Potato - do you want to see Rachel exploring her sexuality in terms of Rachel's relationship with Noah? (In which case, I have something planned for either the next chapter or the one after that) or in terms of her not being straight? (which isn't something I was planning on doing.)
Shelby asked Jimmy if he'd take her to the storage lot at the weekend, she wasn't sure how much stuff would be there but she knew they'd be able to fit more into his truck than her car. It came as no surprise that, after Amy offered to come and sit with Rachel when Shelby went out, the teen accepted without hesitation.
"I hope you don't mind this one coming along" Amy said as she reached out to hug Rachel with one arm, careful of Eden sleeping against her chest.
Rachel shook her head, "of course not, where are Lily and Max?"
"Jim's parents have taken them out for brunch, they're probably being spoiled rotten as we speak. They offered to take Eden too but I want to be a clingy Mommy for a little while longer" she winked to show she was joking, "I didn't have any bottles for her and well, I just thought you might want to see her."
Shelby gave Rachel and Amy a minute before walking over, "we're going to go now, I'll be back as soon as I can, and if you need me you can ring me" Rachel had been a little clingy since Shelby had told her about the letter from Leroy but she hadn't mentioned it, had simply made sure that she gave Rachel as much love, comfort and affection as she needed.
"Okay" Rachel accepted the hug her Mom offered her, clinging tightly to Shelby, letting out a quiet sigh as she felt Shelby kiss her hair. She held onto Shelby for a minute, Shelby happy to hold Rachel for as long as she needed to be held. "I love you" Rachel whispered as she pulled away.
Shelby kissed Rachel's temple, "I love you too, and I'll be back soon, I promise."
As Shelby and Jim left, Amy asked Rachel if she wanted to cuddle Eden, Rachel nodded silently and Amy handed over the baby, kissing Rachel's hair and telling her she was going to make them both a drink, giving Rachel a moment to herself, a smile crossing Amy's face as she watched her cradle Eden close and press a gentle kiss to her forehead.
Shelby hadn't been sure whether to believe Leroy or not so she was a little apprehensive, but she and Jim easily found the right locker and, just like Leroy said, the month and date of Rachel's birthday opened the heavy duty combination lock. "Oh" her eyebrows raised in shock, there were at least twenty boxes of things, all neatly labeled, several just said 'photos', a couple were labeled as 'home movies' and some simply had 'Rachel' written on the side in black sharpie. She opened a couple, just to check the men hadn't planned some awful prank but the first box she ripped the tape off, one marked 'Rachel' had stuffed toys, books and a few nick nacks inside. The second 'Rachel' box contained a couple of CDs and some old playbills, dating back from when Rachel would have been in elementary school, and the box of photos she opened was full of prints and framed photos from Rachel's childhood. So, satisfied that the boxes contained what they said they did, Shelby and Jimmy began loading them into his truck.
It didn't take long for Shelby and Jimmy to move the boxes, and, after Shelby had let the staff know that they didn't want to renew the rental, they headed straight back to Shelby's. "You're putting them in the garage right?" Jim asked as he pulled onto the driveway behind Shelby's car.
"Yeah" she nodded, "I don't know if Rachel is ready to go through them yet so I said we'd leave them in there until she was."
"Okay. Why don't you go inside and I'll put them in the garage."
Shelby frowned, "I don't mind helping Jim, I can…"
"I know you don't mind" he interrupted, "but I'm sure Rachel will want to see you, so you go let her know you're back and I'll sort this."
It took a few minutes for Jimmy to convince Shelby he didn't mind moving the boxes on his own, but eventually Shelby headed inside. The first thing she noticed as she stepped inside was the silence, her heart beginning to race as she equated silence with something being wrong, but she soon relaxed as she walked into the living room. Rachel and Amy were sat together on the couch, Rachel still holding tightly to Eden as she cuddled with her Aunt, her head on Amy's shoulder, Amy playing with Rachel's hair, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other gently stroking Jasper as he sat on her lap. The kitten was often found wherever Rachel was, but over the past couple of days he seemed to realise something was wrong, barely leaving Rachel's side whenever she was home.
Rachel was lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear Shelby come in, didn't even realise she was gently patting Eden's back as the baby laid against her chest. Sitting here with Amy only seemed to remind her just how loved she was now, how much her family cared for her. She knew if she wanted to talk, Amy would be happy to listen, she'd give advice if she could, let Rachel make sense of her feelings, but, like Shelby, she was happy to just be with her. Nobody ever made Rachel feel like she had to fill the silence and, if she ever just wanted to sit quietly and be held, her family would give her that.
