Author's Note: Thank you to HollowNightmare (on AO3) for the help with the Italian! Also wanted to say that I have slowly been putting some of my fanart up on my tumblr so if you want to check it out the link is in my profile or you can look up DovahTobi on tumblr and search the tag "SL Fanart"! Third, for good news, my mother may be getting out of the hospital this weekend!

Onto the bad stuff. Warning for child abuse in this chapter.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The rest of Remus's holidays were spent trying to like his new room (and failing), reading, carefully redoing all of his essays, and brooding around the house missing his friends. He wrote multiple letters, all of which ended up being flushed down the loo. He also pretended that he didn't notice that the antsier he got, the grouchier Hope got.

On Wednesday he decided to try to cheer his mum up a little bit. He went out into the woods, gathering lots of bluebells and other flowers then snuck the flowers inside. Once the stalks and leaves were carefully trimmed, he tied the stalks together with a length of pink yarn before sticking them into a vase he nicked from the attic. Lyall had put it there since it was chipped, but Remus managed to mostly fix it with the repairing spell, though if you looked closely you could still see an outline of the chip.

When he was satisfied with how it looked, Remus set it on the dining room table. Hope was doing work in the garden and he went out to help her, pretending like nothing happened. He hid his grin, sounding innocent whenever he talked, excited when Hope finished her gardening and headed back inside.

"Oh!" she gasped when she saw the flowers, dropping her gloves. "Is—did you do this?"

"For you!" he said excitedly. "I thought it might cheer you up."

Her eyes grew a little watery and she flung her arms around him, hugging tightly. "Thank you! Thank you so much. They're beautiful!"

"Like you," he said firmly.

Hope gave him a little roll of the eyes but smiled before kissing the top of his head. "That's what you were up to all morning." She touched one of the bluebells. "It's wonderful. Thank you."

Remus beamed, very pleased with himself.

But the brief respite was very brief. By suppertime she was sighing over him leaving again, and the flowers seemed to have made it worse; she kept saying how he was 'acting' more like his 'old self' by being home, that she was worried once he returned to school he'd go back to having a bad attitude. This gave him a bad attitude, and he got into a small row with his mother about it which resulted in his father dragging him down into his stupid bedroom and locking him in there for the rest of the night. He spent the night under his bed, something he had never done at home before. It was just being locked up next to his wolf room made him feel extremely uncomfortable and vibrate-y in a bad way, so he disappeared under his bed, clutching Gwyllgi, trying not to cry.

Thursday was also spent sulking, since at breakfast he had accidentally cracked a joke about his lycanthropy, making both his parents angry. Lyall threatened Remus for the 'inappropriate' joke, then told him he needed to reread The Cure For Lycanthropy. Remus didn't read it, instead he stormed around his room, grumbling to himself.

"The Marauders would have laughed," he told Arthur who hooted in agreement.

When Lyall got home he asked Remus if he had read the book again, and Remus lied saying he had. Lyall then made a comment about how he hoped it wouldn't become an Easter tradition. That made Remus angrier. His father could make jokes like that but he couldn't say anything. Oh no, that'd be wrong.

After supper Remus stormed down to his cellar and flung himself around, grouching loudly until he wore himself out.

At least he felt better the next day. After waking up, he felt like he would burst at the seams, missing his friends more than he ever thought possible. Missing them filled his entire being, and he knew that probably wasn't a very good thing to be missing three boys that much but he couldn't help it.

Tomorrow, he thought happily as he gobbled down his breakfast. He wondered how James's trip to Italy went, how Peter was doing with the Muggles, and how Sirius was… well, surviving would, unfortunately, be the best word for it. He also hoped the rest of Lily's holidays went better, and wondered about Aegis.

He was on edge all day, packing almost everything away during the morning and then too excited to do much of anything else the rest of the day. He tried reading, tried going over his homework, and eventually sat in the living room with his mother, playing card games.

"It's a shame they take you back on Saturdays instead of Sundays," Hope said, chewing at her bottom lip. "It makes more sense for it to be on a Sunday. Oh! Perhaps your father could take you in on Sunday!"

"I don't want to cause any problems for the school," Remus said, trying not to get annoyed.

"It wouldn't be a problem," she said. "I don't see why it would be. Your father could use the Floo network to take you into—what's that place called? Hogs-something? Something alcoholic."

"Meade. Hogsmeade," Remus murmured.

Hope nodded. "Yes, he could take you in on Sunday evening. You could have almost two more days with us."

