Harri knocked on the penthouse door and waited for an answer. She knew that Bruce had not been out in weeks. He had no staff on duty. No one had seen him but Alfred, who was trying everything he could think of to get Bruce to eat, to go out, to try to return to some semblance of normal life.
"Harri," Bruce said, with the door barely open.
"Hi," she said. "Sorry...for just dropping by like this-"
He opened the door a bit more and she got a better look at him. He was thinner than she could imagine he could get, the areas under his eyes were hollow and his skin looked rough. His clothes, a dark gray shirt and sweatpants, looked at least two sizes too big for him.
"It's fine," he said, his voice a bit hoarse. "Come in."
"Thanks," Harri said and went into the penthouse. It looked like the lack of cleaning staff was taking it's toll.
Straight away she saw Arsenio in a play pen in the center of the living room. The appearance of the child was a sharp contrast to Bruce's. The baby looked healthy, clean, and well cared for. He was happy and smiling. Harri could tell that he was being well fed and was growing appropriately. Bruce went over and picked him up and Harri smiled and took him.
"You're getting so big, sweetie," Harri said and kissed Arsenio's forehead.
"Oooooh," the baby said and then made more sounds, showing that he was happy to see her.
"What's that you have there?" Harri asked about the small jelly like toy in Arsenio's left hand.
"It's a teething toy," Bruce said, a bit tiredly. "He's growing in a few."
"Wow," Harri said and looked at Arsenio, impressed. "You're growing so fast."
Bruce sat on the couch and Harri followed him. She played with the baby for over an hour and offered to fix him a snack and Bruce agreed. Once Harri went into the kitchen with Arsenio and placed him in high high seat. She fed him some yogurt and proceeded to clean the entire kitchen as he chewed on his toy.
When she was done they went back to the living room, where Bruce was still sitting, looking straight ahead at nothing. The TV wasn't on, the lighting was very dim, and he just sat quietly.
"I think he's due for a nap," Harri said after Arsenio yawned a few times.
"I'll put him down," Bruce said and stood up.
"I can do it," Harri offered but Bruce was already taking Arsenio.
"No," Bruce said. "That's okay. I have to do it."
"Okay," Harri said as they left.
Bruce was gone for several minutes when Harri decided to tidy up the living room area. When he came back she was placing some of Arsenio's toys, which were scattered everywhere, into the large toy box in the corner.
"Oh, Harri," Bruce said. "You don't have to do that."
"I don't mind," she told him as she put the last toy away. "All done."
"Thanks," Bruce said to her.
"Bruce," Harri said as she stood from kneeling on the floor. "Tell me, how have you been?"
He looked at her, his absent eyes showing a bit of presence before depressing again. She looked at the deep lines in his forehead, the slanted frown lines. She was surprised that he had gotten so much older so quickly.
"I'm..." he said, looking away. "Trying."
"Me too," she told him and he looked back at her. "Thanks..for letting me in. Alfred told me you haven't been letting anyone in..not even him."
Bruce pressed his lips together and looked away. He crossed his arms over his chest. Harri walked over to him and pulled on his elbow, pulling him to the couch.
"Bruce.." she said when they sat. "We are all hurting...but...Adriana wouldn't want you living like this. It looks like you haven't been eating."
Bruce swallowed. Alfred told him the same thing the last time he saw him. Bruce had not had any appetite.
"Harri," Bruce said and looked into her eyes.
"Yes?" Harri asked.
"Do you..." Bruce said, with a small pause, as if holding back and trying to keep himself composed. "Have any idea why I have to be the one to put him to sleep?"
"Well..no, Bruce," Harri answered. "Why?"
Bruce looked away from Harri's eyes.
"Because he..." Bruce started to say and closed his eyes, forcing them resorb tears. "Before he falls asleep...He always asks for her. Says 'mommy' over and over. At first..he was asking for her all the time. All the time, Harri... All day. But now..it's only before he falls asleep."
"Oh Bruce," Harri said, sadly, feeling like she was on the verge of tears herself.
"And I..." Bruce said. "I can't let him go to sleep without being there. He needs to see me."
Harri was quiet as she quickly wiped away a tear.
"It won't always be like this," Harri tried to assure him. "This will get better."
"No," Bruce said, a bit angrily. "It won't."
"Bruce-"
"He's going to forget her," Bruce said, his eyes red, all the muscles in his face lax. "She was such a great mother. She loved him so much...and he's going to grow up..and not remember any of it. He won't remember her voice..her face...I'll have to show him pictures..and tell him about her."
Harri looked down, not knowing what to say.
"You have to be strong," Harri said. "For him...You have to eat at the very least."
"You're a lot like her," Bruce said to Harri. "You're kind..caring...even to someone like me. Who doesn't deserve it."
