*warning long fucking chapter, also tear-jerker. Also, If speaking about sexual assault triggers you DO NOT READ.
NUKA
*still that same night
"Wait what?" Shanti furrowed her brows in confusion as she looked at me. Her eyes followed my frantic walking. Kings, what was she not getting- she just can't understand. I needed to change plans and change them fast. I have to keep the advantage over Simba, and every move I make matters for the life of my legacy.
"I...i need to change plans and fast...I need to think of everything he'll have planned..." My mind was racing, I felt like I was missing something, like a piece of my mastermind puzzle was not in its place to be played. Fuck!, this is all her fault- mothers ruining everything- she just couldn't stay the fuck dead huh. She couldn't give me that peace of mind, could she. Well, I'll show her! Please, she has the nerve to tell me I'm not strong enough to handle the blood on my paws.
Please, I kill for fucking fun! her blood meant nothing, she means NOTHING, I don't know fear, I CAUSE fear, I am fear- " Hello Nuka?"
"Huh...what?" dammit, I looked over to Shanti who was distracting me from my thoughts, my thinking. "what is it?"
"You never told me why you're changing everything, I thought we were in this together... you're sending the hyenas where?" kings, I didn't have time to explain. I need to get this moving, I needed to stay ahead. "Nuka talk to me." There's nothing to talk about. I'm taking these extra precautions to do what needs to be done. I stopped pacing. "Nuka what's with you-"
"I'm fine!" damn, why wouldn't she just leave me alone. Shanti paused and looked over me for a second. I felt her eyes pierce right through me. I could tell she didn't believe me, she must think I'm lying, she must think I'm weak for worrying...but I'm not weak I'm not, I'm NOT "I just need...to get more things done before he comes..." I voiced, annoyed with myself. I can't believe I'm letting Simba get under my fur like this. He's nobody, the fuck am I so worried for?
"More things done? what else can you do Nuka, there's no need to worry about him. We have every advantage." please, of course, she would think this, doe she not know how left this battle can go for us, for ME if I'm not prepared! I will no go out like my father, what a fool to let his guard down the way he did. Dying in his own filth and shit, from the snake poison. That is NOT how I am going to go.
"You don't know that." I had to cut her off, how could she be so sure? The last time I checked she couldn't predict the fucking future. " You would be a fucking fool to think this could go perfect..." I spoke under my breath, but to be honest I didn't give a damn if she had heard what I had said anyway. From looking at her expression, she had heard what I said.
"b..but it was, you took over the mountain pride." please she sounded so stupid...so, so predictable! "Everything played off as you said."
"Yeah, but I lost Nala" did she not remember that, right, of course, she did because she let them get away. What does it matter if I know where she is. She's not here, how can I keep control over her if she's not by my SIDE. I NEED her. Simba would be a fool to not use her against me.
"...and the cub," added Shanti in a low voice, a voice I could barely hear.
"Huh, what did you say?"
"Vitani's son, he's gone too remember, it not just your... precious Nala." ugh, please the last thing I need is for her to try to be jealous. lionesses I swear. Look I have her, but I'm a king. I don't have to explain a damn thing to her. I have her and I want her, but I WANT more. She will never be the lioness that helped turned me into the lion the RULER I was meant to be. That milestone- that position has been filled. and she can never replace or repeat that. Nala will always have a spot sitting next to me. Shanti then turned and went back to lay down. And it's not like she's been doing plenty of that lately. "Fine Nuka do what you want."
"Don't say it like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you don't care."
"I do care Nuka, you're the one whos been acting all weird lately." please what was she talking about, I'm fine, and I'll damn sure be better when I wipe my cousin from this earth. Then I will finally be able to sleep at night." are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay then, why don't you come lie down and sleep with me, please, don't you want to feel the cub."
"Can't."
"You can't or won't?" the undertone, the condemnation in her voice. I didn't like it. I'm over here doing what's best for me- for US. Then it hit me. Of course, it made perfect sense.
"You think I'm crazy don't you?" Of course, she thought this, it all makes sense now, it's all in the way she looks at me. I knew it... I knew I never should have told her! "Say it." from the way she was looking at me, I could tell she was thinking something...wanting to tell me something. but she didn't have the guts to say it. "Say it, Shanti."
"What?" oh don't act dumb. "Nuka what are you talking about?"
" I said YOU think I'm crazy! ever since I told you about me seeing my mother." I watched her demeanor change. she was growing more concerned now, I watched her sit up and avoid my eye contact. I knew it, she must think I'm a fucking lunatic. " I knew it, you think I'm losing my fucking mind, don't you..."
"Nuka-"
"DON'T YOU?!"
"I DON'T!" I wasn't expecting her to yell back. But as quickly as she found her voice she soon dropped it. It's only because she is the mother of my cub, that I consider her my equal in that regard. otherwise, if she were anyone else the next movement wouldn't be her talking, it'd be her getting up from the ground. "I don't think you're crazy, but I do think you're working yourself up. Look you're not sleeping, you barely eat now, you're constantly thinking about this fucking cousin who hasn't even shown up yet. You're worried about literally nothing Nuka, we have the advantage of territory and the advantage of numbers. at this rate, YOU'LL be the death of you, not him."
I guess that was a fair enough point.
"...Sorry." I felt that was the most appropriate thing for me to say. fuck, even if I hate to admit it, she's right. I can't let a couple of bad nights mess with me. "...nothing can come between me and my legacy Shanti, nothing."
"I know Nuka...I know, but what's the point of a legacy if you're dead. So stop worrying"
"Fine. fine."
"Good...just come to bed, okay?'' Get yourself together Nuka, Shanti right. I'm overdoing it, everything will work out the way I planned like it always does-
She's right Nuka. Relax, son, overstressing isn't good.
"Fuck! NO!" I turned my head. Nothing...there was nothing, just like the last time I heard her. But she was right behind me, I could feel her! I hate this! I hate her, she's going to drive me crazy. "Just leave me the fuck alone..."
"What's wrong?!" I turned back to see Shanti walking towards me. I couldn't even tell if that was in my own head or not. At this point it's starting to be all the same to me now...why she is fucking with me? she wants me to lose it, she wants me to be defeated...I can't be defeated, I won't be defeated. I took a moment to shake the nerves from my body.
"...N-nothing." I voiced clearing my throat. "I just remembered something...I have to go."
"...Nuka?"
But I had left before she had the chance to tell me anything else. I had another move to play, just to make sure I haven't left out any other valuable pieces.
SIMBA
Looking over this place, I couldn't help but noticed how beautiful everything was. It oddly reminded me, so much of the pridelands, the parts I can still vividly remember. The air was always so cool in the morning, the skies endless, and everything just felt right. Last night, we had found the Valley pride den. I painfully just wanted to go in there and, tell them what they need to know, get them on my side, and be done with it.
This halfway left like a needless step, something that was an obstacle that was in my way from getting to want I truly wanted...but I needed this. If I want to demolish Nuka, this is necessary. Besides killing him, this will definitely avoid a pride war between the Mountain and Valley pride. I just hope their petty pride issues can be squashed for the greater good of everyone.
But I doubt this will be that easy...hopefully, the three hyena bodies will say enough. I kept watch overnight, I knew the odds of them discovering us were slim. My nerves were just getting to me, I guess. Daybreak was soon approaching, and there would be no better time to get an audience with the king and queen. I turned from my post and headed back towards the others.
"You know, I think saying an impending threat of war sounds good. Your sons will be killed, and your lionesses, queen and daughters will be taken, and one can only imagine the horrors of what could happen to them. Hmp, that would worry any king. At least that would be something I would say." Kings, I'm really starting to hate the voice in my head now. The sad part is, I've easily grown used to it. I expect to be visited by him now.