Remus shifted his weight, gripping his cards a bit tighter. "That would probably draw too much attention—"

"No, it would be good," Hope cut him off. "You've been late to school before, during the—the moon in your first year. Being late back when there isn't a—a full moon might benefit you."

Remus felt sick at that logic. It was something he would have come up with, in his first year. Before the Marauders knew. "I d-don't know—"

"I'll write to your headmaster!" Hope set the cards down and stood up. "It's a great idea."

"We can't afford Floo powder!" Remus pointed out, jumping to his feet. "Not with wh-what you did for me in the cellar!" He noticed she hesitated at that. "I don't want to waste money…"

"Oh, a pinch of Floo powder would be less expensive than the petrol to get there and back again," Hope said, clapping her hands. "This is such a good idea! And you can say you were ill. Isn't that what you've been doing? Pretending to be ill outside of the—those times?"

I was, he thought, realizing he hadn't done it for a long time. "I don't want to be a bother for Dad—"

"No bother!" Hope looked so ecstatic. "He'll be so happy."

Remus began panicking, trying to figure out how to stop this. He didn't want to wait till Sunday night! He wracked his brains as Hope began searching for a pencil and paper, and finally figured out a good excuse. "Arthur isn't up for the trip!"

That got her to stop, shoulders drooping. "Yes," she said slowly, very disappointed. "You're right. I wasn't thinking of him. I—I guess you'll have to go tomorrow, there's no way to contact Professor Dumbledore."

"No," he agreed, trying not to sigh in relief or sound happy as his mother looked devastated.

/\/\/\/\/\

Except that night before supper Hope talked to Lyall at great length about it. Remus didn't hear exactly what his mother said but when Lyall returned to the kitchen with Hope he admitted it would be less expensive to use Floo powder. Remus brought up the fact Arthur couldn't make the trip, and Lyall said they'd simply send a message via Floo.

"It'll still be cheaper," he said, going to grab his hat and coat. "I'll Apparate into town and use the fireplace—"

"I WANT TO GO TOMORROW!" Remus shouted, and both his parents gave him startled looks. Remus shrank back. "Er—because, I mean, I—I don't want to cause a bother, with Hagrid needing to fetch me from Hogsmeade on Sunday."

Lyall slowly put his hat and coat back on the rack before crossing the room to Remus who knew he had screwed up. Lyall grabbed his shoulder, yanking him into the other room. "Don't you ever raise your voice like that to your mother," he hissed out, digging his nails into Remus; he could feel them through the cloth. "Ever!"

"I'm s-sorry—"

Lyall opened the cellar door and pointed. "Go to your room."

"I haven't had sup—"

"Go to your room!"

"Y—yes sir," he squeaked, realizing if he didn't obey he might get smacked for it. Quickly he fled down the stairs, tripping at the bottom. Not that his father noticed since as soon as Remus headed down, Lyall slammed the door shut. Remus lay at the foot of the stairs, hearing Lyall ranting about Remus's attitude, and Hope trying to defend him.

He crawled back up the stairs, pressing his ear to listen in. It sounded like Lyall was still going to go use the pub's Floo network to contact Dumbledore. He couldn't, he couldn't!

"Dad!" Remus opened the door and ran out, knowing how much trouble he was going to get in. "You can't do that!" Lyall looked completely shocked that Remus had appeared again but before he could say anything, Remus continued with, "We can't use the public Floo network, it's too suspicious having us do that, isn't it? Plus you—you hate us being involved in town."

"I wasn't going to use the one in town," Lyall said, fury tinging his voice. "I was going to Ottilie's store and use the fireplace there."

Remus frowned. "We'd have to use the pub's network on Sunday."

"Driving to Caerphilly and back is a lot quicker and cheaper than to London and back," Lyall pointed out.

Remus had a sudden image of this being what happened every time he had to go back to Hogwarts. He wanted to protest further—think of something to stop this! But all he could do was whine as Lyall hauled him back to the cellar. This time Lyall took him all the way down and threw him in his room, telling him he needed to stop with the attitude and shut his mouth.

"I'll deal with you when I get back," he snapped before storming up the stairs.

Remus pushed himself back against the wall, knowing he had lost the fight. What would the Marauders think if he wasn't on the train? They wouldn't write, would they? They knew not to write. Right?

/\/\/\/\/\

It took forever for Remus to get to sleep that night. The couple of whallops Lyall had given his backside had long healed, but it almost seemed like he could still feel them. Not to mention the humiliation of being spanked at thirteen. He hadn't been spanked like that since he was nine.