"Bruce," Harri said and took his hand. "Of course you deserve it."
"I don't," Bruce said. "It was my fault. I'm the reason...I'm the reason you don't have your sister anymore. I'm the reason Arsenio has to grow up without a mother."
Harri squinted. "Bruce..what are you talking about? None of this was your fault-"
"It was," Bruce said.
"Bruce..it was some kind of infection," she told him. "Viral or bacterial...that caused meningitis-"
"No," Bruce said and pulled his hands back. "It was her gift. She wasn't sick...not with a virus or bacteria. Her gift was making her develop fevers."
Harri thought back. She remembered talking to Adriana about her gift giving her issues.
"She told me..." Harri said. "She was getting her gift removed or silenced..or something.. She said her gift was bothering her but she didn't told me it was that bad the last time I talked to her-"
"She was supposed to," Bruce said. "We were supposed to go, have it removed."
"She changed her mind?"
"No," Bruce said. "I...needed her help. Someone was stalking and blackmailing me...I wanted her help to find out who it was. I used her, Harri. I pushed her to use her gift for hours and hours..searching for some clue. She was getting worse..and it was my fault-"
"Bruce, you can't blame yourself," Harri said. "No one knew it could hurt her in this way-"
"No!" Bruce stood up quickly, speaking loudly. "We knew! Sidi warned me!"
Harri said nothing. Bruce's outburst surprised her.
"I..." Bruce said, his body a bit wobbly in his stance, and Harri knew his blood sugar must have been low. He looked closed to fainting. "When the police had me...they.."
"Bruce!" Harri went over to him as he fell down to his knees. "Oh my gosh-"
"I'm fine," he said and tried to stand again but Harri wouldn't let him.
"I'll get you something to drink-"
"No," he said, grabbing her arm. "No..."
He fell forward onto her and she wrapped her arms around him, cradling him. They sat crumpled on the floor for a few moments.
"The police," Bruce said, his head under her chin. He looked across the room as she held him. "They asked me...about everything. They thought I killed her...and they were right."
"You didn't," Harri said.
"I did," he said. "I was her husband..I was supposed to protect her..take care of her...love her and now.."
Harri stroked Bruce's hair, her arms the only thing preventing him from crumpling to the floor.
"They asked me about her ankle," Bruce said, his voice shaking.
"Her ankle?" Harri asked quietly.
"They said...it was sprained or swollen or.." Bruce said, and Harri felt the sleeve of her shirt becoming wet with tears.
"What happened to her ankle?" Harri asked.
"That...is just it," Bruce said sobbing, his tears flowing freely. "I don't know...I barely...I barely noticed it...I never asked her about it...I had to think so hard to remember...she had her ankle wrapped once..and I think she kept it elevated...in bed..."
Bruce was struggling to speak as he remembered it all.
"And I just..." Bruce said. "I barely even...I never once asked her if it was okay..I had her on her feet..in this hotel..looking-"
His voice stopped as he sobbed out loud, then buried his face into her arm to silence himself.
"Bruce..." Harri said, wanting only to comfort him. "She...she did these types of things before. For the police. She pushed herself and her gift beyond the limits that she knew was healthy. That's why she ended up in psychiatric care again..over and over...Barely sleeping...it was something she did. She wanted to help others-"
"It was different," Bruce interrupted her, his voice having almost no energy left. "She went to Sidi..to have her gift removed..she told me...she didn't follow instructions..it went wrong. Sidi told me and Adriana too..she needed to redo it...it was urgent. Her gift could kill her-"
"Shhh..." Harri said as his voice broke again and again. He was blaming himself for everything. "She had a choice...and she wouldn't want you blaming yourself for this. She knew that you loved her-"
"Harri...Harri..." Bruce said, the full weight of his body against her. "She died...thinking that I didn't trust her..or love her.."
"No, Bruce, that's not true at all," Harri said. "She knew you loved her-"
"We had a fight," Bruce said, Harri struggling to hear his voice as it got quieter and quieter. "I was being...threatened... harassed...I accused her of being the one who was doing it. Even though I knew she would never. I accused her of being after my wealth..using me, when I was the one using her. We fought...she hit me twice...and she was right to do so...she spit at me...and she was..also right to do so. She went into the bathroom.."
Harri was quiet, almost holding her breath..finally understanding Bruce's guilt. The more he told her, the more she realized how bad the situation was at the end. But she held it together.
"I should have went after her," he cried, voice shaking. "I should have broken the door as soon as she went in...I heard her crying. I just sat down and waited, I waited for her to come out..the whole time, she was dying and I didn't know, I didn't-"
His weeping broke Harri's heart. She had no words to comfort him. He hadn't told anyone everything that happened until now. She just held him and rocked him as he wept.