"I'm sure that would be a tactic you would use Scar." I must look ridiculous talking to myself.
"Diplomacy was never my strong suit. But threats were. And to be honest, most kings rarely follow or listen to diplomacy"
"Is this some way of you giving me advice? Spare me."
"Listen, son, I'm only trying to help you."
"hmp, you must be having a boring time in hell then."
"Hmp, by asking him he will or telling him he will? Remember real kings get what they want by taking, and NOT asking."
" ugh, save me the time and headspace Scar. I know what I have to do-" I stopped when I saw Nala. She was walking towards me. " What are you doing out here?"
"I came to look for you, I was just checking to see if you were okay, last night went crazy and I was just making sure everyone was okay." Aw, she's checking to see if you were okay, charmed, but little does she know how much you enjoyed that little attack. Who knew that taking a life could be so invigorating. So seemed to be more at home, an anyone. It looks like all that training paid off-
"Shut up..."
"huh?"
" I mean-Yeah, I'm fine. I should be asking you that, how's your shoulder?" Nala eyed me from the corner of her eye. Shit I know she heard that, and she probably thinks I'm speaking to her- fucking Scar.
Oh I'm terribly sorry nephew.
"Sore honestly, but I can still move it." She moved her left shoulder up and down stiffly. She let out a sigh, she seemed frustrated "But I don't think it'll ever go back to normal though..."
"Probably not, Ha you fucked it up pretty bad." I watched her roll her eyes at me.
"Well, thanks for being optimistic."
"Why have optimism when you have facts. Hey, I didn't ask, but whos your mother?"
"She's good... tired and a bit bruised, so are the others. but considering how they could be, I'm grateful. They'll be ready when you need them to be. You have no idea how much you're doing this has already helped everyone." don't worry, I can imagine. If only I was there to helped them more, before. Then I wonder how far he would have gotten? I'd have the feeling that I'd already be dead. But at least if I were dead, know I would have dragged him down with me, then all this shit would have be avoided.
"...Nala?" I found myself asking her with really no question. The thought the idea that I had was nonsense and not needed to be put out there.
"Yeah? you look like you want to say something."
"Uh, nevermind." I couldn't stand it when I couldn't figure out what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it. if I could just pick one of the many rambling questions that were floating around in my head, I would. " It's nothing." yeah let me just shut up, before I say the wrong thing.
"Don't be scared."
"Scared, hmp what made you think that?" not that my nervous laugh gave anything away. "I'm ready to get this audience over with. We're going to go in there, and I figured that it would be best for you and your mother to be the ones to speak. Tell them everything you know."
"You're not going to say anything?"
"...Not my place, I'm here for back up and to carry the bodies."
"but I thought- nevermind, you're right this will work too. I just still think it might be more impactful if you told them who you were and your relation to Nuka. That way we don't seem like a few rebelling lionesses causing trouble."
"It won't be seen that way. you and Sarafina just tell them everything. And I think it is best that you don't mention that the other lionesses are from the mountain pride."
"that's a good idea, I think they'd be able to see the difference between us. We look nothing like the mountain pride lionesses. Besides Mwenya told me about their past, they were battling for territory constantly. The fighting only stopped recently within the last few years or so. with all that fighting, you're bound to recognize your enemy."
"Then what are you thinking?" because from that look I knew she was concerned with something. " You're thinking the others shouldn't come with us, aren't you?"
" Maybe not, we can't be too careful...but then that would leave us at an even greater disadvantage if things go south." everything she was saying was true, and you'd be stupid to not consider that as a possibility.
"You're right, it's better if they don't come. If they are recognized then we're done for. so it'll just be you and your mother."
"Is that enough?"
" Besides we're really here to get help, not cause trouble. And if shit does hit the fan you and your mother run and don't look back." let's just hope things don't hit the fan. "Come on, let get going."
We stood a little way outside the den. We drug the one hyena carcass with us. they stunk to high hell. Inside smells like rotting meat, likely from the literal shit, they ate. Everyone knows hyenas will eat almost anything as long as it fits in their mouth. I turned to Nala and her mother. "You two go up ahead, I'll be right behind you."
"Okay." I watched after as Nala and her mother left. Immediately as they broke through the tall grasses, the lionesses on watch were on them like a hawk. I couldn't tell how many there were from here, so I had to wait and count the voices.
"Stop right there who are you?" Voiced a lioness, so far I hear one.
"I'm Sarafina and this is my daughter Nala, we are here from the pridelands."
"Pride lands?" echoed a different voice. "You both came a long way. Why are you here?" said the second lioness.
"We're here to speak with the king and queen of the valley pride."
"Do you have an audience with the king?" a third voice now.
"No, we do not."
"Then I'll have to ask you to leave." figures that would be the first response. so we'll have to go by the second running plan then. I stood back, waiting patiently for my cue.
"Please, this is very important."
Ah, Sarafina, I do remember her. she was one of your mother's closest friends if I'm not mistaken. She did her damndest to get in the way of-
"Leave Scar..."
Why? I was just popping in on my not-so-little nephew again. Just seeing how things are going on your end. Of all the times...can't I get a break from this lion. I need to focus. I'm just here to makes sure everything goes to plan with you-
"Back off!"
Temper Temper...I forced myself to stay focus on the conversation at paw.
"I'm sure it is important, but whatever it is I'm afraid it will have to wait." this was the first lioness speaking again. "We can do you the favor of relaying your message, but any unplanned audience are not allowed to be seen by the royal family." wait was that actually a thing? Hell if I can actually remember. Scar never had an audience at pride rock his whole reign. but I could have sworn my father...didn't he, welcome anyone looking to seek his audience. Damn Simba, you're probably just making it all up for a fond memory you wished you remembered of a lion you forgot.
"No, you don't get it, he needs to hear it from us. we need to see him now." No doubt, that that was Nala. Even if we went over an entire plan together, anything can change at a drop of a feather with her. And she had the nerve to call me hot-headed.
Oh I remember her, you two use to follow each other around like cat and mouse when you were cubs. It was so annoying, I'm glad you outgrew that phrase. Great kings, how she's grown, she's looking every bit like her mother- Fuck it, grabbed the hyena carcasses and stepped forward. Maybe I could get him out of my head that way, if he sees me leaving. At least that's what I hope, being dead and all I don't know how the rules of the afterlife work. Apparently they can still conveniently talk to the living. ... as I got closer I could tell they were discussing having an audience with the king.
" And he would see you if you had an audience with him. which you don't. I'm sorry but we don't."
" And my daughter And I respect that." I could hear the mental side elbow Sarafina had just given. She couldn't let her emotions control everything. and I've noticed for both of us, that is a problem.
"Hmp do you?" whatever lioness was talking now, was not impressed by either of them. She also sounded older, likely Sarafina's age. So she's put up with the bullshit of others before, who had 'important' messages to give as well. Likely traps and all kind of nonsense.
"...yes we do, but this is a matter of a potential war." Sarafina clarified because in all tense and purposes we were running out of time.
"War? what do you mean war?" Now they had everyone's attention. Good.
"My mother's right. We've come here as a warning, a pack of hyenas and a pride of lions are coming here to the valley pride"
"Oh...oh hyenas and- and lions?" wait, why doesn't she sound convinced or at least concerned? this far fetched of a story would be hard for anyone to believe. " Young lioness is this some sort of joke?" No, who the hell wakes us and decides they're going to joke about something like this, you'd be facing major consequence if you did.