When morning came he was too sad to get out of bed. He simply rolled over to stare at his mostly-packed bag. Lyall had managed to talk to Dumbledore, and there were arrangements for Sunday. Dumbledore had agreed it would help with Remus 'being sick' outside the full moon to throw off suspicion.

Hope called Remus for breakfast. She called for him again a few minutes later when he didn't appear, then again shortly after that. After another couple of minutes passed he heard the cellar door open and his mother's footsteps coming down. She tapped at the door to his room before opening it without asking.

"Remus, breakfast is ready," she said.

He rolled over, his back to her. "I'm not hungry."

"You didn't get supper last night," she said. And whose fault is that?! he thought angrily, remaining silent. "You need to eat something—"

"I'm not hungry!"

She fell silent. "Right," she sniffled after a moment, and retreated.

Remus curled up, suspecting his father would come barging down the stairs soon and sure enough within two minutes he was opening Remus door.

"Remus John Lupin!"

Remus pulled his blanket up over his head. "I don't feel good."

Lyall stomped over, jerking the blanket off. "Don't lie to me. Go upstairs, and eat breakfast."

Remus had curled up even more when the blanket was pulled away and now he peered out from under his arm. "I'm not hungry."

Lyall glowered at him. "If you're purposely trying to hurt your mother you're doing a damned good job of it."

A flash of guilt at those words.

Lyall sat down on the bed and Remus waited to be smacked again. Instead Lyall asked, "Why does it matter if you go back to Hogwarts today or not?"

Remus rolled onto his back and sat up, hugging his knees to his chest as he tried to think of something that wasn't friends. "Homework," he finally said. "I wanted to fix my essays. I was going to use tomorrow to do so and now I can't."

Lyall pushed his hair back then gave a long sigh. "I know it probably seems we're being unfair. But… your mother misses you. A lot."

"I know, b—"

"It's my fault," Lyall said, as if he hadn't heard Remus (or just didn't care). "I should have encouraged separation between the two of you more when you were growing up… of course we had no idea you'd be going to Hogwarts. I assumed you'd be with us until—well, obviously that's different now, and your mother has had to go through a lot of adjustment." He turned his narrowed eyes to Remus. "She just wants to spend time with you so I would appreciate it if you don't spend the day sulking down here and hurting her more."

With that he left the room.

Remus got out of bed, miserably getting dressed and going upstairs. It took a lot of effort pretending to stay cheerful, especially when the time came they'd normally leave. Lyall suggested they go take a walk in the woods together since it was a nice day, and Hope loved the idea. Remus reluctantly agreed and soon they were outside, Lyall and Hope holding hands while Remus kicked at stones and twigs on the ground. He did pick a few flowers to give to his mother, hoping that would make up for his sullen attitude, but it was obvious he was hurting her.

He got another lecture when they got back to the house, Lyall once again making it clear Remus needed to stop. He tried, he did try. He helped Hope make supper that night, forcing himself to act as though he was fine. After they ate they retired to the living room where Lyall put on some old swing albums and danced with Hope. Remus watched them with a smile on his face. While he was still very grouchy about being forced to stay home another night, he slowly began relaxing. Swing dancing really looked fun. He had seen them do it before and it always impressed him. He thought it'd be terrific to learn, though with his clumsiness and his strength he'd be more likely to toss his partner clear across the room.

Eventually he got up to dance with his mother, feeling good, at least, that he was able to make her so happy. When he went to bed that night he wasn't quite as furious as he was the night before, and when morning came he was all excited again because he'd get to finally see his friends!

Tonight! he thought as he ate breakfast, unless his parents found some way to keep him back even longer. But no, Lyall confirmed they'd be going into Caerphilly in the afternoon. Since he was in a much cheerier mood the day went by a lot nicer. He spent as much time as he could with his mother until he needed to finish packing.

It was weird, Lyall being with them. Remus sat in the backseat, watching the countryside pass by as they drove down to Caerphilly. It was a mostly Muggle place with a small wizarding community attached, which was where Lyall worked. Ottilie's store was rather prominent on the main street going through the wizarding community.

Hope parked carefully and Lyall unlocked the door, letting them in. Remus peered around the shop, not having been there much except a couple of times when he was very little. It looked rather eerie in the dark.

"Miss Crouch is so kind to let us do this," Remus remarked as Lyall led them through the shop and into a sitting room area where there was a large fireplace.

"She's even giving us the Floo powder for free," Hope added to Remus.

