Enji now on recovery both in canon and here. Great timing!

As for this story: finally let's talk to All Might. I hope you like it!


Your Own Merit

The sweat had long evaporated from the heat of his body, leaving only salty traces. It was itching on his skin. Enji was so warm inside that his skin felt like cotton. The air stood hot in the room, and his breath whistled.

He took a big gulp from the bottle of water, before emptying the rest over his head and shoulders. The liquid almost immediately vaporized, steaming off his skin.

Again…

But before he could even activate his flames once more, a knock at the door made him stop. Surprised he glanced at his watch. He had forgotten the time. He grabbed his towel and rubbed it over his face, although the skin was as dry as sand.

"Yes?"

When the door to the dojo slid sideways, it revealed the glistening face of his lawyer. Nakamura raised his arm in front of his eyes. "It's very hot in here," he said. His hair had always been thin, and was only getting thinner. Between now and the last time they'd met in person, his hairline had receded visibly. The big forehead was sweating.

"You're right." Enji threw the towel into a corner. Then he walked past Nakamura out of the room. "We should talk somewhere else."

He led the much shorter man into his living room. Holding the door for Nakamura, he asked, "you have news?"

"Yes. But I think it's up to you to decide whether it's good or bad news." Nakamura sank heavily onto one of the comfortable chair cushions. He pulled his briefcase closer, then produced a small number of documents and spread them on the table.

Curiously, Enji sat opposite him, looking at the neat print.

"As you requested, I got into contact with the Hero Commission regarding the return of your license. They have been very…" he was looking for a word, "forthcoming."

"So, you have a date? Do they still demand a psychological evaluation?"

Nakamura changed into a much more comfortable cross-legged sitting position. He looked as if he had worked hard these last days, but seemed also thoroughly pleased with himself. That was good, at least. "They think the evaluation is necessary to… appease public concerns. But do not worry, I'm certain they want you back." Nakamura's brows furrowed a little at that.

Enji was admittedly surprised to hear that. The way they kicked him out had made him think the Commission was done with him. Even after what both Hawks and Silent Tracker had told him, he hadn't quite believed that they wanted him back. Of course, with the increased activities by the League, he should have expected it. Still, it was one thing to be offered a way to return, another entirely to be basically begged to do so.

"You must understand," Nakamura grimaced, "that they would have liked you to jump through a few more hoops, but the situation simply doesn't allow for it." At Enji's blank look, he sighed. "There have apparently been three other incidents connected to the League. Nothing major to make the news, but this development is worrying, regardless."

Enji nodded. What had Silent Tracker said?

A fool to fight their fights for them. Something like that.

Well, he wanted back in and he was perfectly willing to be that fool.

"They suggested the date for the evaluation for the 15th of April."

Enji's eyes widened in surprise. "That's in two weeks. I won't be ready…" he added the last part under his breath.

"As I said, they will push you through," Nakamura started, but then reconsidered. "Though I guess you're not talking about the psyche evaluation?"

Enji didn't know if Nakamura was referring to his still malfunctioning quirk or the ugly wound on his arm now on open display. His foot had healed surprisingly well, but his arm still needed some time. It didn't stop him from training, though the last hour had thoroughly destroyed the cast, leaving nothing behind but a faint white dust sprinkled over the hair on his forearm and the grizzly cut. It might be gypsum powder or ash, Enji didn't know. Well, only Shoto and Tanaka really knew about his issues with his quirk, so Nakamura likely meant his wounds.

"No," Enji shook his head. "April 15 is fine. Get this over with as soon as possible." Really, even if the Commission pushed the date further away, there was little chance he could deal with all his issues until then. But he couldn't just stop on his path, simply because his quirk acted up or he was still afraid of Dabi. He had a job to do and with every day that passed, he wanted that job more and more.

"I'm glad to hear," Nakamura said. "Now if you would excuse me, I'll arrange everything else. Maybe I can find information on the process of evaluation." He stood up to bow politely. "I'm glad you took that route. And I leave you the information about the process." He pointed to the documents he had left on the table.

It was about time…

That same day, he called Tanaka to tell her she could invite a quirk therapy specialist for one of their upcoming sessions. There was no point keeping this just between them. He needed to get stronger as fast as possible. During the same phone call, she told him that she had arranged the meeting with All Might.