"What no, we're telling the truth! they took over our pride and they'll take over yours too... they're making their move here as we speak!" hmp, well that doesn't seem to be going too good. And I- personally was really convinced with the desperation she had in her voice. SHUT UP!
"That's nonsense, lions, and hyenas cannot live together let alone work together. And you're telling us they are coming here to march on Valley pride territory ha... don't waste my time. We don't even have hyenas in these parts."
"But we-"
"Please, if you would allow us to speak to the king and queen we can better explain there."
"Now if you two have nothing more to say, then I am kindly for the LAST time, going to ask you to leave. we have actually threats on worry about with other lions, not some tag team game, whatever your pride lands lionesses are saying-"
"No, we're not leaving."
"...Nala."
" Little lioness, If you do not leave our site, no our land in the next 5 seconds you WILL regret it" hmp, looks like diplomacy was not an option for them either.
"Fine, then I'll prove it. Simba!" as on cue I appeared from the grasses. Eager to see the lionesses who were giving Nala and her mother all the damn trouble. Immediately upon seeing see, all valley lionesses tensed up.
"Stop right there!" voiced one.
"Who are you?" said another. claws and teeth were bared and ready to be used.
"I thought it was just the two of you?" this was the lionesses that was speaking before, the one would need convincing. "This is an ambush!"
"He's with us." Nala paused " he's showing you the proof you need." right, with that I went back and dragged the carcass. Tossing it before the lionesses. They immediately jumped back once the mound hit the ground, kicking up dirt, blood, and old spilling guts.
"Great skies what the hell is that?"
"A Hyena," explained Nala matter-a-factly " and you're lucky he's a dead one. He was right in your territory just last night."
"Impossible! we do nightly patrol. We would have seen him, there's no way we would have let that dog sneak in!"
"Well you did, and you let three of them along with us." Said Sarafina. all valley pride lionesses snapped their heads to Sarafina. Taking what she had just said as an insult.
"What are you talking about?"
" Last night, I was escorted here by three hyenas along with two lionesses. We were sent here as a message to the King and Queen by King Nuka."
"Nuka? Who the hell is that?" said one lioness
"We've never heard of this king." voiced another.
"He's the new king that overthrew our kingdom with the added help of those hyenas. He's bloodthirsty and he is planning to take over this kingdom as well. We need to speak with your king and queen to prevent that from happening unless war is want you truly want." then we all stood at a standstill. what more could they want, we have the proof. a few seconds passed that felt like an eternity, as the lionesses passed glances between one another until the older lioness stepped forward.
" Fine come this way, and leave the body I'll send for someone to get it later."
We followed the three valley lionesses, each lioness still keeps an eye on all three of us. the older lioness lead the way, while the other two stayed tailing behind me. Nala and Sarafina walked in front. I guess if they're expected anyone of us to be the more dangerous one it'd be me.
When we came to the entrance of the main den, they stopped us. "Wait out here, we'll be back momentarily. Do not move." before either of us could reply she was gone, along with her other pride sister. One lioness did remain, to keep an eye on us. Before tension could rise, anymore from just us standing there, we began to hear paws walking our way. It was the same older lioness from before. glade that didn't take long. "Right this way."
I shared a glance with Nala before walking in.
Inside the royal den, lions from all ages sat around the base of their king and queen. The royal couple themselves were sitting on a platform. Just looking up at them, made you feel smaller than you actually were. You had no choice but to stare at their piercing eyes as they looked down on you. You could hear a mouse run across the floor if you listened close enough it was that quiet.
Whatever they were discussing we had clearly distrusted them. Great. "Bacari, who is this? I didn't know I had an audience." for all intense and purposes he sounded like he was an understanding lion.
"No you didn't sire, I'm sorry to disturb you, but these lions are from the pridelands. They have some...important information to tell you." Baraci stepped to the side and allowed the three of us to move forward. All eyes were on us. "You are now addressing King Aries and Queen Vaya."
"Please state your business here, who are you."
"I am Sarafina, my king. This is my daughter Nala and friend Simba. We come from the pride lands and we are seeking your help."
"Hmp, prideland, that's a rather far way, isn't it." Good, at least he's still listening. "What do you need help with?"
"A lion names Nuka, he's was the son of our last king, and now he leads how pride in chaos and disarray." Sarafina was being very selective with how she spoke her words.
"What are you dealing with a cub-king?" which is lion society isn't unread of, especially if the king of a pride were to suddenly die. His eldest son would rule right away. but it's not like that with all prides, when my father died my uncle took over. and my mother wouldn't let me rule because I was too young. I thought she would try to rule in my stead but...I guess it didn't work out that way. If it was supposed to at all. I just remember her shutting down when my uncle came.
"It is much worse then that, his father had sided with the hyenas that roamed the border of our land, together they overthrew our land and took everything." now we were starting to get the stares of confusion I expected. " And once his son took over he devasted our land so much, we were forced to leave our home." The King and Queen of the mountain pride looked intently upon Sarafina, they shared a glance at each other every now and then.
"A homeless pride, that is indeed sad." voiced Queen Vaya. "But where do my mate and our pride come into this? to me it just sounded like you were having internal pride problems that needed to be solved by the pride itself." ugh of course standard pride society would call that, but this is not a standard pride by any means. A standard pride would have a democracy if the king or queen started to fail the pride. but what we have is a dictatorship.
"And it was, we tired a reasonable insurrection once we were being pushed to the edge. But it was a failure...we lost many lives and our queen that day" her voice was shallow now, I could see the effect of that day read across Sarafina's face. "...it..it was..." Nala stepped forward to comfort her mother. I'd never seen her in tears before. Even after the news of my father...no, one else in the pride was really in tears. I never thought about it much til now. When it all makes sense, I can see they were trying to be strong for my mother more than anything.
How...how could I not see that before? was I just too much of a stupid cub to understand. For days I could remember my believing my father would come back, that he was just sleeping. Not dead, I couldn't understand death. "I am truly sorry, I can only imagine how hard this must have been." voiced King Aries, Sarafina nodded, I stepped closer and nuzzled her. She was shaking. I shared a glance with Nala, there was no way we could get her to continue speaking about this.
"...mom," Nala said under her voice. "Maybe you should go outside."
"..n...no, I can do this..." but her shaky breathing had not stopped. If anything, it was getting worse. "I... can't let you two down."
"Mommy, I've got this, okay?" Nala nuzzled her mother, and between their eyes they shared a moment I could only see from the outside. I couldn't imagine what the two could be saying, only a mother-daughter connection " Go, it'll be fine." Sarafina nodded slowly, before turning to leave. No one in the valley pride questioned it, they just let her go. "It has been a very hard 2 years for my mother and me I." added Nala.
"I see." there was a pause before he spoke again. The atmosphere in the den had changed, dramatically. It could be seen that this would be a serious situation for the valley pride to consider, but it was downright desperation for the pride land lionesses. "Now if you don't mind me asking, please tell me about these hyenas? I heard there is a pack of them?" King Aries had looked at the lioness Baraci, who was to his right. no doubt in hell she told them of this.
"Yes, there is...they follow under our king...n..Nuka" Nala looked like she could have thrown up, just from saving his name. "He controls our every move with them, they do everything for him."
"What are their numbers?" asked King Aries
"Before we left pride rock, at least in the 20's. They along were twice the number of our pride. and his father Scar...had outside lions join our pride as well." He did?
"And Scar is dead?"
"Yes."