Her thoughts were so loud that she didn't hear Shelby come in, didn't realise her Mom was home until she felt Shelby's hand on her back, she jumped slightly but Amy had anticipated it, gently putting her hand over Rachel's to help support the baby Rachel was still holding, "hey" Shelby whispered softly, brushing Rachel's hair from her face so she could kiss her forehead.
Rachel couldn't hug her Mom so she leaned into her, dropping her head to rest in Shelby's shoulder, "did you…" Rachel trailed off, not really sure what she wanted to ask.
"We got everything, Uncle Jimmy's putting all the boxes in the garage" she explained.
Amy smiled, realising she had a chance to leave Shelby and Rachel alone, "if you're okay with that little one I'll go help him." She knew there was no way her husband would let her help him move anything, but she wanted to give Rachel some time with her Mom.
"Thank you" Shelby nodded, understanding what Amy was doing, "we'll watch her for you."
"There were about twenty boxes or so" Shelby shifted slightly, letting Rachel cuddle into her side, "they were all labeled and I opened a couple and they seemed to contain what they were meant to. I, I was a little worried it might be some sort of trick, another way to hurt you, that's why I opened them, but they're safe in the garage now, we don't have to look at anything until you're ready, and if you're never ready then that's okay, I can go through them for you or we can just leave them there, there's absolutely no rush."
"Thank you" Rachel whispered, once again falling into silence until Eden woke, the baby stirring in Rachel's arms and letting out a quiet whine.
Shelby saw a look of fear cross Rachel's face, "it's okay" she reassured her daughter, "just rock her a little, she's okay." She watched as Rachel nervously rocked her cousin, Shelby ready to step in if she needed to but she didn't want Rachel to feel like Eden crying was her fault somehow, "that's it" Shelby cooed as she stroked Eden's cheek, the baby beginning to settle again, gazing up at Rachel, a slight frown on her face as she took in the person holding her, "someone just wants us to know they're awake don't they?"
Eden reached out with a chubby little fist, Rachel adjusting her hold on the baby so she had a free hand to offer to Eden, her face lighting up when tiny fingers curled around her index finger, "she's so cute."
"Yeah" Shelby agreed, "she is."
"Do you think she recognises me?" Rachel asked as she smiled slightly at the baby.
"I think she does" Shelby nodded, "babies can't see very far when they're first born, but even if she can't see your face, she'll recognise your voice and your smell, that'll be why she's so settled with you, she knows you, she knows she's safe with you."
"Good" Rachel laid her head on Shelby's shoulder, "I wouldn't ever hurt her."
"I know" Shelby kissed Rachel's temple, "and Amy and Jimmy know that too."
Rachel slipped back into her own head once Amy and Jimmy had gone home, she barely ate her lunch, just picking at the food, and Shelby saw she was just staring blankly at the TV, not paying any attention to the movie they were supposed to be watching, "do you want to do something else?" Shelby asked her, "we could go for a walk or go play the piano together?"
"Can I go upstairs?" Rachel asked quietly
"Of course, you know you don't have to ask," Shelby gently squeezed Rachel's hands, "and I, I know this is hard for you Rachel, that you've got a lot of thoughts and feelings and you might be struggling to make sense of them and that's completely normal and understandable. I guess, I just want you to know that you don't have to deal with this on your own, and you don't have to come to me if you need to talk. I will always, always be here if you need me for anything, but if you think it would be easier to talk to Amy or Nana or your uncles or Noah or his Mom, or if you want me to set up an appointment with Alice so you can talk things through with her, then I don't mind Rachel, I don't mind you talking through this with other people if that's what you're more comfortable doing."
"Thank you" Rachel nuzzled into her Mom, "I, I know I can talk to you but I, I think I just need some time to process everything and I, I don't know" she sighed.
"That's okay" Shelby reassured Rachel, "you take as long as you need, I'm not going anywhere."
Rachel thanked Shelby and clung to her for a moment longer, repeating Shelby's declaration of love before heading up to her own bedroom, Jasper hot on her heels. Shelby waited until she heard the soft click of Rachel's bedroom door before taking her phone from her pocket and dialing her own Mom's number, she'd told Rachel about the conversation she'd had with Amy and Rachel had given her permission for Shelby to tell her family about Leroy'd letter. "Mom" Shelby felt close to tears herself as Erin answered the call, "are you busy? I really could do with a chat."
