Pehea wau i ʻike ai i kou makuahine

Based on the characters and stories of Hawaii Five-0.

Hawaii Five-0 is owned by CBS and their respective creators.


"You look like you're going to throw up." Jude glared at her, telepathically willing her to not mess up the rental car. "Do not throw up in this car."

Catherine took a deep breath as she watched Honolulu zoom past as he pulled out of the airport parking lot. "I'm not going to throw up."

He gave her a wary look before turning his eyes back to the road. Catherine had been more quiet than usual on their trip to Hawaii. He had watched her, on more than one occasion, pull the Xanax she had stashed in her bag out, contemplate taking it, and then put it back without opening the bottle. "You look nice." He offered with a quirk of his lips, "Prince Charming's gonna love it."

She looked down at the clothes she had changed into in the airport while he had been in the throes of dealing with an incompetent rental car service with his signature grace and charm. Catherine had settled on her favorite tattered denim shorts and the softest flannel she had packed. When she had examined herself in the bathroom mirror, the memories came back in a flood.

Coronado. Steve stepping in and taking down her asshole ex in the parking lot of the bar. That's when she knew she loved him. And that blue plaid button up and ripped denim shorts were what she had been wearing that night.

"It's the next street on the left." Catherine shut her eyes and took a slow breath in. "Oh my God." She whispered, "What if he's seeing someone and I just show up out of the blue?! I've been gone a year and-"

"He's not." Jude gritted his teeth, "I looked into it."

Her head snapped to the left, "You what?"

Jude's square jaw locked in a show of determination, "I wasn't about to let you go in blind, Catherine."

Catherine's nerves began to ease, "You didn't call me Princess."

He chuckled, "You hate it when I call you Princess."

She smiled softly, "I guess it's grown on me." Catherine took a deep breath as they turned on to Piikoi Street. Her heart skipped a beat. She wiped her palms on her legs as he pulled the SUV into the driveway.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" He frowned as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "Do you have a key?"

Catherine glanced at her watch. If Steve still held to his daily routine, he'd be in the middle of his morning swim. She held up the keyring, "I have a key."

Jude reached over the center console and laid a heavy hand on her thigh, "Hey. You call me if you need help. Okay?" She didn't disagree with him, because truthfully, she didn't know if she could handle seeing Steve again with the knowledge that she was going to leave in a few weeks.

She reached into the backseat and grabbed her duffle. "Don't have too much fun without me."

"You'll call if you need something." Jude wasn't asking a question. He was making a demand.

Catherine nodded, "I'll call." She slung her bag over her shoulder, "I'll see you in a couple weeks."

Jude lifted his hand in a wave, "I'm on your side, Princess. Don't forget that."


Catherine dropped her bag on the front porch and waited for Jude to disappear down the street. She contemplated walking in the front door, but if he was eating breakfast, she didn't want to get shot, or worse- be mistaken for Danny.

She dipped around to the side of the porch and cut through the hedges. Carefully, she peered around the corner. The lanai was clear. She looked towards the water and saw his towel and phone sitting on the weathered beach chairs. She jogged down to the shore and snatched his towel off the chair. As she dipped back into the shrubs, she wondered why the hell she hadn't called him to tell him she'd be back. Cowardice aside, was the spontaneous grand gesture worth anything if it wasn't permanent? At least she'd RSVPed to the wedding as soon as Kono had sent out invitations. There was no way she would willingly miss her big day.

A flicker of sadness burned inside. She would never admit it to anyone, but she had wondered if Steve had been planning to pop the question. In the weeks leading up to their trip to Afghanistan he had gotten rather cagey. An unplanned trip to the jeweler's to get a new battery put in his Submariner's watch had allowed her engagement ring fantasies to run wild as they waited.

He never said a word, but more than once, she caught his reflection in the display case- watching her like a hawk as her eyes ogled the diamond rings.

Steve emerged from the ocean, water dripping from every sinuous valley and ridge of perfect muscle. The morning sun glinted off of his tan skin. And those tattoos. Catherine had had dreams of his tattoos. Each inky line and stroke fitting together like a puzzle in her subconscious. He jogged up the beach and frowned when he couldn't find his towel. He pulled the chair back and checked underneath.

Catherine's stomach ended up somewhere in her throat as she stepped out onto the grass, clutching his towel in her hands, "Looking for this?"