"And his son Nuka is in rule correct?" Nala nodded. " and you told my lionesses that they are headed here, along with a pride of lions?" King Aries was starting to up the pieces together. but I feared he would put too much together, I got the vibe from King Aries that he was a very patient and methodical thinker. I could see Nala was seeing he was putting the pieces together too. We were both starting to get nervous.
"Tell me, young one" Queen Vaya. "where does your pride reside now, and how were you all able to get away?"
"well, there was another insurrection and we were able to escape." I nodded going along with her plan. "and mother was sent here by orders of the king as a warning." we both watched as King Aries continued to nodd his head. He and his mate were like a tag-team when it came to their questions.
"To relinquish our territory or face war?" King Aries almost sounded amused " yes, it's all been said many times before." When you're an experienced king you see a thing or two.
"yes!...yes! that is what will happen if we don't get help. That king is forcing us against our will into a battle we don't want."
"I see. And we valley pride have no quarrel with the pride lands."
"No, no you don't..." he was considering it, I could see he was considering it. He then turned to his queen, said a few words in her ear and then turned to us.
"I'd much rather our pride remains neutral with the pridelands than to potentially gain a new enemy. alright, we will do want we can to help you." that was all Nala and I needed to hear, before everything seemed to tune out. YES! finally
"Really?! Thank you, thank you so much!" the king and queen said nothing, while they let Nala and I have our moment to just breathe and live in the feeling of complete happiness.
"My mate and I are glad we could be of help to you and your pride." Queen Vaya. "How much of our lionesses will you need? if there is a threat of both hyenas and lions, I can imagine you'll need numbers." the high we both had, had started to fade. Now we had to get into the logistic of battle...something I know we both hadn't planned for.
" The lions will not be a problem" voiced Nala, almost breathless. "Only they hyenas, once they see we have the numbers to take down the hyenas evenly they will turn against them. they are just being held against their will and are trying to survive."
"I see. I see."
"And once the hyenas see they are outnumbered, they'll turn tail and abandoned him." the way Nala spoke had me convinced, in reality, she had no idea how it would play out. she's going off of survival. No one whats to die, or willingly follow someone to their death. The hyenas will find a spark of sense and abandoned Nuka once they see the tides of battle have clearly changed.
"And once this is all over how will you handle this king of yours?"
"Lionesses justice."
"And once this is all over, how will you repay our pride?" of course, there had to be a give and take, how could I forget. I could remember my father saying something about that a long time ago, but I never paid attention to his lessons. Kings, how stupid! How could I not even think of that... the look on Nala face changed completely, she had no idea what they meant.
"..could you...give me a moment" Nala quickly turned to face me. Panic on her face "...Simba what does that mean?"
"They are giving their lionesses away to help us, so in return, they can take something they will need from us later need. It's to make sure the trade stays even."
" ... I don't know what we can give, we have nothing. What do I say?" I thought for a moment.
"Allies are popular, they give you want you need, you strike an alliance with them. The enemy of your friend is your enemy, even if you have no tides with them." Nala looked torn, she knew she'd be saying something she couldn't fully commit. "Just go with an alliance."
"But I can't keep that."
"So lie."
"Lie? I can't do that...what if they find out, we'd be good as dead or they can pull out and leave us high and dry." kings we've come so far, the last thing we need is for her to mess it up trying to be righteous. everyone knows alliances are complicated and only a fool would keep his word.
Remember kings, rarely follow democracies...
"They won't if they don't know, look. My uncle says kings don't follow democracies. It's just a bunch of bull Nala."
"Are you really going to quote your fucking uncle to me right now? are you kidding me!" fucking yes, because it will be the only way it'll work.
"Just said it Nala."
"fuck...fine." reluctantly she turned back to face the king and queen. You could say we gathered a little amused audience from our back and forth. We were starting to overstay our welcome by now. " we prideland lions can offer an alliance."
"Fair and sensible trade, you're friend seems to know something." well, let's hope so.
"Yeah, he'd better..." voiced Nala under her breath. "may I asks what would our alliance intel?" no, I shook my head in objection the moment she asked this, it didn't help that the king chuckled. I had a feeling this would not work out the way she'll want.
"Simple, we help you defeat your enemies and you help us defeat ours. it doesn't have to be all at once, but a time will come. Just make sure you keep your word to us, and they'll be no problem." Nala swallowed hard, why the hell would she even asks that. she knew what the answer would be "Now then, where does your pride reside now, so we can send you the help there."
"Oh, where we're staying?" Nala's voice was trailing off to buy time. "well, we've traveled a lot these pasts few days. I can't exactly say where we are..."
"Then you'll have yourself returning emptied paw young lioness." I was starting to think Queen Vaya could see through our front." Especially if you think we'd send the members of our pride to the middle of nowhere." I quickly leaned into Nala's ear.
"Tell them pride rock." I could see the objection in her eyes, kings now was NOT the time to be truthful!
"But there's no one at pride rock...we need them at the mountain pride, where Vitani is."
"And there's no way you're going to get them to go there. Nala we are so close to getting them to help us, don't say something that might mess it up-"
"But it's a lie Simba, they have to trust us, don't you get it...there's no way to get around this, we have to tell the truth. We don't know they may look past it and-"
"Screw the truth Nala, don't be ridiculous just get them on our side now, and if they object we'll make them, big deal!" kings I can't see how the hell this is so difficult for her to see, king my uncle was right she is a weak link " it'll be nothing, you just have to know how to control them to get them to do what you want once they're away from their king."
"...Control them? Simba do you even realize what you're saying. We can't make them do a damn thing, we're the damn beggars here-" a cough from the king brought us back to reality. now he and his mate's expression had changed, from patient to irritated. We were bullshitting them.
"Seeing they you two had an unplanned audience, I find you both are running low on time. Now tell us where you need my pride or please leave." Nala hesitated, and looked away from me, fuck.
"We need your lionesses to go to the mountain pride because that is where we're residing..." I tasted the blood on my tongue as I watched both king and queen expression. Great...
"Excuse me, what do you mean you are residing in the mountain Pride?"
"We were forced to join with them and-"
"So you're telling me you pride lives among side them, sleeps among them!"
"...yes...but-"
"and you came to ask for an alliance with us, when you're joined with our enemy!" repeated Nala tried to add to her side of the story but King Aries kept cutting her off. " Do you not know our history with that pride?"
"I do, that's why I had to tell you the truth. they need your help too-"
"What fool helps his enemy! I'm sorry but do you not know how the game of prides works? Do you know how many lions they've slaughter on our land?"
"Their king was murder, and the queen has stepped down, they are no threat to you. Believe me, they want peace-but they will be a threat to you if they're forced to fight you!" she was roaring up the wrong tree, they weren't going to help us. " I can still promise my alliance to you, but we just need help to be in the position to do so. Regardless, a pack of bloodthirsty hyenas is being brought here and soon, by my power crazy monster who will stop at nothing...please you have to believe me. We'd all be safer if we team up together, neither one of us can beat both lion and hyena fighting together."
The king, still shook his head, disregarding Nala. but to my surprised, I could see the queen start to listen. But the king would be the one to call the final shot if he didn't feel moved to send his lionesses to help us, then they won't be coming. "and who are you?" the queen raised a high brow, a question brewing in her head. " I know you aren't a queen, so what importance do you have in your pride to even make such a demand?" Nala shifted back and forth on her back heels. she looked like she was ready to run, but something greater was forcing her to stay here.