Lyall lit the fireplace then found the little copper pot that held Floo powder. Hope let out a quiet sigh before hugging Remus tightly, kissing his forehead multiple times as she began her usual goodbye routine. Somehow he managed to peel away from her and, gripping his bag, stepped into the fireplace with his father.

Remus hadn't traveled via Floo network before and if Lyall didn't have a tight grip on Remus's arm then he wasn't sure what he'd do. They spun wildly around, seeing glimpses of living rooms which Remus thought was a horrible invasion of privacy, and there was soot everywhere, and then suddenly they were stumbling out into a room with multiple fireplaces. The Hogsmeade Floo Connection was a small building dedicated to people coming and going from the wizarding town.

Remus stumbled around then fell on his butt, coughing into his arm. "I think I prefer portkeys," he croaked out.

Lyall was brushing the soot off his clothes then pulled Remus to his feet, knocking the soot off his clothes too. "Apparation is the best. Perhaps I should train in slide-along Apparation… though that does mean getting a license from the Ministry…"

Remus couldn't say much to that, only cough some more as Lyall took him outside. They went down the street towards where they were meeting Hagrid. On the way, as they were approaching a corner, Remus stopped in his tracks. Lyall hesitated, giving him a curious look.

Remus heard voices down the other street. Marauder voices. They must have snuck in…!

"Um." Remus wasn't sure what to do. Lyall gave an annoyed sound as he grabbed Remus's hand, pulling him.

They turned the corner and sure enough Remus could see James, Sirius, and Peter in front of Zonko's. James was talking loudly about some prank he had in mind, while Sirius and Peter laughed. Sirius was the first one to see Remus and Lyall, and his eyes slowly got wide, his laughter quieting. Peter followed his stare, then James; all three were staring wide-eyed at Remus who was desperately trying not to look at them.

Lyall, having no clue who any of them were, kept walking, pulling Remus along.

Peter opened his mouth. Sirius put his hand over it, yanking him back, and then all three of them dove back into Zonko's just as the Lupins grew near. Remus could see them peering out the store window. Lyall was staring straight ahead so Remus chanced a look at his friends before being pulled along.

"I'm—I'm thirteen!" he suddenly said, trying to pull his hand away, realizing suddenly what it must look like.

"You were standing around and not moving," Lyall complained, but let go.

Remus glanced over his shoulder at his friends' faces pressed up against Zonko's window, then hurried after his father. A few minutes later they were at the open area where carriages usually gathered for students, and there was Hagrid waiting for them.

"All righ' there, Lupin?" Hagrid asked pleasantly. "Feelin' better?"

"Um, y—yes, thank you," Remus whispered, putting his bag in the carriage. "S-sorry for the trouble…"

"No trouble," Hagrid promised with a wink.

Remus said goodbye to his father then climbed up into the carriage. Hagrid joined him, and soon the thestral was pulling them along towards Hogwarts. Remus kept glancing around, knowing his friends would be going to the stump to go back but having a weird feeling like he'd somehow see them on the way.

Of course he didn't, and they arrived at Hogwarts without any incident. Remus thanked Hagrid and began hauling his bag through the school, not seeing anyone he really knew on the way. Aside from Peeves, who followed him for a few floors calling him an ickle firstie (despite knowing perfectly well Remus was a second year) and making fun of his size.

"You're smaller than me," Remus snapped on the fifth floor.

Peeves floated upside down. "I'm supposed to be! Unless you're part goblin!" Then he began calling Remus a goblin for a bit until he realized Remus was ignoring him and Peeves floated off, bored.

The Gryffindor common room was almost completely empty. That didn't surprise Remus, since it was an extremely nice day; when they pulled up at the castle he had seen loads of students outside.

Up in the dorm, he dumped his bag out on his bed then collapsed down, head in hands, feeling tired. The extra night away had made it feel like an eternity. He kicked off his shoes and flopped back, digging Gwyllgi out of his pile of stuff. The plan was to curl up and rest but within a few minutes he heard his friends on the stairs. Quickly he put Gwyllgi under his pillow, sitting up just as the door burst open.

"REMUS!" they all shrieked, flinging themselves across the room to crowd around him all of them hugging tightly.

"Hey guys," he laughed, hugging back. It was so good to see them again, to be with them again. To feel their arms around him. "You didn't cut your trip into Hogsmeade short because of me, did you?"

"Of course we did," James said, pulling away. They all sat on his bed around him and Remus pushed his stuff off the bed, deciding to clean it up later.