Steve froze mid-stride. He had been having dreams of her. Is this what it had come to? Imagining her the way she was dressed that night in Coronado? The vivid memory of those long legs leaning up against her Stingray in those little shorts and that blue shirt that made her eyes look like whiskey was burned in his brain for eternity. But this siren kept walking towards him, holding his towel.

"Hey, Sailor."

He had to be dreaming, but if this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up. "Catherine."

Catherine took a few uncertain steps off of the brick patio and began the feat of closing the distance, "Look, I know. I should've called, and- and I wanted to. I just… I didn't know what to say, so I just figured if I just came in person that it would just be-" Steve closed the space between them. The mix of salt water unsaid feelings soaked her to the bone. He pulled her against him and his arms locked her in his embrace. She blinked back the tears that were pricking at her eyelids. "Thank you." It was all she could muster while he was still touching her. She melted against him, grateful he hadn't told her to get lost.

"When'd you get in?" He took his towel from her and began to dry off.

"Uh, this morning. I just came straight from the airport." She felt his deductive reasoning skills circling her like a hawk. "I wasn't going to miss Kono's wedding, come on."

Steve studied her. She looked strong. Stronger than when they had left for Afghanistan. Her eyes still danced with fire and adventure. And her lips- he had been dreaming about kissing them for a year. "It's good to see you, Cath."

"You too, Steve." She couldn't look away. Catherine was mesmerized by the peaceful blue in his ocean eyes. Flecks of gold danced in the waves as the fire between them grew. This was not what was supposed to happen. She was leaving again and she knew it. Things needed to stay platonic for both of their sakes. But one look at him? Hearing him say her name? The way she molded into him like they were the last two puzzle pieces that completed a perfect picture? She was a goner, and by the looks of things, he was too.

"Listen," He began. "Why don't you, uh, let me dry up. I'll throw some civvies on and, um, take you out to breakfast. We got a lot to catch up on."

"Yeah, I'd love that."

"Okay, awesome. Good." His head jerked back as the shrill ring of his cell phone became the pin that burst their bubble. "Okay. Good, good, good. Give me a second." He grabbed the phone and grimaced when he saw the screen. Catherine knew that look all too well. He was being called away to save the day. "Yeah, McGarrett." Pause. Steve ran his hand through his wet hair in frustration and huffed, "Yeah. I'll be right there…. Okay." Steve smashed his finger into the screen and ended the call. He took another look at her. If he could handcuff her to the backseat of Danno's car, he would. He wasn't about to let Catherine Rollins get away again. "Don't go anywhere."

Catherine beamed, "I won't."

A smile flickered at the corner of his mouth as he studied her. Steve felt sparks skitter across his damp skin. She was a live wire and he wasn't nearly as afraid as he should have been. He turned to walk into the house when he stopped and grabbed her hand. Yanking her arm, they ran into the house like children escaping the rain. Up the stairs and into the bedroom, he slammed the door behind them and pushed her up against the wall as his mouth descended on hers.

Bliss.

He drank in her lips. Kissing her was like drinking champagne. Effervescent, inebriating, and addicting. Steve couldn't get enough of her. "Catherine, why are you here?" His eyes were dark with lust.

"I had to come back." She whimpered as his hands slipped underneath the shirt she wore. It was the truth, but he could never know why.

Steve's frantic touches slowed. He cupped her jaw in his hands and stroked her cheek with his thumb, "I can't believe you're here."

Catherine inhaled the fatal aroma of salt water and gunpowder. Everything about him made her unravel at the seams. Doris was right. They could run from each other as much as they wanted and nothing and nobody could snuff the flame. "I missed you so much." She admitted.

"I love you." The words slipped out as easily as they had the night he returned beaten and bruised from Afghanistan. He looked her in the eye, "You still scare the hell outta me, Rollins." His fingers found the silver chain around her neck. Gently, he pulled the dog tags out from under her shirt. He held the tags in his hand, separating his and hers. Steve stared at them for a moment before closing them in his fist. "I never stopped loving you."

"Just like that?" Her teeth sunk down into the pout of her lower lip, "You still love me?"

"Yeah." Steve nodded. "I do."

Catherine's mouth quirked as she fought a smile, "No run around? No spy-craft double talk? No lines from a fortune cookie?"