This was going too fast, he thought. Just a week had passed. How was this going so fast?

But hadn't he himself wanted this to be as efficient as fast as possible? During their third and so far, last meeting, Tanaka had expressed concerns about that, but he had insisted. He couldn't complain now.

So tomorrow. Tomorrow, he'll meet All Might again. Small Might… Yagi Toshinori, the shadow of the most powerful hero in the history of the country. It still felt surreal and disappointing whenever he thought of that thin and frail figure. The sick man who had beaten Enji in every category that counted.

What would he even tell the man?

He flexed his hand. Even such miniscule use made his hand and arm ache, and the joints felt as if the bones were grinding over dry sand– but the movement was surprisingly smooth. It was getting easier every day. His fist still did not close with much force, though. Even weaklings would be able to pry his fingers apart. Holding things had proved impossible the last time he'd tried, with his fingers unable to firmly lock around objects– and the senses in his hand seemed out of whack. It was frustrating, but the doctor's seemed happy with his progress.

He grinned drily, as he imagined their outrage at his burning of the cast. At least he could tell them that it hadn't been on purpose. He simply didn't think about it anymore.

He slept fitfully that night. Laid awake for hours, trying to remember what he wanted to tell All Might. The next morning, when he asked Matsuura to drive him to the hospital, as he wasn't supposed to drive yet with his injuries, there was something else he had remembered. After so many years…

He had forgotten how his rivalry with All Might had first started. Well… It had barely been a rivalry at all.

Before he met up with Tanaka… and All Might, he had his arm bandaged up again. He didn't get a new cast– instead, the doctor decided to splint it. He hoped that the healing was already far enough that some minor movement wouldn't slow down the healing process. Enji was thankful for that. He'd had enough of being a one-handed invalid.

It was the first time he left the crutch at home, and his steps still were a bit uneven. He would have to train his muscles back up again, in the left leg, but it wouldn't be the first time. He might not be used to psychological therapy, but physical therapy had become an old friend throughout the years.

He could already hear All Might's – Yagi's – voice through the door, before he even knocked. The voice hadn't changed that much, even though the man had shrunk to a haggard shadow of his former self. Though it had lost its boisterous tone. That wasn't surprising. Of course he'd speak differently as a civilian rather than as a hero. Enji did that too. As heroes, they were projecting a persona. A loud and commanding voice was almost always necessary to carry the authority they needed as top heroes.

Enji knocked and quickly pushed the door open without even waiting to be invited in. From the outside he hadn't been able to follow their conversation, but he had heard his name– and he had no interest to let them gossip about him.

"Ah, Todoroki," Tanaka greeted, turning towards him. "I just told Yagi that I had asked you to let me call him," she explained, likely guessing that Enji had heard his name through the door.

Yagi added on to that, sheepishly. "I was just surprised as I don't know Tanaka here, but I would, of course, have helped out sooner if the request had come from you."

Mildly appeased, Enji nodded. The idea that All Might had maybe ignored Tanaka's requests several times was a little amusing. Though. Tanaka had still managed to arrange the meeting within just over a week.

"I see you are finally rid of the crutches," his psychiatrist said with a friendly twinkle in her eyes.

"I heard from young Todoroki that you were injured," All Might supplied, his eyes fixed on the sling holding Enji's arm. "I'd hoped you might heal sooner."

"Me too," Enji said, testily moving his fingers. He closed the door behind himself. "So, how do we do this?" He glanced from Tanaka to Yagi and back to Tanaka. He felt oddly stiff.

"Sit down first," Tanaka said, waving for the armchairs. Normally Enji preferred talking at the desk, but now he marched over to the chair opposite where Yagi sat and sank into the cushions. He didn't make himself comfortable, instead perching on the edge. It was the first time he made use of the cushioned armchair instead of just using the simple chair in front of the desk. It was right for this session though, sitting opposite All Might.

Tanaka sighed quietly, likely noticing the tension in Enji's shoulders.

"I asked Yagi to let you talk. Get everything off your chest, without any interruptions," Tanaka said as she pulled her own office chair closer, not quite between the two men, but just close enough that she might be able to mediate them if needed.

Enji stared at her. Get everything off his chest? He didn't know what to say. He had tried this twice. He'd said everything he'd wanted to say to Yagi, he was sure. Did Tanaka just want him to repeat the same things all over again? He had hoped she'd tell him what he was supposed to talk about. But of course, she didn't plan to.