"No I'm not a queen, I'm not even related to my pride royal family. I'm... nothing...I just want to save my family"
"And then you have the audacity to asks us for our services when you don't even hold standing!" for some odd reason the king was more vexed about the situation than the queen, and at this point, I think he just had a problem with Nala, and that was starting to piss me off. "This whole thing would have been a double-crossing for us anyway, saying how you live among the mountain pride. Trust, we have our spite with them for a reason-"
"Look! we already knew what we were getting ourselves into when we decided to come here. We knew you had spite with the mountain pride, we knew you believing us about this impending war with a pack of fucking hyenas was a long short-but we came anyway! because we need your help." my tone with the king was unexpected and I could understand the sudden tension in the air. From the looks of things, the king-which now looked as if he aged a few years from this conversation, was more pissed. His queen, who oddly looked bemused.
"Oh so her friend can speak. I was wondering when he was actually going to say something. The little side comments between you two were becoming annoying." the king turned to his queen.
"Are you actually amused by this Vaya? this waste of our time." I was beginning to play with the idea that we should really get the queen on our side. Even if the king calls the authority, she has the power to override it.
"Even if they are stupid, I'd give them their merit for trying. Everyone else in this den is dismissed!" wait, dismissed? Everyone's eyes shifted back and forth for a moment too long "I said LEAVE." everyone began to turn tail, Nala and I included. "Not you two, you stay."
"Vaya, what are you doing?"
"Oh, nothing dear." Nala and I looked back confused as we watched everyone else leave the den." Now, restart your business with us, and give us the truth. I'm giving you an extra life to save yourself, use it wisely."
"My queen why?" now they were the ones having side conversation, leaving Nala and I waiting. "What they speak of is nonsense. and if it is true, we'll be prepared for them."
"And at the front of another battle my love.-You, what's your name again?"
"Simba."
"Simba simba...that name sounds oddly familiar like I've heard of it before..."
"You likely have, at my presentation."
"Presentation?" now the king was back paying attention to the conversation. " Only royal families have a presentation, I thought you both were regular pride members?"
"I'm am King Aries, but he's not." Nala eyes looked at me, longing for me to tell them. and at this point what did I have to lose? Besides Queen Vaya is giving us another chance to save ourselves...maybe this could help us..."Simba..." she egged on, but I was reluctant. "... tell them, tell them now or I will." was she threatening this now, really? look they already look at us in a certain light, I don't need more judgment. Of them knowing I happily let this happen.
"You'll tell us what?" asked king Aries. Nala elbowed me. Ugh...fuck. fine "You'd better up, I'm losing my patience.
"I'm Simba, son of the late King Mufasa." both the king and queen eyes popped open. and I was ready for the onslaught of judgment.
" Son? Mufasa has been gone for a while. Killed in a stampede incident I heard."
"Correct."
"And there was no mention of him passing down his throne to his son." I doubt mentioning my poor deceased brother can help you Simba. but by all means, use the pity card. "Why didn't he pass it to you, if you're his only son?"
"Because...I relinquished the title to my kingdom a long time ago." now they both looked puzzled, as they exchanged words with one another Nala leaned in a spoke to me.
" You relinquished your position to your uncle then, is that what you're saying? So you're in no better position than she is." he paused "then that king...Nuka you speak of is your cousin?"
"...Correct." they took time to put together my fucked up family tree. "Look the truth is, we are solely here so I can take down my cousin. but we need the numbers, yes I can admit, I told her to lie to you both..."
"Lying isn't a good trait for a king, your father was more modest than that." voiced Aries disappointed, "I knew that lion and respected him."
"With all due respect, I wasn't raised by my father." the feeling I felt of being looking down on the poor decisions I made... was unbearable. Even if it were predictable. "and I'm not like him, so if you're looking for a respectable lion, I'm not it."
"Hmp, that's for sure. and where were you when all this happening?"
"Huh?" why did he need to ask me this? I even waited a moment
"Where were you when all this was happening? I find it hard to believe you'd just sit back and allow your pride to suffer...or so she says. whether you relinquished your throne or not, it's your duty as a male to protect your family or die trying. but all this...shit seems to have happened and you're still here, why?" why did he feel he needed to ask me this, couldn't he already tell. The only way I could survive this was by desertion or going along with it.
"Excuse me, but what does this have to do with anything?" asked Nala, trying to divert the attention to the real matter.
"It peeks my interest that's why. and I want to know, as stated before we need to know who we're dealing with." fuck there was no way around this... "So go on, tell me, i don't have all day." suddenly with his eyes solely on me, i felt like that scared cub again. we all eyes on me, pressuring me to tell them only what they wanted to hear.
go on, tell them.
" I um-"
"Speak up, I can't hear you."
"...I-" tell them! tell them! tell them! fine fine, just shut the fuck up and get out of my head!"... I had abandoned them when the-" Good boy.
"Abandon them? what do you mean you abandoned them?" from both king and queen's face, it looked like they didn't know whether to trust my words or not. I waited with. baited breath for them to say something.
"Abandonment?" voiced the Queen, " That's a serious issue."
"Tell us, Simba, when did it happen?" asked King Aries. his eyebrows furrowed as they looked down on me.
"...When the first insurrection happened, I left my pride"
"why? out of fear?" moreover I guess, I couldn't get myself to face the aftermath of the battle.
"...yes."
"the cowardness in a lion is a shameful thing to see, especially for a king"...hearing these words from another king, hurt worse than I expected. and each word stuck me harder than the last." Cowardly one, shameful one, a dis-"
" Look!" Nala had stepped in "We were both forced to grow up before we were ready! and we've both made decisions we aren't proud of, judge us all you want, we don't care. All we are asking for is helps so more innocent lives aren't lost. you can even go back to hating the mountain pride after this for all we care. but I know from living with them, they don't want this. All they are doing is try to save their own life, their new queen wants nothing to do more than keep this peace treaty, but Nuka is going to force them to break it. and once they do, all bets are off, and you can have fun trying to protect your pride from both sides..."
" It's hard to believe a lion that would abandon his family. There's no honor in it, and honor in the one thing that solidifies alliances. whos to say he won't abandon you or this alliance if things start to go south. you'd think I risk my prides life on that?"
"Well it's a good thing you're not making a deal with him, you're making it with ME. I've already told you my truth, we are with your enemy. so of your lionesses are here in your las we speak. but they are NOT your enemy now. The monster that's taken over my pride, the mountain pride, IS. and if we worked together we'd have three forcing fighting against him then just one. As I said before, after this... you can back to living in fear of an attack from the mountain pride, and my pride won't interject. but I can promise you the new queen that rules that land wants nothing but peace."
"You are very convincing..." said queen Vaya "with promises you know you cannot keep."
"No that's. a promise I can bet on my life...Just think of all the extra lives you would have saved...the potential peace afterward"
" We'll think about this."
"Think..."
"Yes, and you should be grateful for that. Listen, this is not my prides issues, it's yours. and if you think I would send my lionesses into a battle over family issues I'm sorry. I appreciate the forewarning with these hyenas, but we of the valley pride always stay prepared for an uprising. My mate and I will consider aiding you, only if it were to benefit us. That is how it works. You both are dismissed."
"...okay...then how long will you have to think about it?"
"Give my mate and I a few days." a few days?!
"With all due respect we don't have a few days, we need help now!"
"As stated before, be grateful we are even considering helping you. Now you both are dismissed."
"But-"
"Leave! of be forced to." I stepped in front of Nala, who didn't see that it was just time to fucking drop it.
"Leave it Nal, let's go."
"But Simba?-"
"Go!" she said something under her breath before turning. It took everything within to get myself to turn face and nodd my departure to them. Once I got outside, a few valley pride lionesses stated to return to the den. Sarafina was standing outside, Nala had just reached. she was starting to speak, Sarafina probably speaking what was happening next- or what wouldn't be happening for that matter.