Steve's hands dropped to his side, his fingers tangling in hers. "I love you, Catherine. It's always been that simple."

Her mind knew that shouldn't say it. It was only going to make things harder. More complicated. Painful. Her heart disagreed. "I love you too."

It took every ounce of restraint he had not to toss the rule book out the window and haul that woman to bed. But he had a job to do and was reminded of that when he heard the rumble of the Camaro as it pulled into the driveway. "I gotta go." He pulled a shirt from the closet and slipped his arms in.

Catherine stepped closer and deftly worked the buttons through the holes. It was torture watching him step out of his swim trunks and pull on dry pants. "Call me if you need a favor." She smirked, "Okay?"

Steve stole another kiss. "Your car keys are still on the table by the door. I changed the oil in her last month and did a tune-up, so she should be good to go." Catherine's heart exploded. Steve read her vague expression like a book, "I just wanted it to be ready for you. You know, just in case you came home." Her mouth gaped open and he filled it with a kiss. Steve took one last wanton look before grabbing his gun and badge. "I'm glad you're home, Cath."


"You're smiling."

Steve glanced over at Danny. "So?"

"There's some nut job runnin' around the island with a nuke and you're smiling." Danny scowled. Steve shifted in the driver's seat and pressed his fist to his mouth to keep his smirk from turning into a clown-faced grin. "And what was with you this morning? It took you fifteen freakin' minutes to get your ass outta your house. And what was the duffle bag you dragged in off your porch? Someone finally piss you off enough for you to take 'em out and stuff 'em in a gym bag?"

He snorted against his fist before taking a deep breath and composing himself. "Catherine's home."

Danny's eyebrows nearly shot off of his face, "Catherine's home." He nodded, "I see, and uh, when did this homecoming happen?"

"Fifteen minutes after dispatch called."

Danny watched as Steve reached down and grabbed his phone. "What are you doing"

"Calling Catherine. I, uh, I think we could use her on this one." He chuckled as he swiped through his contacts and hit the green button, "Besides, last time I checked she owed me a favor for gettin' the shit beat out of me in the 'Stan."


Catherine rapped her fingers on the box she was half way through packing. She had taken him getting called out on a case as a sign that she needed to keep her head on straight and not get caught up in the intoxicating presence of Steve McGarrett. She needed to remember why she was here and that was to pack away the last few belongings she had at his place and take them to her storage unit for the shipping company to pick up.

One look at Steve and she was weak in the knees. The calloused shell she had built to protect herself over the last year had crumbled instantly the moment he looked her in the eye and said 'I love you'.

She had said it back and knew she was in over her head.

Her phone buzzed across the floor until she snatched it up and pressed it to her ear, "Well that was fast. I wasn't expecting you to cash in your favor for at least forty-five more minutes." She listened intently as he explained their theory about the stolen nuke being sold on the black market. Hanging up, she didn't have credentials to access Naval Intelligence anymore, but she had something better- CIA clearance that blew Steve's out of the water and a lumberjack best friend who had nothing better to do than sip mai tais on the beach. Dialing quickly, she made another call.

"Jude." Catherine smiled as she squished the phone between her shoulder and ear and hauled the moving boxes down to her car.

Jude chuckled, "You okay, Princess? How'd it go with Prince Charming?"

"I'm good. I'm good." She wedged her elbow into the car door and caught it with her hip before tossing the boxes in the back. "How do you feel about earning a little extra credit?"

"What kind of extra credit are we talking about?"

Catherine slid into the driver's seat and twisted the keys in the ignition. The Corvette roared to life before settling into a well-tuned purr. She had missed her baby. "Meet me at Pearl-Hik in twenty? Make sure you look the part. We're gonna be pulling rank on a lot of people today."


"Welcome to my home." Catherine smiled as she leaned against the Stingray.

Jude surveyed the base as he stepped out of the SUV and slammed the door. "You have landscapers. How nice." He snickered as they turned and walked across the visitor's parking lot. "So a stolen nuke, huh? Is that an everyday occurrence around here? You seemed way too calm about it on the phone."

Catherine grinned, "Let's just say that over the years Five-0 has had some rather… unique cases." She pointed to the door marked AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY, "In here." She flashed her pass to the M.A. guarding the door and watched his eyes pop out of his skull when he noted the clearance level. Catherine strutted through the halls like she owned the place.