Helplessly, he looked from Tanaka to Yagi. What did she want him to say?

What did he want to say? Was there anything he hadn't said yet?

Scrawny Yagi looked back at him patiently.

Enji said nothing. Silence.

Confused, Yagi turned to Tanaka. As he opened his mouth, Tanaka gestured with a silent finger on her lips, and Yagi's jaw snapped shut again. In the quiet room, the silent clink of his teeth was audible even to Enji.

Finally, he couldn't bear it anymore. "I wanted to surpass you," he said, feeling stupid because, surely, he had already made that clear the last two times they'd talked– and every time they'd met, ever. Yagi likely thought the same. He looked like he was about to say something, but then remained quiet after all.

Enji wished Yagi could say something. That way, he wouldn't have to keep talking– but he already knew that for now, Enji would be the only one to do the talking. He hated that. He might as well talk to the plants in his garden. But he didn't do that, of course, because he didn't like talking about things. And surely, talking about things to All Might – scrawny Toshinori Yagi – was even worse.

"Of course, you know that," he acknowledged, looking briefly at Tanaka. She wanted him to talk, after all. Yagi probably didn't even want to be here to play the void for Enji to unload his nonsense into. "I've told you before. I don't know what else to tell you."

Then he waited. He had said his piece. That should be enough. Maybe Yagi even agreed, but Tanaka obviously didn't. She remained silent, and Yagi followed suit.

Enji dragged a tired hand across his face, squinting his eyes in concentration. "I hated you for that… For being so unachievable. And I hated myself for being weak. I was so angry." But he had said that before as well…

There was only one thing he hadn't actually told Yagi yet… All Might. "I admired you." Enji snorted, as he saw the blond's jaw fall just a bit in surprise. "Didn't think that, hm? Not like one of your fanboys…" he laughed, but the mocking tone only felt half-hearted. "I didn't want to be like you. There were hundreds of things about you I thought were utterly ridiculous… like that permanent smile, first of all."

At that, Yagi finally gave a response. It was only a barely audible grunt, but it was better than nothing. Maybe it was that which made Enji continue. That or the ongoing silence from Tanaka, who clearly thought he had more to say.

"Tonight, I… I think I remembered. When I graduated, you were already number one… and of course, I wanted to be that, so I knew I had to surpass you. But that wasn't when I first decided that I wanted to fight you." He shook his head, thinking back to what he had just realized himself tonight. "The first time I saw you was on TV during your first year Sports Festival. I only watched one of your fights."

He heard Yagi give another grunt in acknowledgement.

"—And I thought you were ridiculous." Enji couldn't help but grin. "The most powerful quirk I'd ever seen. I was ten, and I hadn't seen much, of course, but anybody could've seen that. But you… You were ridiculous."

"Yah…" Yagi breathily acknowledged his past shortcomings at least.

"You had no idea how to fight. Again, I was ten! But I could've done better with that quirk. You missed so many opportunities to win…." He shook his head, showing the smallest of all smirks. "My mother said you'd learn, and that you'd get better. And I said… I told her when you did, and when I got my license, I would challenge you – defeat you."

Yagi looked a little confused now, as if he wanted to say something– but he stayed quiet, pressing his lips shut.

"But then things happened, and naturally, by the time you graduated, never mind when I finally graduated, I had forgotten all about that little vow. But you were already number one, so it didn't matter. You were the one I had to surpass anyway."

Enji shut up then. But apparently, whatever had Yagi so confused hadn't been answered yet. As the silence stretched again, Yagi finally broke his silence.

"But you never did," Yagi blurted out.

"Yeah…" Enji knew exactly what he meant. He had realized that too. "I never challenged you." He admitted. He slid a bit further back in his chair, crossing his arms. "We never fought. I never even tried. Pathetic, hm?" The crossed positions of his arms made the injured limb ache uncomfortably, but he was quite glad for that now. It served as a nice distraction.

He hadn't even tried. He knew he'd lose. Everybody could've seen that, and Enji wasn't an idiot. He, more than anybody else, knew how to gage their distance. He knew he wasn't even close. But he should've tried harder, regardless. Of course, part of him had always thought that he'd have a chance eventually… He knew he'd never catch up to All Might, but still, he'd naturally assumed that the chance to challenge him would stay open forever.

