"Remus, my boy, I don't think this is a good idea."
Remus inhaled deeply and tried to get a hold of himself before he snapped at the man he still revered. Running a hand over his face, he could feel his hair stand on end. He most definitely needed a haircut. Something he hadn't had the entire time he'd be "away". Werewolves don't exactly go to barbers. Or even own a trimmer. Not the ones he was with anyway.
"I don't see why I can't," Remus replied quietly but chose to look at his cup of tea (undrunk) instead.
He didn't need to rest. Or take a step back from things. He needed to keep going. Keep going and do some good. He felt like he hadn't managed to do much for the Order. Werewolves were joining Voldemort. None of them wanted to support The Order.
"It's not so much you can't but more like you shouldn't."
Now, that made even less sense. Why shouldn't he do this? It wasn't immoral, not exactly. Or even dubiously legal - that was more Mundungus' area of expertise anyway. Remus didn't really feel the urge to encroach on the man's territory. There was really no need when Mundungus did it so well. Which is why he should do this - because he could do it well.
"I'm one of the few who can," Remus argued.
No one else, except Severus, had a dark aura like he did. One of the benefits of the werewolf curse. Actually, his was more pervasive than Severus' dark mark as it consumed his whole body. His very being if you wanted to be dramatic.
"Yes, I am aware," Albus said patiently. "But it does not need to be done right away."
Surely everything needed to be immediate these days? It wasn't like they had a lot of time. People were dying. They were losing hope. Anything the Order did had the chance to reverse that. He wanted to be a part of that.
"But I'm ready right away," Remus tried to convince him.
There was no point in waiting around. He was eager and ready.
"Again, it does not mean it needs to be done right away."
Remus sighed heavily. You never got anywhere arguing with Albus. But this needed to be argued about.
"Please Albus, I don't need to stop."
Yes, he was pleading now. He didn't want to stop and be left alone with his thoughts. That was a bad thing to be doing.
Now it was Albus' turn to sigh. Remus somehow felt that he had disappointed the man. Something he never liked feeling.
"You haven't let yourself stop for a long time."
Somehow, coming from Albus, that sounded chiding yet not antagonistic.
"I don't have time to stop," he argued. "None of us have time to stop."
Albus looked down at his withered arm and Remus immediately felt guilty. "No, we don't but sometimes, despite the circumstances, we need to find time to do so."
Remus really wanted to ask how is arm and hand were doing. Somehow, it looked blacker, more withered. But he wouldn't. Albus wouldn't give him an answer anyway.
"But there's no need for me to stop," Remus chose to argue instead. "I'm not injured and it's not near the full moon."
Like he said before, he needed to keep going.
No point in getting lax. Which was another great excuse for him to not take a break. Laxity just didn't lead to mistakes; they could lead to death and he'd really rather avoid that. He wasn't that far gone. Yet, anyway.
"I can keep going. Keep moving," he added.
If he wasn't, he wasn't being an asset. And if he wasn't an asset, he was useless. Remus Lupin didn't deal with being useless very well. Or well at all, actually. He wanted to avoid that slump. He'd had over a decade of that type of slump. More than enough for anyone.
"It's funny how by continuing to move, the further we get away from other things."
Remus looked up and gave Albus a sharp look. What exactly what he was trying to say? Of course, no explanation or even acknowledgement was forthcoming. Why would there be with Albus Dumbledore?
As if he could read his thoughts, Albus gave him a benign smile. Because of course he did. It was infuriating.
"I'm not running away from anything," he said in a level tone.
Because he wasn't! In fact, he was doing the exact opposite. He was running towards something. Something that could be useful too.
"I didn't say you were," Albus pointed out.
Of course, he hadn't. Albus Dumbledore didn't just say things. He implied them. And he was a Master at it. But he had got it all wrong this time because he had nothing to run away from.
"Please, Albus."
Albus sighed heavily and shook his head.
"I see that you will not be deterred from this."
"No," Remus replied quietly, though he felt like Albus hadn't been looking for a response.
Another heavy sigh. Should he take that as a sign? Or was Albus just being needlessly worried? He was going to go for needlessly worried. The man seemed to be doing an awful lot of that these days. Of course, he had good reason to and everything but, in this case, it was definitely needless.
"Very well."
He might have got what he wanted but somehow Remus didn't exactly feel very triumphant.
Over the next hour and a half, they managed to flesh out the first steps he was going to take on this next mission. What happened after that depended on how he managed to do. Who he managed to get talking to.
There were plenty of options in Knockturn Alley, after all. It was pretty much out of his hands. You didn't go prying in Knockturn Alley. You listened, you dropped hints and more importantly, you stayed in the shadows and paid attention.
It looked like a haircut might not be in his future after all. You couldn't go down there look sharp. That was basically shouting from the rooftops that you wanted to get jumped on. Which he did not. So, the scruffier the better. He was going to dig out his tattiest robes as well. You always set people's expectations low in there. Give nothing away and that way most of the power stayed with you.
"That should do it, then," Remus said in satisfaction as they finished up the (incredibly loose) plan.
Albus patted him on the knee.
"As long as you remember to come back home, Remus."