"What the hell happened?" Sirius demanded.

"We were so shocked to see you there!" Peter added. "I mean, you were missing yesterday and nobody knew what happened except McGonagall said you were sick when we asked which is a big fat lie, but then suddenly you're walking down the main street of Hogsmeade!"

Remus scooted back. "My—my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to stay an extra night, to pretend I was sick," he said, editing the real version, not wanting to admit his mother was so… clingy. "I didn't want to. I tried to convince them, but I didn't have an argument."

James pushed his glasses up. "Couldn't you just say you wanted to come back?"

Remus frowned, not wanting to say how angry his father had gotten when he tried to get them to let him leave. He didn't want them knowing any of that. He suspected if they knew more about his father they might agree with Fawley, and he didn't want that to happen. "For what? The only excuse I had was homework. I can't exactly say 'my friends will miss me'. Oh, bloody hell, that reminds me, I need to go to the library—"

Sirius reached out, grabbing his sleeve as he started to get out of bed. "Later! I haven't seen you in over two weeks. Merlin, don't you run off."

Remus sank back down on his bed, feeling rather hot and flustered sitting with Sirius in his bed; he was suddenly frightened that would happen again, like it did when he looked at the magazine, but so far while he felt kinda tingly he didn't seem to be in danger of—of that.

"Right, sorry. I—well, in any case, I'm back now." None of them look very pleased, and he began to feel awkward. "Um, how were—were your holidays?"

"I get trying to do something to—I mean, I get the idea to—to pretend you're sick," James said, stumbling with his words, "but it seems weird they wouldn't let you come back when you wanted."

Remus rubbed his forehead. "It's fine," he lied. "It's—it does help. It—I really need to be more cautious. If you three figured it out then… I need to be more cautious."

"Doesn't seem right though, making you stay when you didn't want to," Peter mumbled.

"No, it's fine."

"Maybe… maybe you should tell them you have friends," Peter suggested, and Remus went very stiff. "Um, I mean, if they knew we still care about you even though—"

"No!" Remus snapped, and Peter shrank back a little. "S-sorry. No. That—that wouldn't go well."

"Peter does have a point," James said slowly. "If your parents knew how much we'd do to protect you—how far we'd go—they might not—"

"No!" he said again, curling his hands into fists. "They wouldn't understand, all right? They wouldn't. I—I know what you're meaning but if they knew, even if they knew you were fine with that, they'd—they'd panic, and pull me out of school. No, it—no."

There were an uncomfortable few seconds and Remus felt sick, hating himself for causing so many problems like this. For causing tension.

"It's all right," Sirius said, eyes locked onto Remus. "You're the one who knows your parents and knows how they'll react and we need to respect that."

James and Peter both frowned, but didn't say anything else on the matter.

"How were your holidays?" Remus asked in a quiet voice, hoping they could move on.

Nobody spoke for a bit until James smiled. "Mi sono divertito tantissimo!" he exclaimed in a grand voice, sweeping his arms out. "That means I had a great time. Um, I think. It took ages for me to memorize that," he admitted with a laugh. "I probably still got it wrong. Ooh, Remy, you'd love it at Torre Strego! È bellissima! I think that means it's a beautiful town. So much historic stuff. Real history-history stuff, I mean, like—well, I got you something."

"James—"

James was at his trunk, digging through. "Shut up, I got everyone something. Ahhh!" He pulled a paper bag out and thrust it into Remus's hands. Remus pulled out a big heavy book on the history of Torre Strego and the surrounding area. "I hope you like it."

"I'm sure I'll love it," Remus promised, flipping it open. "It seems fascinating."

James rambled about Italy for a while talking about the various places they went, then Peter grumbled about having to fake being a Muggle and how much he hated his cousins, and finally Sirius said very little about his holidays other than the fact he was glad they were over.

"I'm glad to be home," he said, stretching out on Remus's bed.

"My bed is your home?"

Sirius grinned. "It is now."

Remus shook his head, amused though. "I'm glad to be back too."

"Meee tooo," Peter said.

James gave a shrug. "I love being with my parents but it's definitely better to be with you three. A million times better. One for all, all for one—"

"And four to the end!" all four of them chorused before bursting into laughter.

They all fell back onto Remus's bed, and Remus was squashed between Sirius and Peter with James on Peter's other side, their limbs all tangled; he was so happy to be with them again, it just felt so right. All the anxiety and misery from his time home seemed to melt away, and he wished this was the way things could always be.