence in his soul, he'd lead his brain to believe he was doing this for the monarch, for his family, even for the kingdom! When in reality... Cole had only wanted to see Jay again to put an end to his own misery.

He'd known he was hurt. The very moment Kai announced to them that he was taking Jay back to his hometown, Cole had been dying little by little inside. However, he hadn't realized how deep that change of events had hit him until he'd found himself without Jay's giggles, without his fidgety yet cute reactions, without his freckles and those beautiful blue eyes that, every morning when he got up, reminded Cole of a fresh, clear sky.

Cole buried his wet face in Zane's chest, fighting to cover his whimpers while the blond threaded his pale fingers through Cole's hair and massaged his scalp in soothing motions.

He felt stupid, torn, sick, selfish! The idea of fleeing the palace and going after Jay still churning in his mind at the same time that he imagined Kai screaming in panic at his husband's disappearance. Cole wanted to do both things; leave and stay. And as he couldn't make up his mind, he just lay there, curled up against Zane's body, spilling burning tears for the boy that had stolen the royal family's heart.

Instead of going back to Kai and Lloyd, the two boys remained on Cole's bed, trying to comfort each other hopelessly as exhaustion eventually came to allow them a few hours of rest.


Author's Notes:

Hey!

Hope you're enjoying the story, guys!

I sadly have to pause it for a while. I have several chapters planned already but I need time to adjust them and make sure everything makes sense. And as I'm busy with my art right now I don't have the time nor energy required for that... uwu

I hope you understand