All Might had been greater than life. He'd been a fixed point in Japan's hero society – of course, Enji hadn't considered that All Might would one day be gone. That he'd overexert himself, lose his powers and retire – like some ordinary human.

"I missed my chance."

"Missed your chance?" Yagi repeated, then he realized that he'd spoken again. He glanced at Tanaka, but when she didn't gesture for him to stop, he continued. "What do you mean you missed your chance? I'm 52, Todoroki. Even without… Even without Kamino Ward, I would've had to retire sooner or later."

"I didn't think you'd be gone so soon," Enji answered, a little miffed that Yagi acted as if he could've predicted his retirement. How could he have known that All Might would just deflate like that? Evidently, there had been people who knew about it, but Enji hadn't been privy to that information.

"I'm 52," Yagi repeated as if that was the obvious answer and Enji was a fool for not seeing it. "How old are you? How many years do you think you can still go, before your body will shut down?"

Enji scoffed. His body was doing just fine. He could deal with his blood pressure, and the fact that his knee still ached and would likely not stop hurting anytime soon. That wouldn't stop him in battle. He was pretty sure he had a good five to ten years still in him. He was 46, so… He frowned a little, then.

"I'm not you," he said instead, not wanting to do the math for Yagi.

"I'm only human, Todoroki."

Enji knew that! Of course he knew that. Achingly, he loosened the grip of his fingers around his arms. He rubbed the bandages where his scar itched.

"I know that," Enji retorted. "I know, it's just…" But he didn't know how to finish that sentence.

Yagi glanced at Tanaka for a moment, almost as if gaging her person. "You know…" he mumbled, turning back to Enji. "I admired you too." He leaned back a bit in his chair, looking wistfully at the ceiling.

Sitting like that, he probably missed the way Enji scoffed. He didn't need his pity. "Spare me," he grunted.

"It's true, Todoroki. Your power…" As Yagi spoke, he lifted his own hand to his eyes, watching the haggard hand with its thin fingers. "I wanted to be the strongest, too. For different reasons, I presume, but…" He shook his head, turning back to Enji. "Don't look like that, it's true. Yes, you didn't surpass me. I'm not going to lie to you. You're weaker than me. You won't surpass me anytime soon, either. At least not in the way I was. And what you did to your son…" he shook his head. "But that's besides the point. Yes, I admired you. We were both number one for a time, but the difference between you and me is that you got there by your own merit."

Enji stared at him. The blond had told him before about his quirk. The last time they'd met, Yagi had tried to explain it, and Enji hadn't been interested. It didn't make a difference. Ultimately, the fact remained that Enji hadn't been able to surpass him. And now, it was too late. He hadn't wanted to know it then because he knew it was too late. And not only that… the things he had done, in pursuit of All Might… There had been a part of him that had been afraid.

He had destroyed his family trying to catch up to All Might, and it had been for nothing. He had accepted that. He had been wrong. What he'd done had been wrong– unforgivable. His goal had been wrong from the start – trying to be the strongest even if it cost him everything, and his family even more.

Back then, he hadn't wanted to hear anything else about it. What did it change, if All Might had some odd quirk gifted to him and already passed on to the next generation? What did it matter if All Might had the strength of multiple people who came before him? Would it even be any different, if Enji had succeeded? What would it be for? If he had surpassed All Might, but still destroyed his family along the way…

His problem hadn't been that his goal was unachievable. It wasn't All Might's crazy powerful quirk that was wrong. Enji's goal had been wrong. The wrong goal for the wrong reasons and it had made him do rotten things.

Back when they'd first talked about it, Enji had been afraid of what it would do to him to focus too much on the reason why he hadn't succeeded. Would he go back to his old ways, now that he understood how All Might had been so strong – now that there was an explanation that made sense and could help Enji understand the reason for his failure? Would he start looking for a way to make this unattainable power his own? If the answer was merging multiple people's strength into one quirk, or multiple quirks into one person… and evidently there were people who could do that!

He hadn't trusted himself to resist that temptation. So… he hadn't allowed himself to ever think about or even acknowledge what All Might had said.

He also didn't want to get away with a moral victory he didn't deserve. Yes, he had achieved the number two position by his own merit, and with All Might's retirement the number one position fell to him. Technically, he had worked his way up there by himself, even If he hadn't liked the way he finally reached the top. But he had no desire to take some sort of moral victory for doing the hard work, after what he'd done to his family in the process.