Jude followed obediently, thankful that he had taken a minute to change into dress pants and a button up. So this is how the other half lives, he thought. Although he quite enjoyed his life in the safe house, being a CIA operative based in an office in the States would certainly have its perks.

"Lieutenant Rollins!" An old man exclaimed as she Catherine dipped into the briefing room. "How's my favorite genius?"

Catherine beamed, "Commander Jameson?! What are you doing here?"

Jameson chuckled, "Heard about what went down in Garrison. Figured you or McGarrett would come sniffing around here eventually."

She broke all sorts of professional boundaries when she flung her arms around his neck and gave him a hug, "When are you finally gonna retire?"

He grinned, "The missus was pretty happy about the Big E gettin' decommissioned and me taking a desk job here. Says she likes the island better than Wisconsin."

"I don't blame her there." Catherine stepped aside, "Commander Jameson, this is my colleague, Agent Beckett."

"Agent?" His eyebrows raised, "You joined The Company?"

Catherine shrugged, "Something like that."

Commander Jameson gave Jude the same appraisal Catherine had the first day they met. Jude Beckett was a mammoth of a man. He shook Jude's hand and did his best to not look intimidated, "Pleasure."

"Alright." Catherine declared as she opened her laptop and logged into the CIA server. "Let's get to work, boys."


"So Hadad's just gone?" Steve raked his fingers through his hair. "He's gone. With a WMD and there's nothing we can do about it."

"Steve, listen. I've got Navy Intel on it. The last time they pinged his phone it was three miles off the coast. The Navy's looking, the Coast Guard's looking, hell I think even HPD sent a few boats out." She failed to add the team of CIA agents that Jude was coordinating with to track down Hadad, but then again, that was for his own good. Catherine pushed him down, making him sit on the bed as she massaged his shoulders. "We're gonna find him. We're gonna get the warhead back. The entire military is looking for this guy."

Steve turned on the edge of the bed and stretched out across the mattress. "Hey." He growled as he tugged on the hem of her blouse. He reached out and pulled her down into his arms. His heart pounded like an earthquake as she fit snugly into his side and laid her head on his chest. "I'm sorry this happened as soon as you got here."

She shook her head and closed her eyes, "Only you would apologize for a terrorist stealing a nuke."

He took her hand and toyed with her fingers as they stretched out on the bed, "I probably shoulda asked this earlier, but uh, you're staying here, right? You don't have a hotel or a rental or somethin'..."

"I… I can get one." She stammered, "I just haven't had time because the case-"

Steve silenced her with a kiss, "What I meant to say is that I'd like it if you stayed... here." Catherine felt her heart skip a beat. Her pulse fluttered on the side of her neck. "Hey." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head, "I can hear you thinking." He sighed, "If you, uh, don't wanna sleep in here… that's fine. I- I can put sheets on the other bed…" He craned his neck around and nibbled on her ear, "Just think about it."

Catherine closed her eyes. "Mmmm. It's…. hard to think… about…. anything else." She wasn't bluffing. The way his mouth was working along her neck had her covered in goosebumps. A year of celibacy had left her with a voracious desire for him.

His phone rang again. Steve snatched it off the nightstand and answered it with a gruff, "McGarrett." He listened for a moment before hanging up. "I gotta go down and get Bennett from the federal detention center. We're gonna hold him in rendition for the night. Make sure he's nice and uncomfortable." She let out a yawn and nodded. The fourteen hour time difference between Kabul and Honolulu had her beat. Steve leaned over and pecked her lips, "I know you're tired. I'll be in late, so just get some sleep, okay? Help yourself to whatever you want downstairs."

She nodded listlessly and closed her eyes. "Got your six, Sailor."


Catherine dusted a light sheen of blush across her cheeks. She set the powder brush down and picked up her phone.

Jude: No updates on Hadad. Team's still digging. How's it going with Charming?

Catherine: Complicated. How are those umbrella drinks?

Jude: Uncomplicated. You gonna be okay today? Weddings tend to make people do crazy things.

Catherine: I've been here for thirty hours and I don't want to leave again. Tell me this gets easier.

Jude: Sorry, Princess. Me and my unattached, nomad lifestyle don't have experience in the "saying goodbye" department.

Catherine: Fuck. I'm screwed.


"Wow. You look… Wow."