I didn't feel like being the one to tell her, so I continued to walk past them. "Simba wait!"
"What Nala?"
"Maybe we can try again...say something else."
"Why? what's the point, you heard them they'll think about. If we go back we'll only get on their damn nerves. " because the whole thing...this begging was starting to get on my nerves. Groveling for help, how low could we be?
I tried to tell you that wouldn't work nephew, plus you had nothing to give them
"But i still think-"
"think what, it's over Nal, us going back just makes us look pathetic. "
" but we-"
"But what, it doesn't matter now. We had our shot and we likely blew it. If you would have lied in the beginning as I said-"
"I can't lie!"
"Well, I hope your truth, will be there to help us take down Nuka and those damn pack of hyenas. Because it not we're screwed!" I had nothing more to say, and walked off.
I stayed away from the others the rest of the day. I was too pissed. I...I couldn't believe this. All of this for nothing... maybe I could have done something more- say something a lot differently. King Aries thinking that this wasn't his pride problem? Hmp at least not yet.
Shit, why beat around the bush with us. If they're really not going to help then why bother pulling us the fuck along, with this, give us a few days' shit! This was such a fucking waste of time. And what good did telling them my name do? it still gave us a stack of fucking nothing...but embarrassment I fully deserve. I knew something like that would happen... which makes me think, I may be faking this whole thing, I couldn't possibly care now...I didn't back then.
I'm just letting myself get caught up.
All that..they're power in your name? where's that at? It's nothing to be the son of a forget dead king. I guess not- I heard hustling in the brushes behind me. King Aries said he would give us a few days to wait on their decision. So I knew it couldn't be a lioness they sent. So it can't be one of his lionesses or him, then at means, it has to be one thing.
"Nala I'm not in the mood to talk." I didn't even bother to look in the direction from which I heard the noise.
"Well that's fine, I'm not her." surprised by the voice, I turned to see Sarafina standing behind me. "May I sit?" I shook my head slowly. "You're disappointed."
"Disappointment is a better way of wording how I feel right now."
"I know, I feel the same way too." she let out a sigh, "I'm sorry I let you both down... I didn't think talking about it after all this time would still hurt so much."
"...Don't be, it was a lot to ask you to do." in retrospect I should have considered this, but of course I didn't. " I feel like an idiot coming here. We've wasted so much time, and for what? to be turned around and looked at like we're crazy."
"You did what you thought would be the best option for us."
"Well, clearly I didn't think it threw, hell we should all be grateful they didn't kill us. Especially once they found out we have Moutain pride members here." and okay, I can get were in the perfect world, we all can tell the truth and be honest with one another, I get it. but Nala should have known better, the moment she said they were with mountain pride lionesses any bet we had of them helping us would be off the fucking table!. "shit, I still think we would have been off better if she hadn't told them?"
"Hmm?"
"Nala, why'd she even tell them? they were better off just knowing the truth we told them."
"But then that wouldn't be the true scenario."
"We could have figured that out later when we had the numbers we needed." truth is I'm not even mad at her for it, am pissed at myself for getting caught off guard by King Aries. Asking me how could I let what happened to my pride happen-what the hell kind of question is that...calling me a coward and then saying I could just as well abandoned them again...how fucking dare he.
"...she felt like she was doing the right thing. I can't even say I wouldn't do that same if asked the same questions. Exploring that lie would have no point. Yes, the Hyenas took over our home, but we aren't there. What would you have said if they did decide to lend help? you'd tell them Actually, we need you in the mountain pride, instead of the pridelands. Trying to pull the fur over their eyes would have been foolish. They needed to know the truth-they needed to know what they were getting into. we owed them that, since we are asking them to risk their lives."
"And look at where being truthful got us." what a fucking waste. Sarafina slowly got up and walked past me. She turned and nodded her head for me to follow.
"Follow me Simba, let's go for a walk."
"Saraf-"
"I said follow me Simba." I held my tongue, she may be Nala's mother, but she's still a mother. plus my mother's close friend, she's more like a second mother to me than an aunt. and I'd hate to upset her, probably more than I already have.
"Yes, ma'am." I walked after her. I had no idea where she was leading us to. And I know she had no idea where she was going either. For a while we just walked, saying nothing to each other. " I want you to know I'm proud of you." I paused, excuse me?
"...what?" I asked puzzled.
"I said I'm proud of you Simba." proud of me, for what? I just failed... the help I planned on getting fell through completely- we're basically back where we fucking stated! and she said she's proud of me. "Don't look like that."
"I just...I don't understand what you could be proud of."
"I'm proud that you're willing to come back, I'm proud that you're helping us. grateful even." no-no, don't be proud of me, I don't deserve it...I didn't earn it, don't even fucking say that! I felt a fire light in the pit of my belly. Couldn't she see I was already down, now she thinkings rubbing it in my face of how I failed... was making her proud?!
"I've... I've done nothing for you to be proud of..." I felt myself lose control of the frustration that had been building, the expectation...the crushing reality. i- I still wasn't a damn thing in this world! "Don't you get it- you all are in this fucking situation because of ME! King Aries said it so himself- I abandoned you- I allowed you to get taken over... all the lives lost that night, are on MY paws!"
"Simba-"
"No! don't Simba me, there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind, of the absolute fraud I am!" to my surprise, Sarafina was oddly calm. she just stood there, in her tracks and just listened to me. I felt like I was talking at her then to her. And I hated I was behaving like this, but...I feel like she just doesn't get it. She doesn't get what this all means to ME.
"I'm not asking you to forget that. I wouldn't ask you to." then... then what did she want? after a moment of fast breathing, I could feel myself lose the heated high I was on. Especially since Sarafina was so calm...it made me feel like a real idiot being the one yelling.
"then what do you want from me Sarafina..." My words sounded breathless.
"I want you to forgive yourself."...w...what?
"Forgive myself?" yes, it still sounded ridiculous the second time around. "Forgive myself..." Sarafina nodded slowly.
"Yes, Simba I want you to do that for me, that's all."
"i...I don't deserve to forgive myself, let alone do I deserve to be forgiven..."
"Why?" the tone in her voice gave me pause, was this some sort of trick question? Why would I forgive myself? "Tell me why you can't forgive yourself."
"Because i- you know what I did."
" Yes, I do, we all do. Could I have expected you to do something different, yes, but can I be mad that you were still a cub over his head." Well...i- I don't know" Could you have made any rational decision at your age? I know you tried to stop your mother, I was there, you knew there was a chance she could get hurt, and you loved her. I knew that was last thing anyone would want for their mother. And you ran because you were scared, I get it. You shouldn't have been to forced to face a trauma like that, no one should."
"I...I shouldn't have ran, kings don't run away."
"You weren't a king." No...I wasn't. I was just trying to survive in a kingdom that was slowly falling apart. " and ran because were you hurt, you ran because you were mad." I looked up from to paws, starring into Sarafina's face I knew what she was referring to. " Nala told me what happened that day, the day you found out about your mother and Scar."
"I...I just felt like she forgot about me...about my father... and she just. Moved on." and I know thinking that now, is ridiculous. my mother still loved me, she did what she did because she loved me.
"Simba, if you're only given bad options, you give bad results. I can never say I agreed with your mother, and how she handled things, but i...I can understand." I took a moment to take in what she was saying.
"I...I never took the time to see where she was coming from. I was just pissed, and I know I said things that hurt her. if I never would have stayed with Scar then none of that would have happened..."
"You don't know what. your uncle was a sick, twisted lion."
