Dear Diary,
Miko-chan's son was born four days ago in the middle of the night, and Itachi-chan hasn't slept since.
This news has been brought to me by a panicking Fugaku-san, who seems not to know who to turn to and has chosen the Clan Council Meeting as the perfect forum for this discussion.
Contrary to my hopes and expectations, nobody stopped him.
Worse, they began commiserating with him.
Tsume-senpai went into morbidly gory detail about the birthing process, Chouza started complaining loudly about something called colic (and he never explained what that meant but everyone in the room seemed to know what he was talking about and I have no idea how to ask without sounding like an incompetent neanderthal. Which I've been informed I am by Kushina no less than five times last night when my body had decided to be uncooperatively non-contortionist in her bid to use me as a body pillow), and Shibi-san clinically informed us about at least ninety six different ways a baby could die in the cradle.
And then Shikaku started listing all the pregnancy cravings Yoshino-chan was having, and Hiashi-san very stoically began comparing notes with him because as it turns out, his wife is also pregnant, and really I don't know what they're complaining about because Kushina once ate an entire plate of tongues boiled in applesauce and toothpaste without batting an eyelash. None of their wives' cravings hold a candle to Kushina, even without pregnancy hormones.
A part of me is strangely proud of winning on this front. An even larger part is sitting in a puddle of my own tears as it rocks backwards and forwards and re-evaluates all my life choices.
Inoichi chimed in with about a hundred innuendos, and then abruptly shut his mouth when the word "daughter" came out of Shikaku's mouth lazily, and looked pained and homicidal and conflicted all at the same time for the rest of the meeting.
And then they all started talking about "primary socialisation" and "whether a child should have a structured routine" and what the "appropriate age to begin training" is, and then I chimed in with my opinions from the veritable library I'd been reading up on about this subject because I had a panic attack in the middle of the night a month ago and Kushina'd told me to go find a book to "save me from myself".
Only, as I was talking, I realised that everything I was saying was something Kushina wouldn't agree with. And I haven't had the time to talk to her about any of these things.
So I went home early, and I brought ramen, and Kushina took one look at me and declared that whatever it was, she hadn't done anything that anybody could prove.
Right.
I have so much faith.
Figuring out what she'd done took up any bit of spare time I'd managed to muster by ending the meeting early, and then when it transpired that she'd traumatised Inoichi by going over all the things he'd said about women and then pointing out that someone was going to think and say those very same things about his daughter, I couldn't stop laughing.
And then we talked into the night and it was something we hadn't done in such a long time and I love her so much, I really do. Every excited cackle and gleeful twang of an accent she's never been able to get rid of and her bright red hair and her obsession with ramen and tea and toothpicks.
I can't wait till the baby gets here, and this crazy woman and I will argue about how to raise the kid, whose turn it is to change the diapers, who fed the baby last, whether ramen is a good substitute for vegetables, how many candles are too many candles for a birthday cake, whether we're giving him too much attention or too little, who gets to teach him how to throw kunai, whether he should beat up his bullies or talk the situation through with them, how many cake slices he can feasibly eat before vomiting it all up—everything.
Every little thing.
I cannot wait to meet my kid.
Namikaze Minato