"So, after the wedding. How long do you
Are you gonna stay?"

"I love you, you know."

"Don't go anywhere."

Catherine stood hand in hand with Kono as they watched the chopper disappear over the ocean. What if Steve and Danny couldn't get out of the blast zone after they dropped the WMD in the water? She just got Steve back. She wasn't ready to lose him again.

She wanted Steve McGarrett in every way possible. She wanted him in her life. In her bed. In her heart. There was no distance, no circumstance that would ever change that. She was sure of it.


Journal #3

Home

I came back to Hawaii during R and R with the intent of packing my things and relieving Steve of the burden. Apart from a few things at his house, my storage unit now contains every physical remnant of my life before the CIA, with one glaring exception. Him.

When I was a little girl, I looked at what my parents had as a dream. Two people madly in love with each other, not at all deterred by age or circumstance or distance. Every night he was home, my dad would kiss my mom at the dinner table before we could start eating. When I was little, I would stick my tongue out and make faces and look disgusted. Through my pre-teen years that disgust turned into passive indifference. Before I left for the Naval Academy, I decided then and there that love wasn't for me. I had things I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to rise through the ranks. Break the glass ceilings. Climb the ladder and offer a hand to pull up the women behind me. Sure, a little flirtation couldn't hurt. Even a casual relationship. But love? Love wasn't in my plan.

Then one night I met Steve. I fought it for a while. Shrugging it off as going stir crazy, not having been on land for a while. But eventually I realized that love isn't something you plan for. It's not a mission. Not an assignment or operation. It's serendipity.

When I joined up in the company, I decided I wasn't going to fall in love again. (As if you can decide those things.) Love was messy. It left you weak and vulnerable. Feelings were nothing but a liability.

Being back. Seeing him. It changed everything. I know in my heart that I never stopped loving him. I simply stopped believing in love. And now? I believe in the kind of feeling that stops you dead in your tracks and changes everything you ever believed. I believe in a love so swift and strong that it knocks the wind right out of you and leaves you breathless, lying on your back and wondering what the hell just hit you.

I believe in an ever after that isn't even a choice because you can't imagine your life without the man in front of you. I want the kisses before dinner. I want all of it and I can have none of it. I love him. And that's why I can't stay. If I really love him then I have to do what's best for him. Leaving again may just kill me, but isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?


"Tell me something." Steve sat down on the couch beside Catherine and draped her legs over his lap. "Did you really get a whole team of agents together to work on the nuke case before Kono's wedding?"

Catherine blushed and laughed, "Yeah. Sorry for not telling you about that…" She shrugged. "The contract and everything…"

"Yeah." He nodded. Steve placed his hand on her leg, "You know, I, uh, I never thought I'd recover after you left." Steve scrubbed his jaw with his hand, "Having you back for a couple weeks, I… I guess I tried to put on a front. Tried to stay busy. You know how I get…." His head hung down in shame, "After I found out what happened. You know, with the blackmail… It never crossed my mind how hard that was for you. Even after Morocco when I asked about you coming back and emptying out your storage unit…"He bit down on the inside of his cheek and closed his eyes, "I'm sorry, Catherine."

"Hey." She whispered as she reached over and placed her hand on top of his. "I'm sorry too. I let things get too serious too fast when I came back when I knew I wasn't able to stay. I just, I didn't know how to tell you without breaking my contract. I didn't want to lie to you again."

Steve leaned over and kissed her. Gently at first, then hungrily. "Catherine. Ann. Rollins." He punctuated each name with a peck.

Catherine giggled, "It's McGarrett."

"I will never let you apologize for being in my life." He shook his head. "We get to grow old together. I get to kiss you every night before we eat dinner. We have two insane children who are trying their best to kill us or at least scare us to death. However we got here?" He broke into a quiet chuckle, "Kicking and screaming, half the time…" Steve pulled her onto his lap, "How we got here matters, but where we go from here matters more."


AUTHOR'S NOTE

Oh, 5x25. Gets me in the feels every time. Leave your reactions in the reviews!

Shout out to FanFic User SteveMcGarrettLover on their two year FanFiction anniversary! Congrats and thanks for reading!

Have a wonderful Friday, folks! You guys are seriously the best! Spread joy and kindness, wash your hands, wear a mask, and be good humans!

XO,

-Mags-


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