"I know...I thought I was protecting her by doing what he wanted. He...he told me he would kill her if I didn't." the painful memories began to floor in. "that day when he made me relinquish the throne to him." just thinking about that...kings I felt so small, so helpless. Even if I was a cub. The feeling of having no control over anything...petrified me. Because he could make it so much worse, with just a flick of his paws.
It took me a moment to realize the water falling from my eyes were my own tears.
"...When cubs are forced to grow up before they are ready...it's not fair. It can alter the course of their life whether they realize it or not. It changes them for better or for worse." that is for fucking sure. "be disappointed, but don't let this stop you. we'll find another way. We have some time, Nuka isn't expected us back for another few days. we can regroup and think of something new. it's not over yet." I felt a soft nuzzle on the side of my face.
"...thank you Sarafina."
"You're welcome, son." I cleared my throat and wiped away any remaining teardrop that wanted to cling to my face.
"I should go find Nala...I acted, like an ass to her. I know she took this hard too, and all I could do was think bout myself." I looked back in the direction from which we came in. Dusk was approaching, and night would soon follow. I needed to apologize.
"Yes I think she would appreciate that, but you might have trouble finding her. She walked off a little after you left."
"Oh, do you know where I might find her?"
"No, I don't, but I know she'll be back she just needs a little time to herself." right.
"Sarafina? What happened to Nala back at pride rock?" I don't know what made me ask this question, but I couldn't lie to you and not say it hasn't run in the back of my mind all this time. I know there's something more that she's not telling me, and not knowing what's wrong with her, bothers the hell out of me. and I need to know what's really wrong with her. " I know she's been through some shit there and-"
"That question is not for me to answer." her sudden cut off was quick. I noticed her demeanor changed drastically. "...just know you aren't the only lion living with regret from that day Simba..." the pain I felt from her... could be felt from miles away.
"i..." no, it'll be better to drop it. Maybe she's right, I'll just go ask Nala myself. " um thank you Sarafina, for everything."
"you're welcome Simba." still, there was pain behind her smile.
NALA
"Breathe...just breathe Nala" I repeated, telling this to myself over and over again. At first, I was just upset...pissed because everything fell through. I should have listened to Simba when he told me to lie...I should have known better. The history the mountain and valley pride have with one another runs deep, and me begging them to forget years of indifference was fucking stupid of me!
At first, I thought this one setback would just make things a little more difficult for us, but Then, all at once, it hit like a herd of elephants. Everything we had planned to catch Nuka off guard won't work because he already knows. and when that realization hit in, it terrified me.
...When that other damn hyena got away there's no doubt in my mind, he told Nuka Simba was coming.
So now, he won't just be expecting me, but Simba too. And now that we don't have the extra numbers from the valley pride...there's no way we'll even be close to outnumbering the hyenas, with the other lionesses now. We're as good as dead now. but knowing Nuka that would be too kind of him to let us die...to let me die.
Of course, I'll be understanding, everyone makes mistakes Nala don't they? Once you, and everyone else has returned, all will be forgiven. Of course, you'll have to EARN my forgiveness back. For everyone's sake, because you no doubt put them in this situation.
A sharp shudder ran down my spine at the thought of doing back and I did the best I could to control the nervous sensation growing in my body. kings, I wish I could move past this-this fear I have, but it seems to me that I just can't. no matter how strong I feel or act, the gnawing feeling is still there. It's like fear clawed itself into my body...it did claw itself in me.
Fear, regret and pain...so much pain. It was starting to feel like a hopeless battle. I was starting to feel like I couldn't do this anymore. Giving up seemed more and more appealing by the second. Either giving up or killing myself before I allow him to touch me again... both seemed very doable right now. So easy right now.
My ears caught the sound of crickets in the background. I guess I've stayed out long enough. I think I better get back. Maybe sleep will help me get my mind off of the inevitable...at least until I wake up. Besides, I was so tired.
When I got back to where we were staying, everything was quiet. They must all be asleep. Good. When I came into the clearing, I stopped short when I saw someone approaching me."Finally back, I thought I'd have to go look for you." We stopped short of each other. it's weird seeing him now, since the last time I saw him this morning when he basically wanted me to fuck off.
"I'm back," I answered, walking past him.
"You, okay?"
"sure..." I've been better, way better...but at this rate, I might as well accept the fate that's given to me. Simba stepped towards me, I could already see the apologetic look on his face.
"I wanted to apologize to you, I was acting like an idiot...and I shouldn't have taken out my frustration on you. I'm sorry." for some reason I couldn't feel any emotion in me right now. I knew it was there, I had already accepted his apology...I just couldn't show it. it felt draining, I felt like allowing any other emotion right now would lead to something else. A flood gate.
" Thanks."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"No, I'm not..actually." I felt my voice crack, but I think this crack was more from being tried than wanting to cry. But I'm sure the feeling I felt was really one and the same. I was surprised I even told him the truth. and from the look on his face, he was surprised to, usually, I would hide things from him. It wasn't like me to not put my best paw forward. But I had nothing to put forward now.
" You want to talk about it?"
"Not really." I looked towards the area where my mother and the other lionesses were sleeping. My body felt so tired and wanted to join them, but I knew I was going to have a sleepless night anyway. too scared to close my eyes, because when I wake up everything will be different. That hope of tomorrow was gone. Suddenly I felt a nudge on my shoulder.
"Let's go for a walk." a walk? now? no, I don't feel like it.
"what?" I voiced, hoping I had just heard him wrong.
"A walk, c'mon, it'll only be for 5 mins. I promise." Does this lion not know what time it is? Does he see I don't care...
"Simba it's late." maybe if he heard the tiredness in my voice, he thinks otherwise. And for everything that happened today he doesn't at all seem, pissed, or tense.
"I had to have a much longer walk and conversation with your mother, and it really helped." Well, that would explain it.
"Fine, 5 mins." rolling my eyes, ugh I hope I don't regret this. I followed Simba down a random path, I'm sure he had no idea where he was going. finally, after minutes of following him, to who the hell knows, I asked "what's the point in this?"
"Huh, the walk?" No. I knew my questions came from nowhere. But, since we had been walking my head had nothing else to do, but race and think about the course of my life. Over and over again.
"...what's the point in this, all of this." I found myself stopping short in my tracks "...wouldn't it be easier to give up."
"Give up?" I looked at the ground, Simba too stopped walking "Nal? what do you mean?" ugh...I don't know, what does give up mean...it could mean anything really. Depending on the lion you're asking.
"I mean ..." a tried laughed escaped me " give up." I should have felt ridiculous for laughing, it's crazy to think any of this was funny. but it was...it was fucking hysterical to me now. "Hah, that's what I mean Simba, just give up."
"What- why?"
"Because there's no point anymore, don't you see! every advantage we have ever had is gone." the reality of our doom was undeniable to me now "Nuka knows you're coming...we don't have the added help of the valley pride. Haha Simba it's over."
"...I can't believe you right now, are you serious?" What wasn't there to fucking believe?!
"Yes! I am..." could he not tell by the smile on my face? I'm done, I've resigned myself to my fate whatever it may be.
" No, just wait." oh great, now's he's going to try to make sense of everything "Okay you're disappointed- I get it, I know exactly how you feel, but that's no reason to call it fucking quits-"
"Please Simba, you don't know at all how I feel at all okay...so don't" well, I guess this walk is over, I began to turn tail and head back.