That was how he had felt then. It was different now. If he truly didn't care about power now – as he told himself he shouldn't – why was he still so bitter about the way he'd become number one? Why could he still not see All Might as just human? Why did he still have to compare himself to him? He could acknowledge that his goal was bad and rotten, and that he was doing all this for the wrong reasons, so… Why was he still not over it?

"You've said that before, I think," Enji said, tired.

"Yes," Yagi admitted, "you didn't seem interested then. But it's the truth. My quirk… I was born quirkless, Todoroki." Once more, he glanced at Tanaka before continuing. "I was incredibly lucky, because my mentor and predecessor saw something in me, and gave me the chance to compete with the likes of you. If she hadn't been there, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation. You'd be the number one without question."

Yagi wasn't smiling. This scrawny version rarely smiled – at least, not when Enji was around. But his voice was raised, as if he was holding an inspirational speech.

"I had the power of seven other people stacked together," Yagi continued. "A power I had only borrowed until it was time for me to pass it on. Seven people, plus myself, and still I had to train my ass off to get to where I was. And now, I'm back here… quirkless." He hissed in frustration. "I saw your battle in Fukuoka on TV. Do you know how frustrating that was? I couldn't do anything! I can't do anything! I need to be protected now. But you, you had no license and I know what you did during the last attack."

He paused. Enji couldn't say anything if he wanted to. He didn't know what it was like to be quirkless and helpless. "Have you ever considered that there isn't a person alive in this country that's surpassed you by their own merit?"

"What?" Enji replied, stunned, because not only had he not expected this last question, but because it didn't make sense to him. He sneered. It was a great motivational speech, but obviously just that. "I don't need your pity, Yagi. What about your enemy… All for One?"

"The man has many more quirks than I care to count," Yagi almost sneered back, but it wasn't targeted at Enji directly, but rather at the aloe vera plant behind him.

Enji wanted to retort with something, name somebody else, when he snapped his mouth shut in surprise. Right… Multiple quirks. The Noumu, too. Even in his current weakened state – injured as he was – he not only fancied his chances against most League members, but he was almost certain he could win. Shigaraki had a problematic quirk, which might make a battle difficult in populated areas, but in a simple duel, Enji had no doubt he could win – at least, if Shigaraki was anything like last time they'd met. The reason he was afraid of the League was not because of the power of the members. It was because of the Noumu and Dabi… Touya

Enji blinked a few times, trying to sort through his thoughts. "What I did…" he whispered more to himself than to Yagi, "I was so obsessed with power, what I did for it…"

"–was horrible," Yagi finished for him. "But now it's yours, right? Now that you have that power, you can use it. Do something good with it. I saw it. In Fukuoka. And in Sapporo. And here in Musutafu, hundreds of times."

"I can't…" Enji couldn't finish his sentence.

No… No excuses.

Yagi was right. Even in that scrawny, haggard, sickly form of the strongest hero Enji'd ever known. After everything he'd done in pursuit of this power – after everything he'd sacrificed because he'd been too blind to see the things that really mattered – at least, now this power... There was no excuse why he shouldn't use it. After all these sacrifices, the least he could do was something good with the power he'd achieved. Because he could not undo what he had done. He knew that. But he could still try to do the right thing right now.

Some minor quirk performance issues were no excuse. He had to get that handled. And if not, he'd have to find a way around it.

After everything he'd done to his family, how could he use his failing quirk as an excuse for doing nothing? How could he abandon Touya with the league? How could he leave Shoto to deal with him and the Noumu and villains Touya had sent out of hatred for his father? How could he do nothing, when it was Fuyumi and her class who'd just barely escaped a disastrous fate? How could he not take responsibility for his own actions, when Natsuo had just shown him how to do it by accepting the consequences for his deeds? How could he fail Rei again, by abandoning their son? How could he abandon his country like that?

Just because his quirk had acted up?!

Get it handled, Enji Todoroki!


I'm just so glad canon-Enji not only survived it, but also kept his quirk. Now we need to hope he makes a full recovery. I don't know if it's just because I've been writing about that for years now (lol) but the part with the journalists demanding a statement of an unconscious Enji still in surgery is just making me angry!