Tomorrow, the men of the Iron Islands would hold a kingsmoot to select a new king or queen. Asha Greyjoy had summoned her sister Yara to a private meeting on the beach.
"What do you want?" Yara asked. "This better be good."
"Look, we know we both want to be queen," Asha began, "but Aeron says if we both put our hats in the ring, neither of us will have a chance. It grieves me to say so, but he may be right. I've got the crew of my ship supporting me, along with a few others like the Harlaws and Tris Botley, but that's not enough."
Yara grinned. "So, have you come to tell me that you're dropping out and you're going to support me? I'm surprised. That doesn't sound like you at all."
"I don't want us to end up like Stannis and Renly Baratheon," said Asha. "I will place the driftwood crown upon your brow myself… if you will agree to share the rule."
"Share the rule?" Yara looked bemused. "I'm flattered, but last time I checked, sisters weren't allowed to marry each other."
"You know I don't swing that way," Asha said. "It's you that's the lesbian, not me."
Yara was baffled. "So, what are you proposing then? There's no room for two queens."
"Maybe not for two queens, but there might be room for one queen and her Hand."
Yara held up her fists. "I got two hands. I don't need a third."
"Okay, fine!" Asha said angrily. "So, we'll just end up competing against each other after all. Neither of us will be able to get the majority, and Victorian or Euron will end up being king since they have penises!"
"Euron?" Yara said. "Is he here?"
Asha rolled her eyes. "Aeron says he is. He thinks Euron killed Father so he could become king."
"Why hasn't he shown his face then?" Yara scoffed. "That sounds crazy!"
"Indeed, it does," said an unfamiliar voice. The two sisters turned to see a stoat from Mossflower standing behind them. He looked somewhat like Badrang the Tyrant, but his appearance was much more kempt and he dressed like a gentleman. "So, you're the Greyjoy sisters. Asha and Yara. Always striving to outdo each other. It's a pleasure to meet you at last."
"How do you know our names?" Yara demanded. "Who are you?"
The stoat smiled. "Allow me to present my calling card, as it were. I am Vilu Daskar, terror of the high seas! I have heard that the people of the Iron Islands are looking for a new king, and I'm here to apply for the position!"
"The ironmen would never follow you," said Asha. "Our king is always a Greyjoy."
"Oh, is that a law?" Vilu asked casually. "Is it written in your constitution?"
"No, but it's the way it's always been."
"Well, maybe it's time for a change," said Vilu Daskar.
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Back in Westeros, Ramsay had made Theon travel with him to Burgerhold, seat of House Belcher. They met up with Ramsay's father Roose, who was preparing to attack the castle, because the Belchers had sided with Stannis.
Lord Gene Belcher, son of the late Bob Belcher, stepped outside only to be greeted by the Boltons and their men pointing arrows at him.
"Ahh! What's going on?" Gene shouted.
"So, you're the little burger boy," said Roose.
"Belcher," Gene corrected. "My name's Belcher."
"Well, my name's Roose Bolton. This is my son Ramsay. We've got you surrounded, but we're prepared to be merciful if you yield your castle up to us."
"I'm not surrendering," Gene said stubbornly. "You guys betrayed Chris Griffin, the true king in the north!"
"Funny you should bring him up," said Roose. "Because for some reason, I'm reminded of him when I look at you!"
Gene stared at the people around the Boltons. "Gideon Gleeful? Shelly Marsh and Bart Simpson, you're with them too? You're traitors, all of you!" His eyes fell on Theon. "And I don't actually know you but I'm sure you're a traitor too!"
"My name is Reek," said Theon. "It rhymes with geek."
"You can't scare me with your words!" Gene brazened. "You'll never take me alive!"
"Fine, then we'll kill you," Ramsay said pleasantly. He drew back his bow and fired at Gene. The arrow hit him right in the heart and he died.
Roose turned to the soldiers behind him. "Set this castle to the torch. I want these burgers well done."
After they burned down the castle, they all headed back to the Dreadfort. On the road they met the rats Whegg and Chinwart, and the girl Ruth, who they were pretending was Meg Griffin.
"Um, excuse me," Whegg said to Ramsay. "Are you Ramsay Bolton?"
"That's me," said Ramsay.
"We've come from King's Landin'. We've brought you your bride, Meg Griffin."
"Excellent," said Ramsay.
"Lord Ramsay." Ruth bowed to him. "I pray that I will make you a good wife."
Theon recognized her immediately. He knew she wasn't the real Meg. The poor girl had no idea what she was in for. He had seen how Ramsay treated women. For the first time in his life, Theon felt sorry for someone besides himself.
Whegg caught sight of Theon for the first time and was repulsed by his haggard appearance. "Whoa! Who's that?"
"My name is Reek," said Theon. "It rhymes with freak."
"Watch out," Ramsay laughed. "He eats rats!"
"Yikes," said Whegg.
Chinwart said, "He probably only means those little, non-humanly rats like we've seen crawlin' around the Red Keep. Come on, it's time for us to be goin'."