"So what you're disappointed- I am too! but we'll get over it. We can't give up now" oh yes the hell we can, and if we had any sense from the start we would have seen this a long time ago. I continued to walk and I ignored him as he called after me. "Fine! you're scared then I get it." no you don't... the more I kept walking the more he kept talking. kings i couldn't get his voice out of my head " Nala, weren't you the one who told me there's nothing to be afraid of this morning-" I turned and snapped at him because he wouldn't give me a chance to fucking breath!
"That's before everything changed!" I shouted back "Before we had a chance to beat him, now we have nothing!"
"No, don't say that, we still have a chance!" chance, what fucking chance could he possibly see?!
"Simba please-"
"Nala Nuka is nothing to worry about, we can beat him!" then it dawned on me, he had no idea what he was truly dealing with. He had no idea of the great force, we had coming at us...because he wasn't there. He didn't see it, he didn't experience it...he didn't feel it.
"HE'S EVERYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!" Kings! I felt like I had to come at him like an adult talking to fucking cub because he didn't get it, he just didn't understand."Don't you get it?! He'll find an advantage to take us down-he ALWAYS finds an advantage!"
"But Nala-"
"NO! you kill two fucking hyenas in your life and you think that's battle-,You think we're actually ready and able to face him?! Nuka will CRUSH US, he will DESTROY US in every way he can! You weren't there at the first take over, you didn't see what I saw! YOU didn't see them, all those dead bodies...do you know what it's like seeing death on that scale? All that blood and all that death... AND FOR WHAT?! your mother fucking DIED, and we were still in that hell hole! This lion has killed a QUEEN, a KING, a fucking innocent CUB, and for a fact I know he killed his own MOTHER!" Simba had not said a word the entire time of my screaming fit. " So excuse me for being fucking scared, because I KNOW what we're going up against!"
I felt myself finally return back into my body. My senses were all but done. I was dizzy, my head pounded, my heart was racing inside my chest and all I could do was see his face, his stupid fucking face standing over me...just waiting patiently for me to return to him. I fell to the ground. "Nala!" Simba immediately reached for me, and I swung his paw away.
" Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me!" it took everything within me to close my eyes, to breathe, and to get a hold of my freaking self. I didn't want to be like this, I HATED being like this. every time I let myself get overcome by fear, it just reminded me of how damage I still am. I act like I'm fine, I pretend like I'm constantly not bothered by it, that I'm over it...done with him, when I'm not..." Just...don't... touch me..." it took me a moment to gather myself, I hadn't had a panic attack like this in a long time." Simba, I have to tell you something..."
My words were breathless. I had to tell him, but I was afraid to. What if he judged me? He's likely already doing that now.
"..w...what?" I finally got the strength to look at him. His expression cared concern. kings, how could I tell him? I've never told anyone aloud...they've all just known. I didn't need to speak the unspeakable, and in that way, I never had to deal it with, I didn't have to understand it or understand what it had done to me. Because trying to make it make sense as to why it ever happen in the first place would have killed me. Because I could ask the question 'why' all day and never get an answer I would be satisfied with...understand.
but I do know now that keeping this, is killing me. I can't explain it. But fear, along with feeling misunderstood, is a bitch. and it's always there to slap you when you least expect it.
"...It was when the take over happened." I began, my throat scratchy. "and everyone was gone fighting at priderock. He found us , your brother and I. In the end, I did my best to protect us...and for a time I thought I was winning. I ripped out his mane, bit off his tail, and even took out his right eye ...but he just kept coming. H-he had more than bloodlust in his eye, as we kept fighting. He turned into a monster...and you can't beat monsters- I couldn't beat that monster. No matter how hard I tried." the lids of my eyes felt heavy as tears fell." Do you know what it's like to be utterly powerless?" he didn't answer, he just stood there...but I wanted to know. I needed to know if it ever felt that way. "I said... do you know what it feels like to be utterly POWERLESS, to get everything ripped away from you!"
"...No, not that powerless." good, I could see it in his eyes, he knew what I meant. We were finally on the same page here.
"It's the worst fucking feeling in the entire world...nothing fixes it. And the only thing that's worse is thinking you've escaped it." I felt myself oddly wanting to laugh, to cover up how much hurt I actually felt. Was constantly feeling, because when you're the only one feeling it, it's no fun. and I wonder if Sarabi ever felt like this when she forced herself to lay down with Scar? "...When we were at priderock, it was hell for me. His attacks were constant, night after night after night. But then...then we left to go to the mountain pride, and for a bleak second, I thought I had escaped him...I thought Vitani could protect me from him." I wiped tears that ran down my face "but he tricked us like he always does, and got the advantage...like he always did"
"Nal I'm sorry-"
"Don't say you're sorry!" Kings i was so sick and tired of that word, sorry, sorry, sorry doesn't change anything! it doesn't take back anything! "Don't say you're sorry, Don't say you wished you could have been there to stop it! The whole fucking prides already told me how 'sorry' they were!" my body trembled, and the sensation oddly felt good. I could see Simba was at odds end of not knowing what to do. To be furious, or devasted, to touch me for comfort or to stay away. I could only imagine anyone in his situation right now, would be feeling stuck. "and I... hated myself for a long time after that. I hated him, I hated our pride, I even hated you." at that moment he decided to comfort me. And as much as i didn't want to be touched, i didn't fight his embrace. Everything around me started to feel blocked out. "I'm not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me...I'm telling you this because you need to know what monster you're dealing with. Scar was bad- terrible...but Nuka is much worse..."
"It's okay...kings I swear to you- it'll be okay...I promise." Seeing his tears hurt me worse than I thought because I didn't think he cared that much. How could he? but what I felt from him was love, love mixed in with a terrible amount of sorrow. And the two somehow felt oddly compatible together for us. those feelings where something we undeniably shared together, regardless. At that moment, I loved him.
I fell in love with him, and I wanted him. but those feelings terrified me. I didn't know how to handle or understand any emotion but fear.
"...I know you're only saying that to make me feel better...but I know." he held me close, but he needed to see I wasn't me, I wasn't the same Nala he thought he knew. I felt like a sheep in wolf's fur, pretending to be something I'm not. "...when Nuka raped me, he changed me in a way I will never understand...and he connected us forever, in a way that i can't explain. but I can feel it in my body, that he's not done with us yet...and we won't be ready for when he strikes."
+ YOOO Happy Thrusday! ! God damn, it took it all month to write this chapter, so to all the people commenting for the next chapter, here it is! I knew I couldn't rush this and I still feel I should have added more, but my heart needed time to heal. That being said, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, tell me how you feel with this one being uber long! Chapter 131 will be up at the end of next month. and there was definitely some foreshadowing for what's next to come. You know I have to just raise the stakes. I calculated the treading time on Scrivener and it's 55:22 of reading time.
*Also I've been experiencing 503 error code, with login so hopefully you all get this chapter...
+Iz, Yup she is a good mother, and needed more screen time for sure! and omg she started rereading it, I can't even remember all the stuff I packed in here
+KawaiiCutie, aww thank you I'm glad you stayed with me all this time. and BOY if this was all a dream, I wouldn't be mad if you all sent me hate mail for putting your favorite characters through all this drama
+RyanSquad, Right! that's why I decided to bust out a nice long chapter
+Guest, writing out this final confrontation is going to be big, I know it going to make me a month to fully write everything out. the way I'm about to weave Kenya back into the story- I'm just an asshole. But yes Simba and Nala relationship has definitely rekindled and I can for sure say she loves him. but we have a whole another story to figure that out. and when Simba and Nuka finally do meet, things are going to change for everyone forever.
+StarGazer7099, yeah i don't know how that happened, it just seemed to slip away from me lol.
+Guest, hope you liked the chapter!
+Mohamed El Mehdi Athmani, Bam here you go!
