"This. Is. AGONIZING!" Lucifer complained.

"Relax, brother," Lucifuge said. "It's only been a few hours."

"Feels like a few years." He sighed. "Remind me, who have we done?"

"The Crown Princes, the Seven Princes, the Cardinal Kings, the Sub-Cardinal Kings, the Cardinal Princes, the Adversaries, and the Greatest Princes. Next up is-"

"The Ministers. The goddamn politicians."

The two walked into a large room filled with long tables and chairs in rows. Like the UN, if it was in the pits of Hell. At the bottom of the row was a desk. Sitting at the desk was a demon. The demon's head was much too large for its thin neck to support it. The yellow skin of its face was pulled tightly over its massive head. It had a dark, filthy beard and hairy ears. It's forehead looked too big even on its strange head. Its eyes were wide and bloodshot. Its face was curled into a disgusting smile that reached around its fat cheeks to the back of its neck. Burning and boiling blood and pus dripped through its horse-like teeth, over its thick lips, and past its broken jaw. Its burnt hair reached down to its pigeon-feathered chest. Its thighs were scabbed, its knees protruding, its legs crooked, its ankles swollen, and its feet wide. Its loud, grating voice echoed through the room:

"I am Guth, President of the Council of Ministers. I am a demon of Jupiter and of the North Wind. I tormented St. Guthlac on his deathbed."

"Thanks, Guth. You look great as always. Next?"

In the row above Guth was a skeleton made of ice. From its bones grew roses made from quartz, with thorns made of phrenite. It had a great skeletal tail and the skull of a Tyrannosaurus rex, yet its legs were made from the bones of a large wolf. Red lights came from deep within each eye socket. There was a blob of red, scaly flesh slithering around each bone, spreading out and reforming constantly like a ball of modeling clay. The blob made its way to the top of the skull, forming into a beautiful reptilian woman with flowing brown and grey robes. Part of the blob split off and traveled to the feet, where it formed into a great three-headed dragon that had scales of blue, white, and black, yet its eyes remained red.

"I am Magot, apprentice to Guth. I am a Minister, who can cause hypothermia, control cars, shield my summoner from harm, and start bloody wars - wars that have deadly marskmanship, rituals of death, and the burning of the unclean. I conjure up books and feasts, enchant crystal balls, teach about magical stones, transfer energies, and increase the powers of my summoner. I can guide my summoner through the Dreamlands, deep into the Vaults of Zin where the Ghasts dwell. I can give them astral magics, such as time travel and shapeshifting, and I can turn them into powerful psychic vampires. I teach divination, and summon orchestras, comedies, dances, and dramas. I can curse the rituals of their enemies to end in failure by day, and by night I drain their energy to return it to my summoner. I teach the Qlipoth and through it great power - Tarot reading, curses, banishment, and absorbing of power. Oh, mighty Emperor Lucifer, how may your humble servant please you today?"

"Actually, I'm doing the inspection and you just told me everything. Very impressive, by the way." He laughed. "Guth, keep an eye on this one, he might be coming for your job soon. Alright, next?"

A massive black viper slithered towards them. A cloak of dark, yet multi-colored flesh trailed behind him.

"You, snake guy. What's your story?"

"I am Melchiresa, the Minister. Millennia ago, Belial had approached a man named Joseph of Israel, son of Jacob. Joseph had been gifted a coat of many colors from Jacob, which had angered his eleven envious brothers. They had sold him into slavery in Egypt, so he could not usurp their birthright as their father had done to his brother, Esau. Woe unto them for their foolish mistake, for it is what sealed my birth!

In his blind rage, Joseph made a deal with Belial. He would punish his brothers at the end of their lives, but in return he would also be able to punish Joseph for making a demonic pact. Joseph agreed to the terms, and their fates were sealed.

Woe unto Joseph! For when he reconciled with his brothers, his weeping could be heard throughout all of Egypt, as he knew what would become of them all. As the brothers died one by one, Belial appeared, dyeing their flesh in the colors of fragments of their souls. Even if they all reached Heaven, they would feel a great emptiness in their souls for all eternity.

Simeon was the first to die. In 1448 BC, his ears were bitten off of his head and dyed gold with his Faith. Simeon's soul would believe in Deus's light no more.

Judah was the second to die. In that same year, his heart was pulled from his chest and dyed brown with his Praise. Judah's soul would praise Deus no more.

Reuben was the third to die. In 1445 BC, his eyes were ripped out of their sockets and dyed silver with his Strength. Reuben's soul would be weak forevermore.

Joseph himself was the fourth to die. In that same year, his calves were torn from his legs and dyed white with his Imagination. Joseph's soul would imagine no more.

Issachar was the fifth to die. In 1443 BC, his hands were cut off and dyed yellow with his Zeal. Issachar's soul would be zealous no more.

Asher was the sixth to die. In 1442 BC, his thighs were flayed and dyed gray with his Understanding. Asher's soul would understand nothing forevermore.

Gad was the seventh to die. In 1439 BC, his testicles were severed and dyed red with his Power. Gad's soul would be powerless forevermore.

Levi was the eighth to die. In 1431 BC, his nose was broken off of his face and dyed purple with his Will. Levi's soul would have no will to do anything forevermore.

Naphtali was the ninth to die. In 1428 BC, his knees were shattered and dyed green with his Love. Naphtali's soul would love no more.

Zebulun was the tenth to die. In that same year, his stomach was removed and dyed pink with his Compassion. Zebulun's soul would feel compassion no more.

Benjamin was the eleventh to die. Right after Zebulun's death, his feet were chopped off and dyed black with his Elimination. Benhamin's soul would eliminate his enemies no more.

Dan was the last to die. He had always hated Joseph, and that hatred only grew as he watched his brothers be slaughtered. His flesh was stripped from his back and and died blue with his Judgement. Dan's soul would judge no more. Yet, before his soul passed on to the afterlife, he asked Belial a question.

'Oh, wicked one! What will you do with our flesh and our souls?' he asked. Belial answered, 'As Joseph had proudly wore his coat of many colors, I shall make one for myself, as a symbol of his sins!' And Dan said, 'Oh, wicked one! I shall do whatever you ask, as long as I am given but one thing!' Belial smiled, knowing that another pact was upon him. 'Dan of Israel, son of Jacob, what is your wish?' And so Dan replied, 'My birthright was stolen from me by Joseph, and as he was given his coat of many colors, I ask only that I may wear yours!'

The pact was sealed, and I was born!"

Melchiresa's mouth open, and from it came the upper body of a Middle Eastern man. "For I am Dan ben-Yaakov! I am the lord of wickedness and darkness, and I have power over guilt and vengeance!"

Lucifer clapped. "Nice story, pal. Oh, now I remember who you are! Belial and I used your DNA as part of the Antichrist project, didn't we? I guess it's a small Hell after all, am I right? Ah, well, onto the next one."