As Erin reassured her oldest daughter that she could call her whenever she needed, Rachel laid on her bed staring at the ceiling, deliberately trying not to think of anything at all. She didn't remember calling Noah's number but reasoned she'd probably done it in the hope that talking to him would distract her from her thoughts, she didn't for one second plan on blurting out, "my Mom had a letter from Leroy."
"Oh" Noah didn't know how to respond, part of him was a little relieved, Rachel had been withdrawn and distant over the past couple of days and he was beginning to wonder if he'd done something to upset her, "have you… do you know why he wrote to her?"
"Something about a storage unit with some stuff in, my Uncle took my Mom to get it today, the boxes are in the garage. He said some other stuff too but Mom said she'd only tell me if I wanted her to and I, I don't know if I do."
"I'm not surprised, it's pretty shitty of him to do this when you're starting to move on." Rachel hummed in agreement and Noah wished he was with her, Rachel had already been through so much and he wished he could be with her, wished he could at least try to comfort her. "Are you… your Mom's home yeah? You're not on your own?"
"Yeah" Rachel smiled slightly at Noah's concern, "she's downstairs, and earlier when Mom went out, my Aunt stayed with me."
"Good" Rachel and Noah spoke for a little while longer before he asked her, "can I tell you what I'd do if it was my dad?" Rachel hummed quietly giving him permission to tell her. "I'd read it. Or at least ask my Mom what it said, I know things were different with my old man, that he upped and left because he was a deadbeat, but I think I'd want to know what he had to say. His letter might answer some of your questions and give you closure. If it was me, I think I'd always be wondering what he said."
"I, I'm glad Mom told me about the letter, I, I think it would have hurt more if she'd have kept it from me."
Noah nodded in silent agreement, "do you think she'd be honest if you asked her what the letter said?"
"I want to think she would" Rachel whispered, "but I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore."
"If she did keep anything from you, you know it would only be because she loves you right? And she's trying to protect you. Those bastards have already hurt you so much Rachel, your Mom, all of us, we don't want you to have to go through that again."
"I know" a tear rolled down Rachel's cheek, "I wish he hadn't written, or that he'd just told Mom about the storage unit and not said anything else."
"It was shitty of him, but he's done it, you can't change that."
"I know" Rachel sighed, running her hand down Jasper's back.
Noah sighed too, he'd promised himself that Rachel wouldn't hurt any more and he hated that this was out of his hands, that this wasn't like the slushies or the name calling, he'd been able to stop them but this, he couldn't stop this. "Is there anything I can do Rayray? I hate knowing you're not happy."
"Sorry" Rachel wiped at her eyes.
"No, no, I didn't mean like that" Noah said quickly, "I'm not good with all this emotion and feelings, but I, I want to do better for you, I meant…" he sighed, "I meant, I just want you to be happy Ray, I, if I could take this all away from you then I would."
"I know" Rachel told him, "and I appreciate that, and you, you saying that, it just shows me how much you've changed, that you're not Puck anymore, you're my Nono."
They spoke for a little while longer, talk turning to their childhood and their next glee performance, Noah sensing that Rachel might want to talk about something other than the letter from Leroy and by the time she made her way back downstairs, Rachel felt a little better. Talking about 'normal' things with Noah had taken some of the weight from her shoulders, the distraction helped her process everything much easier than constant overthinking. Shelby too was feeling a little better after talking to her Mom, Erin reminding Shelby that she was doing a great job at being Rachel's Mom, reassuring her that this was just a temporary setback and that Rachel would move on from this, she just needed time and love. And, as much as she hated to say it, Erin reminded Shelby that Rachel had been through worse than this and it had been Shelby that had helped her through it. Shelby hated to admit it but her Mom was right, she always was, Shelby would never say it out loud though, and Erin was sure to make sure Shelby was in no doubt that all her family were behind her, that they'd support her and Rachel no matter what happened.
Shelby's lifted mood didn't last too long though, her heart sank a little as she saw the girl walking into the room, "Rachel?" she was almost trembling in fear and Shelby would be lying if she said she wasn't worried about her daughter, she hadn't looked this scared since she'd first moved in, "what's wrong? What's happened?"
"Nothing's wrong" Rachel whispered, her gaze fixed on the floor as she fiddled with the cuff of her sweater sleeve, "I erm, I think I want to read it, I want to read the letter."
